Bitterness and anger

[dluvs2trvl]

Just tell him you don't have time to be friends and move on. He knows you want more than that, and he's bleedin' ya dry. Stop the insanity. And you want to be in a relationship again....why??? I know mere words don't help, and even chocolate can't conquer your desires for a mate, but these guys have told you that you're not "the one" so why make yourself miserable being "friends" with them at all? And no good has ever come of allowing a root of bitterness to grow in you. You are such a nice person, please don't let that happen. You deserve better!

Because I'm stupid...and I thought that after pursuing contact with me for a YEAR that maybe there was still something there. I mean c'mon - what guy pursues contact with a woman for a YEAR and really just wants to be friends! (apparently my ex )

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Why get angry? They are the ones that are losing a good thing. They are the losers. I cant believe that guy said you were not hot. What an idiot. I guess some guys dont know what they have till its to late.

Thanks...it certainly doesn't feel that way but thanks

 

[ChooseTheRight]

Thanks...it certainly doesn't feel that way but thanks

I know exactly how it feels D. Thats my point. These losers are making you feel like your the loser, when really, they are. As Michelle said. You need to cut these leaches out of your life. You dont need them. THEY NEED YOU.

 

[ido]

D - I feel like there is an echo in here..b/c I could have sworn I've heard all of this advice somewhere else.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

D - I feel like there is an echo in here..b/c I could have sworn I've heard all of this advice somewhere else.

I know, I know...I just have to get it through my thick head!

 

[FlatpickingJD]

thanks you guys - I know you're right...but actually the guy that frustrated me today is a different guy! I know, I know - I'm a glutton for punishment! He isn't the guy that told me I wasn't attractive enough...but he also just wants to be "friends"...I'm really starting to HATE that word

My sister used to say "I have enough friends, thank you." That's it. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. They've made their choice and/or decision, so you need to move on as well. Their loss.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

My sister used to say "I have enough friends, thank you." That's it. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. They've made their choice and/or decision, so you need to move on as well. Their loss.

I think I like your sister! Yeah - I know it's their loss but it sure feels like mine cause I'm still sitting here alone with NO dates on the horizon...oh well, guess I'm just being

tonight and need to be more

 

[GritsnGrace]

I think I like your sister! Yeah - I know it's their loss but it sure feels like mine cause I'm still sitting here alone with NO dates on the horizon...oh well, guess I'm just being

tonight and need to be more

Me too neither!!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Feel any different today D?

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Feel any different today D?

I talked with my ex again last night...so I'm not sure if I feel differently or not but I've resolved to act differently. I posted this in another thread and it applies here as well:

I don't want to try and cover the hurt of my past relationship by getting into a new relationship. That isn't fair to me or to the guy....but I also don't want to be stuck with the hurt. I think I'm just stubborn. Part of my problem is that I'm a very logical person and I can't understand why my ex is being the way that he is...it just logically doesn't make sense to me...so because I can't understand it, I can't seem to resolve it in my mind.

I know in my head that I don't have to understand it - I don't have to be able to make sense of it - but somehow my heart is not getting the message

After my conversation with him last night though I'm more resolved than ever to get this whole relationship behind me. I need to let it go and stop revisiting it. I need to just accept the fact that I don't understand it and I'm never going to understand it and that's ok. I need my heart whole again so that when the time is right and the Lord leads me to the right relationship I'll be ready.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Sometimes we can't understand things. It's like I don't understand why my husband had to die, and then now it's been 7 months since I saw my old ex of 30 years ago!!!! And there was no interest on his part, but for some stupid reason I can't get him off my mind, even though a relationship with him wouldn't work and just can't happen. So understanding things sometimes, IMHO is overrated. Go figure!
But for you, maybe it's something in you that needs to be needed and you end up settling for being needed as a friend instead of desired as a wife. I would suggest to start doing things for yourself this year. If you want to look better, for yourself, work on that. If its becoming comfortable in your own skin, how you are, work on that. Do things that make you feel good. It will help. And work on why you are the way you are, ask yourself the hard questions and deal with the answers. Then maybe you won't even want a husband after that .
Sorry...just trying to help.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Thanks Michelle - I know exactly what you mean and I'm doing exactly that...I'm working on some things in me that I KNOW need to be worked on and healed by the Lord. I have worked on them in the past and thought that I had dealt with it but I know now that there is some deeper healing that the Lord wants to do. So that's what I'm going to work on - it's really the only thing I can do. I can't make these guys see me for the wonderful woman of God that I am and like many have said - IT'S THEIR LOSS! All I can do is work on myself and grow and learn from all of this so that I become a better person.

