Any virgins?

[stan1472]

There was an earlier thread about women who are not thin mistreating women who are thin.

As a 39-year-old male virgin, I can relate. You know, people implying that my status is due to self-esteem problems, mental illness, pathological shyness, etc. It has even happened in this forum called Christian Forums.

Now I am reading in this thread that, basically, virginity is not a big deal. It's purity that is a big deal, or something like that, people are saying.

If it is not a big deal then why do people feel the need to pathologize a person over it? If it is not a big deal then why do people feel the need to downplay it and point to other things such as "purity"?

In that aforementioned earlier thread the concensus was that the root cause was things like "jealousy" and "insecurity"...

Anyway, nobody has ever given me a rational reason to behave differently. However, I have plenty of rational reasons not to change. You know, things like unwanted pregnancy, venereal diseases, etc.

Sexuality is a very complicated personal and social phenomenon and people's experience with it can be due to countless variables.

All of this virginity vs. purity; "I made a mistake but now I am pure. That's what really matters"; virginity is ideal, but...; "I'm not necessarily waiting until marriage but I am waiting until I am with somebody I am close to emotionally"; etc.; etc. business is extremely oversimplistic, in my humble opinion.

Or am I also going to be judged for not being "pure"? I am sure that my experience--basically, being a male virgin mostly for practical reasons--does not meet any theological idea of "purity".

 

[Starpuppy]

I am a virgin too! I am 23 and people around me are getting "some" but i want to give my precious to someone special who is loyal to me and the Lord and be loyal to her in return

 

[Sonfest Rocker]

Im not
i gave it away and now wish i hadnt

 

[.Iona.]

Im not
i gave it away and now wish i hadnt

Do you wish you gave it to someone special, or within marriage?

 

[Sonfest Rocker]

Do you wish you gave it to someone special, or within marriage?

honestly
probably just to someone special
mainly to the guy i was going to marry
but if i could take it back and seeing i cant have the one i want
i would wait till marrige
if that makes sense

 

[MacFall]

Actually, don't.

I was going to say that.

 

[christiancoach]

I appreciate your candor. You are honest in your feelings and that's something to be proud of. There were times in the past that I would not tell people that I was a virgin, but when I turned 24 I became more secure with myself and if anyone asks, I say "yes" with pride and security.

To me the Bible is very clear on sex outside marriage and I struggle daily to live the way that God wants me to and to honor Him in all I do.

This is a subject that's near and dear to my heart because it's such a personal thing with me. If I wasn't a Christian and wanting to do everything to please God, I would still be a virgin. Being in the medical field, I have seen things that would make anyone take pause before they decide that sex is just a casual thing. It's the stuff nightmares are made of.

 

[MacFall]

I appreciate your candor. You are honest in your feelings and that's something to be proud of. There were times in the past that I would not tell people that I was a virgin, but when I turned 24 I became more secure with myself and if anyone asks, I say "yes" with pride and security.

Heh, I used to lie and say I had had sex with women, even among my Christian friends. That was because I was insecure about not being accepted as "normal" by the world's standards, which insecurity I no longer possess (and that's the understatement of the year).

This is a subject that's near and dear to my heart because it's such a personal thing with me. If I wasn't a Christian and wanting to do everything to please God, I would still be a virgin.

Same here. God doesn't make laws that are not to our benefit, and the benefits of marital exclusivity - spiritual/emotional as well as physical - are so obvious to me, I would still believe in it even if it had never been presented to me as a moral precept.

 

[stan1472]

I appreciate your candor. You are honest in your feelings and that's something to be proud of. There were times in the past that I would not tell people that I was a virgin, but when I turned 24 I became more secure with myself and if anyone asks, I say "yes" with pride and security.

To me the Bible is very clear on sex outside marriage and I struggle daily to live the way that God wants me to and to honor Him in all I do.

This is a subject that's near and dear to my heart because it's such a personal thing with me. If I wasn't a Christian and wanting to do everything to please God, I would still be a virgin. Being in the medical field, I have seen things that would make anyone take pause before they decide that sex is just a casual thing. It's the stuff nightmares are made of.

 

[Noigel]

I’m a virgin and I’m almost 30. I’ve disguised myself by appearing not to be one which has allowed me to integrate quite successfully in various social situations, where most people would feel quite insecure and uncomfortable. Being ‘pure’ in my opinion allows one to build a stronger relationship with God because your insight into the value and meaning of love is not based on superficialities of attraction or idolisms that act to distort the meaning itself. Love is essentially the acknowledgement of treating the less fortunate with compassion and is not necessarily unique to one singular entity. Once you succumb to deviant desires, it taints and disfigures this logic, creating a selfish desire that is imposed on others disingenuously. The mind is a very powerful spiritual tool and if used correctly it can protect you from all forms evil. I love God and I feel happy that I am what I am; knowing that my allegiance is to the Almighty and nothing will be able to destroy that.

