Angry...

[revrobor]

My wife does not have a problem with me looking at women. I think the most beautiful thing God ever created was woman. The first thing I would have done would be to call my wife's attention to the woman's clothing. I have been faithful to my wife for 35 years, she knows that and is very secure in our marriage.

Yes. today we men are bombarded by scantily clad women in their bare-bellied fashions. But for me the reaction goes from appreciation of the female form to boring to disgusting as I see more and more women flaunting their bodies while emulating some popular apparently amoral icon.

Don't let these immodestly dressed females control how you feel or where you look. You know they are dressing that way to cause you to look. They are to be pitied as they apparently think their bodies are their primary contribution to society. The Bible makes it clear how Christian women are to dress.

So you blew the dinner because you didn't know how to react. Your wife doesn't seem to think it's that big a deal, so move on.

 

[kayanne]

I don't understand what the big deal is about breasts in American culture. I just finished spending all day with my sister and sister-in-law and they both had babies last month and they were both feeding the infants in front of the family and friends. No one got embarrassed, or anxious, or "stumbling" in the way you've described. You look, because it is a part of life that we as Christians all celebrate. But there is nothing to be afraid of from lumps of fat made for babies!

I think we all need to stop making a fetish that causes disturbances out of such a mundane part of the body.

As a woman who has lived her entire life in the US, it's hard to believe that in other countries, guys do not find breasts sexy. Is that really true? Are women allowed to go around in public with no shirts on? In your country, if a woman is trying to look sexy, is cleavage not one of the ways she does so?

 

[Clement of Alexandria]

As a woman who has lived her entire life in the US, it's hard to believe that in other countries, guys do not find breasts sexy. Is that really true? Are women allowed to go around in public with no shirts on? In your country, if a woman is trying to look sexy, is cleavage not one of the ways she does so?

The American culture's relationship to the female breasts is very unusual in the world. In no other country do you see the high percentage of women getting breast implants, breast reductions, push up bras, etc. In no other country is there such a taboo about public breastfeeding.

I remember having a conversation with a group of women in Mali, west Africa, and I told them that American men are attracted to breast tissue of women, and the women busted out laughing. They could not believe what I was telling them, and incredulously, they asked "Do you mean grown men are attracted to breasts like little babies?" Breasts in most cultures simply do not have the social and sexual meaning that American Christian culture pours into them.

If you are more interested in this topic, an interesting book is: "Breasts: The Women's Perspective on an American Obsession by Carolyn Latteier."

 

[Kelly]

please remove my post

 

[U R my Sonshine]

The American culture's relationship to the female breasts is very unusual in the world. In no other country do you see the high percentage of women getting breast implants, breast reductions, push up bras, etc. In no other country is there such a taboo about public breastfeeding.

I remember having a conversation with a group of women in Mali, west Africa, and I told them that American men are attracted to breast tissue of women, and the women busted out laughing. They could not believe what I was telling them, and incredulously, they asked "Do you mean grown men are attracted to breasts like little babies?" Breasts in most cultures simply do not have the social and sexual meaning that American Christian culture pours into them.

If you are more interested in this topic, an interesting book is: "Breasts: The Women's Perspective on an American Obsession by Carolyn Latteier."

I breast fed both our children and it makes my husband very nervous if I do it in front of other people. I usually have to with our daughter (9months old) but try not too when I can avoid it.

After childbirth and nursing, they (breasts) don't seem to sexy to me....but the OP has a valid point. Women need to take heed to not be stumbling blocks to men. Of course it is all relative, but some styles today are ridiculous.

 

[lourie]

Dang guy take a pill.

i think u are over reacting a bit.

 

[U R my Sonshine]

Dang guy take a pill.

i think u are over reacting a bit.

I think it is very sweet that he is that aware of his wifes feelings and that aware of a potential to have bad thoughts.

My husband would have just looked and lied about it

 

[lourie]

I think it is very sweet that he is that aware of his wifes feelings and that aware of a potential to have bad thoughts.

