Asperger Jokes

[Sabertooth]

(Not Aspie, but Aspie's would appreciate this)

What is "The World's Oldest Profession...?"







Animal taxonomy...! (See Gen. 2:19, 20)

 

[Clare73]

If an Aspie started to pontificate on the relative merits of String Theory while in the woods in early spring, how quickly would the trees leave?

I didn't know Aspies could make jokes.

 

[jackmt]

A fourth subtype of asperger's has just been identified. Typified by the guy who starts dozens of projects but never seems to finish them, it is known as Half-Asperger's Syndrome.

 

[LovedSparrow]

A fourth subtype of asperger's has just been identified. Typified by the guy who starts dozens of projects but never seems to finish them, it is known as Half-Asperger's Syndrome.

I think I have that one!

 

[LovedSparrow]

I didn't know Aspies could make jokes.

SURPRISE!!!

 

[jackmt]

I didn't know Aspies could make jokes.

We can make them, we just don't get them. Kind of like sarcasm, yes?

 

[LovedSparrow]

We can make them, we just don't get them. Kind of like sarcasm, yes?

Wait wait wait, hold your horses! (Horses?) Are you being sarcastic? Wait, what does sarcasm have to do with horses? Thoroughbred? Arabian? Clydesdale?

 

[jackmt]

Wait wait wait, hold your horses! (Horses?) Are you being sarcastic? Wait, what does sarcasm have to do with horses? Thoroughbred? Arabian? Clydesdale?

I was just horsin' around. You didn't have to take me so literal. Or did you?

 

[Letter Never Sent]

A fourth subtype of asperger's has just been identified. Typified by the guy who starts dozens of projects but never seems to finish them, it is known as Half-Asperger's Syndrome.

That's BRILLIANT!

 

[Letter Never Sent]

Honk if you love Aspies!

*Actually you better not, it totally freaks them out!

 

[Letter Never Sent]

A priest, a blind man and an Aspie walk into bar. At the end of the night the priest and blind man leave with dates… the Aspie goes home alone.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

That Aspie guy sure got a lot of swag... said no one ever.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

Why did the Aspie cross the road?

1. This side is too bright because there is no shade and I don't like wearing sunglasses.

2. Spiderwebs are hanging from the trees.

3. The underground spring in my neighbor's yard is stinky and makes the sidewalk too slimy.

4. Dog-pooh all over the yard of the corner house.

5. Trying to avoid the people 2 doors down.

6. The neighbors truck and/or motorcycle is blocking the sidewalk and the kids would have to walk in the street.

7. Too many dead worms

**The following list may or may not be based on actual experience
*** The joke is in the fact there is a detailed list of reasons that's inline with AS reasoning instead of a quick and silly punchline.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

Quick word about humor. I was surprised to find that someone with AS might not get jokes or things that are abstract as AS has helped me with my humor. Since I'm not good with small talk or making people feel good I've relied on humor as a way around small talk.

My humor is often dry and straightforward (someone once said that I remind them of Dick Cavett) and relies heavily on talking things literal and straightforward. As an example: if a waitress were to ask "would you like soup or salad?" I might respond "Yes, that sounds good. I'll have the super salad." Not terribly funny, but a good example of how taking things literal ("soup or" sounds exactly like "super" as in super-size) can be turned into humor.

Most wit is actually just pattern recognition (I am a pattern thinker) Wit is seeing a relation between two things and tying them together.

Of course you don't want to turn everything into a joke, that's just annoying, but one or two timely jokes can pave the way for fellowship.

 

[jackmt]

I grew up in a large family. I had to learn about humor and sarcasm early. I made my weakness, humor, my strength, so I understand what you're saying. I still haven't done so well with sarcasm unless it's blatant. I can be dishing out sarcasm and not get it when it comes right back to me.

Did you know the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?

 

[jackmt]

Honk if you love Aspies!

*Actually you better not, it totally freaks them out!

Yes, sensory issues, you know.

 

[Sabertooth]

That Aspie guy sure got a lot of swag... said no one ever.

I don't know about that... I make Scientific, Wild-A** Guesses all the time...!

 

[jackmt]

I don't know about that... I make Scientific, Wild-A** Guesses all the time...!

That sure was a good response!

 

[Letter Never Sent]

That sure was a good response!

Pretty good for a Single White Aspie Guy

 

[Rev Wayne]

Now this one came to me as I read the above jokes, as a variation on one I'd heard:

A priest, a rabbi, and an Aspie walked into a bar. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it. But it sure wouldn't have been the Aspie.

And these are some I came across recently, "You know you're an Aspie when....":

You know you're an aspie if you went online for five minutes to check an e-mail and are still there five hours later.

You know you're an aspie if you've gotten less than 5 hours sleep for 4 or more nights in a row because you confiscated your kids' ten thousand Legos and were up until 2AM each night building a scale model of your dream home.

You know you're an aspie if you can carry on a conversation by using nothing but movie quotes or song lyrics.

You know you're an aspie if you walk into doorways more often than you walk through them.

You know you're an aspie if you go to a restaraunt and the staff already know what you're going to order.

You know you're an aspie if you choose a coat to wear, not because of the weather or what it looks like, but because it has big pockets to carry all sorts of possible essential things in.


I saw that last one, and went, "How did they KNOW??"