 

[Sunset2009]

I'm a virgin, albeit I really don't put 'virginity' on a pedestal the way I used to when I was younger. I know now that YES, fornication is sin, but it's mentioned as a sin in the same sentence that lying is... sins are all the same, yknow. However, I will say that I think there is a lot of importance in virginity. I would never risk getting pregnant outside of marriage, STDs, the whole shebang. Fact is, it's not simply a "religious rule," peeps. It's smart stuff. Very smart stuff. To this day I cannot believe the number of women who let men have their way with them, and don't make him commit. Sex can be so degrading. I once read someone say that sex itself is one of the most degrading acts you can imagine. (I mean really, think about it.) The only thing that makes it beautiful is when both people are connected, heart and soul and body. And you're not going to get the full aspect of that unless you're married.

 

[Balugon]

I've never had anyone ask me. I think just looking at me pretty much gives it away.

lol.
---

And as for myself, I'm a virgin and happy to be one. I think virginity should be emphasized because getting into sexual relations before marriage puts a false pleasure and happiness into relationships that can mask how well the relationship is actually going, which means people might stay longer in relationships that they shouldn't be in. There is also the risk of pregnancy and STI's.

I'm actually currently reading a book called "Virginity Lost", which happens to go over some people's first experiences and the before and afters, and also talks about different viewpoints that people have toward virginity and how it affects their sexual and life choices. It's kind of interesting, though I was a bit shocked at how early some of the people in the book were having sex and the age they mentioned their schoolmates were having sex. If anyone is interested in the book, the amazon page is:

Amazon.com: Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (9780814716533): Laura Carpenter: Books

which could then allow you to possibly find it in a library near you.

 

[MacFall]

And as for myself, I'm a virgin and happy to be one.

What?! How can you be a nudist and not have sex ALL THE TIME?![/fundie naivete]

 

[stan1472]

I'm a virgin, albeit I really don't put 'virginity' on a pedestal the way I used to when I was younger. I know now that YES, fornication is sin, but it's mentioned as a sin in the same sentence that lying is... sins are all the same, yknow. However, I will say that I think there is a lot of importance in virginity. I would never risk getting pregnant outside of marriage, STDs, the whole shebang. Fact is, it's not simply a "religious rule," peeps. It's smart stuff. Very smart stuff. To this day I cannot believe the number of women who let men have their way with them, and don't make him commit. Sex can be so degrading. I once read someone say that sex itself is one of the most degrading acts you can imagine. (I mean really, think about it.) The only thing that makes it beautiful is when both people are connected, heart and soul and body. And you're not going to get the full aspect of that unless you're married.

 

[Annie Mouse]

Jesus stayed celibate when he was on this earth. I think that in and of itself is food for thought.

I heard as a young girl that it is not ok for christians to have premarital intercourse, and I took it seriously. Then as an undergrad, I had a friend who said she and her fiance were not planning on kissing until after marriage. I thought that was a good idea.

So essentially, I'm a virgin, never even kissed a guy/never been kissed, and I'm over the age of 30.
I guess if I wanted to marry, I'd be hard pressed to find a guy who is also a never-been-kissed virgin who is around my age. LOL.

 

[white dove]

I strongly disagree that sex is degrading, especially that it is the most degrading act imaginable. Sex is intensely personal. You can't strip from it how intimate an act it is. Yet, degrading? Not unless you're referring to sado-masochism, in which case I'd suggest stop watching SVU.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

lol

 

[MacFall]

I strongly disagree that sex is degrading, especially that it is the most degrading act imaginable. Sex is intensely personal. You can't strip from it how intimate an act it is. Yet, degrading? Not unless you're referring to sado-masochism, in which case I'd suggest stop watching SVU.

I would say that anything at all, no matter how beautiful, can be degraded when it is misused. People who misuse sex degrade sex, but they do not make sex itself degrading, any more than a glutton makes food itself degrading, or a shock artist makes art itself degrading. But it seems to be a popular thing to look at man's abuse of something that God made and say that the thing itself is wrong somehow.

 

[white dove]

I would say that anything at all, no matter how beautiful, can be degraded when it is misused. People who misuse sex degrade sex, but they do not make sex itself degrading, any more than a glutton makes food itself degrading, or a shock artist makes art itself degrading. But it seems to be a popular thing to look at man's abuse of something that God made and say that the thing itself is wrong somehow.

That makes more sense than the post I was referring to. Degrading and degraded are 2 different concepts. Not sure if that's what the other person meant when he or she said it.

 

[lawtonfogle]

I strongly disagree that sex is degrading, especially that it is the most degrading act imaginable. Sex is intensely personal. You can't strip from it how intimate an act it is. Yet, degrading? Not unless you're referring to sado-masochism, in which case I'd suggest stop watching SVU.

I would say even S and M isn't itself degrading, especially on the lighter end. The major issue is how it is used. Is sex used to dominate another person, something that many rapist do, or is it used to express and build love and intimacy? How sex is being used on television has become very degrading, especially as it is used more and more to sell things. But sex itself can still be used in a most beautiful of ways.