Anybody else have stubborn elderly parents?

[not_a_unicorn]

I'm 60 and my widowed mother is 86. She insists on living in her home a state away from all of her children. She doesn't eat well, complains about her sister taking advantage of her, and drives even though she can barely walk. She has all of her faculties, so she knows what's going on at all times.

My problem is that she complains about everything, yet refuses to do anything to correct her problems. Her shoulder hurts, but she doesn't want to go to physical therapy because she'll just wait and see if it gets better. She is a fall risk, yet she wants to wait and see if she can go to Walmart by herself.

I believe she is having a hard time with accepting that she can't do the things she did years ago. She's angry about it. She curses God and doesn't understand why she can't have what she wants at all times. She continuously does the same things over and over expecting different results. She tells me she's old and tired, but when I offer to help get her groceries delivered, or meals on wheels, she refuses. "That's for old people," she says.

So she's not accepting reality, is angry with everyone including God because she's getting older, and she refuses help because she's just that stubborn and proud. She literally told me she didn't want to use a walker because she didn't want people to think she's old.

She told me she is afraid to die because she thinks she's going to Hell. I assured her that wasn't true, but it's like she has her foot on the brakes for everything in her life, including death. I think she thinks she can control it.

Today I lost my temper with her. I told her I'm frustrated that she complains all the time, but doesn't do anything about her complaints. I reminded her that I've tried to help her in many ways. She wants me to move to her city and take care of her. I may end up moving to her city, but I will need to find a job there and sell my house here first. And my children live in this state, which means I won't see my children and grandchildren as often. I have a child in prison and I'm his only visitor so he would see less of me.

So I resent that she wants me to move to her city and leave my family. I guess I can't understand why she wants to stay in her hole and make the world come to her. When I grow feeble, I'm going to move to a retirement apartment close to my daughter. I can't expect my kids to leave their lives to accomodate me.

So I feel guilty that I'm resentful. I'm frustrated that she doesn't do anything but complain rather than fix a problem. And I pray for patience every night because it's like talking to a brick wall. My friends are all having the same problem. We're running back and forth between states trying to help parents who don't want our help, but need it. All of our parents want us to move to them and leave our grandkids and lives behind.

I can't do miracles. I can't make her younger. All I can do is listen, but my patience ran out today.

Anybody else have a similar situation? What do you do to find your patience? I know God will put me where he thinks I need to go (I'm looking for a job now). If God wants me to go back to my mother's town, I'll get a job there.

But I have to find joy in my heart to do whatever God tells me to do and to live wherever I'm to live. Even if it's listening to my mother complain about things that can be easily fixed.

Arrghh! Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope!

Thanks!

Allison

 

[maintenance man]

A lot of people go through this. My sister moved from Missouri to California to help me and my other sister work as a tag team taking care of our parents. We finally convinced them to move into a 24 hour care facility. It was all very difficult and it was after I lost my temper with my father that he realized their situation had to change and he agreed to move.

I wish I could offer you some great advice but I can't. You just have to look around at all the options and find the one that's going to work.

 

[not_a_unicorn]

A lot of people go through this. My sister moved from Missouri to California to help me and my other sister work as a tag team taking care of our parents. We finally convinced them to move into a 24 hour care facility. It was all very difficult and it was after I lost my temper with my father that he realized their situation had to change and he agreed to move.

I wish I could offer you some great advice but I can't. You just have to look around at all the options and find the one that's going to work.

Thanks Mike. It's good to know that others understand the frustration. I spoke with my mom just now and she's acting like we never had the confrontation this morning.

 

[Serving Zion]

Thanks Mike. It's good to know that others understand the frustration. I spoke with my mom just now and she's acting like we never had the confrontation this morning.

That is a demon. It's not uncommon. I find this behaviour a lot with pastors. Their memory of conversations is not consistent with the truth, even when it is recorded.

I would advise to not let love suffer because of an evil spirit. You will surely regret it. Be patient and kind as you are doing, but draw the line at that point where it is unreasonable (as you have said). It is only going to destroy good things, and you will gain nothing good from it.

 

[redleghunter]

I'm 60 and my widowed mother is 86. She insists on living in her home a state away from all of her children. She doesn't eat well, complains about her sister taking advantage of her, and drives even though she can barely walk. She has all of her faculties, so she knows what's going on at all times.

My problem is that she complains about everything, yet refuses to do anything to correct her problems. Her shoulder hurts, but she doesn't want to go to physical therapy because she'll just wait and see if it gets better. She is a fall risk, yet she wants to wait and see if she can go to Walmart by herself.

