Bisexuals?

[.Sabre.]

We're either 'greedy' or 'drama harlots'

Nobody really likes us

That's what people say.

If someone told me that I do it "for attention" I'd tell them to stop seeking MY attention!

 

[Mling]

I'm of the opinion that almost everybody is a little bisexual, but for most, attraction is so skewed to one gender that it becomes an issue of a little inaccuracy saving a thousand words. It's much easier for all involved to use terms like "gay" or "straight" than "I love women, but I appreciate the male physique, sometimes even in a sexual way. I just can't imagine having a romantic relationship with a man. I do prefer men's voices, though, over women's and I can think of some situations where maybe I could fall in love with a man....yadda yadda."

As the attraction moves closer to 50/50, the term "bisexual" becomes more accurate.

I consider any of these terms to be like colors, though. We understand that only using "red," "orange" or "blue" is far from perfectly accurate, but most people havee no need to waste energy on differentiating between rust, oxblood, crimson, gold, and burnt umber.

 

[Ramona]

Another bisexual here...

For the longest time I thought that what I was going through had to be a phase of sorts. I've been attracted to both genders since I was old enough to have sexual impulses (perhaps at the age of six?), and by the time I was diagnosed with a pretty serious mental illness at the age of nineteen, I decided that it was time to drop all labels and do some serious looking inside. In doing so I've embraced the fact that I am a strongly bisexual nontheist. It's been pretty scary to say the least.

When you're bisexual, as others have said, you get flak from both sides of the fence. Some straight homophobes are all too eager to give you a taste of the "sodomites-arsenokoites-pedophiles-perverts" broadbrush, which, believe it or not, does nothing but destroy a person inside. Then homosexuals say that we're "greedy" or "attention-seekers" and things of that nature. I dread telling a gay woman I'm interested in that I like members of both genders because I'm afraid that she'll think I'm insincere or experimenting or what have you. I dread telling a straight man that I'm interested in that I like men and women because there's a rather strong possibility that he'll remark about how "hawt!!1!" that is and ask for a threesome. It does get irritating.

We're not in it for "the best of both worlds" or anything, and it's no more of a choice on my part to fall in love with another woman than it is for a gay woman to fall in love with a member of her own gender. I just love whom I love. It's not to say that I don't have preferences---I do, and most bisexuals do---but there's really no reason for me to rule out dating, having sex with, or pursuing a lasting a loving relationship with ANYONE based on anatomy.

I hope someone can make sense out of the above ramble.

 

[DrkSdBls]

I hope someone can make sense out of the above ramble.

For the most part...

But, I disagree with one part; I believe there's more Choice then many give credit for.

 

[ews]

Isn’t being bisexual a lot like being bilingual, your good at one but suck at the other?

 

[Mumei]

The comparison doesn't make any sense at all.

Especially since a truly bilingual person is good at both.

 

[KarateCowboy]

I don't think they exist. I have yet to meet a person who has both male and female sexual organs.

 

[ExistencePrecedesEssence]

Thank you for the responses, it has been the desire of this thread to reach this level of multi-viewpoints.

 

[Mumei]

I don't think they exist. I have yet to meet a person who has both male and female sexual organs.

1. People with male and female sexual organs exist. Those people are covered by a term known as intersexuality, which can include biological (and anatomical) characteristics of both males and females.
2. That is not what bisexual means.
3. Bisexuals means that they have an orientation that leads them to be attracted to both their own gender and the opposite gender. They are the only orientation that has a "choice," per se.

 

[katautumn]

I've known I was attracted to girls as long as I've been attracted to guys. I never considered myself greedy, although I think it tends to be a bit more difficult than either being gay or straight. For one, straight people accuse us of being bi-sexual to get attention or as a ploy to attract guys. Gay people accuse us of being greedy or fickle. Ya know, pick a team already?

I guess I never considered my sexual orientation as some sort of upper hand in the dating world. It honestly didn't broaden my options any, as I was picky about my choice in mate whether male or female. And, in truth, it makes dating more difficult. When trying to date lesbian women, being bi-sexual was a real nail in the coffin as they wanted to be with someone that was strictly same-sex oriented. And men typically foamed at the mouth and immediately asked for a threesome. I did have a relatively lengthy relationship with another bi-sexual woman who ended up breaking things off with me to move in with her ex-boyfriend. I guess for me, the thing about seeking attention or being greedy was always kind of a slap in the face. It wasn't like I got drunk and kissed a gal pal in a nightclub and then *poof*, I was magically bi-sexual. That is why most people who do not understand varying degrees of sexual orientation. People assume that it is strictly who you are sexually attracted to. Most women would be willing to kiss another girl and it may even be a turn-on, but many women would not be willing to carry on an intimate, romantic, long-term monogamous relationship with another woman. That, in my opinion, is the big difference. Just because you made out with your roommate in college does not mean you are bi-sexual. For me it was always about being able to find some sort of emotional compatability with both men and women.

