am I egocentric for not wanting to go to AA?

[lotuseskimo]

I have a mental illness, and used to see drining as ok, but even then I was an alcholic, I obsess about drinking util I finally have one, then drink to poisonous levels, well just staring about three days ago I had started myself on a binge, I drank in the afternoon and drank 4-5 32oz. beers, yesterday I was planning on just one 32 oz. (and had gotten two), but my mental illness made a living nightmare for myself, it was like I was in hell. And fiance explained to me, I was taking medication, and that it was very unhealthy to drin and that was xauseing the living nightmare for myself.

I don't ever want to drink again after what I went through.

But I now if not maybe sooner than a year from now there will be a time when I am tempted again, and I want to be strong enough to thwart that temptation. When I go to AA meetings it just seems like they are obsesed with drining and it makes me want to drink, or they seem to just be there because they are bored, AA to me just doesn't seem like it will help me truely, but instead it just seems like AA will not help me, are there any people who can maybe share with me how AA meetings ect. has really and gueinely helped them with fighting craving.

 

[Bellicus]

Meds and alcohol is not a good combo. Same thing with mental illness and alcohol. If you are depressed alcohol could actually make you more depressed if you drink and even if you might believe that alchol is something that might cheer you up then it could do the oposite.

 

[lotuseskimo]

oh man do I know that now, I never want to go through what I went through again, I was terrifyed

 

[lotuseskimo]

This is why Iam thinking should I go to AA, because it's not like now I will never be tempted agian, but it is more important that I do not drink for my own health.

 

[BobW188]

How many different meetings do you go to? If only one or two, try broadening out. Unfortunately, there are some home groups that are not very helpful. Call your local AA number and see if they know of meetings keyed to someone like you: newly sober, with all the struggles that that involves. These meetings usually have a core group of old timers with a few years or decades of sobriety who like to deal with newcomers. They are often connected with treatment centers; but the ones I went to did not require you to be a patient or client.
Another option, perhaps in addition to the above, is to find some member with a good record of sobriety and whom you relate well to and ask him or her to be your sponsor. One-on-one with someone you respect is better than spending an hour being bored and tempted.
A third, and again this could be in addition to the other two, is outpatient counselling. AA and counselling can often go well together. Check out the resources in your community.
Bellicus makes a very important point. We like to think of drinking as a happy thing; but in fact it can be a total down trip, especially when mixed with medications. It tends to make bad moods and bad times worse, not better; and to aggravate symptoms, not alleviate them.
Finally, please keep us posted on this thread as to what you're doing and how things are going. The regular contributors here have well over a century of total sobriety. You're not going to surprise us with anything you write, we've been there. and we care.

 

[Your Friend Adam]

My first experience with AA was a blessed one. The first meeting I went to turned out to be my home group, but Bob makes a great suggestion - try several different meetings. It was only after about 30 days of meetings that I finally decided to get a sponsor and start working the steps. There is a lot of double-digit sobriety (10 + years) in my group and they told me to hang around with the winners. Often times I've heard someone say, "if after 30 days you don't like our way of life, we will fully refund your misery." I believe that if you want sobriety with the desperation of a drowning man, God will help you.

God bless.

 

[healy]

I have a mental illness, and used to see drining as ok, but even then I was an alcholic, I obsess about drinking util I finally have one, then drink to poisonous levels, well just staring about three days ago I had started myself on a binge, I drank in the afternoon and drank 4-5 32oz. beers, yesterday I was planning on just one 32 oz. (and had gotten two), but my mental illness made a living nightmare for myself, it was like I was in hell. And fiance explained to me, I was taking medication, and that it was very unhealthy to drin and that was xauseing the living nightmare for myself.

I don't ever want to drink again after what I went through.

But I now if not maybe sooner than a year from now there will be a time when I am tempted again, and I want to be strong enough to thwart that temptation. When I go to AA meetings it just seems like they are obsesed with drining and it makes me want to drink, or they seem to just be there because they are bored, AA to me just doesn't seem like it will help me truely, but instead it just seems like AA will not help me, are there any people who can maybe share with me how AA meetings ect. has really and gueinely helped them with fighting craving.

I am changing groups,maybe you can too. Mine (first time) was utterly horrible. More than anything I felt so different and so left out I went home and drank heavily only to have my uncle take me straight to the hospital. Some AA team leaders are better than others,i am still searching.

 

[madison1101]

I have been to AA for many years. I also have a mental illness. That does not mean I don't need AA, it means I need it more.

How many meetings have you gone to? Do you have an AA sponsor to help you with the 12 steps? AA is not just about meetings, but about the 12 steps. Go to about 10 different meetings and find a sponsor. Then go back to those 10 meetings and start working the 12 steps. Call your sponsor everyday and ask for help with the steps. Go back to those same 10 meetings and keep working the steps. See if you don't feel differently in three months. The worst that could happen is you stop drinking for three months, make some new friends, and learn that AA is not what you think it is. You will have lost nothing.

God bless.
Trish

 

[healy]

that's better advice than mine for sure. ^ I have to give it all another chance and remember I'm there to do the steps not socialize and worry about everyone else.

 

[madison1101]

that's better advice than mine for sure. ^ I have to give it all another chance and remember I'm there to do the steps not socialize and worry about everyone else.

It's okay to socialize and care about the people you meet, as long as you have a sponsor and are working the steps. I talk to my sponsor between meetings, and work the steps at home and discuss it with her. When I go to meetings, I speak to other women and encourage them, and sometimes go out for coffee or pizza after a meeting for fun. But, I do my step work and talk to my sponsor almost everyday.

It's not either/or, but both, with the Stepwork as the main priority.

Hope that makes sense. All work and no play makes everyone bored.

Hugs,
Trish