Do any others out there have hard time with bedtime? espaecially with a 2 year old??? Bedtime has never been a problem but in the past month or so it has turned into a trying experience...YES..we do have a routine..we have a bath, brush our teeth, and then sit down for quiet time..reading a story or watching a movie, etc. BUT when irt is time to go to bed she has a fit. I put her in her room and turn her night light on with some quiet music and she will cry and just have a fit..any sugggestions or words of encouragement from folks who have been there done that??? thanks in advance and a have a blessed day!!!
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bedtime
- Thread starter tonya
- Start date
I think all kids go through this. Mine certainly have. One thing you can try is to tell her to just lay down and relax with a stuffed toy or whatever is her cuddly. Tell her she doesn't have to go to sleep, just lay down quietly. Does she still nap? perhaps move her nap earlier because she's too rested from it to be tired at night. Alternatively she could be over tired. One of our children went to sleep by singing or telling himself stories as he lay there. It sometimes took a half hour or 45 min before he was asleep, but he got himself relaxed and now is the first one asleep most nights because he learned how to relax. Best wishes.
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My advice is not mainstream, I know, but it worked great for us and we'd do it the same way if we had to do it all over again. (My kids are late teens and early 20s now.)
We lay down with children and stayed with them until they fell asleep. No crying. No fuss. It seldom took longer that 15 minutes once the pattern was established. (Much longer at the start!) Lots of quiet, one-on-one time with affection and comfort. What a great way to end a day, don't you think? Isn't that a bit how you end your days - cuddled up with someone you love?
My husband and I would take turns, on no particular schedule. Once in awhile the bedtime parent would be asleep before the kiddo, but that was probably becasue they needed the sleep!
We lay down with children and stayed with them until they fell asleep. No crying. No fuss. It seldom took longer that 15 minutes once the pattern was established. (Much longer at the start!) Lots of quiet, one-on-one time with affection and comfort. What a great way to end a day, don't you think? Isn't that a bit how you end your days - cuddled up with someone you love?
My husband and I would take turns, on no particular schedule. Once in awhile the bedtime parent would be asleep before the kiddo, but that was probably becasue they needed the sleep!
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bliz said:
We did that with our second one, and it also worked well. Just kind of hard when we were tired too and fell asleep with her...
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well I just let my daughter fuss more and then now she fusses a bit to go to sleep but she falls asleep and sleeps better at night I find.
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I am getting stronger at this approach...at first I felt guilty or I felt bad, but I read in some books and then advice from my grandparents was that crying is OK and the crying helps them to fall asleep!!! so now I realize that I am stilla good mom and making her go to bed at a certain time each night is for her benefit and sets rules and limits...MzManda said:
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It really depends on the child. Our 2nd one (the one we lay down with) would never fall asleep from crying, in fact on average it kept her up later and caused her to vomit from all the muscle contractions of her stomach.
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alaskamolly
Queen of the Tundra
When one of ours fussed, it was...well, too bad.
Bedtime is bedtime is bedtime.
If we teach them that "when they throw a fit, they get what they want," then we are doing a great disservice to them (and to their future spouses!).
Personally, we don't even let them throw a fit. They get in trouble for that. If I have to stand outside the door for two hours straight to help remind them at first that fits are not acceptable, I'll find myself a good book and park it outside their door.
Discipline is done with a good attitude on my part--no yelling, screaming, just matter-of-fact. I act like I could do it all night long, if they really want to try it. (Not that I would, but I'm not letting them on to that! HA!)...
They respond so well to boundaries, but they have to be really clear on what the boundaries are, and that Daddy and Mommy will be consistant with the boundaries, every single time.
It may take a week of sitting outside the door to help her see that the rules will stay the rules, and that no amount of whining will change that, but it WILL work. All it takes is having a stronger will than they do (or at least being able to fake one!
)...
Love,
Molly
Bedtime is bedtime is bedtime.
If we teach them that "when they throw a fit, they get what they want," then we are doing a great disservice to them (and to their future spouses!).
Personally, we don't even let them throw a fit. They get in trouble for that. If I have to stand outside the door for two hours straight to help remind them at first that fits are not acceptable, I'll find myself a good book and park it outside their door.
Discipline is done with a good attitude on my part--no yelling, screaming, just matter-of-fact. I act like I could do it all night long, if they really want to try it. (Not that I would, but I'm not letting them on to that! HA!)...
They respond so well to boundaries, but they have to be really clear on what the boundaries are, and that Daddy and Mommy will be consistant with the boundaries, every single time.
It may take a week of sitting outside the door to help her see that the rules will stay the rules, and that no amount of whining will change that, but it WILL work. All it takes is having a stronger will than they do (or at least being able to fake one!
