Hi all,
I am a 41 yo male. I've been a born again Christian since 2004 at the age of around 33yo when I gave my life to Christ. I have never shared this story with anyone before...ever!!! I know that my family won't disowned me but would definitely treat me different if they found out!
A little history about me...Back when I was around 4 or 5 years old, while playing my very first game of hide-and-go-seek, I had a (boy) friend who asked me to hide with him. Being that i was so innocent at that age, not knowing anything about sex, girls, boys and not even knowing how the game was played, I decided to go hide with him. While hiding, this boy touched my privates multiple times..all i did was giggled but i seemed to like it because the next game i wanted to go hide with him again. A few days later, another boy around my same age kissed me on my lips and touched my privates again. At this time I was enjoying it although i knew in the back of my mind that it was wrong. don't ask me how I knew but I remember wanting to conceal what i was doing from any adults. a few days after that and for the next 4-5 years, this continued on and there were approximately a total of 5 boys i did this with until the age of 10. It became more than just kissing and touching but no penetration. It stopped at this age b/c my family decided to move. I grew up into my teenage years liking girls b/c it seemed it was the normal but the thoughts of my experienced with boys never seemed to leave me. After years of struggling and having experienced sex with girls, I decided to give my deepest urges a try.
Many years went by since then, and many experiences with both sexes. Finally i decided to marry a wonderful woman...b/c it was the right thing to do and I thought perhaps the urges would go away. They didn't! I kept having affairs with men. Finally i got saved at the age of 33! Praise GOD! From this point on, i lived my life for the Lord. I read the word and wanted to serve in so many different ways...and did! The urges were silent but still present...i just ignored them until one day i couldnt help myself anymore. I began to touch and eventually went back to having affairs with men. Currently I am still married but haven't had sex with my wife for a while and continue to have sex with another man. I also began taking estrogen pills to feminize my body since it was already somewhat feminine. I always had very small genitals and could not even have children of my own. this added to my urges in a way since it made me feel that i couldn't satisfy any women with it.
I need help please tell me what i should do. I continue praying for an answer but I am now feeling that perhaps being bisexual is not sinful but what is sinful is cheating on my wife and lying to her. I don't want to hurt her feelings!
I am a 41 yo male. I've been a born again Christian since 2004 at the age of around 33yo when I gave my life to Christ. I have never shared this story with anyone before...ever!!! I know that my family won't disowned me but would definitely treat me different if they found out!
A little history about me...Back when I was around 4 or 5 years old, while playing my very first game of hide-and-go-seek, I had a (boy) friend who asked me to hide with him. Being that i was so innocent at that age, not knowing anything about sex, girls, boys and not even knowing how the game was played, I decided to go hide with him. While hiding, this boy touched my privates multiple times..all i did was giggled but i seemed to like it because the next game i wanted to go hide with him again. A few days later, another boy around my same age kissed me on my lips and touched my privates again. At this time I was enjoying it although i knew in the back of my mind that it was wrong. don't ask me how I knew but I remember wanting to conceal what i was doing from any adults. a few days after that and for the next 4-5 years, this continued on and there were approximately a total of 5 boys i did this with until the age of 10. It became more than just kissing and touching but no penetration. It stopped at this age b/c my family decided to move. I grew up into my teenage years liking girls b/c it seemed it was the normal but the thoughts of my experienced with boys never seemed to leave me. After years of struggling and having experienced sex with girls, I decided to give my deepest urges a try.
Many years went by since then, and many experiences with both sexes. Finally i decided to marry a wonderful woman...b/c it was the right thing to do and I thought perhaps the urges would go away. They didn't! I kept having affairs with men. Finally i got saved at the age of 33! Praise GOD! From this point on, i lived my life for the Lord. I read the word and wanted to serve in so many different ways...and did! The urges were silent but still present...i just ignored them until one day i couldnt help myself anymore. I began to touch and eventually went back to having affairs with men. Currently I am still married but haven't had sex with my wife for a while and continue to have sex with another man. I also began taking estrogen pills to feminize my body since it was already somewhat feminine. I always had very small genitals and could not even have children of my own. this added to my urges in a way since it made me feel that i couldn't satisfy any women with it.
I need help please tell me what i should do. I continue praying for an answer but I am now feeling that perhaps being bisexual is not sinful but what is sinful is cheating on my wife and lying to her. I don't want to hurt her feelings!
