Anyone Else as Innocent as Me?

[Toro]

Easy to say until you've lived it for 20 years...

Now I think what you're expressing is wonderful, Godly, and spiritual and all that. I sincerely hope you never have to live what I lived through.

Having your new bride tell you she feels like she is being raped when you try to kiss her is incredibly painful and crushing.

Saying you would just simply accept it as the Lord's will sounds incredibly naive.

Im sorry you went through that.

However, implying that someone would do differently than you without knowing a single thing about them by calling them naive with this lack of knowledge is judgemental and self centered. Not everyone is you.

He never said it wouldn't hurt, he never said it wouldn't be hard at times..... he simply said he would accept it.

Acceptance doesn't mean it's easy afterwards..... it just means that there is no longer a battle of wills between God and man.

Being married is about serving the other..... not about serving self.

 

[Paulie079]

This thread seems like a lot of people telling each other why they should change their preferences. Unless we are talking about sex, this isn’t a sin issue, so let other people have their preferences, yo.

For those concerned about people choosing to put a lot of the physical stuff off for marriage (of which I am not one), all I have to say is that having conversations about the important stuff (money, sex, raising kids, etc.) and going through premarital counseling are key to not running into major surprises after getting married.

 

[Servant68]

However, implying that someone would do differently than you without knowing a single thing about them by calling them naive with this lack of knowledge is judgemental and self centered. Not everyone is you.

Or perhaps it's trying to save someone from a lifetime of pain. I've lived life and experienced things. My thoughts and attitudes are based on actually having lived a full life.

Someone who has never even been in a serious relationship and is barely out of school will have a different view than someone who has been through war, a marriage and raised kids and had careers and experienced a wide range of what life has to offer.

It's not judgmental; it's reality.

 

[Toro]

It's not judgmental; it's reality.

It is YOUR reality, not his.

Not all of us are to live the same life even if we take the same path.

I take the same road to work every day....... doesn't mean every drive in to work is the same.

Passing on wisdom is one thing. Calling one naive simply cause they have a different perspective from you is not passing knowledge. That is judgement because you assume that because they are younger that YOU have suffered more than they without knowing anything about them.

 

[Strider1002]

Two fundamental truths for Christians:
A) The main purpose of our time spent on this earth is not pleasure or fulfillment, it is to know God and to be prepared for eternity (which WILL consist of pleasure and fulfillment in the Lord). God uses all things for our good (Romans 8:28), which means even our pains and disappointments are preparing us to be with Him in the next life. This is literally a win-win situation for us.
B) God cares about every aspect of your life, big and small. Now, few things are more important in life than who you marry. If you seek the Lord’s will, He will lead you to the best possible person for you to marry. And if this person doesn’t like making love, guess what... if you’re a Christian, who believes God keeps His promises... this situation will still benefit you.

But if you’re not a Christian, and you’re only living for immediate pleasure... you can disregard this.

This is all I need to say here

 

[Gnarwhal]

I'm 21 and have never held hands with a guy, not even kissed or had a boyfriend. I'm feeling like I'm the only person my age that hasn't done any of the above and I'm just wondering, is there anyone else out there who hasn't had a boyfriend ever?

Hope the title of this doesn't sound too pretentious by the way. I just didn't know how else to title this, lol.

These forums tend to attract a lot of folks in positions like that, so I'm sure there are some around. Can't say I'm in the same boat though.

 

[Paulie079]

Two fundamental truths for Christians:
A) The main purpose of our time spent on this earth is not pleasure or fulfillment, it is to know God and to be prepared for eternity (which WILL consist of pleasure and fulfillment in the Lord). God uses all things for our good (Romans 8:28), which means even our pains and disappointments are preparing us to be with Him in the next life. This is literally a win-win situation for us.
B) God cares about every aspect of your life, big and small. Now, few things are more important in life than who you marry. If you seek the Lord’s will, He will lead you to the best possible person for you to marry. And if this person doesn’t like making love, guess what... if you’re a Christian, who believes God keeps His promises... this situation will still benefit you.

But if you’re not a Christian, and you’re only living for immediate pleasure... you can disregard this.

This is all I need to say here

If you are married to someone who doesn’t desire sex, counseling is in order. And it would be a very difficult position for someone to be in, so while what you are saying is true, it’s not at all helpful. God’s design for marriage includes intimacy after all.

 

[Strider1002]

So... I’m not wrong... I’m just not allowed to have the last word

 

[Paulie079]

So... I’m not wrong... I’m just not allowed to have the last word

If you are correct but not helpful, you have accomplished nothing. In fact, you actually validated Servant68's assertion that you are naive after someone went to bat for you. So....congrats?

 

[smalltowngirl86]

I'm 21 and have never held hands with a guy, not even kissed or had a boyfriend. I'm feeling like I'm the only person my age that hasn't done any of the above and I'm just wondering, is there anyone else out there who hasn't had a boyfriend ever?

Hope the title of this doesn't sound too pretentious by the way. I just didn't know how else to title this, lol.

I didn't have a boyfriend until I 25 so I didn't do anything with a boy until then. I am now 31 and I have only had one boyfriend.

 

[Noxot]

I think 21 is still pretty young seeing that your brain is still developing critical parts of itself until the age of 25.

 

[HoneyBee]

I think 21 is still pretty young seeing that your brain is still developing critical parts of itself until the age of 25.

I guess you're right. It just seems to me that everyone else around me has had a boyfriend before at some point in their lives and I haven't. But now that I've read a lot of these responses, I see that maybe I'm not alone so that's good to hear.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I guess you're right. It just seems to me that everyone else around me has had a boyfriend before at some point in their lives and I haven't. But now that I've read a lot of these responses, I see that maybe I'm not alone so that's good to hear.

Sometimes that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

I introduced a friend of mine to his wife, and he was about 32 at the time (in 2008 - he's 11 years older than me but his wife's my age). He only had one girlfriend until that point in his life. That's how things shake out in life for some folks.

Some people set unrealistic expectations for the kind of person they want to date, and what they want their relationship to look like. What they may not realize is that it ends up being prohibitive.

I don't know anything about you, so right now I'm only making generalizations about people as a whole, but if anyone is going to narrow the scope of who is and isn't acceptable as a partner, and what is and isn't acceptable as a relationship, then they shouldn't lament a lack of relationship as life goes on because they've set a pretty high bar for themselves that is difficult to measure up to.

 

[redblue22]

It is YOUR reality, not his.
.

That statement is just your reality. Stop pushing it on everyone else.

 

[Toro]

Well, ya got me there.... everyone has separate lives and opinions. Thanks for proving my point.

I never forced it on anyone, simply stated and defended the statement that not everyone lives as he does. but thanks for your input.

 

[Strider1002]

It’s funny how the OP was just looking for people who share her experience, but unsurprisingly it just devolved into people telling each other how to live their lives.

 

[leothelioness]

It’s funny how the OP was just looking for people who share her experience, but unsurprisingly it just devolved into people telling each other how to live their lives.

Just like the good old days of CF.

 

[leothelioness]

To answer the OP, I am in the same boat as you and will remain so. You're not the only one.

 

[redblue22]

Well, ya got me there.... everyone has separate lives and opinions. Thanks for proving my point.

I never forced it on anyone, simply stated and defended the statement that not everyone lives as he does. but thanks for your input.

And this too is just your reality, not mine, not his, not ours.