Am I disqualified forever?

[phydaux]

So back in the early '90s I went to bible school with the idea that I was going to be a pastor some day. I was very active in my network of non-denominational churches, serving in every way and at every opportunity I could find.

While in bible school I met a girl. I was very open with her about my lifelong dream. After bible school we got married, and I took a year off from any ministry to focus on her and our relationship.

Almost right away she began harping on me:

"When are your gonna get a real job?"

"Who do you think you are? You're not called. You're no pastor."

"When are you gonna give up on this childish dream?"

Every opportunity I had to serve, she found reasons why it wasn't the right time, or I wasn't the right person, or it would be wrong for me to do something "so selfish as all that."

Eventually she insisted that we move to another state , away from the church network I had been serving in, AND change denominations.

Once all that was done, she confided in my that she was so happy because "FINALLY I don't have to worry about ever becoming a pastor's wife."

"What?"

"I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."

"I told you before we got married, while we were still in bible school together, that it was my life long dream to become a pastor. I was very up front and honest about that."

"Well I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."

I was so stunned that my next sentence got stuck in my throat, which would have been "If I'd known that then I never would have married you."

Before I could say that she said "I was afraid that if I said anything then you wouldn't have married me."

Which I wouldn't have. If she had told me that even five minutes before the wedding then I would have left her at the alter with both our families still sitting in the church.

Anyway, that was more or less the beginning of the end of our marriage. she continued in her not so subtle attempts at manipulation and "improving me." At that point I was so angry, bitter and resentful that I wanted nothing to do with her. We ended up getting a divorce, which in my mind was the final stake through the heart of my dream of ever becoming a pastor.

(Holy wall of text, Batman. More in a bit.)

 

[phydaux]

After the divorce I stopped going to church for a LONG time. I remember that I specifically told God "That's it! I did everything I could, every way I knew how. I sought You and Your guidance at every step. Now I'm DONE. If You want me to be a preacher or a pastor, then You will have to drag me kicking and screaming every inch of the way."

Only recently have I gotten involved in a dynamic church ministry near where I live now. I have become a small group bible study leader. The way I see it, that way I can still serve and give back to God's people out of all that I have received from Him.

And honestly, that's all I have ever wanted to do. I feel that God has greatly blessed me in a special way over the years when it comes to knowing and understanding the bible, and has gifted me in a way that lets me communicate those truths to His people. Nothing in the world give me more joy than when I am doing that.

Lately I've been wondering if this is something that might develop into a full time ministry. But I still feel like I'm disqualified because of my divorce.

Is there any hope that someone like me could ever get into full time ministry?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I think it is between, you and God. There is no sin that can disqualify you from being God's child, and thus His servant. However sin can disqualify us in the eyes of man. i.e. if a person molested a child in my opinion that would disqualify them from ministry, because the sin is so great. The sin of divorce, is not terrible, but it will make some people think you can not be a minister, because in the eyes of man the sin has weight.

I believe it comes down to a maturity thing, have you matured, could you hold together a marriage now, or would you divorce again. Pastors need to be able to council others on marriage among other things, so you need to be strong on the bond of marraige.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

It depends on your church's beliefs on this subject - as far as professional ministry is a job... as far as ministry is a calling - that is between you and God. Don't ever let anyone tell you it's "impossible" because the Bible says that with God all things are possible. If God has called you, He will equip you and put you where you need to be. Have courage. In my church, I've known several very effective and wonderful ministers who work for the church full time who have also unfortunately been through divorce. It's not entirely unheard of for a pastor to have been divorced in his/her past. We are all human and sometimes circumstances beyond our control hit us hard. Sometimes even when we can control circumstances we still make mistakes that we have to learn from. That's the condition of our fallen world. But there are people who will understand and be sympathetic. Follow God's leading no matter what though. God will provide.

 

[talitha]

As far as your church denomination is concerned, it might be, but the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable. Of course, your idea of what "pastor" means might differ from God's......

 

[JojotheBeloved]

As far as your church denomination is concerned, it might be, but the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable. Of course, your idea of what "pastor" means might differ from God's......

Amen!

 

[ByTheSpirit]

It definitely depends on your denomination. When I was going for credentials in the Assemblies of God, if you ever hinted at divorce you couldn't be a "pastor".

You can always start a home church. Or find any number of ways to minister without being "a minister" if you know what I mean. God doesn't demand all of us stand in front of a crowd for 30 minutes on Sunday mornings to be acceptable to him.

