Being Single...

[Kusanagi]

What do you enjoy about it?

The thing that I enjoy about it is the independence

What do you NOT enjoy about it?

What I dont enjoy being single is that I dont have a significant other and often times feel lonely and depressed.

I am really getting tired of being single yet so scared of being vulnerable to another person..

I know I am not alone and many people like I struggle daily too...

Youre not the only one, I have been single for most of my high school and college life. Middle School was the worst since I was always picked on, especialy by girls which makes me afraid to be vulnerable to another person and the fear of rejection .

 

[22smsbears]

how old are you 22smsbears?

22 why?!

 

[JPPT1974]

Because of being independent
As well as joining my freedom
Also I love just being by myself
I guess you can call me a loner

 

[22smsbears]

OH..and Itsgood....Didn't your momma ever teach you not to ask a woman her age?!

 

[pibsts]

well i've been single my whole life just about. girls come and go, but not reguarlly.

i enjoy just being myself, being able to do everything i want, be alone when i want to, don't have to pay for stuff, don't have to listen to whining, can listen to my music, don't have to go to a crummy movie, enjoy the bed space

i don't enjoy the lonliness. i'd rather be w/ a girl than be single. i wish to experience that love from another person, and i haven't been able to get that.

 

[scraparcs]

I enjoy...
*having a few cents in my pocketbook
*not having every cent that is spent scrutinized with a fine-tooth comb
*coming home and things are where I left them
*doing whatever I want and nobody cares
*having a really big bed
*being more social
*eating certain foods
*not having someone waiting there when I walk in at night
*having only to support myself and not others on only my income
*silence
*flirting

I don't like
*cuddling with pillows -- it's better with another person

Yeah, easy to see which side I come down on.

 

[Jenster]

I like my total and utter freedom.
I like having time to reflect on life and ponder about things that puzzle me rather than having to listen to someone else.
I like the idea that I still have plenty of free time in the future to read all the books on my to-read list.
I like not having to respond to the "needs" of a man when I don't feel like it.
I enjoy not having to put effort into my appearance just to make sure he won't wander. (The advice of one of my married friends.)
I like cooking and if it doesn't taste good, it doesn't matter to anyone but me.
I like never having conflicts with someone else, and having to deal with their anger, unforgiveness, issues, lack of vulnerability, etc.

I don't like NOT having someone to talk with, because I feel people grow by being in relationship.
I don't like NOT having someone who knows me well and understands me and loves me as is.
I don't like feeling like a social outcast because of not being married.
I don't like the fact that I don't really have a "team" to be a part of.

 

[lunalinda]

Uh, is it just me or are a lot of people contradicting themselves in their responses? It's not making any sense to me! It seems that what ISN'T enjoyed can very easily be enjoyed if people were to put a little bit of themselves aside for other people. The NON-enjoyment side doesn't have to be that way if the enjoyment side were to be a little less...."me" focused. I guess that's too big a "chore" for some people, overly thinking about someone else, which I guess is understandable. I mean no offense, of course. I'm just a little baffled at what I'm reading here.

But I guess I'm taking some of these responses a bit personally, admittedly I'm even a bit aggravated because this only makes me suspect that no guy will want to be with me because I would take away his freedom, like I'm some type of prison, and the only way he'll be with me is if he feels like settling down and saying goodbye to the adventures of the self-fulfilling, glory days. I won't even be his new adventure. I'd just be the person who sucks away his freedom. *siiiiigh* Pray tell, aren't there OTHER enjoyable things besides "freedom?" Does having someone there really imprison you?

 

[Jenster]

I understand what you're saying, lunalinda, but I think people are just being honest about the responsibilities that come with being in a relationship. I don't want to be some guy's "ball and chain" either, but both people in a marriage need to adjust themselves to the needs of the other.

People have to arrange to be home from work on time. They can't necessarily just "disappear" on Saturday and do whatever they feel like throughout the day. Personally, I would have to put some effort into cooking rather than grabbing a frozen dinner on some nights.

I don't know. I don't think anyone's denying there will be "upsides" to marriage - just answering the question.

 

[mina]

I agree with you lindaluna, If you think about yourself all the time, that's not freedom, that's loving self. When y ou find the right person, you want to think of them and not just of yourself. I don't think it's such a bad thing to give up "freedom" and share time with someone in life. It's a pretty sweet thing actually.

 

[pibsts]

i'd rather be in a relationship

 

[JPPT1974]

Nobody is the same
As we all are different.

 

[lunalinda]

I agree with you lindaluna, If you think about yourself all the time, that's not freedom, that's loving self. When y ou find the right person, you want to think of them and not just of yourself. I don't think it's such a bad thing to give up "freedom" and share time with someone in life. It's a pretty sweet thing actually.

