aspergers son in Crisis mode

[anma]

My son, who is 23, is refusing to go to work today. He works for the school system, and he keeps getting a school to work that he doesn't like.
I'm not sure what he did, but I heard him tearing stuff up in his room. He is cursing a lot. He is saying that he is going to sell all of his Christian books. He says that he just isn't happy and it is never going to happen. He should just become homeless.
He just called out of work.
I have prayed so hard for him, I just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to him, asking him how I can help and he just says that I can't and I am so fin perfect. Which surprised me because he has never been that disrespectful to me. He is saying a lot of hurtful things right now, but I know it is the mode that he is in that is causing it.
He stays in his room most of the time, hardly comes out of it.
I tried to use the, hmmm, not sure what to say, but maybe a discipline attitude with him, but it backfired on me. It just made him worse. I thought maybe that I am babying him and I need to be more firm with him.
I am so totally at a loss. He was talking about going to college for a while, but now he isn't doing that anymore. I think that would be so good for him.

 

[Hank77]

My son, who is 23, is refusing to go to work today. He works for the school system, and he keeps getting a school to work that he doesn't like.
I'm not sure what he did, but I heard him tearing stuff up in his room. He is cursing a lot. He is saying that he is going to sell all of his Christian books. He says that he just isn't happy and it is never going to happen. He should just become homeless.
He just called out of work.
I have prayed so hard for him, I just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to him, asking him how I can help and he just says that I can't and I am so fin perfect. Which surprised me because he has never been that disrespectful to me. He is saying a lot of hurtful things right now, but I know it is the mode that he is in that is causing it.
He stays in his room most of the time, hardly comes out of it.
I tried to use the, hmmm, not sure what to say, but maybe a discipline attitude with him, but it backfired on me. It just made him worse. I thought maybe that I am babying him and I need to be more firm with him.
I am so totally at a loss. He was talking about going to college for a while, but now he isn't doing that anymore. I think that would be so good for him.

Has someone on the job given him a hard time such as maybe being too critical or calling him names?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

My son, who is 23, is refusing to go to work today. He works for the school system, and he keeps getting a school to work that he doesn't like.
I'm not sure what he did, but I heard him tearing stuff up in his room. He is cursing a lot. He is saying that he is going to sell all of his Christian books. He says that he just isn't happy and it is never going to happen. He should just become homeless.
He just called out of work.
I have prayed so hard for him, I just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to him, asking him how I can help and he just says that I can't and I am so fin perfect. Which surprised me because he has never been that disrespectful to me. He is saying a lot of hurtful things right now, but I know it is the mode that he is in that is causing it.
He stays in his room most of the time, hardly comes out of it.
I tried to use the, hmmm, not sure what to say, but maybe a discipline attitude with him, but it backfired on me. It just made him worse. I thought maybe that I am babying him and I need to be more firm with him.
I am so totally at a loss. He was talking about going to college for a while, but now he isn't doing that anymore. I think that would be so good for him.

It could be that he has a built up hurt in his heart that is causing him to act out. When hurt builds up this kind of thing can happen. It could be due to any number of things but common ones, are wanting a relationship with the opposite sex, and it not being fulfilled, or with illnesses feeling it is unfair to be sick.

 

[Hank77]

It could be that he has a built up hurt in his heart that is causing him to act out. When hurt builds up this kind of thing can happen. It could be due to any number of things but common ones, are wanting a relationship with the opposite sex, and it not being fulfilled, or with illnesses feeling it is unfair to be sick.

If there are any groups of young people with similar issues where he could make friends that are like him it might be very helpful to him. He might not feel so alone and maybe he would even meet someone special to love him for who he is.

My 12 yr. old grandson is an aspy and I can sympathize with you. Your concerns are real and hard to deal with. It hurts our hearts to see our children in pain, their pain is our pain to a certain extent.

I will pray for you and your son. Please pray for us as well.

 

[anma]

Has someone on the job given him a hard time such as maybe being too critical or calling him names?

He doesn't feel appreciated by the leader at this school, and there is one other school that is about the same as well.

 

[anma]

If there are any groups of young people with similar issues where he could make friends that are like him it might be very helpful to him. He might not feel so alone and maybe he would even meet someone special to love him for who he is.

My 12 yr. old grandson is an aspy and I can sympathize with you. Your concerns are real and hard to deal with. It hurts our hearts to see our children in pain, their pain is our pain to a certain extent.