I believe she is having a hard time with accepting that she can't do the things she did years ago. She's angry about it. She curses God and doesn't understand why she can't have what she wants at all times. She continuously does the same things over and over expecting different results. She tells me she's old and tired, but when I offer to help get her groceries delivered, or meals on wheels, she refuses. "That's for old people," she says.

So she's not accepting reality, is angry with everyone including God because she's getting older, and she refuses help because she's just that stubborn and proud. She literally told me she didn't want to use a walker because she didn't want people to think she's old.

She told me she is afraid to die because she thinks she's going to Hell. I assured her that wasn't true, but it's like she has her foot on the brakes for everything in her life, including death. I think she thinks she can control it.

Today I lost my temper with her. I told her I'm frustrated that she complains all the time, but doesn't do anything about her complaints. I reminded her that I've tried to help her in many ways. She wants me to move to her city and take care of her. I may end up moving to her city, but I will need to find a job there and sell my house here first. And my children live in this state, which means I won't see my children and grandchildren as often. I have a child in prison and I'm his only visitor so he would see less of me.

So I resent that she wants me to move to her city and leave my family. I guess I can't understand why she wants to stay in her hole and make the world come to her. When I grow feeble, I'm going to move to a retirement apartment close to my daughter. I can't expect my kids to leave their lives to accomodate me.

So I feel guilty that I'm resentful. I'm frustrated that she doesn't do anything but complain rather than fix a problem. And I pray for patience every night because it's like talking to a brick wall. My friends are all having the same problem. We're running back and forth between states trying to help parents who don't want our help, but need it. All of our parents want us to move to them and leave our grandkids and lives behind.

I can't do miracles. I can't make her younger. All I can do is listen, but my patience ran out today.

Anybody else have a similar situation? What do you do to find your patience? I know God will put me where he thinks I need to go (I'm looking for a job now). If God wants me to go back to my mother's town, I'll get a job there.

But I have to find joy in my heart to do whatever God tells me to do and to live wherever I'm to live. Even if it's listening to my mother complain about things that can be easily fixed.

Arrghh! Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope!

Thanks!

Allison

I took care of my parents in their waning years on earth. With age comes complaints.

My best advice is to give her the unconditional love she gave you when you were little. They are like children in many ways at that age, at least my mom and dad were. My dad was an old WWII sailor so he did not complain much if at all.

My mom was a different matter.

Pray for patience and love.

 

[not_a_unicorn]

Thank you both for your insight. It's not easy huh? And yes, I can see where my mom has regressed to a child who wants it her way and that's it. Thanks for reminding me to be patient.

 

[JenniferLW]

Oh yes! I feel your pain.My parents are the same age as your mother and we've been dealing with similar issues for the past 10 years or so. I live 1700 miles from my parents and my sister had been living 2 hours away. I can especially relate to the denial of the physical limitations and the complaining yet doing nothing part of your post. My parents finally agreed to move to a senior living facility 3 years ago. It was an ongoing brutal battle getting them to agree, but it was sooooo worth it. My dad, who pretty much is my mom's caregiver was going through cancer treatment and had fallen numerous times with no one to help him. It took him hurting himself to finally be open to the idea of moving. They had been in their house almost 50 years, so it was pretty scary for them. My parents still drive as well, even though they can barely walk. I know what it's like to lose your temper out of pure frustration. It's horrible for everyone!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please know you're not alone.

 

[not_a_unicorn]

Oh yes! I feel your pain.My parents are the same age as your mother and we've been dealing with similar issues for the past 10 years or so. I live 1700 miles from my parents and my sister had been living 2 hours away. I can especially relate to the denial of the physical limitations and the complaining yet doing nothing part of your post. My parents finally agreed to move to a senior living facility 3 years ago. It was an ongoing brutal battle getting them to agree, but it was sooooo worth it. My dad, who pretty much is my mom's caregiver was going through cancer treatment and had fallen numerous times with no one to help him. It took him hurting himself to finally be open to the idea of moving. They had been in their house almost 50 years, so it was pretty scary for them. My parents still drive as well, even though they can barely walk. I know what it's like to lose your temper out of pure frustration. It's horrible for everyone!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please know you're not alone.

That's one of the things that I worry about. I'm afraid my mom will fall and then she'll be confined to a hospital bed if she doesn't slow down a bit. Sometimes I wonder if she wants something to happen, so she doesn't have to make the decision.....it'll be made for her.

