anyone have any insight?

[razzelflabben]

sorry for anyone that has a problem with this thread...I just need to vent again...I am losing another son, to his own anger and discontent and I am seriously too tired to keep fighting. I just don't have the strength anymore to face one more allergy attack, one more hateful outburst, one more silent treatment, one more....

 

[Lisa613]

Hi razzelflabben - If you need someone to talk to, I am a great listener. I'm new here and looking for an area to fit into and finding it difficult. I've only read the first and last post of this thread - but immediately felt a connection.

I lost my daughter over 5 years ago to a freak accident. She was 18 too. My other child (a son) is in federal prison for armed robbery of multi-state pharmacies.

It's been a journey.

 

[Poster0]

Hi Razzleflaben. I see that it has been about 5 years since you lost your son. I can understand how that many years of suffering can be very hard on us. Hang in there sister.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hi razzelflabben - If you need someone to talk to, I am a great listener. I'm new here and looking for an area to fit into and finding it difficult. I've only read the first and last post of this thread - but immediately felt a connection.

I lost my daughter over 5 years ago to a freak accident. She was 18 too. My other child (a son) is in federal prison for armed robbery of multi-state pharmacies.

It's been a journey.

thanks, maybe I'll take you up on it one of these days, the same applies for you talking to me, I listen good. In fact, one of the reasons I am struggling right now is because all of my outlets have been removed....long long story. The last time I felt like this, I fasted and prayed and forgot to limit myself and it turned into anorexia. I just need an outlet right now, the ability to use the gifts God has given me to stay focused on Him and not on myself. When He returns that outlet to me, I will be doing better, but right now, it's just...consuming.

Praying for you and if you want to talk, I'll listen.

May you find strength in your journey, patience to endure and a ministry that keeps you ever focused on Christ.

Thanks for your kind words.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hi Razzleflaben. I see that it has been about 5 years since you lost your son. I can understand how that many years of suffering can be very hard on us. Hang in there sister.

Thanks...miss him so much words aren't even enough. Tired of people trying to hurt me and devalue me. Tired of fighting even for the air I breath (literally) and no one thinking I'm even worthy of that air. Oh well...thanks for your kind words, God and I have been talking a lot this week.

 

[Poster0]

Thanks...miss him so much words aren't even enough. Tired of people trying to hurt me and devalue me. Tired of fighting even for the air I breath (literally) and no one thinking I'm even worthy of that air. Oh well...thanks for your kind words, God and I have been talking a lot this week.

People often dont understand. I dont think they always mean to be so hurtful but they dont see clearly and dont understand suffering very well. They dont understand themselves very well either.

 

[razzelflabben]

People often dont understand. I dont think they always mean to be so hurtful but they dont see clearly and dont understand suffering very well. They dont understand themselves very well either.

I guess...just tired of being hurt and devalued....doing some better today, still not 100% but trusting God to get me all the way where I need to be.

 

[Poster0]

I guess...just tired of being hurt and devalued....doing some better today, still not 100% but trusting God to get me all the way where I need to be.

Yes, i know the feeling sister.

 

[razzelflabben]

Yes, i know the feeling sister.

if nothing else, it's a growing experience in our Lord.

 

[Poster0]

if nothing else, it's a growing experience in our Lord.

Yes it is. Amen.

 

[razzelflabben]

I officially give up...I can't win no matter what I say or do.

It all started when the church decided to pull our license for political reasons but refused to confess that it was political. As per scripture we complied and were left with no ministry within the church. We dealt with that, which sort of started with our sons death, but that is a whole nother story. Then on the anniversary of our sons death, which is fathers day weekend btw, I stepped in to help my husband deal with the day, for that, I was accused of running the household rather than allowing my husband to. In addition, several men began talking about how the women need to know their place. Well, we "did our time" in the dunce chair and were suppose to be allowed to teach again. Because of our ministry, we only have time to teach the materials we are developing. So we apply to teach again. We were approved to teach, but a year later we still don't know if our materials are approved. So again, I am silenced. Then, our son decides he is transgender, we accept and love him and hold him he was still our child and that that would not change. To which he replied that I was emotionally manipulative and abusive and that he couldn't allow that kind of negativity to mess up his mental instability right now. So far, no one has any clue what he is referring to, but when I look up the criteria for what is emotional manipulation, it fits every single parent that corrects their child. So he has now convinced our eldest that I am an emotional manipulator and abuser and no one knows why he thinks that. to make matters worse, he is being exceptionally rude and is distancing himself from me at an unhealthy distance and convincing our eldest to join him in that. The best we can figure is that they feel convicted when they talk to me.

So, now, I can't say anything at church, I have been silenced in the biggest part of my ministry, two of my children are not only removing themselves from my life, but accusing me of being manipulative and abusive. just for the record, I was abused and purposed to prevent it from happening to my kids and so I took severe measures to not follow in my families footsteps. Okay, so back to what is going on, our daughter in in Germany and who knows where she will end up being she is military. She feels stuck in the middle and is trying to play both sides. OUr youngest says our son is being an idiot and fooling, and my husband is basically telling me to not let it turn into self hatred (something he knows I will do because of my past abuse) and all I can think about is being home with God and seeing our son again. (not suicidal but desperate to give up and just stop) It takes all my strength to get out of bed in the morning any more. I can't talk or be quiet without getting into trouble and no one here wants to talk about it cause they see it as just nuts from everyone but me. But I take these things seriously and examine them and I don't know what to believe anymore.

BTW, one person finally confessed that our license being pulled was political, but won't go any further with it....I just want to be done with this life and go home to my Lord and son and not think about this world or life ever again.

 

[Poster0]

I officially give up...I can't win no matter what I say or do.

