joeman1 said:
Thats just it how do you not live on hold? I thought I could and every so often these emotions return and things go crazy for me, I guess what really bothers me is that communications just stopped. there wasn't even as much as lets not talk any more or something like that.
I well understand about communications simply stopping, having had it happen to me a number of times. Most people find it easier to simply cut things off and leave you hanging. It's much more challenging to talk to someone and tell them what's going on. Most people aren't that brave.
As to not living on hold, there is no magic formula, just a simple to understand but very challenging direction to live - walk on by with the Lord. I've often had the emotional waves wash over me and come back and back and back, so I know exactly what you're talking about. But what is the answer for living?
For me it was what may seem to be a contradiction to many - I gave it all up to the Lord, accepted that God may well have decreed that I never be married, never have that Christian helpmeet for life or friend to be there. I went through the pain, accepted it as a very real, and gave it up to God's providence and sovereignty, essentially believing that whatever He sent my way would be for my good and praising to Him. I made Him my rock, knowing He is the only constant in my life and made that where I based my comfort, not the hope of a marriage or relationship.
And then, here is the contradiction - having gone that way, that frees me to search and to go on looking with open possibilities, and without the pressure of 'must have'. 'Must have' is replaced with 'must glorify'. And I do what I can to the best of my ability to find what God may or may not send, while at the same time living with my comfort on God today. And that is the big shift - living in today rather than in tomorrow. God is here today, I have responsibilities and hopes today - if hoped for tomorrows never come, when that day comes, God will be there.
Do the emotions come back and things go crazy? Sometimes, but it's gotten to be now to where it's never more than twenty minutes at a time or an evening. And then, like the psalmist, I come back to perspective and reliance. Would I love to have a loving Christian wife or even a hopeful relationship? Most definitely - but what has God sent me today? That is where He has me and that is where I must praise Him even while working faithfully and standing on Him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the heart of living in God's world is that you never put your will or dreams up against His providence. Dreams are only our hopes - but in the end, for now, today, and tomorrow, it needs to be 'thy will be done'. And that means putting the ultimate outcome of .everything. in God's hands, including accepting that it may never happen. It means being open to whatever God sends for good _or ill_. My father once said that 'submission isn't submission until you disagree.' In the same way, living in trust (and obedience) isn't for real if you hold reservations. Letting things go to God's decree, even while faithfully walking after them is the only way. Just like love is to be unconditional, so trust in God needs to be unconditional - not blind believing that He will give you what you want if you just wait and pray hard enough, but unconditionally walking minute by minute in faithful working, open to whatever He sends.
Not living on hold means letting it go and letting it go open. Go forward with your life. You've done what you can and the ball has been in her court. If she wants it, she'll communicate. She may never do so, so don't hold your breath. Go forward and move on with your life. Accept that it may not be God's will for you to be together, look forward to what He may send in the future, and start walking again, allowing for other possibilities. Trust Him - if He wants it to happen it will, but you've done what you can. Walk on and live in today rather than a yesterday or a dreamed of tomorrow. Dreams are good and blessed, but if they paralyze you from God's comfort, then how you relate to them needs to be adjusted. As our Lord said, do not worry about tomorrow. Work for tomorrow, yes, but don't worry, and don't live in 'what if' - trust in God for what will actually come. From a human perspective it can be scary living with no human assurances, but we have the ultimate divine assurance, that God will be there and will care for us. Let Him do His job. Your job is to glorify Him in your living and living confidently in dependence on Him.
How do I not live on hold? When they come, I reach down to every reservation, fear, doubt, clung to self-held dream and stubbornness I have and pulling them up by the roots give them to God and rely on Him, working to have no conditions placed on God. I know nothing about the ultimates of what will come today except that I will work to live my best for Him and that as successful as I am I will not be perfect and my situation will not be perfect from a human standpoint, but He is here and to be glorified. The dreams I have are all conditional on what He will send, although I work from the human side of life to help them come true. In the end I truly know nothing about tomorrow except that He will be there. And knowing that He is here and that my condition comes from Him brings my comfort and allows me to be joyful. I don't live in 'what if' - I live in 'God has given' and 'I am doing...'.
God is your Anchor. God is your Rock. And that is yesterday, today, and forever. He is the only true constant in life - all else is blessing from His hand, and each and every day is a separate and independent blessing. Thank Him for what He gave you in the past as a blessing and walk on.
Hopefully that's not too much at once, or too vague but I hope it helps. Sometimes it's a challenge to express things like this.
S.D.G
