Am I doing the right thing?

[mama2one]

ot

 

[Macchiato]

I'm afraid you're going the way of one of my siblings
she also said she couldn't move out because she had to help parents

she lived at home into her 50s & never married
she finally moved out as her job took her to another state

she now says "I'm all alone"
it's really quite sad

Im not staying at home forever. Just helping till my moms settlement come.

 

[mama2one]

Im not staying at home forever. Just helping till my moms settlement come.

ok, best to you and your children

 

[Macchiato]

ok, best to you and your children

What would you do in my situation?

 

[turkle]

Your mother's settlement is to compensate her for the disabilities resulting from the accident. Once that is received, I assume that all the bills can be paid. Given the fact that she has not paid you back in the past, I would loan her the money, but get specific pay back instructions in writing. It is due and payable upon receipt of her settlement.

Your father is the one who is responsible for your mother's support, not her children. She chose this selfish, lazy man, and that is her burden to bear. You have children to support, and if you are not receiving child support, that is extremely expensive. Their needs must come first. But if you can provide help for her after your children's needs are met and wish to give her a gift, then that your choice to make. But considering the family disfunction and your father's outright refusal to do anything to help your mother, I don't think I would enable him to continue to think only of himself.

 

[Macchiato]

Your mother's settlement is to compensate her for the disabilities resulting from the accident. Once that is received, I assume that all the bills can be paid. Given the fact that she has not paid you back in the past, I would loan her the money, but get specific pay back instructions in writing. It is due and payable upon receipt of her settlement.

Your father is the one who is responsible for your mother's support, not her children. She chose this selfish, lazy man, and that is her burden to bear. You have children to support, and if you are not receiving child support, that is extremely expensive. Their needs must come first. But if you can provide help for her after your children's needs are met and wish to give her a gift, then that your choice to make. But considering the family disfunction and your father's outright refusal to do anything to help your mother, I don't think I would enable him to continue to think only of himself.

Right. Youre right. I guess ill pay rent and then go half on my note with my mom.

 

[Brenda Blakely]

I ran this by my friends and they think I am. One said I need to put my kids and I first the other says I'm making a huge sacrifice and wants me to make a decision I can live with and hopes that I understand what I'm doing. So my mom has arthritis pretty bad and she was in an accident not to long ago, a company car hit her, and it just aggrevated it. Now it's really hard for her to work and she's alot of pain. Her settlement which will be large isnt coming as fast as she thought and my mom's line of work as a CNA is very taxing on her body even more so as she's in her 50's.

Now I made a deal with my mom, bc as her daughter I can't stand to see her like that, that I'll pay everything (bills) or as much as my check will cover and she won't have to work. Just watch my kids and I'm okay. in my mind,heart and soul I feel alot of peace about this bc my mom has done a lot for the family and I see it as paying my mom back. My friend argues that Im getting scammed bc I've had a history of giving my mom money and lots of it. When I was in college, Id give her half my refund to help her and the family, gave my mom 25k my grandmother left me I wa sso young i didn't fully understand the gravity of what i was doing-there's more instances but it would take up the whole post and no I don't get paid back.

I just feel this situation is different. My mom , her body is giving out and she needs me. so I don't mind.I also needed some help from my father and my brother but my dad pockets his money and isn't much help so I know I can't depend on him but my brother is only giving 500 a month bc the rest go to tithes. it bothers me bc I know I'll need help and I need my dad and bro to meet me in the middle. I did want to move out with my kids and I but I feel it's just for a shor time Im doing this hopefully. For my mom, I'll do it.

Now do you think I'm being used?

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TL; DR: Mom struggles with arthritis. Its hard for her to work. I'm going to take over paying rent and all utilties ( I don't think Id have much left for myself). Is this wrong

Dear Macchiato,
What a beautiful, caring daughter you are. I can hear the love for
your Mom. This sounds like a win/win situation to me. I don’t know how
old your kids are but if all of you feel like they will be adequately
cared for and this fills a need for you and them, and fills a need for
Mom and your brother; this sounds like it may be a very workable
solution for everyone. It sounds like everyone is communicating and
this is soooooo important and will be in the future. God has a plan
here, so it is important that you all look to Him for guidance. He
loves and cares for each of you. If your brother is caught in a church
that is not following God’s guidance then I pray that God will open
his eyes and help him to find truth.

Praying together as a family could bring each of you closer to God and
His plan. Here is a number-855 382 5433-you can call for resources and
prayer as you work through this. There is a good book titled
‘Boundaries” that might help you to have a better understanding of how
boundaries work and can set the limits for this type of situation. I
pray for each of you as you navigate this time in your life. I pray
that you will know that you are in the will of God and His peace. God
bless you, your children, your Mom and your brother.

 

[SabbathBlessings]

I ran this by my friends and they think I am. One said I need to put my kids and I first the other says I'm making a huge sacrifice and wants me to make a decision I can live with and hopes that I understand what I'm doing. So my mom has arthritis pretty bad and she was in an accident not to long ago, a company car hit her, and it just aggrevated it. Now it's really hard for her to work and she's alot of pain. Her settlement which will be large isnt coming as fast as she thought and my mom's line of work as a CNA is very taxing on her body even more so as she's in her 50's.

Now I made a deal with my mom, bc as her daughter I can't stand to see her like that, that I'll pay everything (bills) or as much as my check will cover and she won't have to work. Just watch my kids and I'm okay. in my mind,heart and soul I feel alot of peace about this bc my mom has done a lot for the family and I see it as paying my mom back. My friend argues that Im getting scammed bc I've had a history of giving my mom money and lots of it. When I was in college, Id give her half my refund to help her and the family, gave my mom 25k my grandmother left me I wa sso young i didn't fully understand the gravity of what i was doing-there's more instances but it would take up the whole post and no I don't get paid back.

I just feel this situation is different. My mom , her body is giving out and she needs me. so I don't mind.I also needed some help from my father and my brother but my dad pockets his money and isn't much help so I know I can't depend on him but my brother is only giving 500 a month bc the rest go to tithes. it bothers me bc I know I'll need help and I need my dad and bro to meet me in the middle. I did want to move out with my kids and I but I feel it's just for a shor time Im doing this hopefully. For my mom, I'll do it.

Now do you think I'm being used?

-------------------------------------------------------

TL; DR: Mom struggles with arthritis. Its hard for her to work. I'm going to take over paying rent and all utilties ( I don't think Id have much left for myself). Is this wrong

It's better to give than receive. Don't listen to anyone, but do what's right in your heart and pray for God's guidance.

 

[mama2one]

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