Are Women Attracted To Their Pastors?

[izarya]

I know this is a point of contention for many women, but I would like your thoughts on this:

When Paul wrote, "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:" 1 Corinthians 14:35, do you think this was because there may be a tendency for her to be attracted to another man, other than her husband?

I experienced something like this a few years back. I was a leader in a religious group, and used to council members regularly. This one guy in particular eventually brought his wife into our sessions. After a while she was calling me on the phone directly to ask me questions regarding the scriptures, and pointing out faults in her husbands character.

In time, she became attracted to me (or my mind rather) and said flatly that knowledge was attractive (sexy was the word she used), and that she saw her husband as a total oaf!

 

[Lynden1000]

I know this is a point of contention for many women, but I would like your thoughts on this:

When Paul wrote, "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:" 1 Corinthians 14:35, do you think this was because there may be a tendency for her to be attracted to another man, other than her husband?

I experienced something like this a few years back. I was a leader in a religious group, and used to council members regularly. This one guy in particular eventually brought his wife into our sessions. After a while she was calling me on the phone directly to ask me questions regarding the scriptures, and pointing out faults in her husbands character.

In time, she became attracted to me (or my mind rather) and said flatly that knowledge was attractive (sexy was the word she used), and that she saw her husband as a total oaf!

I don't think it would be unusual for a woman to be attracted to her pastor, just as it's not unusual for a woman to be attracted to a physician or therapist. In fact it's a particularly common problem that therapists face, so I would imagine that some similiar factors would be involved.

I don't think that was behind Paul's comment however. I think he was simply trying to reinforce the husband's importance as the primary overseer of the family's religious education.

 

[izarya]

I don't think it would be unusual for a woman to be attracted to her pastor, just as it's not unusual for a woman to be attracted to a physician or therapist. In fact it's a particularly common problem that therapists face, so I would imagine that some similiar factors would be involved.
.

I am also a personal trainer... I was just curious what others thought concerning Paul's reasoning.

 

[sister_maynard]

I agree with Lynden- it's unusual for women to be attracted to their pastors, so that's likely not Paul's reasoning. The woman who spent time fllirting with you was probably having relationship issues already and saw you as a convenient way to solve her problems.

 

[Ahazmat]

Yes they are and it is natural for women to be attracted to men of stature, wealth, or power. It is just the way women are made.

 

[Isis-Astoroth]

Thanks for that lovely comment that makes me feel like I'm totally shallow simply because I'm a woman.

 

[Inviolable]

I know this is a point of contention for many women, but I would like your thoughts on this:

When Paul wrote, "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:" 1 Corinthians 14:35, do you think this was because there may be a tendency for her to be attracted to another man, other than her husband?

I experienced something like this a few years back. I was a leader in a religious group, and used to council members regularly. This one guy in particular eventually brought his wife into our sessions. After a while she was calling me on the phone directly to ask me questions regarding the scriptures, and pointing out faults in her husbands character.

In time, she became attracted to me (or my mind rather) and said flatly that knowledge was attractive (sexy was the word she used), and that she saw her husband as a total oaf!

Sounds to me she wanted to leave her husband and was looking to you as an escape hatch.

What if your pastor was a fat balding guy in his mid 70's?
Would woman flock to him then?

Hey, the Popes in power, I wonder how many woman want to jump his bones.

 

[SallyNow]

Strange that in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, women learn directly from Him and His apostles, yet within a hundred years some churches needed women to learn from their husbands, not at church.

Could it perhaps have something to do with how churches were being run at the time? I'm really quite curious!

 

[Robinsegg]

Actually, Paul said this as a concession . . . Beforetimes, women weren't allowed to learn about the Scriptures, but simply made it so their husbands could. They were to ask their husbands at home instead of interupting the "sermon" to ask questions that all the men would know the answers to (having studied the Scriptures), but women would not. It also possibly had to do with the husband being the "head of household" and "Spiritual leader" positions.

Rachel

 

[SimplyMe]

I would think that men would be more likely to be attracted to the pastor's wife than women to the pastor.

 

[christalee4]

I know this is a point of contention for many women, but I would like your thoughts on this:

When Paul wrote, "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:" 1 Corinthians 14:35, do you think this was because there may be a tendency for her to be attracted to another man, other than her husband?

I experienced something like this a few years back. I was a leader in a religious group, and used to council members regularly. This one guy in particular eventually brought his wife into our sessions. After a while she was calling me on the phone directly to ask me questions regarding the scriptures, and pointing out faults in her husbands character.

In time, she became attracted to me (or my mind rather) and said flatly that knowledge was attractive (sexy was the word she used), and that she saw her husband as a total oaf!

Perhaps, women should either be forced to stay inside, like fundamentalist Muslims do with their women. Or the women could wear blinders and ear plugs, when they go outside, so that they don't get distracted by the dazzling looks and brilliance of the men.

 

[izarya]

Perhaps, women should either be forced to stay inside, like fundamentalist Muslims do with their women. Or the women could wear blinders and ear plugs, when they go outside, so that they don't get distracted by the dazzling looks and brilliance of the men.

No need to be crass, I was speculating on what Paul's motivation was in retrospect to my own experiences that's all.

 

[fanatiquefou]

Well, my pastor is a woman, and I'm straight, so no, I'm not particularly attracted to her.

 

[Texas Lynn]

When Paul wrote, "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:" 1 Corinthians 14:35, do you think this was because there may be a tendency for her to be attracted to another man, other than her husband?