)...Love,
Molly
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Evie
what he said! <img src="http://www3.christianforum
hi Tanya,
hmm,my 2 boys also went through this and had to quickly outgrow it. My husband and I had to sit them down and say now look,bedtime is the time the Lord gave us to rest our tired bodies. Mom and dad need to rest in their rooms.
I agree with Molly and Jenna,you nip it in the bud and then further down the road,they will be over it and it will easier for you in the long run. Try it,what can it hurt.
hmm,my 2 boys also went through this and had to quickly outgrow it. My husband and I had to sit them down and say now look,bedtime is the time the Lord gave us to rest our tired bodies. Mom and dad need to rest in their rooms.
I agree with Molly and Jenna,you nip it in the bud and then further down the road,they will be over it and it will easier for you in the long run. Try it,what can it hurt.
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No one's mentioned it, so I will.
North Americans (and probably western European cultures as well) culturally have a tendency to want to immediately place their newborns in their own cribs, and in their own rooms. That doesn't stand to reason, and it continues to boggle my mind why we keep doing that. They're babies, and babies want and need to be close to their parents....at all times initially. So why would we deprived them of that? It doesn't make sense to me at all. Even the animal kingdom knows that. In many other cultures, parents actually sleep with the infants, and for a longer period than most of us do. So while I'm not suggesting that our 7 year olds hop into bed with us, the reason why we're only too keen and eager to have our babies sleep on their own from day one escapes me.
This is just my observation, so please don't take this as judging anyone.
I think bliz's idea is very wise. We did the same with our son, we take turns, and most times he's asleep within minutes; then we just crawl back to our own bed.
North Americans (and probably western European cultures as well) culturally have a tendency to want to immediately place their newborns in their own cribs, and in their own rooms. That doesn't stand to reason, and it continues to boggle my mind why we keep doing that. They're babies, and babies want and need to be close to their parents....at all times initially. So why would we deprived them of that? It doesn't make sense to me at all. Even the animal kingdom knows that. In many other cultures, parents actually sleep with the infants, and for a longer period than most of us do. So while I'm not suggesting that our 7 year olds hop into bed with us, the reason why we're only too keen and eager to have our babies sleep on their own from day one escapes me.
This is just my observation, so please don't take this as judging anyone.
I think bliz's idea is very wise. We did the same with our son, we take turns, and most times he's asleep within minutes; then we just crawl back to our own bed.
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alaskamolly
Queen of the Tundra
That sort of thing worked for a while on my first child...
...but when you have a lot of children, it's a bit different, and not at ALL practical or conduscive to happy family life!
Besides, we didn't like what it did to our first child. Honestly, she was a brat. When we finally decided we'd had ENOUGH. Well, my husband did first. I'd have probably gone longer, but husbands can be much better about discerning things sometimes.
She was around 6 months, I think, and I'd never let that girl cry ONCE--did the 100% attachment parenting thing, carried her around constantly, just like all the books I'd bought told me to, and she was one whiney sleep-deprived mess.
She'd nurse constantly, snacking, so always hungry for more 20 minutes later...and since she'd only nurse to sleep (because I couldn't let her fuss to sleep--the books said it might damage her!), she'd take 20 minute little catnaps, and then wake up. The poor girl never got a good long nap in for her first 6 months straight! No wonder she was a nightmare to be around!!!
One day, we decided, "You know what, the world does not revolve around this kiddo (just like it doesn't revolve around us) and for her own good, we need to stop acting like she's the center of the universe!" and made her wait at least 2 hours between feedings, and made her fuss herself to sleep in her crib instead of our bed (and she did fuss for a LONG time, since we'd trained her to do it all wrong, poor thing), she FINALLY gave up after a couple hours of howling (and I was crying in the other room, I'll admit it)...and took her first long nap in her whole life.
And you know what, when she woke, she woke up HAPPY... and STAYED that way for a couple hours! (Gasp!) That had never never never happened before, let me tell you!
It was amazing. Seriously, she became a completely different little person! That next week, her whole countenance was changed--I kid you not, the selfish demanding look (that we didn't even realize had been there) went out of her eyes and this sweet cheerfulness came into them. It was awesome.
So, since then, we've never used that approach again. Not that it doesn't work for some people, because I'm sure it does, but it seems like it produces whiney and demanding children (at least the ones we've seen), and I just can't stand to have a houseful of children like that...and since I do have a houseful of children, we've chosen not to go that route with them!
I always sleep with our babies after they're born (easier to nurse them all night that way--HA!), but after that first initial month or two, they take naps and go to sleep in their own little bassinet. It's not hard to teach them to do this if you do it during that period (because you haven't trained them to expect anything different yet), and it's a blessing for all involved.
I start with just one nap a day--let them fuss themselves into sleep, and it usually takes 15 minutes or less...which I hate, but within a week, they get the hang of it, and then it's like 1 minute of fussing and they're out like a lightbulb for a good long nap!