Ah Mina, have I ever told you how much you're my hero? Very well put and I agree. It WOULD be a sweet thing to share time. Oh of course I probably think it's sweet only because I've yet to be that person that someone truly wants to share their time with, but still! I've only been through experiences in which the opposite is going on...time NOT being spent with me. Why oh why am I seemingly such a prison when all I usually want is company? Since when is that such a burden nowadays? I'll never understand!!

 

[pibsts]

do you think physical apperance of people is the main reason why people are single? i mean if ya just look at how the world works....it's usually the skinny blondes w/ big breasts w/ the guys who are tall and muscular, the heavier set people together, nerdy people together, etc...maybe that's just how it is now, but when someone seeks someone who they don't look like is that bad?

 

[mina]

lunalinda , I hear ya. I'm in the mindset where spending time with the person you love is incredibily freeing and a sweet privelige to have. It's only a burden if you don't likek the other person, but then why would you continue to be with them if you constantly find being with them a burden? Of course I'm not talking about spending every waking moment together joined at the hip type of relationship, where you are afraid to let them out of your grip or you out of theirs- that's unhealthy and I imagine it would grate on anyone's "freedom". But when you truly love and trust someone, you want to spend time with someone and have them involved in your life and be involved in theirs- that doesn't mean that you don't ever spend time apart, but rather when you are together it's an added joy to your life.

 

[Jenster]

Nobody is the same
As we all are different.

Ah, JPPT, you are so wise. We have all had different experiences in life and hold different viewpoints. As one grows older, a person realizes that there is room for many opinions, especially on a topic as personal as this one. There is usually truth and validity in everyone's perspectives - I wouldn't dream of mocking anyone else's take on the matter. That would be like saying yours is the only opinion that is right!

 

[Jenster]

I've yet to be that person that someone truly wants to share their time with, but still! I've only been through experiences in which the opposite is going on...time NOT being spent with me. Why oh why am I seemingly such a prison when all I usually want is company?

Lunalinda, dear - have no fear. You will find someone who wants to spend time with you and who will not consider that a "prison." IF you've had those experiences in the past, it simply means you were not with the right man/men. While that hurts (I know, been there), I wouldn't take it to mean you have to change or become someone you're not.

There are people who enjoy nothing more than spending every evening and weekend hour with their beloved, and there are those who need their "personal" time on a regular basis. Think of it as there being introverts and extraverts in the world; everyone's different. The key for you would be to find a stable guy who loves to hang out, rather than someone who feels he still has dragons to slay and adventures to go on (usually by himself).

 

[Jenster]

do you think physical apperance of people is the main reason why people are single? i mean if ya just look at how the world works....it's usually the skinny blondes w/ big breasts w/ the guys who are tall and muscular, the heavier set people together, nerdy people together, etc...maybe that's just how it is now, but when someone seeks someone who they don't look like is that bad?

I think that has something to do with it. People do seem to get together with people who are like themselves. For example, some people who are not so good-looking actually don't feel comfortable (or secure?) with someone who is gorgeous.

I think social skills have a lot to do with getting into a relationship too. Well, there are a lot of reasons. But people who are more sociable meet more people and are more willing to date, I think. They feel comfortable being out there, while introverted people don't get out there and feel less comfortable meeting new people anyway.

One thing though - I don't think it has much to do with being a "quality" person or not. Some of the singles I know are very dedicated servants in the church and have wonderful attitudes. Not all, of course, but some. And I'm sure we all know some marrieds who are not thoughtful of others or are irresponsible.

I say this just to encourage singles not to feel badly about themselves simply because they're single. Being single doesn't mean you're a loser.

 

[pibsts]

maybe the type of person i want never sees me in the same manner. i'm a skinny white boy from kansas...so usually i'm not looked upon as 'attractive' by the girls that i find attractive...being athletic blonde good looking girls...so such is life! well they have to be Christian too of course, but they all have b/fs. the girls i like are the ones every guy wants, so they aren't openly available, but like people have been saying...ask God to help me find her, and not try too hard to find the perfect girl. so that's kinda how i'm gonna try to do it from now on.

 

[Jenster]

maybe the type of person i want never sees me in the same manner. i'm a skinny white boy from kansas...

I know what you mean, pibsts! A lot of times people DO judge the book by the cover. I've learned that the pretty people aren't necessarily as desirable as we think they are, though. (No offense to the good-looking CFers!) Or put another way, some of the most precious special people don't have "GORGEOUS" written all over them on the outside. One guy I dated in college was super attractive, but after my crush wore off, I realized he was just about the most self-absorbed person I'd ever met!

people have been saying...ask God to help me find her, and not try too hard to find the perfect girl. so that's kinda how i'm gonna try to do it from now on.

That sounds good. It's a cliche, but I do believe that when people focus on just being who they are, they will attract similar people of the opposite sex. Blessings!