My husband would have just looked and lied about it

But his wife didnt seem to care and he was the one that made a big deal about it and messed up the night. sounds like he is looking for some attention,

 

[MusicalProgrammer]

But his wife didnt seem to care and he was the one that made a big deal about it and messed up the night. sounds like he is looking for some attention,

Excuse me? I can't believe you just said that...

My wife DID care, because it was a stumbling block for me. She is FORGIVING, not UNCARING.

And no, I'm not looking for ATTENTION, I'm looking for ADVICE. I was also curious to see if other people feel the same way, and apparently most of them they do.

 

[U R my Sonshine]

Excuse me? I can't believe you just said that...

My wife DID care, because it was a stumbling block for me. She is FORGIVING, not UNCARING.

And no, I'm not looking for ATTENTION, I'm looking for ADVICE. I was also curious to see if other people feel the same way, and apparently most of them they do.

Don't sweat the trouble makers. It was clear you were just looking for Christian advice.

 

[Torah]

What does one expect? If you’re going to go out into public you’re going to see what this world is about [.] You could have asked your wife to change seats with you. Or ask the Waiter to change tables. Or you could have just said to your wife “Worldly chick” at two o-clock. And forget about it. “It’s the world”. Now if you want to get up set it should be about woman that dress that way and then show up at service.
At our Congregation If you come to service 3 times in a row and dress like that, A older woman will very nicely speak to you about modesty. Then if you come in with your cleavage showing or skirts to short or so tight it shows all your curves. An older lady will give you a scarf to cover your top and or a wraparound skirt to wear.
“The flesh wants what the flesh wants”[.]

 

[melissa1]

I think it is wonderful you had so much self control not to look like most men would. I think your wife should be very proud of you. I think its wonderful your wife didnt think it was such a big deal and you should be proud of her. Do you think there is a diffrence between "looking" at a beautiful woman or man and "lusting" after? I think the human body is a beautiful thing. So is it wrong to admire not in a sinful way? Like acient paintings and statues there are many nude women and even men so is that considered sinful or beauty? Just something to think about and maybe it will make you feel better.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well...don't get upset with yourself.
Did you learn anything from this? Not telling you what you should learn. Just...what would you do differently next time?

Girls don't get ugly when you get married.

 

[brokenbananas]

Girls don't get ugly when you get married.

I'm not sure if I took this correctly, but this statement cracked me up. I know I get on far more as a married woman than as a single....

 

[MusicalProgrammer]

Thank you all for your advice; most everyone has been very helpful!

Well...don't get upset with yourself.
Did you learn anything from this? Not telling you what you should learn. Just...what would you do differently next time?

Next time I'd switch seats.

Also, sharing this experience with first my wife and then this community has helped my walk with Christ; admitting my worldliness is helping me let go of my old nature thanks to the grace of God!

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Today was our anniversary, (2nd married, 10th since we started dating), and it should have been a happy occassion, but was marred by an incident at dinner. We went to a very fancy restaurant, and were seated right by the wall with a mirror on it. A few minutes after we sit down, another couple was seated at the table right next to ours. A short time later, as I am responding to our waiter, I accidentally catch a look right at the woman's chest (she's diagonally across from me), and notice that, by virtue of her extremely low-cut dress, there is a lot exposed. Well, this flustered me a lot, and I spent all dinner actively avoiding looking in either direction (recall that the mirror was to the right). Despite prayer and trying to put it out of my mind, I just couldn't manage it, and my wife could tell something was bothering me, which ended up getting her distressed. I told her after dinner what it was, and she was upset because she didn't see it as a big deal that was worth ruining dinner over.

Now, I don't see it necessarily as little, because while I may not have lusted (sexually) per se, it certainly distracted me and affected my walk with God in a negative manner, as well as spoiled the special evening with my wife.

Now I'm angry at myself for ruining the evening, angry at the woman for her choice in dress (or lack thereof) that caused me, and perhaps others, to slip, and angry at Satan for striking at me like that. I know I'm really to blame, which just makes me more frustrated. There are enough struggles with temptation and sin without having to deal with seeing stuff like that on a consistent, daily basis (especially on a college campus).

I wonder how difficult it would have been for Jesus to remain pure and sinless in today's morally depraved society. (rhetorical, I know He would have)

I know all I can do is tighten the armor of God around me and keep praying for the new, sanctified nature where I don't notice these things any more.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

You are a good husband, good man and example. Keep on doing your best.

