Are Women Attracted To Their Pastors?

[christalee4]

Not necessarily her forwardness, but what took place after the course of a few days. She somehow began to see as if I were the solution to all her problems... seeing that in her eyes, I "knew everything" and her husband knew "so little."
The strangeness in this all to me was that she was in fact a good friend of my wife's at the time!

Who you callin' sensitive?

Like TexasLynn said, you just never know when you are going to get a strange fruit in the basket. I guess that's the risk one takes when one does work in public. That sounds like it was an awkward situation!

Some of these major pastors who have these mega churches, with televised programs, music and so on, probably get a lot of fan mail from feverish women.

 

[Inviolable]

It's highly doubtful. More than likely the comment was just an acknowledgement of cultural normas and nothing more.



Not unusual, and just about every pastor and therapist who doesn't live in a vacuum has a similar story.

Unfortunately for female therapists and pastors we tend to be more in danger of stalking because of the agressive tendencies of many male patients/counselees/parishioners etc. Not to say male helpers don't experience the same thing from women at times. In a classic movie, Clint Eastwood played a radio disc jockey who was stalked by a disturbed listener played by Jessica Walter in the movie Play Misty for Me. Like a lot of Eastwood pix the violence percolated under the surface and eventually reached a crescendo but it was dynamic familiar to so many in the helping professions, not to mention minor celebs like Eastwood portrayed in the movie. Just as John Hinckley shot Ronald Reagan to impress Jody Foster a gay male obsessesed with Scott Baio ("Chachi" on Happy Days) committed multiple arsons to impress the object of his obsession. And I believe most of us are familiar with the murder of the girl from My Sister Sam by her stalker. Usually pastors and therapists son't have it so bad, but it makes you understand why those big burly guys are always with Britney Spears when she takes her babies to the park.

The vast majority of therapeutic patients and pastoral counselees behave appropriately. Transference-overidentification with the therapist- does occur but usually at a minor level. We have debates about the propriety of therapists/pastors having pictures of their families in their offices. Some who are against it say it provides a "stumbling block" for patients in crisis; they imagine your perfect family life (yeah, right ) and fantasize about offing your spouse to replace him or her with themselves ala Jessica Walter in Misty or the others. No doubt some do. It may however, offer a chance to assert professional boundaries: if a patient picks up a picture of your daughter and asks, "where does she goes to school?" unless the answer's obvious because of smalltown familiarity, it's a chance to say as you gently retrieve the picture, "We're here to talk about you, now..." Since I don't subscribe to the school that says "no family pictures" I do other things to maintain boundaries and the flow of sessions; OTOH, the office in which I see sex offenders at another agency is not my personal space and has no personal accoutremonts and I want to keep it that way for obvious reasons.

It's a big, big overgeneralization to say all women patients (or male, gay male, etc.) patients seek to cross the line in this manner. However, therapists and pastors need to exercise discretion. My father is a pastor and does not see female counselees without the church secretary, my mother, or someone else also present in the building at the time. It's only prudent.

In Soviet Russia, Clint Eastwood stalks you.

 

[LouTheWicked]

Black robes and white collars are so sexy...

 

[Rae]

No, but mine's female, and I'm not attracted to females.

 

[MooTipping]

Hm. I know men that are attracted to my priest.

 

[bliz]

Actually, Paul said this as a concession . . . Beforetimes, women weren't allowed to learn about the Scriptures, but simply made it so their husbands could. They were to ask their husbands at home instead of interupting the "sermon" to ask questions that all the men would know the answers to (having studied the Scriptures), but women would not. It also possibly had to do with the husband being the "head of household" and "Spiritual leader" positions.

But Jesus made no such concession. When Mary literaly sat at His feet to learn form Him, (sitting at the feet of the rabbi was a position only afforded to men at the time) He said to Martha that she had chosen the better part, and that it would not be taken from her. If Jesus would not take it from her, how dare anyone else?

BTW - do you have scripture that discusses the "head of household" and "spiritual leader" concepts. Everyone keeps talking about these ideas, but when I ask where the Bible mentions them, no one answers me.

 

[izarya]

BTW - do you have scripture that discusses the "head of household" and "spiritual leader" concepts. Everyone keeps talking about these ideas, but when I ask where the Bible mentions them, no one answers me.

1 Corinthians 11:1-12. In the second verse where he mentions for them to "keep the ordinances, as I delivered them unto you," He is referring to chapter 7.

 

[sister_maynard]

It's an interesting point. I think that some women are attracted to some pastors some of the time, but making the overarching generalization that all women are attracted to any male pastor who's neither old nor hideous is ludicrous.

 

[bliz]

1 Corinthians 11:1-12. In the second verse where he mentions for them to "keep the ordinances, as I delivered them unto you," He is referring to chapter 7.

Sorry - nothing in there says "spiritual leader" or "head of household" to me. And how do you know Paul was referring to Chapter 7?

 

[UBERROGO]

I know this is a point of contention for many women, but I would like your thoughts on this:

When Paul wrote, "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:" 1 Corinthians 14:35, do you think this was because there may be a tendency for her to be attracted to another man, other than her husband?

I experienced something like this a few years back. I was a leader in a religious group, and used to council members regularly. This one guy in particular eventually brought his wife into our sessions. After a while she was calling me on the phone directly to ask me questions regarding the scriptures, and pointing out faults in her husbands character.

In time, she became attracted to me (or my mind rather) and said flatly that knowledge was attractive (sexy was the word she used), and that she saw her husband as a total oaf!

