Being a virgin at 28

[seanfaith]

And, don't think your the only one worried about sexual urges, I really wish God had made a switch so we could turn our natural instincts on and off!

 

[toLiJC]

Hi john2190,

as you explained, you actually had some sexual consumption although it was non-penetrative, and so what if it was non-penetrative especially when until now there were many adult/old people who never had whatever sexual consumption for all their lives?!, you are still young and can find some wife, there is no whatever sinful of itself in the sex life, or else the bad therein is the unrighteousness in sex, the choice is yours, while the true God knows the best for you as well (as) for every human - may He soon to provide your part of it

Blessings

 

[jess9450]

I know what you're going through; I've had the same thoughts myself at times. Sometimes I panic when I think that I might be single forever, but like you have said, and other pastors I know have said, if you have the desire and yearning for marriage, God's plan does not intend for you to stay single. As for an encouraging Bible verse, one I often look to is Psalm 37:4

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

 

[tbogunro]

Ohhh relationships lol. No seriously you'll be married soon STOP saying it's God plan for you to be single. God Himself says it's not good for a man to be alone, He'll create the PERFECT helper who is just right for him. So get your confidence up, start preparing, and enjoy the little amount of single life you have left. God loves surprises so once you ACCEPT that He's got this and STOP looking at your circumstance then out of no where you'll be married lol. Not even joking about that, God just does things so differently. God does it this way so that there is DEFINITE prove that He alone brought you two together.

I've read each page and as you can see it's not a coincidence that those that received their partner after searching for so long ONLY found the right one when they stoped searching. Just RELAX and ENJOY single life w/o worry, she's coming!

 

[clarence rutherford]

I see some very good advice in this thread.
Great job everyone who contributed and tried to help this young man who needs some consolation.

I'm pleased that you can seem to control those desires and urges but this is why I feel let down by God somewhat.

I hear you, man. I know EXACTLY where you're coming from.

My Story:
I had sex 3-4X in high school with the first real girlfriend I ever had. It was yucky and never got better and I know we both felt a lot of guilt, so I suggested we stop.
Became of faith next year in college and lived like a "reborn virgin" for most of my 20s.
I had no sex ( honestly, I wasn't interested in getting into a sexual relationship), no handholding, no kissing, no hugging --- through all of college & 2-3 years after.
To Chrsitian women, I seemed invisible.

It really puzzled and hurt me.
Here I was this "good Christian man" who lived by the rules, but it seemed God had "forgotten" about me.
Though I sinned on the sexual front (before I became a believer), I was a new man and would never do anything to jeopardize a Christian woman's morality.... a gentleman. I knew what sin was and believe me, was truly more interested in finding a lasting loving relationship.

Because part of me feels that despite the fact that I have these desires and urges to want to be with a woman, it's just not happening. I'm just not meeting the right person. I think eventually it is going to lead me to just go out to some bar/club and just try to hook up with women and try my luck that way.

That isn't a good route.
Trust me, many of us know from experience how unfulfilling casual sex can be.Several years after college in my mid-20s, during a particularly lonely and isolating time in my life, was hungry for affection.
Took advantage of a couple of "opportunities" which I knew was wrong but me and my sinful nature.

Sure, it may feel great (temporarily) for a young man in his 20s to enjoy an all-too-brief taste of sex, but the remorse leaves one feeling worse than they did before.
Sex with a stranger is lousy. You want to tell the other you 'love' them but naturally, can't because you don't know them.
I think it's worse for women because, as they say, women give sex for love while men feign love to get sex.
Many a good Christian girl has lost her innocence in the pursuit of love, only to find the guy soon bolts after he gets what he wants. ( I write this in case women are reading ).

I was never one of those, a "player" but did have a (thankfully) short season of sin in my mid-late 20s and don't miss my horrible college days and 20s one bit.

Guys (gals), please don't go down the casual route.
You will regret it.

 

[clarence rutherford]

I'm trying my best as I said, going to parties, socials, volunteering at church etc. and yet still just haven't met someone I really click with.

John,
That's a better route. Eventually, you may meet someone.

seavessel44 is on the right track:0

It is also true that when you are actively looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, it is actually harder to meet someone.
A lot of times, when you are not looking, it happens. You meet someone by chance.

In my previous post, I mentioned that some of my friends are still single and have never dated.
Well 2 days ago, one of my single guy friends began dating for the first time in his life, and he is 24, the same age as me.
He is now dating a girl he has been friends with for 3 years.
In fact, he and his now girlfriend all hang out in a small circle of christian friends, a mixed group of both guys and girls.
That is how they met.

seavessel44,
That's a good way for single Christian men & women to meet others.

In some secular relationship boards, I always advise men (and women) in their 20s, 30s and 40s who haven't had much dating success to become more involved socially and develop new friends of both genders.

The reason I recommend guys make friendships with BOTH sexes is sometimes @ single events, one of your friends may bring a female friend, sister, cousin or coworker who may interest you...

 

[clarence rutherford]

Hey John ,
All this to say....Your Beauty as a celibate man....is a rarity.....not only in the eyes of our maker, but you will be a shining example for your children, and a demonstration to this world about what it truly means to live a life "Sold Out For the Lord"......Dont lose faith in God......Keep up the Good fight......You have come to far these 28 years to give up now.

Very good advice, Timahani.... very well-stated.

having sex should not be the end goal. You don't marry to have sex. You have sex once you are married but it's about much more than that.

Oh, and I am nearly 27 and have never even had a girlfriend so I can relate to you. I sincerely hope and pray that God's plan is for me to marry, but I always pray that it should be by his will and not mine. He knows best.