It's highly doubtful. More than likely the comment was just an acknowledgement of cultural normas and nothing more.

I experienced something like this a few years back. I was a leader in a religious group, and used to council members regularly. This one guy in particular eventually brought his wife into our sessions. After a while she was calling me on the phone directly to ask me questions regarding the scriptures, and pointing out faults in her husbands character.

In time, she became attracted to me (or my mind rather) and said flatly that knowledge was attractive (sexy was the word she used), and that she saw her husband as a total oaf!

Not unusual, and just about every pastor and therapist who doesn't live in a vacuum has a similar story.

Unfortunately for female therapists and pastors we tend to be more in danger of stalking because of the agressive tendencies of many male patients/counselees/parishioners etc. Not to say male helpers don't experience the same thing from women at times. In a classic movie, Clint Eastwood played a radio disc jockey who was stalked by a disturbed listener played by Jessica Walter in the movie Play Misty for Me. Like a lot of Eastwood pix the violence percolated under the surface and eventually reached a crescendo but it was dynamic familiar to so many in the helping professions, not to mention minor celebs like Eastwood portrayed in the movie. Just as John Hinckley shot Ronald Reagan to impress Jody Foster a gay male obsessesed with Scott Baio ("Chachi" on Happy Days) committed multiple arsons to impress the object of his obsession. And I believe most of us are familiar with the murder of the girl from My Sister Sam by her stalker. Usually pastors and therapists son't have it so bad, but it makes you understand why those big burly guys are always with Britney Spears when she takes her babies to the park.

The vast majority of therapeutic patients and pastoral counselees behave appropriately. Transference-overidentification with the therapist- does occur but usually at a minor level. We have debates about the propriety of therapists/pastors having pictures of their families in their offices. Some who are against it say it provides a "stumbling block" for patients in crisis; they imagine your perfect family life (yeah, right ) and fantasize about offing your spouse to replace him or her with themselves ala Jessica Walter in Misty or the others. No doubt some do. It may however, offer a chance to assert professional boundaries: if a patient picks up a picture of your daughter and asks, "where does she goes to school?" unless the answer's obvious because of smalltown familiarity, it's a chance to say as you gently retrieve the picture, "We're here to talk about you, now..." Since I don't subscribe to the school that says "no family pictures" I do other things to maintain boundaries and the flow of sessions; OTOH, the office in which I see sex offenders at another agency is not my personal space and has no personal accoutremonts and I want to keep it that way for obvious reasons.

It's a big, big overgeneralization to say all women patients (or male, gay male, etc.) patients seek to cross the line in this manner. However, therapists and pastors need to exercise discretion. My father is a pastor and does not see female counselees without the church secretary, my mother, or someone else also present in the building at the time. It's only prudent.

 

[Texas Lynn]

I would think that men would be more likely to be attracted to the pastor's wife than women to the pastor.

In some cases. More often in situations where a pastor's wife presents herself as "perfect" with a spotless house and perfect children she can be held as a sort of a "gold standard" for wives who fall far short of the mark. I'm so proud my mother was never like that!

 

[Texas Lynn]

Yes they are and it is natural for women to be attracted to men of stature, wealth, or power. It is just the way women are made.

Some people sure like believing in stereotypes, eh?

 

[christalee4]

No need to be crass, I was speculating on what Paul's motivation was in retrospect to my own experiences that's all.

Crass? Methinks you're a bit too sensitive. Especially in light of what this guy recently said about women in public:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/10/26/australia.cleric.ap/index.html

There are religious men in the year of our Lord 2006 who believe that women need to stay inside, be covered, not "teach men", and not be allowed to preach.

http://www.gotquestions.org/women-pastors.html
http://iwhome.com/spiritualquest/articles/hpblsilt.htm
http://www.oldpaths.com/Archive/Davison/Roy/Allen/1940/silent.html
http://www.bethelministries.com/subjection.htm
http://www.padfield.com/1998/womenpre.html

Clearly your question in regards to the interpretation of women only taking instruction in Scriptural questions from their husbands was done in the spirit of your disapproval of that lady's forwardness.

 

[izarya]

Clearly your question in regards to the interpretation of women only taking instruction in Scriptural questions from their husbands was done in the spirit of your disapproval of that lady's forwardness.

Not necessarily her forwardness, but what took place after the course of a few days. She somehow began to see as if I were the solution to all her problems... seeing that in her eyes, I "knew everything" and her husband knew "so little."
The strangeness in this all to me was that she was in fact a good friend of my wife's at the time!

Who you callin' sensitive?

 

[Texas Lynn]

The strangeness in this all to me was that she was in fact a good friend of my wife's at the time!

Not strange at all; the "woman making a play for a best friend's husband" gambit is old, old, old. Very negative and counterproductive but sometimes an inevitable result of patriarchy.

Raise girls to believe "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" and this sort of thing could be greatly reduced.

 

[JesusWalks78]

I know this is a point of contention for many women, but I would like your thoughts on this:

When Paul wrote, "And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home:" 1 Corinthians 14:35, do you think this was because there may be a tendency for her to be attracted to another man, other than her husband?

I experienced something like this a few years back. I was a leader in a religious group, and used to council members regularly. This one guy in particular eventually brought his wife into our sessions. After a while she was calling me on the phone directly to ask me questions regarding the scriptures, and pointing out faults in her husbands character.

In time, she became attracted to me (or my mind rather) and said flatly that knowledge was attractive (sexy was the word she used), and that she saw her husband as a total oaf!

I think that the writing of St Paul has more to do with men being the head of the household according to scripture.