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Don't sweat the trouble makers. It was clear you were just looking for Christian advice.

Yep.

 

[Vilnius]

Today was our anniversary, (2nd married, 10th since we started dating), and it should have been a happy occassion, but was marred by an incident at dinner. We went to a very fancy restaurant, and were seated right by the wall with a mirror on it. A few minutes after we sit down, another couple was seated at the table right next to ours. A short time later, as I am responding to our waiter, I accidentally catch a look right at the woman's chest (she's diagonally across from me), and notice that, by virtue of her extremely low-cut dress, there is a lot exposed. Well, this flustered me a lot, and I spent all dinner actively avoiding looking in either direction (recall that the mirror was to the right). Despite prayer and trying to put it out of my mind, I just couldn't manage it, and my wife could tell something was bothering me, which ended up getting her distressed. I told her after dinner what it was, and she was upset because she didn't see it as a big deal that was worth ruining dinner over.

Now, I don't see it necessarily as little, because while I may not have lusted (sexually) per se, it certainly distracted me and affected my walk with God in a negative manner, as well as spoiled the special evening with my wife.

Now I'm angry at myself for ruining the evening, angry at the woman for her choice in dress (or lack thereof) that caused me, and perhaps others, to slip, and angry at Satan for striking at me like that. I know I'm really to blame, which just makes me more frustrated. There are enough struggles with temptation and sin without having to deal with seeing stuff like that on a consistent, daily basis (especially on a college campus).

I wonder how difficult it would have been for Jesus to remain pure and sinless in today's morally depraved society. (rhetorical, I know He would have)

I know all I can do is tighten the armor of God around me and keep praying for the new, sanctified nature where I don't notice these things any more.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

Been there, done that

Restaurants do seem to be one of those places I have to be more on guard to watch my eyes. Most often, not because of the customers, but the young waitresses. Your wife's solution is the one I came up with a couple of years ago. One my way to the table, if I notice a source of temptation, I decide where to sit so I won't be able to see. Usually this works out in a chivelrous (sp?) fashion, because I end up facing a wall while my wife gets the view. My wife understands completely and is very appreciative. In fact, she is my partner, always clueing me in if she sees someone that may cause me to stumble . In this way it is "us against them" instead of "them and me" against my wife.

My advice is to let your wife in on your struggle to the extent she is comfortable and become a team --like in the rest of your life. Many people find it does not work to have your wife as an acountability partner, but after my wife got educated on the problem, it has worked well for us. Perhaps if you both read books like "Every Man's Battle" and "The Sexual Male" you both will learn that your struggle is typical and that she is blessed to have a husband who is willing to fight the battle rather than wallow in lust every chance he gets. These books will also help strengthen you in your fight. When it comes time to have kids, it will also help her understand what you need to do to protect your children in this area.

Praise God

 

[Princessperky]

As a gal who likes to show off, I think the trouble is the 'oh no an ankle!' attitude.

If it were perfectly normal to see a chest in your eyes you wouldn't be bothered. but the as I call it '14 year old never seen one response' is ingraned in you, cause it is a secret what a woman looks like or something, sheesh my chest is out and about to feed kids a bazzilion times a day for a year at a time, why can't I be cool and comfortable when I am not nursing?

Now a quick glance is one thing, drooling is unacceptable regardless of marriage. Seems to me your guilt over liking the view was worse than the view. Notice and move on, like a rembrant painting or something. Better yet, notice how much better the light sparkles off your wifes eyes, and how her smile makes you feel like a million dollars (and how the outfit compliments your WIFEs chest, or if this one hides it, I assume after 2 years you know what it looks like and can dredge it up for a quick reminder)

 

[If Not For Grace]

" I know I'm really to blame, which just makes me more frustrated. There are enough struggles with temptation and sin without having to deal with seeing stuff like that on a consistent, daily basis (especially on a college campus). "


It should not matter if the woman in the next booth were stark naked. If your heart is focused, (on your wife an anniversary) it would not have been an issue.
Should have been able to look away an get back on track? He said it above...