I know she could use my help and I have a phone interview this Thursday for a job in my mom's home town. She would be glad for me to live there, but I can see lots of watching her while she makes unhealthy decisions. But like redleghunter said, I guess I should see her as I did my chlldren.....watching them make mistakes and putting a bandaid on it when they fall (again).

Thanks for understanding.

Allison

 

[eleos1954]

I'm 60 and my widowed mother is 86. She insists on living in her home a state away from all of her children. She doesn't eat well, complains about her sister taking advantage of her, and drives even though she can barely walk. She has all of her faculties, so she knows what's going on at all times.

My problem is that she complains about everything, yet refuses to do anything to correct her problems. Her shoulder hurts, but she doesn't want to go to physical therapy because she'll just wait and see if it gets better. She is a fall risk, yet she wants to wait and see if she can go to Walmart by herself.

I believe she is having a hard time with accepting that she can't do the things she did years ago. She's angry about it. She curses God and doesn't understand why she can't have what she wants at all times. She continuously does the same things over and over expecting different results. She tells me she's old and tired, but when I offer to help get her groceries delivered, or meals on wheels, she refuses. "That's for old people," she says.

So she's not accepting reality, is angry with everyone including God because she's getting older, and she refuses help because she's just that stubborn and proud. She literally told me she didn't want to use a walker because she didn't want people to think she's old.

She told me she is afraid to die because she thinks she's going to Hell. I assured her that wasn't true, but it's like she has her foot on the brakes for everything in her life, including death. I think she thinks she can control it.

Today I lost my temper with her. I told her I'm frustrated that she complains all the time, but doesn't do anything about her complaints. I reminded her that I've tried to help her in many ways. She wants me to move to her city and take care of her. I may end up moving to her city, but I will need to find a job there and sell my house here first. And my children live in this state, which means I won't see my children and grandchildren as often. I have a child in prison and I'm his only visitor so he would see less of me.

So I resent that she wants me to move to her city and leave my family. I guess I can't understand why she wants to stay in her hole and make the world come to her. When I grow feeble, I'm going to move to a retirement apartment close to my daughter. I can't expect my kids to leave their lives to accomodate me.

So I feel guilty that I'm resentful. I'm frustrated that she doesn't do anything but complain rather than fix a problem. And I pray for patience every night because it's like talking to a brick wall. My friends are all having the same problem. We're running back and forth between states trying to help parents who don't want our help, but need it. All of our parents want us to move to them and leave our grandkids and lives behind.

I can't do miracles. I can't make her younger. All I can do is listen, but my patience ran out today.

Anybody else have a similar situation? What do you do to find your patience? I know God will put me where he thinks I need to go (I'm looking for a job now). If God wants me to go back to my mother's town, I'll get a job there.

But I have to find joy in my heart to do whatever God tells me to do and to live wherever I'm to live. Even if it's listening to my mother complain about things that can be easily fixed.

Arrghh! Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope!

Thanks!

Allison

listening to my mother complain about things that can be easily fixed - yes, listen
then reply, then silence .... Mom, I am trusting the Lord is going to help us decide what is best for the family (not just her) Ask her, What do you think is best for the whole family?

*It would really be nice if you would move closer to us as it would be best to have the majority of the family in a closer location, so we can all help each other when we need arises.

"I can't expect my kids to leave their lives to accommodate me." *True

Nor should she .... nor should you allow her to.

Difficult situation - *If it's true .... it's true.

May the Lord provide.

God Bless.

 

[Hephzibah2014]

I'm 60 and my widowed mother is 86. She insists on living in her home a state away from all of her children. She doesn't eat well, complains about her sister taking advantage of her, and drives even though she can barely walk. She has all of her faculties, so she knows what's going on at all times.

My problem is that she complains about everything, yet refuses to do anything to correct her problems. Her shoulder hurts, but she doesn't want to go to physical therapy because she'll just wait and see if it gets better. She is a fall risk, yet she wants to wait and see if she can go to Walmart by herself.

I believe she is having a hard time with accepting that she can't do the things she did years ago. She's angry about it. She curses God and doesn't understand why she can't have what she wants at all times. She continuously does the same things over and over expecting different results. She tells me she's old and tired, but when I offer to help get her groceries delivered, or meals on wheels, she refuses. "That's for old people," she says.

So she's not accepting reality, is angry with everyone including God because she's getting older, and she refuses help because she's just that stubborn and proud. She literally told me she didn't want to use a walker because she didn't want people to think she's old.

