...an observation...

[hikingchick77]

ummmm it's really simple guys.

"hey, I'm wondering if you would wanna get some coffie sometime"

"sure, thats a lovely offer"

it's real simple.... really. Women just want to feel wanted and they also are attracted to men who charge the fence and go after what they want. This all comes together to say "hey dudes! Ask the girl out!"

Personally, I prefer that and when guys cut right to the chase instead of doing the creepy trying to friend you and flirt you up thing, when they say they are your "friend" but it is clear that they want more. Just state it and ask someone out, instead of being that creepy stalker type that keeps hanging around and you don't know why!

 

[latteda]

IMHO the "friendzone" is a Seinfieldian urban myth that way too many guys obsess over

if a guy befriends me in order to try for something more, its very obvious and a real turn-off. If a guy befriends me because he wants to know me and have an actual friendship regardless of whether or not it goes anywhere then he actually has a much better chance because the relationship is much more relaxed and it allows me to see who he really is and if a romantic relationship is actually something i'd want with him. If we're not a good match romantically then yes we'll stay friends. but that doesn't mean its because some friendship line has been crossed

Another great post by little_tigress.

I can operate in that zone. It just takes opportunity to knock and things can change.

This is definitely true. Although it probably is an exception, and a guy shouldn't expect it, it does happen that way sometimes.

I shall now do a jaunty Broadway-style exit from the thread...

For the win!!!

 

[deepgreen11]

So...

I'm not usually a violent person, usually I'm sweet enough to rot a grain of sugar's teeth, but when it comes to the term "Friendzone"...




and Friendzone ends up like

this.

 

[hikingchick77]

I have been friendzoned... BUT let me tell you that it was only because she was not attracted to me. That is what friendzone really consists of. She likes your personality but she just isn't attracted to you.

Best option is to not worry about it. I mean, who doesn't want to be friends with an attractive lady? Her and I would go out and pretend to be dating just so that guys wouldn't hit on her when we went out to bars and clubs. It was sort of fun.

Anyway, if you truly want to avoid the friendzone then just tell her the truth.

"Hi. You are very beautiful and I would love to meet you for coffee, dinner, or a bit of casual sex sometime."

Wow, I actually got that exact question the other day including the casual sex sometime bit!! Are you related to the guy that just asked me that or something!

You DON'T want to know what my answer was!!

 

[mina]

But then you've already been friendzoned.

Not if you haven't been a wimp and let the friendship drag out and out and never take any iniative to ask her out. I lose respect for a guy that just won't step up to the plate and ask out a girl he likes. It's good to first be her friend, but when it's obvious that you really like her and want more than a friendship, then ask, don't just be a giddy friend that turns red when she talks to you or gets mad when she meets someone else that will ask her out.

 

[Nilla]

What's sooo scary about being in the "friend-zone"??? So what you're friends...friends hang out, do stuff together.. takes the pressure off doesn't it?? perfect oppurtunity to get to know each other..

I don't know how many times I've heard that someone married their best friend.. in order to become best friends.. you have to be friends first!!

 

[hikingchick77]

What double standard... I am confused at this response. Please clarify?

You basically said that you didn't meet a women's criteria so you were basically in the friendzone from the start, but then you said next that you had criteria also i.e. must have a particular sense of humor.

 

[Jerimi]

You basically said that you didn't meet a women's criteria so you were basically in the friendzone from the start, but then you said next that you had criteria also i.e. must have a particular sense of humor.

Of course I have standards. Of course they have standards. I have no problem with not being what they are looking for. I do not get offended or upset when I am in the "friendzone". That was my point entirely. If you are in the firendzone, it is likely that you do not match their criteria for a dateable person. you should be happy with being friends and move on.

No double standard.

 

[hikingchick77]

I disagree.

Someone who can joke like that is comfortable with themselves. They have accepted themselves and have no fear of what others think of them.

I like that. No fear suits me as I am not afraid of much myself. When I say she was crazier than I thought... she wanted to get married. I didn't... so she tried everything. In the end, she wanted to get married so bad that she pushed me away. We parted on good terms but had to realize that we were just too different when it came to our future goals. Had I met her today, we would have gotten married the first time she asked. She was a wonderful woman... Just a bit crazy.

I agree...lack of fear is great, but you need boundaries or otherwise it is not a healthy person or relationship! It's not what she said that is an issue, it is the fact that she had no boundaries and blurted it out. Later on, she displayed her lack of boundaries by pushing the envelope and stopping at nothing for marriage.

 

[hikingchick77]

Of course I have standards. Of course they have standards. I have no problem with not being what they are looking for. I do not get offended or upset when I am in the "friendzone". That was my point entirely. If you are in the firendzone, it is likely that you do not match their criteria for a dateable person. you should be happy with being friends and move on.

No double standard.

Then stop complaining...lol!

 

[Jerimi]

...

I wasn't complaining

I was explaining why others shouldn't complain...

