The way I understand heaven and hell would be not so much that there is a God anxious to "send" us to either place, (more correctly either state of being). There is much fuss, (and for good reason), made of man's "free will". The ability to make choices. Besides man's free will, there is God's will, which is expressed in natural law and in revelation through prophets, scripture, etc. If we choose to use our free will to do God's will....that is then we are showing in our mortal life, that we have love for God, and His will for us. So at our departure point from mortal life, and upon our birth into eternal life, it is a perfected continuum of the way we orient our will. The perfected state of the mortal love of God and His will is heaven, paradise and such. A close proximity to the ultimate good for eternity.
We can also choose to defy God's will. To serve self. To cater to one's own desires of the flesh at every important decision point. It's possible that this is even a preference. If this is the case.....if one desires a separation from God and His will for us, and chooses that path at every given opportunity, and if this accompanies without remorse or attrition, and we carry this expression of our free will forward until mortal death and birth into eternal life, then we are saying that we wish our eternal life to be far from God. This would be our express desire. A distinct distance from God. Those who are oriented in their lives to prefer God's will, and feel and honest disobedience unto death carry on into a perfect continuum of their desired state. The perfected state of disobedience and turning away from God by acts of free will, and eternal separation therefore from God also, is called "hell" by believers in God. But though to a believer, eternal separation from God might be considered "hell", for a determined and willful disbeliever this eternal separation may actually be thought of as heaven.
This is not to say that the disbeliever is bent on evil simply from disbelief. I'm going to use a term here which has a negative connotation to most, but when discussing the Christian faith, it has a different meaning. That term is "ignorance", and a finer distinction of "invincible ignorance" may even be applied to some. This doesn't refer to one's intellect when discussing Christianity. This is a reference to one's ability to feel and practice "faith". The state of invincible ignorance can be manifest by lack of catechesis, lack of exposure to the gospel, cultural bias, peer group, world view, etc.. Not so much the persons conscious choices, nor any specifically intended kind of disobedience or lack of respect for God. Non-believers in this category might self-identify in a religion outside of Christianity, for instance. Or perhaps as secular humanists. Atheists and agnostics. Others as well. Where the person still makes their choices based on informed conscience, and moral and ethical natural law, and is not exerting energy to specifically and actively work against God's laws in some fashion with the intent of doing so. This type of person is not likely to find themselves in the state which Christians refer to as hell. Particularly if the person is remorseful when wrong is done to what I can only call natural conscience and natural law, (which to a Christian is thought of as an indwelling of the Holy Spirit). Because they are still orienting their life to the good, and at least show a preference for the light. They simply have not been (yet), called by Jesus Christ in a way which they understand or have self-awareness of.
The Christian believes that all are raised to eternal life. And in a manner of speaking, all get the eternal life they have begun to construct in their mortal life, in an ultimate or perfected form.
Of course, I expect I am not expressing these rather complicated thoughts with clarity. Particularly to the non-believer, and apologize for my limitations of vocabulary and intellectual prowess. But on the last day, a good many of us will be surprised, I suspect, of who we see and don't see in any given eternal state of being.
This is my understanding, and your mileage may vary significantly. But it's closer to the truth than the hateful God boogeyman that I hear spoken of in speculative posts by some of the more vocal and even angry (?) dis-believers in modern times.
God bless,
