Anyone here over 35 and never been in love or never married?

[aflower4God]

((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))) to you all and thank you all for sharing your story with me.
I pray that each and one of you gets your needs met with Jesus. It is hard, cause I so badly want to be able to feel what it is like to be in love. I ask myself a lot why me, why has God not blessed me with a true love. The truth is that God knows what is TOTALLY best for us, even beyond our understanding. So here I am moping around cause I want a guy where as I should try to be thankful for the things that the Good Lord has blessed me with, something that I am trying hard to work on. It is a HUGE struggle but I pray that I get there and SOON!
God bless you all.

 

[Catherineanne]

I am in my late forties. I was married, but since my h left many years ago I have lived a celibate life, because I do not believe in re-marriage or even dating while he is alive.

I am happy to live a life which is consecrated to God in celibacy, and to look outwards to what I have to offer others, rather than in dwelling on what I miss, or would prefer, in an ideal world. This is not going to be the answer for everyone, but with every passing month and year I get more comfortable with this as my vocation. I can't totally regret the years when I was married, because I have a lovely daughter, but I certainly think they were not really 'me.'

If I had my time again, I would not make the same mistake. As has already been said, better no spouse at all than the wrong spouse.

Here is a thought for all the singles here, who are struggling. I am sorry, but I have forgotten who first said this:

When you have become God's to the extent he wants, he himself will know how to bestow you on others, unless he prefer for thy greater advantage to keep you all to himself.

 

[tominsd]

Thank you Flower and Catherineanne for writing back after I posted. It was nice to see a follow-up after my post.

To Flower, I really liked what you said. To me, you are still very young. I know that it is not much comfort to you. I felt like when I was 35, I was just a young "sprout" - especially in comparison to now.

To Catherineanne, I liked what you said too. I have met people who were married and then got divorced. After the divorce, they never wanted to get married again. I sometimes envy (oops, I know that's a bad thing being a Christian - sorry, I couldn't help it!) those in that position in life because they had a chance.

For me, I have held out and fairly recently, I let go of a very short term relationship. I let her go because she didn't seem like the right one for me. That woman was the first to make a move on me. I gave her a chance, but I just couldn't go through with it after a week.

Being alone for me is not that bad. What's really bad for me in my situation is the constant unsolicited advice I get (and they all seemed unhelpful) and the mockings I get from others. So many times I feel that the advice and suggestions from others seem very patronizing to me. Yet, these people think that they are helping, but they make me feel worse.

 

[z17jrsa]

My sister was in her second marriage. She just lost her husband in a car accident. He didn't have his seat belt on and was thrown from the car and died instantly. She wanted to divorce him. It would have been her second divorce. My mom and dad also divorced years ago when I was around 11. I'm holding out for God's best. Yes, it gets lonely at times, but it is better to be single and lonely then to be married and miserable. At least I know I am not alone.

Yes, I don't often like the advice people have given me over the years or when people make you feel like a second class Christian because you are single. It's as if your life can only be meaninful and full filling if you are married. Married people have their struggles too. I have a Mormon friend and she is married to a guy who does not like me(perhaps because I am a Christian). She had a little spat with him recently over the phone and looked at me and said" be glad you aren't married". No, she doesn't always feel like that-just sometimes, but I realized that you have to be happy no matter if your are married or single. Each has it's good points and it's bad. Yes it would be nice to share my life with someone, but only the right someone. I want to be able to say "'thank God he brought you into my life" not gee "I sometimes wish I was still single" Make the most of your single days. Life is short enough. Instead of pinning away for someone get out and live.

 

[Catherineanne]

To Catherineanne, I liked what you said too. I have met people who were married and then got divorced. After the divorce, they never wanted to get married again. I sometimes envy (oops, I know that's a bad thing being a Christian - sorry, I couldn't help it!) those in that position in life because they had a chance.

I can understand that feeling of 'if only' but nobody needs to envy me, except perhaps in my darling girl; God's greatest gift to me.

My husband was an alcoholic, and destroyed my health along with his own. I have ptsd, and it is ten years since I was able to hold down a job. I used to work in Public Relations, and earned a very good salary, plus company car; everything. Now I cannot afford to run a car, and have to walk or take the bus. Usually I walk, because buses make me unwell; anxious. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

I married because he was very, very keen to do so, and because his parents still held hands after forty plus years of marriage, and I thought, if they can do it, perhaps we have a chance as well.

As it turns out, we never had a chance at all.

 

[Catherineanne]

My sister was in her second marriage. She just lost her husband in a car accident. He didn't have his seat belt on and was thrown from the car and died instantly.

My condolences to you and your family. Regardless of the history, that is still sad news.

You are right to say that people need to make the most of their lives; that is true of all of us.

 

[Javanwarbler]

I'm thirty eight and have never married or had kids.

One more person in those shoes

 

[aflower4God]

Welcome to CF my dear sweet loving sister Javenwarber.
God bless you and LOTS OF LOVE to you. Thank you for sharing with us as well. (((((((BIG HUGS)))))

 

[Miles]

I'm 35... never married, and no kids. When I find a good match, I'll tie the knot and probably start a family. Although I'm clearly not called to lifelong singleness, God gives me patience in the here and now.

 

[GQ Chris]

I'm 35, never married, but I do have one kid. I'd love to marry but I have to be the right person first, and so does she. No hurry or stress for me either, God is in complete control.

 

[rgod]

I'm 39 and have never been married, nor have I ever been in love. I think earlier in my life I was closed. There were times also when I was just plain too busy and didn't prioritize relationships. I've dated some - could definitely date more - am planning to date more. Now I just have an insane schedule (full time grad school, full time work), but I've got to continue with this schedule for the next few months until I graduate and finish paying off a debt (I'm being aggressive with it so I should be done in the summer woo hoo!)

It does feel wierd. I feel wierd. I don't even know how to bring this up with someone when I start to date again. I wonder if a man would feel that me having very little experience in this area would be a "red flag" you know?

 

[dayhiker]

Some men will like it, others will wonder what's up with YOU.

As with everyone, you just have to find the ONE.

 

[Mydnyte]

36 and never married and honestly it's starting to get really really painful and frustrating.

 

[dayhiker]

Mydnyke,
It would have been painful for me if I'd gone that long as well.

Any idea some of the reasons you have gone this long without getting married?

 

[Mydnyte]

It just never seems to work out for me. The last two relationships I was in, someone from her past came back around and she dumped me in a heartbeat.

Other than that I just don't know.

 

[dayhiker]

Gee, I didn't think that many people went back to a relationship from the past.

Well, their are quite a few woman out there looking for someone to spend time with, so keep looking and asking them out for tea ... or what ever ...

 

[woodpeace]

I'm 61 and never been married but have been in love.

 

[dayhiker]

love is a good thing ... I have a friend that just found love at 70 ... fun to hear him talk about it.

 

[Maid Marie]

I am just feeling like the "odd one out" on this one. I am in my mid-thirties and I have never been in love before or never married. I have dated but that was 10 years ago. If you have never been in love before or never married please explain why, if you would like, I mean was this something that you chose or was it something that you wanted but it seems that God had something else instore for you?
Thank you and God bless you all.

Never married and except for a few crushes, never in love in until recently. Unlike some of my other never married friends, I was never content with that but also never felt like anyone was THE one so kept waiting til THE one came along. Being an only child, this has really bothered me, too. Thankfully, the guy I like has two little kids.

 

[dayhiker]

That's great to hear Marie.