She told me she is afraid to die because she thinks she's going to Hell. I assured her that wasn't true, but it's like she has her foot on the brakes for everything in her life, including death. I think she thinks she can control it.

Today I lost my temper with her. I told her I'm frustrated that she complains all the time, but doesn't do anything about her complaints. I reminded her that I've tried to help her in many ways. She wants me to move to her city and take care of her. I may end up moving to her city, but I will need to find a job there and sell my house here first. And my children live in this state, which means I won't see my children and grandchildren as often. I have a child in prison and I'm his only visitor so he would see less of me.

So I resent that she wants me to move to her city and leave my family. I guess I can't understand why she wants to stay in her hole and make the world come to her. When I grow feeble, I'm going to move to a retirement apartment close to my daughter. I can't expect my kids to leave their lives to accomodate me.

So I feel guilty that I'm resentful. I'm frustrated that she doesn't do anything but complain rather than fix a problem. And I pray for patience every night because it's like talking to a brick wall. My friends are all having the same problem. We're running back and forth between states trying to help parents who don't want our help, but need it. All of our parents want us to move to them and leave our grandkids and lives behind.

I can't do miracles. I can't make her younger. All I can do is listen, but my patience ran out today.

Anybody else have a similar situation? What do you do to find your patience? I know God will put me where he thinks I need to go (I'm looking for a job now). If God wants me to go back to my mother's town, I'll get a job there.

But I have to find joy in my heart to do whatever God tells me to do and to live wherever I'm to live. Even if it's listening to my mother complain about things that can be easily fixed.

Arrghh! Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope!

Thanks!

Allison

Hi Allison! I just came back from a vacation with my family and I have to admit I lost my patience many times. Its so hard to hear the same mindsets and see nothing has changed when you just want the best for them. It reminded me of how patient and graceful the teachers and prayer partners I've had in my life must've been. I have to remind myself that nothing I say will change them-all I can do is pray and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest. Anyways-about your mom. I have been a live in care taker for a lady and also had my mother in law live with my husband and I for a year. The family of the lady I lived with had a very difficult time getting her to move close to them, but after she had a bad fall she had no choice. It is a difficult decision to make for someone. I think the older people get the more stubborn they get and the harder it is to make big changes. Its hard because as Christians I feel that we have a great desire to respect and honor our parents, but I have learned that you still have to keep your boundaries. Giving everything up for your mother is very loving and noble, but Id be concerned for your own well being, esp. if you will be the only caretaker. It was very difficult for my husband and I to have his mother living with us. It created a lot of strife and we also lost our privacy. We ended up having to find another place for her to live. We have since sent her to a neurologist and found out that she has water on her brain which could be part of the reason for the personality changes, falls, and she also had trouble picking up her feet when she walked. It can also cause dementia. We are discussing about her having surgery. Aging is difficult for anyone. A good friend of mine is 75 and just now experiencing a lot of aging changes after an accident she had. She was always very sharp in her mind and very independent so its been especially difficult for her. My pastor says, as long as you have breath to breathe there is a purpose and a plan for your life-that includes your mothers life. Peace and prayers <3 Isaiah 30:21

 

[Hephzibah2014]

Hi Allison! I just came back from a vacation with my family and I have to admit I lost my patience many times. Its so hard to hear the same mindsets and see nothing has changed when you just want the best for them. It reminded me of how patient and graceful the teachers and prayer partners I've had in my life must've been. I have to remind myself that nothing I say will change them-all I can do is pray and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest. Anyways-about your mom. I have been a live in care taker for a lady and also had my mother in law live with my husband and I for a year. The family of the lady I lived with had a very difficult time getting her to move close to them, but after she had a bad fall she had no choice. It is a difficult decision to make for someone. I think the older people get the more stubborn they get and the harder it is to make big changes. Its hard because as Christians I feel that we have a great desire to respect and honor our parents, but I have learned that you still have to keep your boundaries. Giving everything up for your mother is very loving and noble, but Id be concerned for your own well being, esp. if you will be the only caretaker. It was very difficult for my husband and I to have his mother living with us. It created a lot of strife and we also lost our privacy. We ended up having to find another place for her to live. We have since sent her to a neurologist and found out that she has water on her brain which could be part of the reason for the personality changes, falls, and she also had trouble picking up her feet when she walked. It can also cause dementia. We are discussing about her having surgery. Aging is difficult for anyone. A good friend of mine is 75 and just now experiencing a lot of aging changes after an accident she had. She was always very sharp in her mind and very independent so its been especially difficult for her. My pastor says, as long as you have breath to breathe there is a purpose and a plan for your life-that includes your mothers life. Peace and prayers <3 Isaiah 30:21

 

[Hephzibah2014]

Maybe this would help as well? When to Assume Care of an Elderly Loved One

 

[not_a_unicorn]

listening to my mother complain about things that can be easily fixed - yes, listen
then reply, then silence .... Mom, I am trusting the Lord is going to help us decide what is best for the family (not just her) Ask her, What do you think is best for the whole family?