They sleep much better, for one thing, and so do the parents--and nap time isn't a nightmare, either. When the baby wakes up at night, I'll pull him/her into bed with me to nurse, OF COURSE (because that's so much easier than sitting up to feed him/her!) but that's at 5am, not at the beginning of the night.
Of course, there are many different parenting philosophies, and that's good--because there's many different family types and personalities (both parents and children)--so I'm not saying my way is God's Perfect Way or something. Just wanting to clarify that--heehee! I'm just sharing what's worked for us and why I'm not a big fan of always co-sleeping after the newborn time-period is gone.
I'm especially not a big fan of giving-in to the fits of a toddler. That's a huge 'no-no,' in my parenting philosophy.
Of course you make sure all the bases are covered (are they afraid of the dark?--turn on the hall light and open their door or something,then, etc...), do they have to go to the bathroom, are they about to throw-up, etc...because those are legitimate reasons to cry!
But if they're throwing a fit simply because they don't want to do what you tell them to do, then I stomp on that FAST. Let that weed grow and you'll have a monster on your hands, faster than you can blink your eye. Personally, I like to enjoy my children--not have them frazzle me to shreds!
Anyways...I'm expecting some others not to agree with what we do, which is ok! Just do this: I'll respect your way, because I'm sure it works well for your family; if you'll respect mine, simply because it works well for our family (we always have happy babies and toddlers!).
Thanks!
Ok, enough rambling for one night!
Blessings,
Molly
...but when you have a lot of children, it's a bit different, and not at ALL practical or conduscive to happy family life!
Besides, we didn't like what it did to our first child. Honestly, she was a brat. When we finally decided we'd had ENOUGH. Well, my husband did first. I'd have probably gone longer, but husbands can be much better about discerning things sometimes.
She was around 6 months, I think, and I'd never let that girl cry ONCE--did the 100% attachment parenting thing, carried her around constantly, just like all the books I'd bought told me to, and she was one whiney sleep-deprived mess.
She'd nurse constantly, snacking, so always hungry for more 20 minutes later...and since she'd only nurse to sleep (because I couldn't let her fuss to sleep--the books said it might damage her!), she'd take 20 minute little catnaps, and then wake up. The poor girl never got a good long nap in for her first 6 months straight! No wonder she was a nightmare to be around!!!
One day, we decided, "You know what, the world does not revolve around this kiddo (just like it doesn't revolve around us) and for her own good, we need to stop acting like she's the center of the universe!" and made her wait at least 2 hours between feedings, and made her fuss herself to sleep in her crib instead of our bed (and she did fuss for a LONG time, since we'd trained her to do it all wrong, poor thing), she FINALLY gave up after a couple hours of howling (and I was crying in the other room, I'll admit it)...and took her first long nap in her whole life.
And you know what, when she woke, she woke up HAPPY... and STAYED that way for a couple hours! (Gasp!) That had never never never happened before, let me tell you!
It was amazing. Seriously, she became a completely different little person! That next week, her whole countenance was changed--I kid you not, the selfish demanding look (that we didn't even realize had been there) went out of her eyes and this sweet cheerfulness came into them. It was awesome.
So, since then, we've never used that approach again. Not that it doesn't work for some people, because I'm sure it does, but it seems like it produces whiney and demanding children (at least the ones we've seen), and I just can't stand to have a houseful of children like that...and since I do have a houseful of children, we've chosen not to go that route with them!
I always sleep with our babies after they're born (easier to nurse them all night that way--HA!), but after that first initial month or two, they take naps and go to sleep in their own little bassinet. It's not hard to teach them to do this if you do it during that period (because you haven't trained them to expect anything different yet), and it's a blessing for all involved.
I start with just one nap a day--let them fuss themselves into sleep, and it usually takes 15 minutes or less...which I hate, but within a week, they get the hang of it, and then it's like 1 minute of fussing and they're out like a lightbulb for a good long nap!
They sleep much better, for one thing, and so do the parents--and nap time isn't a nightmare, either. When the baby wakes up at night, I'll pull him/her into bed with me to nurse, OF COURSE (because that's so much easier than sitting up to feed him/her!) but that's at 5am, not at the beginning of the night.
Of course, there are many different parenting philosophies, and that's good--because there's many different family types and personalities (both parents and children)--so I'm not saying my way is God's Perfect Way or something.
Just wanting to clarify that--heehee! I'm just sharing what's worked for us and why I'm not a big fan of always co-sleeping after the newborn time-period is gone. I'm especially not a big fan of giving-in to the fits of a toddler. That's a huge 'no-no,' in my parenting philosophy.
Of course you make sure all the bases are covered (are they afraid of the dark?--turn on the hall light and open their door or something,then, etc...), do they have to go to the bathroom, are they about to throw-up, etc...because those are legitimate reasons to cry!