 

[hikingchick77]

...

I wasn't complaining

I was explaining why others shouldn't complain...

Sorry, it sounded like you were

Stop whining when you type!!!

 

[Inkachu]

OK, you two need to hook up.

 

[* kittie *]

This "friendzone" exists when I'm not attracted to the guy. It is not because "he's too nice" or he became too good of a friend. I think that belief exists because there are a lot of guy friends who are great...but naturally, everyone is not always compatible. Then guys simply forget to remember about com-pa-ti-bi-li-ty and start simplifying it to this friendzone myth. Sorry, but "she won't be with me because I'm friendzoned" sounds silly to me.

 

[mina]

^ that's true too.

 

[Im_A]

The term "friendzoned" - to me anyway - is nothing more than an insult to friendship and a reason for people (mostly guys) to whine like big babies. Friends are a tremendous blessing. If you're romantically interested, don't settle for being friends, move on and spare yourself the drama. If you're genuinely making a new friend, great, enjoy your new friend. Quit putting up with the "friendzone" mentality and you won't have to complain about it anymore.

That being said, I have lots of guy friends and I love em just for what they are; friends who are male. I wouldn't date/marry them because for various reasons we aren't compatible.

Guys here that I consider friends and nothing else:

Jerimi
Im_A
WileyCoyote
555onetwothreefour

Awesome dudes.

I agree(Thank you for the compliment btw Your pretty cool too ya know ).
I will have to say, when girls don't want the friendzone first, I must admit, I sometimes wonder if they are having some type of needy, needy, self-esteem moment. I only wonder that because I don't understand, so I hope no one is offended here.
To be a friend to someone that I am interested in, for me is the way I prefer to go after someone. Sure I have tried both ways but I like it when I befriend someone first and then we take the next step. Simply because, I get a sense, whether true or false, that I actually know this person to some degree instead of basing a new friendship based on romance. So if a woman has to feel wanted at the very second from a guy that shows some type of interest, looks like I'll be single for awhile because I prefer women who aren't so needy. We become friends, we get to know each other before any idea of romance, or desire for more than friends come about. Spend time with each other as people who may be slightly interested but they are more focused on building something that is more lasting, something that builds the ground to become companions.

ummmm it's really simple guys.

"hey, I'm wondering if you would wanna get some coffie sometime"

"sure, thats a lovely offer"

it's real simple.... really. Women just want to feel wanted and they also are attracted to men who charge the fence and go after what they want. This all comes together to say "hey dudes! Ask the girl out!"

I can say I agree to some degree, but for guys like me, just because I ask and take a girl out, that doesn't mean anything and for a girl to think that means I'm interested in her for more than friendship, well why a girl would think that, I don't know. Seems like self-esteem issues to me, but I may be too judgmental at times .

To actually get to a serious relationship or to where a real interest is in place, it takes more than a shared cup of coffee, or nice hips. Physical attraction is normally the first thing I ask out a date on, but for me to ask for a second date, there has to be some attraction started beyond the physical. Plus, I have taken girls out that we just had a friend mindset. Back in college, that was the norm for me for I only had one g/f in college.

Point being, for me, I hope a woman doesn't read too much or too little over a simple time of having a cup of coffee or other type of drink. The more they read into it, the more they will be disappointed, and the less they read into it, the more they will be disappointed. That's why a simple answer as, just ask her out, doesn't really apply for me. Asking someone I'm interested in isn't the problem for me. Being in the friendzone isn't the problem for me. My issues are in other areas.

Plus, I hope to find a woman that feels wanted when I befriend her instead of looking at her as something to catch. I hope she sees me as trying to respect both her and myself to take things very slowly, step by step. Become my friend, become someone that knows me without romance, and when romance comes it'll be in a better timeframe is how I guess I look at it.

 

[ido]

If a guy doesn't want to get friend-zoned, then he shouldn't befriend a lady in the first place. He should just ask her out.

 

[kevlite2020]

woooo 50 posts I can finally post images... Here's a nice relevant one!

 

[Im_A]

This "friendzone" exists when I'm not attracted to the guy. It is not because "he's too nice" or he became too good of a friend. I think that belief exists because there are a lot of guy friends who are great...but naturally, everyone is not always compatible. Then guys simply forget to remember about com-pa-ti-bi-li-ty and start simplifying it to this friendzone myth. Sorry, but "she won't be with me because I'm friendzoned" sounds silly to me.

Sounds silly to me as well. I know I mentioned women maybe having some self-esteem issues with rejecting guys being in the friendzone yet maybe when guys blame not getting a woman because they were "friendzoned", maybe they are having self-esteem issues because they were rejected and the woman flat out wasn't attracted to them or at worst, doesn't want to be with them.

 

[Inkachu]

If a guy doesn't want to get friend-zoned, then he shouldn't befriend a lady in the first place. He should just ask her out.

Zing!!!