I will pray for you and your son. Please pray for us as well.

I will pray for you as well. And I thank you for your prayers so much.
He won't join any groups. He has 3 friends, all are Christian. He has been going to a Bible Study on thursday nights, I just hope that he goes tomorrow with how he is being right now.

 

[truefiction1]

I'm sorry that you are going through these tough experiences with your son. I remember not so long ago when my son with autism started his first job at the supermarket, and how rough it was on him having to get used to being in a new environment and with so many different sorts of people. There wasn't much we could do but to encourage him to keep going, and reminding him that we all must, at times, move beyond our comfort zones in order to grow. He has grown, and feels a lot better about his job most of the time.

I will say that being an Orthodox Christian has made it more difficult for him, because none of his work peers have the same values that he has come to make his own, so he doesn't feel socially fulfilled at work. I don't know your son, so I don't know if this sort of a morality or religious belief aspect could be bothering him or not. Anyhow, Lord have mercy on you and your son.

 

[anma]

It could be that he has a built up hurt in his heart that is causing him to act out. When hurt builds up this kind of thing can happen. It could be due to any number of things but common ones, are wanting a relationship with the opposite sex, and it not being fulfilled, or with illnesses feeling it is unfair to be sick.

I know that from childhood he had a lot of hurt in his life. He was made fun of all through school. He was also bullied in school. I hate that he didn't have a good childhood, much to my trying to see that he did. At the time though we didn't know that he had this. We didn't get a diagnosis until he was 18 years old and just melted down.

 

[anma]

I'm sorry that you are going through these tough experiences with your son. I remember not so long ago when my son with autism started his first job at the supermarket, and how rough it was on him having to get used to being in a new environment and with so many different sorts of people. There wasn't much we could do but to encourage him to keep going, and reminding him that we all must, at times, move beyond our comfort zones in order to grow. He has grown, and feels a lot better about his job most of the time.

I will say that being an Orthodox Christian has made it more difficult for him, because none of his work peers have the same values that he has come to make his own, so he doesn't feel socially fulfilled at work. I don't know your son, so I don't know if this sort of a morality or religious belief aspect could be bothering him or not. Anyhow, Lord have mercy on you and your son.

Joe is a Christian, and his friends that he has are also Christian. Yet he says a lot that God should have never let him live. I try to tell him that he is special to God, but when he is like this, you just can't say anything about it.

 

[truefiction1]

Joe is a Christian, and his friends that he has are also Christian. Yet he says a lot that God should have never let him live. I try to tell him that he is special to God, but when he is like this, you just can't say anything about it.

Yes, I don't imagine that there is much you could say that would break through the strong feelings which have a grip on him.

 

[truefiction1]

Recently, my son had become frustrated because of some relational/social problems with certain co-workers that seemed to be recurring problems. He had become quite stressed out, so my wife (and I think she brought along a sister for support) arranged a meeting with my son's managers and supervisors in order to discuss the problems he was having at work and to see if there was anything that might be done to help. Maybe you could try doing something like this? Perhaps it would alert them to the existence of his problem and how his being on the spectrum is a factor at work (they might not even be aware of his diagnosis)? Perhaps he might feel encouraged to be less stressed if he thought there might be some hope due to your and their efforts to help make things better?

 

[anma]

Yes, I don't imagine that there is much you could say that would break through the strong feelings which have a grip on him.

That which has a grip on him is so strong right now. I can't even talk to him, he just gives a hurumph noise when I ask him a question. It hurts me so much that he isn't happy and has a hard time trying to be so.

 

[anma]

Recently, my son had become frustrated because of some relational/social problems with certain co-workers that seemed to be recurring problems. He had become quite stressed out, so my wife (and I think she brought along a sister for support) arranged a meeting with my son's managers and supervisors in order to discuss the problems he was having at work and to see if there was anything that might be done to help. Maybe you could try doing something like this? Perhaps it would alert them to the existence of his problem and how his being on the spectrum is a factor at work (they might not even be aware of his diagnosis)? Perhaps he might feel encouraged to be less stressed if he thought there might be some hope due to your and their efforts to help make things better?

Joe doesnt accept help for anything. If he is cooking something and I ask him if he needs anything he just tells me that he can do it himself. If I were to try to set up a meeting like that he would go ballistic. It would just make him worse. I have thought about it, but know what it would mean to his moods.

