aspergers son in Crisis mode

[Jane_Doe]

Jane_Doe,
He does pay for his gas for us taking him to work, and he does pay his portion of the car insurance for being able to drive. He also does some of his own food shopping.

As far as talking to the people that he works for? I tried that with Mc Donalds and he got fired. I couldn't believe it that I was trying to explain some of what he was going through, and they fired him. So I am a bit nervous about talking to them. Plus I don't have any information on how to get in touch with his boss.

this week they are on day shifts, and he was late all the days that he worked. So I know he will be docked for those days. He doesn't like working the different shifts because he has trouble acclimating himself to the new time.

I have tried the responsibility talk with him, but it just backfires on me. He will start to talk about living homeless. I truly am at a loss.

* Warning: Incoming Asperger's bluntness*

Asperger's is not a "disability" that makes you an eternal child. Rather, an Asperger's individual is perfectly intelligent, and capable of making their way as an adult in life (grant with some extra bumps along the way). But people (Asperger's or not) are naturally lazy, and if given the option to be children all day long, they will likely take it.

You are enabling your son to be an eternal child, and he's not likely going to change at all as long as you continue to enable him. Make him fight his own battles. A couple of examples:
1) You talking to his employers gives the impression that he's a kindergartener (both to the employer and him), and will almost always back fire.
2) As an adult, he should be paying his way in the world. If he doesn't pay rent, kick him out. I know this sounds harsh, but he will never walk on his own until he lets go of your hand. If he needs to live homeless to understand the value of a house, then let him live homeless. Don't let him manipulate you into perpetually infantizing him.

 

[truefiction1]

* Warning: Incoming Asperger's bluntness*

Asperger's is not a "disability" that makes you an eternal child. Rather, an Asperger's individual is perfectly intelligent, and capable of making their way as an adult in life (grant with some extra bumps along the way). But people (Asperger's or not) are naturally lazy, and if given the option to be children all day long, they will likely take it.

You are enabling your son to be an eternal child, and he's not likely going to change at all as long as you continue to enable him. Make him fight his own battles. A couple of examples:
1) You talking to his employers gives the impression that he's a kindergartener (both to the employer and him), and will almost always back fire.
2) As an adult, he should be paying his way in the world. If he doesn't pay rent, kick him out. I know this sounds harsh, but he will never walk on his own until he lets go of your hand. If he needs to live homeless to understand the value of a house, then let him live homeless. Don't let him manipulate you into perpetually infantizing him.

This can be true, but only partially, because it's not actually about laziness. It is about overwhelming fear and grief in he face of challenging social environments that the young man is not neurologically equipped to navigate through. It is entirely possible to take measures, even to intervene and advocate in ways that will help the young man succeed in overcoming his fear and grief. This is not "infantizing" him, it is giving support to a person who desperately needs it. Even neurotypical people need certain emotional supports throughout life. How much more so a person who lacks social understanding because of a constitutional disorder?

 

[Jane_Doe]

This can be true, but only partially, because it's not actually about laziness. It is about overwhelming fear and grief in he face of challenging social environments that the young man is not neurologically equipped to navigate through. It is entirely possible to take measures, even to intervene and advocate in ways that will help the young man succeed in overcoming his fear and grief. This is not "infantizing" him, it is giving support to a person who desperately needs it. Even neurotypical people need certain emotional supports throughout life. How much more so a person who lacks social understanding because of a constitutional disorder?

Note: I am an Aspie myself, and a mother.

He can ask his mom for advice (that's great) but he will not learn how to do things himself if she does everything for him. Doing everything for him is infantizing him.

 

[anma]

A Mile in His Shoes
Have you ever seen the movie listed above?
Not sure that you can see it free anywhere on line, but I would certainly say-give it a look.
This is the trailer. //Hang in here, it seems the movie plays just shortly after it. Bought this DVD years ago. The movie is still playing for me at that link above. It is a Christian movie that I have enjoyed many times and so have others.

I wish I could see the trailor, but I don't have sound on my computer, so I wouldn't be able to hear what they are saying Thank you though for the link I appreciate it so much.