*It would really be nice if you would move closer to us as it would be best to have the majority of the family in a closer location, so we can all help each other when we need arises.

"I can't expect my kids to leave their lives to accommodate me." *True

Nor should she .... nor should you allow her to.

Difficult situation - *If it's true .... it's true.

May the Lord provide.

God Bless.

Thank you for listening. My mom doesn't even remember that we argued on Sunday and now she's saying she wants me to come live with her again. I agree, I have to put boundaries and definitely not make myself crazy. I want to help also. But I can't help anybody if I'm burned out.

Thanks again,

Allison

 

[not_a_unicorn]

Hi Allison! I just came back from a vacation with my family and I have to admit I lost my patience many times. Its so hard to hear the same mindsets and see nothing has changed when you just want the best for them. It reminded me of how patient and graceful the teachers and prayer partners I've had in my life must've been. I have to remind myself that nothing I say will change them-all I can do is pray and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest. Anyways-about your mom. I have been a live in care taker for a lady and also had my mother in law live with my husband and I for a year. The family of the lady I lived with had a very difficult time getting her to move close to them, but after she had a bad fall she had no choice. It is a difficult decision to make for someone. I think the older people get the more stubborn they get and the harder it is to make big changes. Its hard because as Christians I feel that we have a great desire to respect and honor our parents, but I have learned that you still have to keep your boundaries. Giving everything up for your mother is very loving and noble, but Id be concerned for your own well being, esp. if you will be the only caretaker. It was very difficult for my husband and I to have his mother living with us. It created a lot of strife and we also lost our privacy. We ended up having to find another place for her to live. We have since sent her to a neurologist and found out that she has water on her brain which could be part of the reason for the personality changes, falls, and she also had trouble picking up her feet when she walked. It can also cause dementia. We are discussing about her having surgery. Aging is difficult for anyone. A good friend of mine is 75 and just now experiencing a lot of aging changes after an accident she had. She was always very sharp in her mind and very independent so its been especially difficult for her. My pastor says, as long as you have breath to breathe there is a purpose and a plan for your life-that includes your mothers life. Peace and prayers <3 Isaiah 30:21

Thank you for understanding. It's a really tough life stage. I have to remind myself that I'm not the only child of my mother and at some point, I'll have to have a discussion with my brothers about helping her also. My oldest brother has dementia so he's out to help, but my other brothers are retired and married, so my mother will just have to understand that it's not all on me.

Thanks again,

Allison

 

[not_a_unicorn]

Maybe this would help as well? When to Assume Care of an Elderly Loved One

Thanks!

 

[Hephzibah2014]

Thank you for understanding. It's a really tough life stage. I have to remind myself that I'm not the only child of my mother and at some point, I'll have to have a discussion with my brothers about helping her also. My oldest brother has dementia so he's out to help, but my other brothers are retired and married, so my mother will just have to understand that it's not all on me.

Thanks again,

Allison

No problem <3 If you're the only daughter it might feel like you're the only child? Often times when one child becomes the caretaker the other family members tend to disappear, so it may be a good thing to have that discussion now. When my mother in law lived with us we didn't get any help. ( I may have found out why ;-) ) Right now my husband still has to deal with making all the decisions for her even though he has 4 other brothers. However they all do pitch in for whatever her social security won't cover. Have you guys considered paying someone to go in to your moms home and help her for a few hours a day with the things she needs help with? Prayers <3

 

[not_a_unicorn]

No problem <3 If you're the only daughter it might feel like you're the only child? Often times when one child becomes the caretaker the other family members tend to disappear, so it may be a good thing to have that discussion now. When my mother in law lived with us we didn't get any help. ( I may have found out why ;-) ) Right now my husband still has to deal with making all the decisions for her even though he has 4 other brothers. However they all do pitch in for whatever her social security won't cover. Have you guys considered paying someone to go in to your moms home and help her for a few hours a day with the things she needs help with? Prayers <3

Yes, I'm tne only girl which is a problem. My mom doesn't want to "bother" my brothers. The biggest problem is not that she doesn't have anyone to help her. Her sister goes to her house and stays like 7 days in a row, having my mother pay for her to eat out 3x a day. She's a big help to my mother, but the wrong help. Her sister is picking fights with neighbors, has alienated all of us kids, and tells my mother we walk all over her. My aunt is jealous of us and convinces my mother that we only want money from her. I certainly don't want my mother's money because the more she gives away, the sooner she'll be living in my car with her cat, my nine cats, and a son with a convicted felony charge (when he's released from prison years from now).

