I feel like the more that I learn, and the closer I try to follow Jesus, the sadder I become. Every day, the reality of our living in a fallen world becometh more apparent to me. I struggle to follow certain commandments as I learn them, but usually overcome. Some days, however, such as today, I feel hopeless. I don't always know how to do the right thing, and it can be hard to discern. I see so much evil in the world, but I'm not even sure what, if anything, we can do. Must we live in total silence and obedience? I feel like there's nothing I can do about anything. Am I supposed to feel this way? Am I supposed to hate my life in this world, so that I may have life everlasting in the next?
Well, for starts, remember your salvation is not based on your behavior or obedience, but on Christ's obedience and atonement for you. It's by grace, stop trying to work your way into heaven.
So.. that said, knowing that myself, and while I don't have anxiety over my own obedience, knowing my salvation is in Christ, even with that. I do still empathize with sorrow over our own sin, and the fallenness of the world.
and there are biblical examples of Godly sorrow.
Ezekiel 9
1 He cried also in mine ears with a loud voice, saying, Cause them that have charge over the city to draw near, even every man with his destroying weapon in his hand.
2 And, behold, six men came from the way of the higher gate, which lieth toward the north, and every man a slaughter weapon in his hand; and one man among them was clothed with linen, with a writer's inkhorn by his side: and they went in, and stood beside the brasen altar.
3 And the glory of the God of Israel was gone up from the cherub, whereupon he was, to the threshold of the house. And he called to the man clothed with linen, which had the writer's inkhorn by his side;
4 And the Lord said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst thereof.
5 And to the others he said in mine hearing, Go ye after him through the city, and smite: let not your eye spare, neither have ye pity:
6 Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women: but come not near any man upon whom is the mark; and begin at my sanctuary. Then they began at the ancient men which were before the house.
This is an end times vision you can compare it to the first half of Revelation 7 and Revelation 9 the first woe, but ultimately who is saved out of this? Those who sigh and cry at the fallenness of the world, those who recognize their position as sinners. God hates self-righteousness, God saves the lowly who recognize their own unworthiness.
also read the Psalms, David is an emotional rollercoaster. Praising God in one Psalm, feeling depressed and vexed in spirit and isolated and begging for God not to leave him the next. At times David is emotionally crushed over the state of the world around him, and angry and full of hatred at times (see Psalm 139, where David hates with "perfect hatred")
There is also Elijah, who in 1 Kings 19, was so isolated and depressed that God had to send an angel to give him nourishment and command him to eat and drink, and Elijah asked the Lord to kill him (instead the Lord ends up rapturing him, after giving him a Godly companion in Elisha to train as his successor)
and lastly Isaiah 53 describes Christ Himself as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, and we see this in Matthew 23
37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!
There is a Godly anger, and also a Godly sorrow in this statement, that Jesus WANTED to just usher in the messianic kingdom right then and there, but sadly knew He was rejected.
So, to have Godly sorrow over the fallenness of this world is not unusual, I have it too.
I'd say to some degree, we are in good company.
