Angry...

[bop1997]

I agree with syrup6!

 

[-FOC-]

My wife and I have talked about this type of thing a lot.

We both understand that human beings inherantly are drawn to certain things. Men to the shape of females, for instance.

What we usually do is not actively try to fight off things, but try to get focused on something else.
I call it ''diverting''

Instead of trying to NOT look, which will cause you to spend the night thinking about it, try to find something else to focus your mind on instead.

Ive found that after a few moments one can pretty much completely get past whatever it is that they are trying to keep out of their mind.

So what Id have done personally was to tell my wife about the woman in with her chest hanging out and immediately switched seats if that would have helped get it out of my line of sight....then found something about my wife to get involved in a discussion about.

Diverting onto something else.is very effective over trying to just not look or get something out of your mind.

Today was our anniversary, (2nd married, 10th since we started dating), and it should have been a happy occassion, but was marred by an incident at dinner. We went to a very fancy restaurant, and were seated right by the wall with a mirror on it. A few minutes after we sit down, another couple was seated at the table right next to ours. A short time later, as I am responding to our waiter, I accidentally catch a look right at the woman's chest (she's diagonally across from me), and notice that, by virtue of her extremely low-cut dress, there is a lot exposed. Well, this flustered me a lot, and I spent all dinner actively avoiding looking in either direction (recall that the mirror was to the right). Despite prayer and trying to put it out of my mind, I just couldn't manage it, and my wife could tell something was bothering me, which ended up getting her distressed. I told her after dinner what it was, and she was upset because she didn't see it as a big deal that was worth ruining dinner over.

Now, I don't see it necessarily as little, because while I may not have lusted (sexually) per se, it certainly distracted me and affected my walk with God in a negative manner, as well as spoiled the special evening with my wife.

Now I'm angry at myself for ruining the evening, angry at the woman for her choice in dress (or lack thereof) that caused me, and perhaps others, to slip, and angry at Satan for striking at me like that. I know I'm really to blame, which just makes me more frustrated. There are enough struggles with temptation and sin without having to deal with seeing stuff like that on a consistent, daily basis (especially on a college campus).

I wonder how difficult it would have been for Jesus to remain pure and sinless in today's morally depraved society. (rhetorical, I know He would have)

I know all I can do is tighten the armor of God around me and keep praying for the new, sanctified nature where I don't notice these things any more.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

 

[Vilnius]

As a woman who has lived her entire life in the US, it's hard to believe that in other countries, guys do not find breasts sexy. Is that really true? Are women allowed to go around in public with no shirts on? In your country, if a woman is trying to look sexy, is cleavage not one of the ways she does so?

I lived in Europe for over five years. Many publications somehow managed to work-in photos of topless women almost daily. I have no doubt this was to maintain sales from males who wanted their daily dose of lust. The differnce between the US and Europe, is the lack of making a moral issue out of lust/sex in an overwhelmingly secular Europe.

 

[Vilnius]

YA know, I knew that men were visual, and that lust is one of the top 5 struggles, but you sharing your story makes me see the intensity!! Praise God you didn't entertain any illicit thoughts, I just have a hard time understanding (altho i believe the intensity) how a woman can be soooo distracting while not fantasizing. Is it the "concept" of "trying" NOT to go there in your head that made you so flustered??

I also agree, that we as christian women (the ones who KNOW better) should avoid provocative clothing in public places!

Two books that will give you understanding on this issue male sexuality in general are: Every Man's Battle, and The Sexual Man by Hart

 

[sldean2004]

I think you have a conscience which is the most important thing. You seem like a very nice husband.

You should read my post, "Loving Thy Neighbor Jezebel".

I have a similar problem with a neighbor and her weekly shows are so compelling that even I look everytime I step outside, so I can imagine how hard it must be for my husband. We are newlyweds and it is so hard to have this temptation next door every day. And it hurts my feelings SOO bad that my husband looks, though he says he doesn't. I know he tries, but I wish women like this wouldn't make it so difficult for the men trying to be good.

 

[ub4me]

at least you tried not to look, and resented being distracted.
And admitted that it was a distraction.

some guys would break there neck to look, and then deny that they did...while holding on to their wife.

your honesty is an attractive quality!!!!

 

[acodno]

I don't understand what the big deal is about breasts in American culture. I just finished spending all day with my sister and sister-in-law and they both had babies last month and they were both feeding the infants in front of the family and friends. No one got embarrassed, or anxious, or "stumbling" in the way you've described. You look, because it is a part of life that we as Christians all celebrate. But there is nothing to be afraid of from lumps of fat made for babies!

I think we all need to stop making a fetish that causes disturbances out of such a mundane part of the body.

I don't think the problem is people's perception of "breasts". The problem is the way some women use their breast to sexually attract. It would be a lot easier for a man to see breasts as something God created for breast feeding, bottom line, but that's just not the way it is. Even God knew breasts would be something men loved about a woman, read Song of Solomon. Of course it should be your wife's breasts that you love, I am not implying that it is okay to look at other people's . The point is that women have used this as a way of getting men, instead of just having breasts and allowing their husband to appreciate them.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I commend you for Your:1. Honesty
2. Telling your wife the truth
3. Doing your best to look away
4. Not wanting to do it
5. The morals for knowing it is wrong and having that inner drive within yourself.


HB

 

[God's daughter]

The American culture's relationship to the female breasts is very unusual in the world. In no other country do you see the high percentage of women getting breast implants, breast reductions, push up bras, etc. In no other country is there such a taboo about public breastfeeding.

I remember having a conversation with a group of women in Mali, west Africa, and I told them that American men are attracted to breast tissue of women, and the women busted out laughing. They could not believe what I was telling them, and incredulously, they asked "Do you mean grown men are attracted to breasts like little babies?" Breasts in most cultures simply do not have the social and sexual meaning that American Christian culture pours into them.

I think you are right with regards to the public breast-feeding taboo...it is not such a big issue in the parts of the world (outside US) that i have been.
As an African myself though ( even though i live in the US now) i can say that African men are very attracted to the breasts of women. I have a brother and guy friends and i can say it is definitely seen sexually.
I haven't spent time in Europe but i think it is safe to say European men are not indifferent to breasts. THey may be more used to seeing women be freer about their bodies, but they still have a sexual appeal for them.

Not to generalize but i think it is NOT only an American thing for guys to be sexually attracted/drawn to womens breasts and cleavage.
Just to point that out.

 

[Shok]

Great sermon on Biblical dress code.

http://www.momof9splace.com/sermon.html

Please note one typo. Proverbs 25:29 should read Proverbs 29:25.


Shok

 

[Cappadocian]

Sounds more like an anxiety disorder -- OCD or some kind of sexual fetish or partialism than anything else.

Get an a pill, man, and don't blame your insecurities and preoccupations on other people.

Luvox, Paxil, Prozac, or Celexa would do you well.