Then there's the fact that she refuses anything that's helpful. I practically had to force her to get a med alert button for her neck. She tells me she doesn't wear it at home because she can hold onto walls when she walks around. I tell her I can set up meals on wheels. She says she'd be embarrassed if people brought her food. Her sin is pride and I told her that it will be her pride that eventually does her in. She's so afraid what others will think of her, that she engages in dangerous things so no one knows she's fragile. Anyone can see she can barely stand up, but she's worried that people will think she's weak if she uses a cane or walker. She can barely button her shirts, so I ask her to let me order some pull over shirts so she doesn't have to button. Nope. She wants things her way, yet she can't do it her way.

I'm sorry to unload. I'm trying to be understanding to her. I'm just very frustrated that she insists on her dangerous ways with no compromise. Some days I tell myself to let her cook her own goose and accidently off herself with her pride. Then I feel guilty because I know she's just trying to control something she can't control and she can't overcome that.

 

[Serving Zion]

Yes, I'm tne only girl which is a problem. My mom doesn't want to "bother" my brothers. The biggest problem is not that she doesn't have anyone to help her. Her sister goes to her house and stays like 7 days in a row, having my mother pay for her to eat out 3x a day. She's a big help to my mother, but the wrong help. Her sister is picking fights with neighbors, has alienated all of us kids, and tells my mother we walk all over her. My aunt is jealous of us and convinces my mother that we only want money from her. I certainly don't want my mother's money because the more she gives away, the sooner she'll be living in my car with her cat, my nine cats, and a son with a convicted felony charge (when he's released from prison years from now).

Then there's the fact that she refuses anything that's helpful. I practically had to force her to get a med alert button for her neck. She tells me she doesn't wear it at home because she can hold onto walls when she walks around. I tell her I can set up meals on wheels. She says she'd be embarrassed if people brought her food. Her sin is pride and I told her that it will be her pride that eventually does her in. She's so afraid what others will think of her, that she engages in dangerous things so no one knows she's fragile. Anyone can see she can barely stand up, but she's worried that people will think she's weak if she uses a cane or walker. She can barely button her shirts, so I ask her to let me order some pull over shirts so she doesn't have to button. Nope. She wants things her way, yet she can't do it her way.

I'm sorry to unload. I'm trying to be understanding to her. I'm just very frustrated that she insists on her dangerous ways with no compromise. Some days I tell myself to let her cook her own goose and accidently off herself with her pride. Then I feel guilty because I know she's just trying to control something she can't control and she can't overcome that.

How long has she been such a problem? .. I mean, do you know what the trigger was? It sounds like her sister is the worst thing for her in all this, that if you could bring her into an environment that eases the misery and encourages sound thinking, she could bounce back.

 

[not_a_unicorn]

How long has she been such a problem? .. I mean, do you know what the trigger was? It sounds like her sister is the worst thing for her in all this, that if you could bring her into an environment that eases the misery and encourages sound thinking, she could bounce back.

My aunt has been driving my mom crazy her entire life. They are the poster children for co-dependency. My mom is also the most stubborn person I know. But I truly think getting old scares her. She told me once she didn't want to die because she was going to hell. I tried to convince her that she wasn't going to hell, but she believes it. So I think that and wanting control even death itself is her biggest worries.

 

[Serving Zion]

My aunt has been driving my mom crazy her entire life. They are the poster children for co-dependency. My mom is also the most stubborn person I know. But I truly think getting old scares her. She told me once she didn't want to die because she was going to hell. I tried to convince her that she wasn't going to hell, but she believes it. So I think that and wanting control even death itself is her biggest worries.

Yeah that's why I suggested a change of environment, because doctrine cannot be so easily shattered by speaking the truth against it .. it's a thing that tends to rub off over time, as the ideas take hold, as though one of those seeds will finally sprout and take root (Matthew 13:35 & Luke 8:13 .. the crop goes to waste in the absence of good care).