Belittling Parent?

[Devin P]

So, I know that Jesus teaches that we are to love our parents, and that if we don't we don't love the Father, because how can we love our heavenly father who we haven't seen, if we don't love our earthly parents who we have seen.

It's not that I don't love my mother, I just unfortunately have come to resent her, and I desperately wish I didn't feel this way. She's just incredibly nagging, and incredibly belittling. I know that her mother was the same way to her, even worse apparently, but that isn't an excuse. It seems that regardless, no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to help.

I used to be a horrible son, I'm not going to lie. I was a piece of garbage, before Jesus changed my life around, but it's been almost 2 years now, and she continuously brings up things that I used to do, as if I still do them. Especially while in front of people, she'll bring up things that happened years ago as if I'm still struggling with them. Or she'll blow something tiny out of proportion just to have something to complain about, despite the huge changes that've happened over the last year and a half.

Our relationship did seem to make huge leaps and bounds up until about 2 months ago, but recently it seems to have gotten worse. I have a feeling it's due to the company of a friend of hers, but I'm not sure. They both hate men, due to past relationships that didn't go as well as they could've, and are both very anti-man, belittling, and childish regarding how much trash they talk behind people's backs (including mine). They're both incredibly dismissive, and belittling, and it's doing nothing but amping up my resentment for her, full blast. I can't help but be short with her, and ignore her most times now.

I live with her right now, I pay rent, and pay bills, but I work full time, and don't help as much as I should with dishes and such. I try, but sometimes I work a lot of overtime, and the last thing I want to do after working a 10-12 hour day is doing dishes. Idk, my point is, what advice would you give me? I honestly think I'd be better off moving out, and away from her. I feel that our relationship would be much better off without us being near one another. Due to health problems she's facing, she doesn't have an awfully long time, but I can't deal with the things she does and says. I'm supposed to love her, yet I can't stand her most times. Especially considering when we're around people she knows, or our family, she tries to be incredibly belittling. It leaves me to either put her in her place and seem like a jerk, or do nothing and seem like I've got no spine. There's literally no good way to come back at your own parent who tries to belittle you in public over the most stupid things. Either you stand up and look like a jerk, or you try to ignore it and you still end up looking bad.

I love her, but the way I feel towards her, I feel like there has to be a better way. I feel like, I don't know what to do to fix this, and that I feel hopeless regarding whether or not I even know Jesus, because if I did actually know Jesus, I wouldn't feel so resentful and bitter towards her. I'd be more selfless and patient, despite her being the way she is. Idk. I just want some advice.

 

[Hoshiyya]

"I honestly think I'd be better off moving out, and away from her."

That certainly sounds like what you should be doing.

Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:7 both describe moving away from parents as a natural part of life and further assume this to be a prerequisite to fulfilling the commandment of taking a wife and having children.

I can pretty much guarantee you that your relationship with your mother will improve after you move out.

 

[Serving Zion]

So, I know that Jesus teaches that we are to love our parents, and that if we don't we don't love the Father, because how can we love our heavenly father who we haven't seen, if we don't love our earthly parents who we have seen.

It's not that I don't love my mother, I just unfortunately have come to resent her, and I desperately wish I didn't feel this way. She's just incredibly nagging, and incredibly belittling. I know that her mother was the same way to her, even worse apparently, but that isn't an excuse. It seems that regardless, no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to help.

I used to be a horrible son, I'm not going to lie. I was a piece of garbage, before Jesus changed my life around, but it's been almost 2 years now, and she continuously brings up things that I used to do, as if I still do them. Especially while in front of people, she'll bring up things that happened years ago as if I'm still struggling with them. Or she'll blow something tiny out of proportion just to have something to complain about, despite the huge changes that've happened over the last year and a half.

Our relationship did seem to make huge leaps and bounds up until about 2 months ago, but recently it seems to have gotten worse. I have a feeling it's due to the company of a friend of hers, but I'm not sure. They both hate men, due to past relationships that didn't go as well as they could've, and are both very anti-man, belittling, and childish regarding how much trash they talk behind people's backs (including mine). They're both incredibly dismissive, and belittling, and it's doing nothing but amping up my resentment for her, full blast. I can't help but be short with her, and ignore her most times now.

I live with her right now, I pay rent, and pay bills, but I work full time, and don't help as much as I should with dishes and such. I try, but sometimes I work a lot of overtime, and the last thing I want to do after working a 10-12 hour day is doing dishes. Idk, my point is, what advice would you give me? I honestly think I'd be better off moving out, and away from her. I feel that our relationship would be much better off without us being near one another. Due to health problems she's facing, she doesn't have an awfully long time, but I can't deal with the things she does and says. I'm supposed to love her, yet I can't stand her most times. Especially considering when we're around people she knows, or our family, she tries to be incredibly belittling. It leaves me to either put her in her place and seem like a jerk, or do nothing and seem like I've got no spine. There's literally no good way to come back at your own parent who tries to belittle you in public over the most stupid things. Either you stand up and look like a jerk, or you try to ignore it and you still end up looking bad.

I love her, but the way I feel towards her, I feel like there has to be a better way. I feel like, I don't know what to do to fix this, and that I feel hopeless regarding whether or not I even know Jesus, because if I did actually know Jesus, I wouldn't feel so resentful and bitter towards her. I'd be more selfless and patient, despite her being the way she is. Idk. I just want some advice.

Jesus had a knack of putting people in their place without looking like a jerk (consider Matthew 22:33-46).

There is an interesting proverb that comes to mind, that is thought provoking in that way:

Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
else you also will be like him.

Answer a fool according to his folly,
else he will be wise in his own eyes.
- Proverbs 26:4-5

 

[visionary]

I will be keeping you in my prayers hoping and praying that a door is open for you to go out on your own with head held high. No regrets, no repercussions, .. not saying that her belittling will ever stop.. but that you are no longer held bondage to them.