Am I Weird, Or Is He Weird?

[Jermayn]

I know this guy. We're not really friends, but we're very friendly with each other. We see each other fairly often in social settings, but in about 10 years there's only been 5 or 6 times when we were alone together.

Five or six years ago, in conversation I happened to mention to him that I enjoy watching the Little League World Series. I told him that I like youth sports better than professional or college, because there's no money involved, and I feel like kids are playing a game for fun as you should. He then mentioned that his young son had started playing (American) football. I said something to the effect of "I'd love to see that" or "can I watch him play sometime?" I don't recall what was said next, but nothing came of it for over five years.

Fast forward to last week. We were talking about whatever, and I asked him if his son was still playing. The son is in the 8 to 12 age range, I estimate. He said yes, he's got a game coming up. I asked "Could I come watch?", and he gave me what I felt was a very strange and insulting response.

He just said no. I asked why not. He said "you're not family" and then added "but you can hang around us here" (here meaning where we often socialize with others usually including his wife and kids).

I should also mention that years ago, I was riding in his car when we needed to go to his house to pick some things up. He parked on a crossroad near his street, and had his petite wife walk down the sidewalk carrying the items. I thought that was strange. Did he not want me to know which house he lives in?

Am I being weird or is he? I have zero interest in "hanging around" his family, and have never said or done anything to indicate that I do, other than asking about watching his son play ball. I've spoken very briefly with his wife a couple of times, but I've never said a single word to any of his children, not even a "hi". I don't even remember his two girls' names.

Was it weird of me to ask to go watch his son play? Or is he weird for treating an innocuous request as if I'm a pedophile or stalker or something?

You stated that you are not friends. I would view it as a little weird if someone I wasn't friends with asked to watch my child play sports. Not saying that you are weird or have any bad intentions. We all say and do weird things with innocent intentions sometimes. Besides that, he, or someone he loves, may have been hurt by another friend or family member, so he may be extra-protective when it comes to his children. I wouldn't view his response as strange or insulting.

 

[mourningdove~]

Your post was creepy to even read.

It was creepy to write, too ... but predators are creeps, and they do very creepy things.
If we are going to protect the children, we need to understand how creeps operate.

 

[Chesterton]

It was creepy to write, too ... but predators are creeps, and they do very creepy things.
If we are going to protect the children, we need to understand how creeps operate.

Well, the way I was raised is you give people the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason to do otherwise. I don't feel like I gave him a reason.

 

[mourningdove~]

Well, the way I was raised is you give people the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason to do otherwise. I don't feel like I gave him a reason.

It doesn't sound like you did.

Since you don't appear to know the man very well, you may never understand his ways. Could be many, for the way he responded ... and none of them may have been about you. Could be he is generally guarded around people. And generally inclined not to trust easily. Whatever the reasons, I don't get a sense that this man is interested in building more than a casual friendship with you. (So I'd take the hint, and look for more friendly persons to hang out with! )

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It’s probably different in America but in the UK an openly religious persons attempting to gain access to young people is doubly frowned upon.

Nah, it’s suspicious here too unless there is underlying context added that makes it less weird.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Well, the way I was raised is you give people the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason to do otherwise. I don't feel like I gave him a reason.

Several people have explained the reason. And when it comes to introducing kids and family, people’s “give them the benefit of the doubt, they’re probably fine” likelihood drops precipitously.

 

[comana]

Well, the way I was raised is you give people the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason to do otherwise. I don't feel like I gave him a reason.

Even though your intent is innocent, it is wise for parents to be on guard. Waiting until there is a reason could be too late. I wouldn’t take it personally.

 

[Larniavc]

Well, the way I was raised is you give people the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason to do otherwise. I don't feel like I gave him a reason.

I disagree. Asking for access to kids is very creepy indeed. As a parent I would take a very dim even hostile view to someone who behaved the way you described.

You may disagree but the reality is that parents become unreasonable when they perceive a threat to their kids.

For your own safety I would caution you to avoid any repetition of such behaviour.

 

[RileyG]

I don't know why. I don't even have a mustache, lol.

Even if I were a pedophile, there's not much I'd be able to do surrounded by a bunch of parents at a football game, you know.

What?

 

[RileyG]

Even though your intent is innocent, it is wise for parents to be on guard. Waiting until there is a reason could be too late. I wouldn’t take it personally.

Yes. I’m not a parent, but my brother won’t let any grown men be alone with my niece who is 14, doesn’t matter if they’re family or not.