But if they're throwing a fit simply because they don't want to do what you tell them to do, then I stomp on that FAST. Let that weed grow and you'll have a monster on your hands, faster than you can blink your eye. Personally, I like to enjoy my children--not have them frazzle me to shreds!
Anyways...I'm expecting some others not to agree with what we do, which is ok! Just do this: I'll respect your way, because I'm sure it works well for your family; if you'll respect mine, simply because it works well for our family (we always have happy babies and toddlers!).
Thanks!
Ok, enough rambling for one night!
Blessings,
Molly
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I just put my kids to bed... if they didn't like it then tough... they quickly got the message.
I used to childmind and I found it strange that parents sat kids on their knee or laid down with them till they fell asleep.... I'm not sute how they felt a child minder or nursery with other kids al the same age to care for woud be able to do that and I think it actually develops more insecurity than just being firm.
hen they got older I stuck at the time of 8.30 to 9pm for bed time and even though sometimes they are'nt sleepy I tell them they need time on their own to relax and wind down and so do we as adults. They have so far never disputed bed time... mostly they don't even need to be told.
I used to childmind and I found it strange that parents sat kids on their knee or laid down with them till they fell asleep.... I'm not sute how they felt a child minder or nursery with other kids al the same age to care for woud be able to do that and I think it actually develops more insecurity than just being firm.
hen they got older I stuck at the time of 8.30 to 9pm for bed time and even though sometimes they are'nt sleepy I tell them they need time on their own to relax and wind down and so do we as adults. They have so far never disputed bed time... mostly they don't even need to be told.
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BeanMak
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I used Bliz's method. Music a story and some quiet time. If we left my oldest to "cry it out" it would be an hour later, and he would throw up.
When my second was that age, it was no longer an issue because he had his older brother and they would talk together, and I would often find them in the same bed in the morning.
When my second was that age, it was no longer an issue because he had his older brother and they would talk together, and I would often find them in the same bed in the morning.
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I do not understand how leaving a child in a situation where they are insecure makes them more secure. It may make them experienced at coping with insecurity, but it does not make them secure.Crofter said:
Babies who are left to "cry it out" cry less than babies who are picked up or comforted when they cry. But the goal is not to have a baby that cries as little as possible. At least, that was never my goal. My goal was/is a happy, secure, self confident young adult. I think those people come from babies whose needs have been met and who did/do feel well loved and very secure.
We did not choose to stay with our kids till they were asleep becasue they fussed and cried. We were not caving in to tantrums. We made a concsious choice of how to parent at bedtime. We also used the "family bed" concept which worked very well with the peaceful bedtimes and lots of bonding. Don't we want our children to want to be with us? Don't we want them to seek us out for comfort and security?
There are many (most?!) areas of parenting that require firm rules to which children will be expected to conform, sometimes (often!?) accompanied by tears and screams. It is loving parenting that makes us hold are kids to these standards and to teach them to obey us. But 2, 3, 4 year old child wanting and needing comfort and love at bedtime is not a disobedient child who is defiant of his parent's rules.
Today my "baby" left for the first day of school. My 17 year old, 6' 2" guy gave me a hug and said "I love you, Mom." as he left the house. WOW!!!!
I can't prove it, but I think that has something to do with how we raised him.
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Some of us in Western cultures are doing this, too. For us it evolved from having the crib close to the bed, to taking one side off the crib to putting two beds together... for a brief while we had queen and full together in a small room - literally a bed-room! - with all 5 of us together. It was great! Kids happily moved out into their own beds, sometimes they would choose to sleep with each other and from time to time, they would drift back for visits with us.andry said:
Historically, individual bedrooms are a very modern concept and far more cultures in the world "family bed" then sleep in individual beds.
Luke 11:7 'Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed.
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herev
CL--you are missed!
AMEN TO THAT, we have followed advice from Baby Wise since the beginning, so now it is simply no problem, unless she is in a strange place, during which, the first night, we will stay with her in her room until she is settled, but we NEVER lay down with her.Jenna said:
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Lena75
Well-Known Member
I do the same thing bliz does. My daughter is 4 and she insists that I'm her teddy bear and her best friend. *Heart melts*. So yes, I'm the softie that will lie down with her until she's sound asleep. Honestly, they WILL outgrow this, so my opinion is enjoy it while you can. I was talking with my mom about this the other day 'cause, you know, you just wanna go to bed after the kids are in bed, yet they still want you. My hubby and I have our room, our 2 sons have their room and my daughter has her own room. No wonder she wants me there, she feels lonely. I've never been one to let her "cry it out". When a baby or child cries they're either over-tired or just need some extra TLC.
So we gotta be patient with our little ones. Good luck!
So we gotta be patient with our little ones. Good luck!
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