I was talking to my bf the other day and somewhere in the conversation I told him that I would never date someone I didnt find attractive. In response he told me that, that was really shallow of me. I disagree.
When I said I would never date someone I wasnt attracted to I didnt mean that I would only date the guy the world deems most good looking. I think that's a really bad idea and a dumb thing to base a relationship on. Looks fade, but the personality is forever.
I was thinking about writting this earlier today on my really really long car ride and i've come up with a few examples and thoughts of what i mean.
1) A friend fixes you up on a blind date with a co-worker of hers. She said that this person reminds her a lot of you and she thinks you'd be really good together. She knows this person is interested in the same things you are, has the same hobbies, has a personality very similar to yours, etc, and this person is also a very strong Christian After declining many times you finally decide to meet this person. You meet and go out to eat and to a movie. Your friend was right, this person was a lot like you, had an awesome personality, could totally relate to you on a bunch of different levels, and you could tell this person was a very strong Christian, and you'd love to find a person exactly like that someday. The only problem is this person has a weird mole on their chin and it keeps distracting you. Do you think you should continue to see this person?
I wouldn't for the following reasons:
a) I don't think God would want you to marry a person who has a weird quirk or something else like that, that totally drives you crazy.
b) I don't think you should be dating a person you're not friends with, so if you want to continue a relationship with him/her it would be ok to back off and be friends for a while.
Let me continue with my story. Now, lets say you decided not to see him/her again in a dating type of setting, instead you two find a group of friends and go to concerts, movies, etc. with everyone. While this is all going on the mole on his/her chin becomes less and less noticable and you begin to appreciate them as a person and as a great friend and fellow believer. After a decent amount of time (around a year) this person approaches you with the prospect of dating again and you agree, because over the last year you've begun to have feelings for this person and you're beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, this could be a good match for you. This time, the dating thing works out much better because this weird mole is not longer a weird thing, but more part of who that person is and you love them, and it, more.
The end of my story leads me to my last few points.
I like to think of it like this: "Love can turn even the ugliest of weeds into the most beautiful rose." What i mean by this is your SO may have a quirk that bugs other people, or a birthmark that distracts people, but because you love him/her you also love the quirk or the birthmark.
Ok, I guess there was only one other point...
Anyway, do you guys think its shallow of a person to not want to go out with/date/court/whatever you want to call it, with a person they don't find attractive?
(i hope this made sense)
When I said I would never date someone I wasnt attracted to I didnt mean that I would only date the guy the world deems most good looking. I think that's a really bad idea and a dumb thing to base a relationship on. Looks fade, but the personality is forever.
I was thinking about writting this earlier today on my really really long car ride and i've come up with a few examples and thoughts of what i mean.
1) A friend fixes you up on a blind date with a co-worker of hers. She said that this person reminds her a lot of you and she thinks you'd be really good together. She knows this person is interested in the same things you are, has the same hobbies, has a personality very similar to yours, etc, and this person is also a very strong Christian After declining many times you finally decide to meet this person. You meet and go out to eat and to a movie. Your friend was right, this person was a lot like you, had an awesome personality, could totally relate to you on a bunch of different levels, and you could tell this person was a very strong Christian, and you'd love to find a person exactly like that someday. The only problem is this person has a weird mole on their chin and it keeps distracting you. Do you think you should continue to see this person?
I wouldn't for the following reasons:
a) I don't think God would want you to marry a person who has a weird quirk or something else like that, that totally drives you crazy.
b) I don't think you should be dating a person you're not friends with, so if you want to continue a relationship with him/her it would be ok to back off and be friends for a while.
Let me continue with my story. Now, lets say you decided not to see him/her again in a dating type of setting, instead you two find a group of friends and go to concerts, movies, etc. with everyone. While this is all going on the mole on his/her chin becomes less and less noticable and you begin to appreciate them as a person and as a great friend and fellow believer. After a decent amount of time (around a year) this person approaches you with the prospect of dating again and you agree, because over the last year you've begun to have feelings for this person and you're beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, this could be a good match for you. This time, the dating thing works out much better because this weird mole is not longer a weird thing, but more part of who that person is and you love them, and it, more.
The end of my story leads me to my last few points.
I like to think of it like this: "Love can turn even the ugliest of weeds into the most beautiful rose." What i mean by this is your SO may have a quirk that bugs other people, or a birthmark that distracts people, but because you love him/her you also love the quirk or the birthmark.
Ok, I guess there was only one other point...
Anyway, do you guys think its shallow of a person to not want to go out with/date/court/whatever you want to call it, with a person they don't find attractive?
(i hope this made sense)
Did you ensure that he understood what you were implying when you said "attracted"? Because it seems to me as if his understanding ain't what you said. It'll be good just to clear that up to make sure that the misunderstanding doesn't affect his view of you. 