 

[truefiction1]

Joe doesnt accept help for anything. If he is cooking something and I ask him if he needs anything he just tells me that he can do it himself. If I were to try to set up a meeting like that he would go ballistic. It would just make him worse. I have thought about it, but know what it would mean to his moods.

I think that Nate did not want his mother and aunt to go to his place of work to advocate for him. For this reason, I think my wife set up the meeting without informing him about it. If Joe is unreasonably assertive of his own independence, he may need to be helped with interventions by you and by understanding members of his workplace leadership team (i.e. managers, supervisors, and knowledgeable/mature co-workers) in such a way that he isn't made aware of. Afterwards, when his emotional pain has subsided because of improvements in his quality of life where he works, you could let him know about the details of how he is being helped. This might eventually enable him to grow so that he is more willing to accept help from and trust others more.

Again Anma, I'm sorry that both you and he are having to go through this. May the Lord have mercy.

 

[truefiction1]

Anma, I will just add, for now, that the sensitivities of school professionals toward persons with autism/Aspergers has greatly increased in our time, so that I'm hopeful that if you were to explain to those at the school whose help you are seeking that it is very important that they don't do or say anything to let Joe know that you and they are intentionally implementing certain changes in how he is understood and treated at work, that they will be understanding and proceed accordingly.

We all need help. Mostly from God, but many times we will rely on fellow pilgrims. This is scary for many of us. Probably more so for those who have been socially mistreated. I encourage patience and allowing time for healing and growth. God is patient with us in our own healing and growth. It may help to pray the He give us some of His patience so that we can endure our present sufferings.

Lord have mercy on us.

 

[Jane_Doe]

My son, who is 23, is refusing to go to work today. He works for the school system, and he keeps getting a school to work that he doesn't like.
I'm not sure what he did, but I heard him tearing stuff up in his room. He is cursing a lot. He is saying that he is going to sell all of his Christian books. He says that he just isn't happy and it is never going to happen. He should just become homeless.
He just called out of work.
I have prayed so hard for him, I just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to him, asking him how I can help and he just says that I can't and I am so fin perfect. Which surprised me because he has never been that disrespectful to me. He is saying a lot of hurtful things right now, but I know it is the mode that he is in that is causing it.
He stays in his room most of the time, hardly comes out of it.
I tried to use the, hmmm, not sure what to say, but maybe a discipline attitude with him, but it backfired on me. It just made him worse. I thought maybe that I am babying him and I need to be more firm with him.
I am so totally at a loss. He was talking about going to college for a while, but now he isn't doing that anymore. I think that would be so good for him.

If you son is 23, then he is an adult, not a child. Aspergers or not, he needs to be treated as an adult. Let him make choices about his job, and let him take the consequences (good or bad). Charge him room and board for living in your house (if you want you can put the money into a savings bond or something). But don't let him be a child and not pay his way in life. Don't shield him from his own choices. He'll figure things out regardless of the inevitable bumps in the road.

 

[anma]

Jane_Doe,
He does pay for his gas for us taking him to work, and he does pay his portion of the car insurance for being able to drive. He also does some of his own food shopping.

As far as talking to the people that he works for? I tried that with Mc Donalds and he got fired. I couldn't believe it that I was trying to explain some of what he was going through, and they fired him. So I am a bit nervous about talking to them. Plus I don't have any information on how to get in touch with his boss.

this week they are on day shifts, and he was late all the days that he worked. So I know he will be docked for those days. He doesn't like working the different shifts because he has trouble acclimating himself to the new time.

I have tried the responsibility talk with him, but it just backfires on me. He will start to talk about living homeless. I truly am at a loss.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[truefiction1]

Jane_Doe,
He does pay for his gas for us taking him to work, and he does pay his portion of the car insurance for being able to drive. He also does some of his own food shopping.

As far as talking to the people that he works for? I tried that with Mc Donalds and he got fired. I couldn't believe it that I was trying to explain some of what he was going through, and they fired him. So I am a bit nervous about talking to them. Plus I don't have any information on how to get in touch with his boss.

this week they are on day shifts, and he was late all the days that he worked. So I know he will be docked for those days. He doesn't like working the different shifts because he has trouble acclimating himself to the new time.

I have tried the responsibility talk with him, but it just backfires on me. He will start to talk about living homeless. I truly am at a loss.

You said he works at schools. What sort of schools does he work at and what are his responsibilities?

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm