anyone have any insight?

[razzelflabben]

What wonderful encouraging words that fill your posts...I came here just to talk, to say what was in my heart, to blurt out all that consumes me, not expecting anything in return, and here you are filling me with encouragement and comfort...what a treasure I have found in you...thanks...

When I look back over my life, and see all that God has done, even retelling those stories in my mind, I often wonder what people think. Would they believe what I say, because so much of it sounds so surreal. Would they doubt the truth of what we know, sighting that there are two sides to every story therefore the church couldn't have done all that evil just because you preached, love your enemy...even though the written evidence shows this to be the reason...and then, I see what God has done despite it all, through it all. I see how differently I handle things like our sons death and all the nasty stuff that comes with it, and I know that God not only comforts and sustains, but His love is so complete, so pure that even in the midst of the greatest trials I have know, He remains the faithful King over all heaven and earth.

May you find comfort today, encouragement for your journey. May today bring a peace so consuming that even you wonder at the Love of a God so massive that He would concerns Himself with every detail of your day.

 

[razzelflabben]

I'm just missing my son and wanted to say how much I love and miss him....

He always said he would get a good paying job and move us out of here...well, God finally after 16 years gave us a miracle house, Jonathan would have been so excited...but he doesn't get to come with us...I miss him so very much...He would have graduated college this year with an associates degree...well, enough tears for now...I just needed to say it...thanks to anyone listening....

 

[seeingeyes]

I'm just missing my son and wanted to say how much I love and miss him....

He always said he would get a good paying job and move us out of here...well, God finally after 16 years gave us a miracle house, Jonathan would have been so excited...but he doesn't get to come with us...I miss him so very much...He would have graduated college this year with an associates degree...well, enough tears for now...I just needed to say it...thanks to anyone listening....

Maybe he gave his Father in heaven a nudge about that miracle house. Ya never know.

God bless you and keep you, sister. I'm praying.

 

[razzelflabben]

Maybe he gave his Father in heaven a nudge about that miracle house. Ya never know.

God bless you and keep you, sister. I'm praying.

lol...I said, he didn't need a job, just an great inheritance from our daddy...oh I miss him...so bad it hurts...I know you understand...

 

[RogerVW]

That is NOT my God! He is a loving god, not one who arbitrarily punishes us. I say arbitrary because after all we are all sinners, and to punish one but not all is arbitrary. We have all done many things wrong and the "punishment" is seperation from God but in His love He sent His son to die for us so we don't have to be seperated. Because something bad (in this case devistating) happens it's hard enough to deal with the loss and I think in an attempt to understand the Master's plan we settle for something we can understand -punishment- instead of trusting His plan even though we cannot understand it.
I lost my fiance a little over a month ago, adding guilt to my pain would be more than I could stand. I pray every morning just to make it through that day. I can NOT imagine losing a child, I know my pain is minor compared to what my fiance's mother feels, I only hope in some small way I can help her. We share a lot of tears together.

 

[seeingeyes]

That is NOT my God! He is a loving god, not one who arbitrarily punishes us. I say arbitrary because after all we are all sinners, and to punish one but not all is arbitrary. We have all done many things wrong and the "punishment" is seperation from God but in His love He sent His son to die for us so we don't have to be seperated. Because something bad (in this case devistating) happens it's hard enough to deal with the loss and I think in an attempt to understand the Master's plan we settle for something we can understand -punishment- instead of trusting His plan even though we cannot understand it.
I lost my fiance a little over a month ago, adding guilt to my pain would be more than I could stand. I pray every morning just to make it through that day. I can NOT imagine losing a child, I know my pain is minor compared to what my fiance's mother feels, I only hope in some small way I can help her. We share a lot of tears together.

Your Father is with you every second, Roger, even when He feels far away. He hasn't gone anywhere, He's right there grieving with you.

I'm praying for you, brother.

 

[razzelflabben]

That is NOT my God! He is a loving god, not one who arbitrarily punishes us. I say arbitrary because after all we are all sinners, and to punish one but not all is arbitrary. We have all done many things wrong and the "punishment" is seperation from God but in His love He sent His son to die for us so we don't have to be seperated. Because something bad (in this case devistating) happens it's hard enough to deal with the loss and I think in an attempt to understand the Master's plan we settle for something we can understand -punishment- instead of trusting His plan even though we cannot understand it.
I lost my fiance a little over a month ago, adding guilt to my pain would be more than I could stand. I pray every morning just to make it through that day. I can NOT imagine losing a child, I know my pain is minor compared to what my fiance's mother feels, I only hope in some small way I can help her. We share a lot of tears together.

God's punishment, when we do need it, is always about us, never about hurting those we love. That is how we know that the death of someone we love is not about God's judgment or punishment. Just this AM in SS we were talking about God's healing and how He heals but His healing is to point us to Himself. I think many times, we forget that, focusing only on our own comforts, rather than the God who comforts us. Changing our focus from our own pains is a very healing process.

May you find comfort in our Saviors arms, may you rest in the richness of His Love and may you discover in the midst of your grief, the beauty of peace and rest when the world says there should be none.

God will sustain you and your entire family...I hope you are staying connected to your fiance's family, I'm sure they appreciate the comfort you can give them...our nephews "fiance" (wasn't official when he died)...recently married, and the invitation extending to his family was a great comfort to them.

 

[drjean]

(((hugs))) Let me be upfront and say I have not read all the posts....

My heart goes out to you. Tragedies are called that because of the intense emotions and heart

break and changes required because of them. You asked why people say and act the way they do... I offer my thoughts:

Some don't know what to say and say things without thinking.
Some don't know why such a thing occurred, but feel they need to say something and so try to make sense of it in their own terms.
Some are just plain evil and controlled by the devil.
Some are self centered and make everything about them; they can't handle someone else getting all the attention or being made out to be better than they...

sigh I suppose there are many other reasons. The common thread in them? They aren't worth listening to. Even many of the comments that well meaning believers make are often off the mark, sadly. You have suffered from their comments as well I guess.

The best response you can give is to say nothing! Leave them with their words hanging in the air, invalidated without a response. What could you say to them that they would hear? How can anyone reply when the true reason isn't known about such accidents? Only God knows, and your son.

I learned not to ask why a very long time ago. I learned not to ask,"Why me?" Those are non sequitur questions. They are not for me to know.

When someone passes before "their time" I remind myself that indeed it probably was their "time"... it is appointed unto man once, to die. I move forward knowing that no matter what I'm doing, if God calls me home, I'm going. He is never late, nor early but always right on time... but back to an "early" passing.... I hear sometimes from God that not everyone has a life ministry that lasts years and years... some have a very special cause and then they are done... it helps me to look at children passing this way... they did their task and got to go home to glory.

It is us left who suffer, not them. God will wipe all our tears away one day... in the meantime we mourn. Jesus wept.... He understands the heartbreak.

We walk by faith...we must walk by faith in the sovereign God... that He is the BIG control and while we do have free will to make choices, He uses all for His purposes, setting right for His overall Big Picture goals....

Slowly you will come to celebrating the life you had with him, and his living life. You will turn to when you are all reunited where there is no pain, no accidents, no suffering, no heartbreak... by faith we move towards that with God's grace.

If you want, when others say something unkind (or downright mean spirited) just look at them, look to God, and look back at them, smile (smirk?) and shake your head... because they just don't have a clue, do they?

 

[razzelflabben]

(((hugs))) Let me be upfront and say I have not read all the posts....

My heart goes out to you. Tragedies are called that because of the intense emotions and heart

break and changes required because of them. You asked why people say and act the way they do... I offer my thoughts:

Some don't know what to say and say things without thinking.
Some don't know why such a thing occurred, but feel they need to say something and so try to make sense of it in their own terms.
Some are just plain evil and controlled by the devil.
Some are self centered and make everything about them; they can't handle someone else getting all the attention or being made out to be better than they...

sigh I suppose there are many other reasons. The common thread in them? They aren't worth listening to. Even many of the comments that well meaning believers make are often off the mark, sadly. You have suffered from their comments as well I guess.

The best response you can give is to say nothing! Leave them with their words hanging in the air, invalidated without a response. What could you say to them that they would hear? How can anyone reply when the true reason isn't known about such accidents? Only God knows, and your son.

I learned not to ask why a very long time ago. I learned not to ask,"Why me?" Those are non sequitur questions. They are not for me to know.

When someone passes before "their time" I remind myself that indeed it probably was their "time"... it is appointed unto man once, to die. I move forward knowing that no matter what I'm doing, if God calls me home, I'm going. He is never late, nor early but always right on time... but back to an "early" passing.... I hear sometimes from God that not everyone has a life ministry that lasts years and years... some have a very special cause and then they are done... it helps me to look at children passing this way... they did their task and got to go home to glory.

It is us left who suffer, not them. God will wipe all our tears away one day... in the meantime we mourn. Jesus wept.... He understands the heartbreak.

We walk by faith...we must walk by faith in the sovereign God... that He is the BIG control and while we do have free will to make choices, He uses all for His purposes, setting right for His overall Big Picture goals....

Slowly you will come to celebrating the life you had with him, and his living life. You will turn to when you are all reunited where there is no pain, no accidents, no suffering, no heartbreak... by faith we move towards that with God's grace.

If you want, when others say something unkind (or downright mean spirited) just look at them, look to God, and look back at them, smile (smirk?) and shake your head... because they just don't have a clue, do they?

Thanks for the encouraging words....again this week, someone who should know better said something every hurtful...these things have lessoned over the last year, but when then come up again, it still throws me for a bit of a loop. I don't really mind the "I don't know what to say" kind of people...they are at least being honest in their approach, it is those who "seek attention" are "evil", and the "self centered" one's that are bothering me the most...it's as if they want to hurt just for the sake of hurting, as if there wasn't already enough pain...and what's worse, it seems as if they always say these things at the most difficult times, like our son's upcoming birthday...

 

[drjean]

Yes, some are very easily used by satan... to say those things just when we don't need to hear them (as if we ever do!)

If the devil can't keep us from Jesus, the next best thing he feels he can do is prevent us from living for Him. You are battling powers and principalities... we do not wrestle with flesh and blood.... seek Jesus' power; He is stronger... Allow the Holy Spirit within to comfort you (I will not leave you comfortless) and greater is He who is within us than he who is in the world.

Please plan something special for your son's birth date... early in the day and then put it aside as you can.... I believe those in heaven see us...and don't wish for us to mourn (though we just must !) ... they are at peace... the energy and encompassing love is overwhelming... no cares there.... He knows you love and miss him.

Celebrate his life as he fought the good fight ... it is our fight now to continue...

God's Peace WILL comfort you, He WILL guide you and KEEP you. Bless you.

 

[razzelflabben]

Yes, some are very easily used by satan... to say those things just when we don't need to hear them (as if we ever do!)

If the devil can't keep us from Jesus, the next best thing he feels he can do is prevent us from living for Him. You are battling powers and principalities... we do not wrestle with flesh and blood.... seek Jesus' power; He is stronger... Allow the Holy Spirit within to comfort you (I will not leave you comfortless) and greater is He who is within us than he who is in the world.

Please plan something special for your son's birth date... early in the day and then put it aside as you can.... I believe those in heaven see us...and don't wish for us to mourn (though we just must !) ... they are at peace... the energy and encompassing love is overwhelming... no cares there.... He knows you love and miss him.

Celebrate his life as he fought the good fight ... it is our fight now to continue...

God's Peace WILL comfort you, He WILL guide you and KEEP you. Bless you.

so many times I feel like he is the blessed one, the favored one, because he got to go home...but that doesn't stop me from missing him...the one that gets to me the most though, is that I remember being abandoned...and we never got to let our son know, that we were looking for him, that we were coming...I never want any of our kids to feel that abandonment, and the haunting images of him dieing alone, not knowing we were coming as soon as we know something was wrong, sometimes haunt me. Job calls them the dreams and visions that haunt. I try to take those thoughts captive and turn them to God, and more times than not, I succeed, but in moments of weakness, I struggle with that, just wanting to let him know that we were there, looking for him, never hesitating to be there with him and for him. In my head I know he knows that, but the terror of my own heart remembering that abandonment, makes me long for at least a brief moment to tell him we were coming as fast as we could, that we would never ever, not even for a fleeting fraction of a second leave him, never would we ever consider abandoning him...I know that sounds crazy, but grief can do some crazy things to you I guess. Several times now, I have told him even though he is dead, and asked God to tell him that we were coming the very second we knew something was wrong, we came, we sought, we were there for him even though he died alone. I have on several occasions told him and asked God to tell him that once again, we are coming for him, coming to be reunited with him, that we would never ever leave him alone...that when we get to heaven and are reunited, all the sorrow will turn to joy as we worship God together, and as we let him show us all the amazing creation that he is already enjoying. (in God's loving arms is/was not alone, I know that, just emotions, darn emotions anyway!)

 

[RogerVW]

"so many times I feel like he is the blessed one, the favored one, because he got to go home...but that doesn't stop me from missing him"

(razzel) I know what you mean and I sometimes feel guilty about that. Being stuck here on this earth with pain and grief is difficult.

"I never want any of our kids to feel that abandonment"

I think that, just as God loves us and so we are not alone, our children and spouses know we love them and so they are not alone. I also feel that if God is love and God is eternal then love must also be eternal. (Is this really simplistic?? well then it fits me). Your son knows your love and knows your heart.

" but in moments of weakness, I struggle with that, just wanting to let him know that we were there, looking for him, never hesitating to be there with him and for him."

I spent many hours wondering and searching for validation that my departed beloved KNEW how much I loved her and still do. I knew we belonged together and so she was not alone..God put that in me.

"but grief can do some crazy things to you I guess."

You are so right..to have all these emotions all piled up and jumbled together is confusing to me. I hope you can find some peace in spite of the crazys.

I have to apoligize for not being very technologically savy and posting out of order. I hope I didn't mess up the flow of the conversation.

 

[razzelflabben]

"so many times I feel like he is the blessed one, the favored one, because he got to go home...but that doesn't stop me from missing him"

(razzel) I know what you mean and I sometimes feel guilty about that. Being stuck here on this earth with pain and grief is difficult.

"I never want any of our kids to feel that abandonment"

I think that, just as God loves us and so we are not alone, our children and spouses know we love them and so they are not alone. I also feel that if God is love and God is eternal then love must also be eternal. (Is this really simplistic?? well then it fits me). Your son knows your love and knows your heart.

" but in moments of weakness, I struggle with that, just wanting to let him know that we were there, looking for him, never hesitating to be there with him and for him."

I spent many hours wondering and searching for validation that my departed beloved KNEW how much I loved her and still do. I knew we belonged together and so she was not alone..God put that in me.

"but grief can do some crazy things to you I guess."

You are so right..to have all these emotions all piled up and jumbled together is confusing to me. I hope you can find some peace in spite of the crazys.

I have to apoligize for not being very technologically savy and posting out of order. I hope I didn't mess up the flow of the conversation.

you did great...do you know how to use the quote...I had to have someone explain it to me when I first started on the forums....

When our son was younger, he fell out a two story window...long story...he was relatively unharmed, that is to say, a minor scratch and had to catch his breath...I remember though, him telling me that he felt God slowing him down the whole way to the ground. I try to find comfort in that, trying to take comfort in the fact that he knew God was always right there with him, "catching" him no matter what the situation...

 

[footballmommy]

What a tragic story. First, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine losing one of my children. I don't know how you ever, if you ever, get over that kind of loss. Second, I don't understand the cruelty of other people. It's very easy to sit and cast judgement and throw stones from the other side of the street and I think some people simply enjoy other peoples pain. Continue to hold your head high and deal with your grief in the best way you know how and don't let the ramblings of others get to you. Again, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.

 

[razzelflabben]

What a tragic story. First, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine losing one of my children. I don't know how you ever, if you ever, get over that kind of loss. Second, I don't understand the cruelty of other people. It's very easy to sit and cast judgement and throw stones from the other side of the street and I think some people simply enjoy other peoples pain. Continue to hold your head high and deal with your grief in the best way you know how and don't let the ramblings of others get to you. Again, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.

thanks...we do pretty good most of the time, purpose to stay focused on God and all that He is doing rather than the pain we feel. We do still have moments when we crash, in fact, I am trying to prepare myself this week...our sons birthday is this week, he would have been 21 on Thurs. seems like only yesterday he was a baby in my arms and how I long for those days, but if those days returned, we would know the pain would be coming and I don't think I could bare knowing he would be taken from our arms so soon, I still see him looking up with his bright eyes, and asking if his grounding was over because "he was older now" (after about 2 hours grounding)lol...or his determination to pretend to be the pink panther after watching the movie, and swiping some Christmans candy and in it's place, leaving a paper cut out like a glove, writing a P on it, and leaving it in place of the candy...lol...or seeing him after being physically assaulted for our stand for Christ, and knowing that he did not retaliate, or hold it against the deacon children who beat him and his brother...both boys taking the beating with grace and love, not just for God, but for the boys that assaulted them as well...just some ramblings, hope it isn't too strange or hard to understand.

 

[cwolfie]

I'm sorry for the loss of your son. Sincerely.

 

[razzelflabben]

I'm sorry for the loss of your son. Sincerely.

thanks, we made it through the second birthday without him...I can't say it was easy, shed some tears, but a part of me could see him celebrating with our Lord, which helped...I just wish we could have all celebrated together. Sometimes, I get so tired of all the struggles in this life, that I long, even ache to be done here and move on to my home with my God and son. But I imagine then, I would be anxious to be reunited with my husband and other 4 children. It helps some being here (new home) it's so quiet and peaceful and helps to be out of all the evil that surrounded us the last 16 plus years. but by now, I am just so worn out tired, leaving this earth sounds like a refreshing and welcomed break, and knowing that our son and God are both waiting for us to finish this part of our journey just makes going "home" a sweeter thought yet.

 

[razzelflabben]

Recently we moved...well technically we are still trying to move...out of a very oppressive area into the quiet and tranquility of the country...there is so much too do...one thing that really surprised me however, is how much easier the good memories are coming in this new place...I guess in the old place, struggle to survive made it difficult to find the good memories...along with those memories come days of grief renewed and days in which our love for our son grows deeper...today is kind of a grief renewed day, which I guess is why I'm here, posting...just saying...no tears yet today, but a heavy heart that longs to see him again, to hold him, to talk with him, I still can't believe he is gone from us...sometimes I wish everyone could have known the Jonathan I knew, he was pretty special...still is, just in a different home...enjoying the presence of our King.

 

[seeingeyes]

Recently we moved...well technically we are still trying to move...out of a very oppressive area into the quiet and tranquility of the country...there is so much too do...one thing that really surprised me however, is how much easier the good memories are coming in this new place...I guess in the old place, struggle to survive made it difficult to find the good memories...along with those memories come days of grief renewed and days in which our love for our son grows deeper...today is kind of a grief renewed day, which I guess is why I'm here, posting...just saying...no tears yet today, but a heavy heart that longs to see him again, to hold him, to talk with him, I still can't believe he is gone from us...sometimes I wish everyone could have known the Jonathan I knew, he was pretty special...still is, just in a different home...enjoying the presence of our King.

Peace to you, sister.

Moving is a lot of work, make sure you guys take care of each other. I hope you find rest out in the boondocks.

Will you be going to a new church?

God bless

 

[razzelflabben]

Peace to you, sister.

Moving is a lot of work, make sure you guys take care of each other. I hope you find rest out in the boondocks.

Will you be going to a new church?

God bless

We will be going to the same church...at least for now, we haven't finished the task God has given us there.

I grew up with over 300 acres to roam on, my husband grew up in the bush of Nigeria, so a bit of land is perfect for us and the house has been one miracle after another...we still need a miracle before the entire things is done, but God has been faithful thus far, no reason to question His faithfulness in the next step.

How are you doing?