Another one of my brother’s who is very openly gay was insulted a few years back he couldn’t take her on a shopping trip because my sister in law wouldn’t like that. His exact response was “but I’m not a pedophile.”

Oddly enough, they allow sleepovers. I assume they know the parents well.

 

[RileyG]

It’s probably different in America but in the UK an openly religious persons attempting to gain access to young people is doubly frowned upon.

Wanting to gain access to minors is creepy anywhere. Ugh

 

[RileyG]

I know this guy. We're not really friends, but we're very friendly with each other. We see each other fairly often in social settings, but in about 10 years there's only been 5 or 6 times when we were alone together.

Five or six years ago, in conversation I happened to mention to him that I enjoy watching the Little League World Series. I told him that I like youth sports better than professional or college, because there's no money involved, and I feel like kids are playing a game for fun as you should. He then mentioned that his young son had started playing (American) football. I said something to the effect of "I'd love to see that" or "can I watch him play sometime?" I don't recall what was said next, but nothing came of it for over five years.

Fast forward to last week. We were talking about whatever, and I asked him if his son was still playing. The son is in the 8 to 12 age range, I estimate. He said yes, he's got a game coming up. I asked "Could I come watch?", and he gave me what I felt was a very strange and insulting response.

He just said no. I asked why not. He said "you're not family" and then added "but you can hang around us here" (here meaning where we often socialize with others usually including his wife and kids).

I should also mention that years ago, I was riding in his car when we needed to go to his house to pick some things up. He parked on a crossroad near his street, and had his petite wife walk down the sidewalk carrying the items. I thought that was strange. Did he not want me to know which house he lives in?

Am I being weird or is he? I have zero interest in "hanging around" his family, and have never said or done anything to indicate that I do, other than asking about watching his son play ball. I've spoken very briefly with his wife a couple of times, but I've never said a single word to any of his children, not even a "hi". I don't even remember his two girls' names.

Was it weird of me to ask to go watch his son play? Or is he weird for treating an innocuous request as if I'm a pedophile or stalker or something?

Well? Many parents are very protective of their children and would do anything to keep them safe. Perhaps he sees it as a family affair? To him you might just be a casual acquaintance and nothing more.

I’ve learned some of my so called “friends” weren’t friends at all and I ceased having contact with them. I really realize it was for the best.

 

[FireDragon76]

Reading over this thread... no, I don't think you are all that wierd. I think American society is individualistic, isolated, and paranoid ("stranger danger", the one thing you can't talk about rationally with broad segments of American society).

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I know this guy. We're not really friends, but we're very friendly with each other. We see each other fairly often in social settings, but in about 10 years there's only been 5 or 6 times when we were alone together.

Five or six years ago, in conversation I happened to mention to him that I enjoy watching the Little League World Series. I told him that I like youth sports better than professional or college, because there's no money involved, and I feel like kids are playing a game for fun as you should. He then mentioned that his young son had started playing (American) football. I said something to the effect of "I'd love to see that" or "can I watch him play sometime?" I don't recall what was said next, but nothing came of it for over five years.

Fast forward to last week. We were talking about whatever, and I asked him if his son was still playing. The son is in the 8 to 12 age range, I estimate. He said yes, he's got a game coming up. I asked "Could I come watch?", and he gave me what I felt was a very strange and insulting response.

He just said no. I asked why not. He said "you're not family" and then added "but you can hang around us here" (here meaning where we often socialize with others usually including his wife and kids).

I should also mention that years ago, I was riding in his car when we needed to go to his house to pick some things up. He parked on a crossroad near his street, and had his petite wife walk down the sidewalk carrying the items. I thought that was strange. Did he not want me to know which house he lives in?

Am I being weird or is he? I have zero interest in "hanging around" his family, and have never said or done anything to indicate that I do, other than asking about watching his son play ball. I've spoken very briefly with his wife a couple of times, but I've never said a single word to any of his children, not even a "hi". I don't even remember his two girls' names.

Was it weird of me to ask to go watch his son play? Or is he weird for treating an innocuous request as if I'm a pedophile or stalker or something?

I would just chalk it up to a mis-understanding and a set of mutual expectations that are not aligning with each other.

So, neither of you is being 'weird.' It's just that you're single and apparently unattached at the present time, and this guy and his wife just happen to be extra sensitive (and cautious) about who is watching their kids, and your relational context makes them not fully trust you. And you're expecting them to come through as 'gracious Christians.'

Y'know, I can understand both your position and theirs at the same time. It is tough being single and have married couples "wonder" about you. I went through at one time too before I was married. And I was like, "..........uh, no, I'm not that guy to worry about folks! Maybe, give me a break?...."