More sage advice, Andrew.

Good for you man, I wish I had waited until I was married.

Trust me virgin Christian men and women, there are many of us never-married non-virgins who wished we hadn't given-in so soon.

Many of us non-virgins changed and later desired to marry a virgin & be their first on our wedding night, but because of our own poor choices and poor choices made by our future spouses, would never be.

The media and just people in our lives make it seem like it's so great to have sex but unless you are committed it is absolutely meaningless and unfulfilling, it also makes you feel bad because you know it is wrong and you are sinning against God and your future wife.

True.
Though I wasn't a born-again believer, I deeply regret how I lost mine.

One thing that influenced me was having a girlfriend who told me I "never tried anything...."
Honestly, I wasn't thinking of having sex with her nor wanting to do that kind of thing.
But when she told me I never tried stuff, like her other boyfriends, it gave me ideas...
I felt free to start "exploring" and one thing led to another and we fell off this cliff we couldn't recover from.

Christian women.... don't tell that guy you date you want him to "try things..."
Consider yourself blessed if the man you're seeing doesn't make sexual advances toward you and treats you like a Sister In Christ.

I wasn't a Christian in high school, or at most, was a nominal one, but that didn't mean I was promiscuous or wanted a sexual relationship with her.
Her telling me she wanted me to be more aggressive wasn't wise and led to a decision that not only meant the ending of her Christian innocence, but one that would have ramifications for the rest of both our lives.

My advice would be to stay pure until marriage, it may be difficult now but you are not missing out on much and it will be so much better when you are married and you will just feel good about it for the rest of your life compared to a few minutes of fun now.

Well-stated, m0rdecai89.
30+ years later, I vividly remember that first time.
Ladies and gentleman, you never forget your first time. NEVER.

 

[anewman1993]

Reading some of this makes me feel very guilty. I'm 21, ive never been on a date, but I pray a lot about my future wife, because its something I care about. One thing I always feel guilty about, is I want a wife who is a virgin, because I'm also a virgin. I'll even go as far as to say its dealbreaker for me. I feel bad wanting that, because I know people mess up in relationships, and we should look past that, but at the same time, I very much want the experience god intended, one man, one woman, for life with no other sexual experience. I don't have any illusions that this makes sex magical, or that our wedding night would somehow be stellar because of it. But at the same time, I WANT that fumbling around neither of us knowing what to do beyond the very basics of "this goes there". I Can't imagine marrying a woman who wouldn't. I don't know why I'm posting this, but yea, thats what I was thinking about reading all this.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Wow, this thread is from 2012.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

And, yay, according to the forum description, I am still a "young adult".

 

[clarence rutherford]

Being a virgin, no matter at what age, should not be an issue.

Agree totally.
I wish there were more virgins.

Sadly, these days it seems like there is a competition and if you're over 20 and still a virgin, something is wrong with you.

I never got this looking down on or sneering @ virgins.
So what if someone hasn't had the same experiences or if a guy hasn't wanted to sleep with every girl he dates?
It's really nobody's business.

I thought so as well and now, looking back in disgust at some of the men I was close to just going home with for sex, I am so incredibly happy I didn't do it!
If I had done that, it would probably haunt me forever.
Waiting for the right person is better in the long run, even though the sex-obsessed society might say something different.

Yes, the memories persist, particularly during those lonely nights when one recalls previous sexual encounters...

 

[mrdean36]

Maybe the reasoning is because God created you to have a relationship with him more than anything. By putting everything in his hands is a good start but you need to know him before anyone else. God will provide all of your needs and he'll give you your hearts desire in his time.. Your still young..

I Don't know if this is at all going to help but God really is always there for you and loves you. Just don't forget that. We all get mad and a little impatient wondering why he hasn't given us what we ask for but he will bless you more for being patient with him and seeking him out.

God bless you!

Hello Godprincess1991,

I am not sure if you will get this, your message to this guy was a long time ago, but I am 36 years old and a virgin, and everything this guy said is true to the letter of how I feel, the difference between him and me is I never have even kissed a girl, So now that it has been almost 6 years since your post which would make you almost 27, (if 1991 is your birth year) and its highly doubtful that you are still single, you are all married now and having a great sex life saying it was worth the wait, but wait (pun intended) you didn't have to wait did you? You are probably married now and I am here at 36 knowing full well what this guy is going through. So what are your thoughts now 6 years later on my life, has God forgotten me? And its not for lack of trying to meet girls, I get all the time from girls that are either married or are not interested in me romantically saying that I am a great guy and my future wife would be lucky to have me, well I have thrown the line out to fish so to speak and the responses I get are hilarious, you thought I liked you, one girl blocked me on Facebook after through a mutual friend we met and hung out, then having her friend say yeah she does that to guys she doesn't like, wont even allow them to be friends. A girl tells me oh I would love two hang out, but I am busy for the next two weeks, then one leading me on till she was like "what you like me, Um, I am engaged," but this one wanted to be friends, and the list goes on. I know my friends have no issues in setting me up with girls who I have nothing in common with at all. Anyway, I am telling you this cause I think the church has lied to us young people that sex is meant for marriage, I am angry because I am 36 and still a virgin, I even laughed at a pastor when I was 19 who said he was still a virgin at 40 and was content in waiting, he is a liar. Same with people who find out I am a virgin, these ones in the church of course who have already lost their virginity and state I wished I would have waited you are lucky, but finding out they were still having active sex lives. And I am like really!!!! Liars, anyway I just wanted to react to your comment even though its been 6 years cause this guy whoever he is, is now 34 and hopefully he got married or he is still in the boat as me.