 

[ChooseTheRight]

Thanks Michelle - I know exactly what you mean and I'm doing exactly that...I'm working on some things in me that I KNOW need to be worked on and healed by the Lord. I have worked on them in the past and thought that I had dealt with it but I know now that there is some deeper healing that the Lord wants to do. So that's what I'm going to work on - it's really the only thing I can do. I can't make these guys see me for the wonderful woman of God that I am and like many have said - IT'S THEIR LOSS! All I can do is work on myself and grow and learn from all of this so that I become a better person.

I agree with everything Michelle said. (Thats starting to become a habit) Yes D. Its their loss. Good luck, working on this stuff. My hope as always, is that you will be happy. If thats on your own, fine. If its being married to a very lucky guy, thats fine too. You have so much love to give babe. Try giving some of it to yourself.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree with everything Michelle said. (Thats starting to become a habit) Yes D. Its their loss. Good luck, working on this stuff. My hope as always, is that you will be happy. If thats on your own, fine. If its being married to a very lucky guy, thats fine too. You have so much love to give babe. Try giving some of it to yourself.

Yeah, what he said! So let's throw out those seeds of bitterness and anger OK? They grow too fast like weeds and they are very hard to get rid of so......deal? Don't let 'em take roots in you, your better than that!

 

[Jenster]

Going slightly OT: Wow, that's interesting Michelle. Tonight when I was praying I saw a vision of completely clean ground and one simple flower growing up in the middle of the land. I didn't really know what it meant (I thought it was God saying to get rid of man-made clutter) -- but I didn't think of the analogy of weeds. Now that I've read your post, it makes a lot of sense! Get rid of bitterness and anger that grow up like weeds!

But anyway, D -- I agree with everyone. There is much in store for you. Lots of blessings God's going to shower upon you in this life. He is THAT good. Let's look for these blessings together and see what He will do!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Going slightly OT: Wow, that's interesting Michelle. Tonight when I was praying I saw a vision of completely clean ground and one simple flower growing up in the middle of the land. I didn't really know what it meant (I thought it was God saying to get rid of man-made clutter) -- but I didn't think of the analogy of weeds. Now that I've read your post, it makes a lot of sense! Get rid of bitterness and anger that grow up like weeds!

But anyway, D -- I agree with everyone. There is much in store for you. Lots of blessings God's going to shower upon you in this life. He is THAT good. Let's look for these blessings together and see what He will do!

Wow! That's a pretty awesome thought!

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm doing really well with all of this...I know that God is working in my heart and healing my hurts. I can't explain it - it's just a feeling. I just feel at peace. Mind you I did have a twinge this morning when someone was talking about Valentine's Day but I just told myself that just because a relationship in my past hasn't worked out - DOESN'T mean that a relationship in my future won't.

I'm thankful to the Lord for His presence in my life and in my heart and for Him giving me a peace that passes understanding. Do I dare say that I am content with things...which is funny because nothing has really changed. Everything is still the same and actually God has been closing some doors on some things but I was telling someone last night that is still an answer from God and I need to be as thankful for the closed doors as I am for the one's He opens. (ooo I think I have a thread idea )

Anyways...enough of my ramblings. I just wanted to thank you all so much for your prayers and your encouragement and let you know that I'm feeling better

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yea! It sounds like you got rid of those nasty seeds! When you have that peace you KNOW God is working in your life! Praise the Lord!

 

[ChooseTheRight]

Just because a relationship in my past hasn't worked out - DOESN'T mean that a relationship in my future won't.

Exactly.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

hmmm...this is something I've struggled with since high school. The majority of the time I am the bitter and angry/cynical person who tries to keep the Great Wall of Cindy up so that no one.....not even a blind man who might remotely find me attractive (yeah right!) and isn't an ex-con or a slacker living with his mommy could get through.

I guess I just continue to stay in my uncomfortable comfort zone (bitterness/anger/resentment/cold-hearted). Cuz let's face it...when it comes to relationships....I'm on the same level as the Chicago Cubs are in the playoffs....