Women are attracted to power and leaders. Plus it would be exciting for them to taste the forbidden fruit , if you will. They also know only one side to thier pastor most likely.

 

[Yusuf Evans]

In a short term, yes they can be attracted to their pastor. The most likely scenario would be if the pastor helps a grieving widow or a woman who is in trouble and needs assistance with a psychological issue. The emotional connection is established and sometimes manifests itself into some sort of "chemistry" if you will. It happens between women and their psychologists and quite possibly counselors.

 

[izarya]

Sorry - nothing in there says "spiritual leader" or "head of household" to me.

Ephesians 6:22, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."

And how do you know Paul was referring to Chapter 7?

Because in chapter seven we find Paul, writing to this same church about marriage, and the treating of one another with equal and due benevolence.
Then in chapter 11, he is explaining the spiritual order of the Christian household, placing emphasis on the man as being the head. To avoid any getting carried away with titles or superiority complexes (as often happens with men), he is re-emphasizing what he said before in chapter 7, and further pointing out the importance of the woman's role, that she is not insignificant; as he points out in verse 14 that the unbelieving husband can be sanctified by the believing wife, and the whole first half of the seventh chapter is about equity in marriage.

 

[bliz]

Originally Posted by bliz
Sorry - nothing in there says "spiritual leader" or "head of household" to me.
Ephesians 6:22, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."

But you have omitted verse 21. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

In verse 21 we have all Christians being told to submit to one another. In verse 22 we have wives being told to submit to their husbands. I fully agree that wives are to submit to their husbands. I also fully agree that husbands are to submit to their wives. That does not make the husband the head of the household. If anything, it makes God the head of the houshold.

Because in chapter seven we find Paul, writing to this same church about marriage, and the treating of one another with equal and due benevolence.
Then in chapter 11, he is explaining the spiritual order of the Christian household, placing emphasis on the man as being the head. To avoid any getting carried away with titles or superiority complexes (as often happens with men), he is re-emphasizing what he said before in chapter 7, and further pointing out the importance of the woman's role, that she is not insignificant; as he points out in verse 14 that the unbelieving husband can be sanctified by the believing wife, and the whole first half of the seventh chapter is about equity in marriage.

First, where you see a household order, I see Paul restating the creation story- Adam from God and Eve from Adam. If the household is ordered, then the wife would have to talk to God through her husband. There is one God and one mediator between man and God, and it is not a husband, it is Jesus Christ. We, all of us, may go directly before the throne of God. To insert any human in between is wrong and not as God ordered things to be.

Further, Paul makes it clear in 11:12 that men and women are iinterdependent "So just as women came from man, so man comes through woman." Hmmmm. Is that an argument that the household should be ordered with men subordinate to women?

 

[DrFate]

Some people sure like believing in stereotypes, eh?

Stereotypes exist because they reflect some aspect of reality.

 

[DrFate]

Women are attracted to power and leaders. Plus it would be exciting for them to taste the forbidden fruit , if you will. They also know only one side to thier pastor most likely.

I Wonder is being desired by a pastor sort of like being desired by God by proxy?

 

[InTheFlame]

*shrug*

Typically, pastors are held up as examples for the rest of the congregation... that can easily morph into them being put on a pedestal and considered 'more spiritual' than others. And if you only ever see someone's good side, and never see their bad, then attraction's going to be pretty easy to fall into, especially for people with little capacity to be logical about relationships (eg. "I've only seen his good side, he must have flaws").

So... yes and no. Depends on the woman, depends on the pastor. I think men are just as likely to have these sort of problems, although not necessarily with authority figures... women are typically taught during childhood to be more compliant to authority figures than men, so often are that bit more likely to fall for an authority figure.

 

[izarya]

But you have omitted verse 21. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Because that didn't pertain to the question you asked.

In verse 21 we have all Christians being told to submit to one another. In verse 22 we have wives being told to submit to their husbands. I fully agree that wives are to submit to their husbands. I also fully agree that husbands are to submit to their wives. That does not make the husband the head of the household. If anything, it makes God the head of the houshold.

Obviously you have a problem with this, and you will only see what you want to see (just like anyone else). This is not an issue in my house, I was only answering according to scripture which is what you asked.

Further, Paul makes it clear in 11:12 that men and women are iinterdependent "So just as women came from man, so man comes through woman." Hmmmm. Is that an argument that the household should be ordered with men subordinate to women?

If that's what you want to believe... knock yourself out! I am not disputing anything, obviously, you asked a loaded question. You were never really interested in the answer, just the rebuttal.
God Bless, and good luck.


Thank you everyone for your replies to the original topic.
The armchair may be safer, but experience is the best teacher.

 

[lynn18]

Are Women Attracted To Their Pastors?

no

 

[bliz]

Obviously you have a problem with this...

I do, indeed. I have a very big problem with people saying that some ideas are Biblical when they are not, or at least, that all orthodox (lower case 'o') Christians do not universally agree that the ideas are Biblical.

If that's what you want to believe... knock yourself out! I am not disputing anything, obviously, you asked a loaded question. You were never really interested in the answer, just the rebuttal.

Oh, come now. Think how dull it would be if we all posted what we thought and no one asked any follow up questions or expressed where they disagreed. Not to mention that would look nothing like aroning sharpening iron... And when did asking for a Scriptural foundation for an argument become asking a loaded question?

 

[izarya]

And when did asking for a Scriptural foundation for an argument become asking a loaded question?

When the scenario has already been rehearsed time and time again.

No harm, no foul.
This is a feminine issue, your a female, I'm gonna stay out of it, I'm no dummy.