And I feel even worse for bi-sexual men. They face the same problem dating members of the same-sex (the prejudices against those of us who just can't pick a side), but most women are sort of weirded out about men who are equally attracted to other men. At least most men can look past having a bi-sexual woman in their lives, but most women cannot.

 

[Mumei]

I think that most people are teasing / joking when they use the "greedy" comment, honestly.

 

[katautumn]

I think that most people are teasing / joking when they use the "greedy" comment, honestly.

When straight people refer to bi-sexuals as greedy, I think it's typically in jest. Like, "hey, you're able to take all of the good men and women"; however, I've met fierce scrutiny and downright prejudice from lesbians when I revealed I was bi-sexual. Coming from them, I am not so convinced that the greedy accusation was always a joke.

 

[Mumei]

And what of gay men?

And I know bisexual women who don't get that. I have heard comments before, in conversations, where one gay guy will tell another that he shouldn't get too involved with someone because they are calling themselves bisexual.

Mind you, it is because of the perception I talked about earlier; that "bisexual," for many gay people, is a transitional stage that they refer to themselves as. It is similar to me telling my parents I was agnostic before being willing to tell them that I didn't believe - even though I was an agnostic atheist the entire time.

For the two people I'm thinking of, they both had a "bisexual" stage before completely coming out, and so when one of them had a boyfriend who was calling himself bisexual, their immediate thought is, "He's not completely out, he's not ready for a relationship, this will just break your heart," etc.

And it is sort of hard for anyone who isn't bisexual to understand having sexual feelings for both. I certainly don't get it.

 

[katautumn]

Mumei, I think you brought up a really good talking point in relation to what I said about nobody truly being able to comprehend the spectrum of sexual orientation. For example, I've known bi-sexuals who take preference to one gender over the other. The bi-sexuals who date mostly the same or opposite gender. Then there are people who identify themselves as heterosexual, but have no aversion to engaging in sex acts with members of the same gender. There are "gold-star" gays and lesbians who have only been with the same gender and there are those who maintained a state of heterosexuality before realizing they were gay.

And you're right about bi-sexuality being used as a segue into full-blown, out of the closet homosexuality. My former neighbor did that. He said he was bi-sexual and yet he had only been with guys (save for a girl he lost his virginity to in high school). Eventually he realized he was plain 'ol gay. Although I never considered myself as using the bi-sexual line as a means to soften the blow. I've always know I could not be a wholehearted member of the gay and lesbian community any more than I could say (prior to marrying my husband) that I would seek out only men for companionship.

 

[KarateCowboy]

1. People with male and female sexual organs exist. Those people are covered by a term known as intersexuality, which can include biological (and anatomical) characteristics of both males and females.
2. That is not what bisexual means.
3. Bisexuals means that they have an orientation that leads them to be attracted to both their own gender and the opposite gender. They are the only orientation that has a "choice," per se.

Wouldn't "biamorous" be a better term then?

 

[Mumei]

I agree that the term is not a very good one, but what I described is what it is supposed to mean.

And I think it is simply supposed to fit with the "pattern."

Heterosexual - opposite sex
Homosexual - same sex
Bisexual - two (or "both") sexes

All referring to orientation.

 

[Mumei]

Mumei, I think you brought up a really good talking point in relation to what I said about nobody truly being able to comprehend the spectrum of sexual orientation. For example, I've known bi-sexuals who take preference to one gender over the other. The bi-sexuals who date mostly the same or opposite gender. Then there are people who identify themselves as heterosexual, but have no aversion to engaging in sex acts with members of the same gender. There are "gold-star" gays and lesbians who have only been with the same gender and there are those who maintained a state of heterosexuality before realizing they were gay.

In some cases, there are those who identify as heterosexual - even those who only have sex with their own gender and have never had a relationship with the opposite sex. It's odd, really....

 

[KarateCowboy]

I agree that the term is not a very good one, but what I described is what it is supposed to mean.

And I think it is simply supposed to fit with the "pattern."

Heterosexual - opposite sex
Homosexual - same sex
Bisexual - two (or "both") sexes

All referring to orientation.

Agreed

 

[Brieuse]

There are many a analysis on the homosexuality of individuals, but what of the bisexuals of the world? Those who hold both homosexual, and heterosexual tendencies, what do you view this combination to be upon the morally susceptable opinoins of the "other" to the bisexual individual?

Most people are not 100% straight or 100% homosexual. According to the Kinsey Scale. It mostly depends on hormone influences whilst in the mother's womb.

 

[MachZer0]

I am a bisexual and I frankly am offended by being called greedy. I can't help the way I was born.

Nobody can help the way they are born, but they all can choose the way they behave.