It all started when the church decided to pull our license for political reasons but refused to confess that it was political. As per scripture we complied and were left with no ministry within the church. We dealt with that, which sort of started with our sons death, but that is a whole nother story. Then on the anniversary of our sons death, which is fathers day weekend btw, I stepped in to help my husband deal with the day, for that, I was accused of running the household rather than allowing my husband to. In addition, several men began talking about how the women need to know their place. Well, we "did our time" in the dunce chair and were suppose to be allowed to teach again. Because of our ministry, we only have time to teach the materials we are developing. So we apply to teach again. We were approved to teach, but a year later we still don't know if our materials are approved. So again, I am silenced. Then, our son decides he is transgender, we accept and love him and hold him he was still our child and that that would not change. To which he replied that I was emotionally manipulative and abusive and that he couldn't allow that kind of negativity to mess up his mental instability right now. So far, no one has any clue what he is referring to, but when I look up the criteria for what is emotional manipulation, it fits every single parent that corrects their child. So he has now convinced our eldest that I am an emotional manipulator and abuser and no one knows why he thinks that. to make matters worse, he is being exceptionally rude and is distancing himself from me at an unhealthy distance and convincing our eldest to join him in that. The best we can figure is that they feel convicted when they talk to me.

So, now, I can't say anything at church, I have been silenced in the biggest part of my ministry, two of my children are not only removing themselves from my life, but accusing me of being manipulative and abusive. just for the record, I was abused and purposed to prevent it from happening to my kids and so I took severe measures to not follow in my families footsteps. Okay, so back to what is going on, our daughter in in Germany and who knows where she will end up being she is military. She feels stuck in the middle and is trying to play both sides. OUr youngest says our son is being an idiot and fooling, and my husband is basically telling me to not let it turn into self hatred (something he knows I will do because of my past abuse) and all I can think about is being home with God and seeing our son again. (not suicidal but desperate to give up and just stop) It takes all my strength to get out of bed in the morning any more. I can't talk or be quiet without getting into trouble and no one here wants to talk about it cause they see it as just nuts from everyone but me. But I take these things seriously and examine them and I don't know what to believe anymore.

BTW, one person finally confessed that our license being pulled was political, but won't go any further with it....I just want to be done with this life and go home to my Lord and son and not think about this world or life ever again.

This world does seem burdening with the problems that we face when dealing with each other. I don't bother with Church myself, and although i did want to attend at one time, i'm now content without it.

 

[razzelflabben]

things are going from bad to worse as I ask God to take it from me and leave only truth. OUr family is under spiritual attack and I don't say that lightly, at this point, I am convinced that attack has been going on for longer than I want to admit. I am so tired of fighting, so tired...may God give us strength to endure, courage to face the evil and in that, find grace that moves mountains

 

[Mikhaela]

I am feeling alright kinda. Been keeping in Scripture and learning more about Messiah Jesus. He has been my only Rock in this horrible year.

 

[razzelflabben]

I am feeling alright kinda. Been keeping in Scripture and learning more about Messiah Jesus. He has been my only Rock in this horrible year.

May you continue to find strength in our Lord, grace to endure, and peace in your time of trials

 

[Poster0]

I have been through some difficult things myself, i understand your anxiety, its a common part of my life. ITs a difficult thing when you find that you dont fit into to some church circles, or most of them. Im not sure if thats exactly your dilemma or not, but its mine and i understand that sort of thing, along with hard spiritual battles as well. At least you know that you're not alone and that others also struggle with such things. THe worst thing of all is to feel alone because you can easily condemn yourself that way. Its a horrible place to be, only faith and prayer can help.

 

[razzelflabben]

Well, this is a spiritual battle, and last night, one of our weaknesses was exploited. We are trying to fight back in the power and grace of our Lord, but I'm not sure if we can repair the damage at this point. I keep repeating to myself what a dear friend told me, that Jesus is capable...I know He is, I also know that a line was crossed that should never have been crossed and I don't know where that will take us.

 

[Poster0]

Well, this is a spiritual battle, and last night, one of our weaknesses was exploited. We are trying to fight back in the power and grace of our Lord, but I'm not sure if we can repair the damage at this point. I keep repeating to myself what a dear friend told me, that Jesus is capable...I know He is, I also know that a line was crossed that should never have been crossed and I don't know where that will take us.

People often exploit the weaknesses of their opposition. Its the nature of warfare, and its a valuable tool for those who love war . We are like sheep to the slaughter. Sometimes I think about the words of Christ which teach us not to cast our pearls before swine. The wheat and tares grow together, and satan transforms himself into an angel of light as well. How then do we know who to speak with and who to avoid? This is a question I keep asking myself. Maybe we can identify them by their fruit. You cant pick grapes from thorn bushes, and maybe that's something I need to learn, I'm not sure.

 

[razzelflabben]

People often exploit the weaknesses of their opposition. Its the nature of warfare, and its a valuable tool for those who love war . We are like sheep to the slaughter. Sometimes I think about the words of Christ which teach us not to cast our pearls before swine. The wheat and tares grow together, and satan transforms himself into an angel of light as well. How then do we know who to speak with and who to avoid? This is a question I keep asking myself. Maybe we can identify them by their fruit. You cant pick grapes from thorn bushes, and maybe that's something I need to learn, I'm not sure.

thank you for your kind and encouraging words, but you don't get it, you don't understand what is going on. Not your fault, I am being very vague, and doing so on purpose, but your missing the point. None the less I appreciate the encouragement and kindness you have shown.

 

[Poster0]

thank you for your kind and encouraging words, but you don't get it, you don't understand what is going on. Not your fault, I am being very vague, and doing so on purpose, but your missing the point. None the less I appreciate the encouragement and kindness you have shown.

Thank you for understanding. Sorry that i cant be more helpful.