 

[collkid]

Never.

Be bi-vocational.

Don't worry about others approval. Don't worry about having to make a living being a pastor. Worry about leading others toward Christ.

 

[Bartholomute]

Looking back at your relationship with your former wife, can you tell if there were any clues that would have thrown up red flags while you were dating her?

 

[KatyAD111]

The bible says...the gifts and callings of God are without repentance. Don't give up. This whole thing would not have happened if your X wife had been honest and not manipulative. I would give the whole thing to God and let him deal with it. You have experienced a set back...your life is not over yet.

I have a dream of going into the full time ministry and am also in bible school. I am almost 33 years old, and my family is not supportive. It really breaks my heart, however, God is going to get me to where he wants me to be.

Hope This Helps
-Katy

 

[jsimms615]

After the divorce I stopped going to church for a LONG time. I remember that I specifically told God "That's it! I did everything I could, every way I knew how. I sought You and Your guidance at every step. Now I'm DONE. If You want me to be a preacher or a pastor, then You will have to drag me kicking and screaming every inch of the way."

Only recently have I gotten involved in a dynamic church ministry near where I live now. I have become a small group bible study leader. The way I see it, that way I can still serve and give back to God's people out of all that I have received from Him.

And honestly, that's all I have ever wanted to do. I feel that God has greatly blessed me in a special way over the years when it comes to knowing and understanding the bible, and has gifted me in a way that lets me communicate those truths to His people. Nothing in the world give me more joy than when I am doing that.

Lately I've been wondering if this is something that might develop into a full time ministry. But I still feel like I'm disqualified because of my divorce.

Is there any hope that someone like me could ever get into full time ministry?

There is a verse that says that God's calling is irrevocable. You either are or are not a pastor. It is either a part of you or it isn't. The only question is if you are going to get paid for it or not.

 

[terryjohn]

So what now would you yourself advise someone in your situation to do? Would you advise them to do the same?

 

[tonnerkiller]

I am about to become a full time minister here in Germany and all I can say is, we even have bishops who are divorced. Being divorced is certainly not something to be proud of, but it's also not something to be ashamed of.
You can now give a witness for those who get into situations like you had and ended up in a divorce they never wanted, and you can make a difference in people's approach of divorced people in chruch, so there's less shame and more love going along with it.
I am thinking of another case that happened here in Germany in the Nazi time:
Jochen Klepper was a gifted author who also wrote some well known church hymns. But he was married to a Jewish woman and had a daughter who was also considered Jewish. Their deportation was about to happen every day, when the whole family committed suicide just before christmas 1942.
They did not commit suicide because they had no hope, they did it to keep the control themselves, maybe a bit like the Jews in Massada in the Jewish War.
In times before, people who comitted suicide did not get a church funeral, the pastor would usually refuse it, pointing out the sin of suicide. Afterwards there was a change. If deeply devout people like Klepper could commit suicide (and there was never a question about his deep faith), then this might be true for other people who comitted suicide.
People are now wondering, if a divorced pastor can be a good pastor, but when they see you they might get the impression: Yes, a divorced pastor can also be a good pastor. He can even have something to say other pastors don't know about, but many parishoners have a problem with: failure in the marriage and how to cope with it.
Other pastors can only speak of theories, you can give first hand advice. Also in pre-marriage counseling.

God bless
De Benny

 

[Ken Behrens]

Read the stuff in I Cor. carefully. Note the difference between the role of husband/wife in ch. 7, and then look at the curious differences in 9:5. The relationship between husband/wife is completely different for an apostle than for a "guy". Look carefully at the phrase to "lead about", the Greek for "sister-wife", and the word "power". Your "christian" wife left you. You even have the right to marry again. Even though some would say that this is not in Scripture, I have seen it many times in the case of apostles and prophets. God has found me two wives (the first died at age 61), both powerful ministers in their own right. For years, we "led about" each other, as God gave us the "power" to do so, remaining "sister" and "brother" as well as "king/queen and priests" and "husband/wife". First, find your calling; then God will find your wife He always intended for you. And don't worry about churches that close their door to you. The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof; God has a lot of doors most people never even see.

 

[Greg J.]

The Lord has forgiven you your sins, Phydaux. It is not sin that stands between you and God regarding what he wants you to do. However, its effects on you or how others now perceive you may have altered it from what you first imagined.

When you really believe the truth that you are completely cleansed before the Lord (typically, no longer dwell on or are emotional about the connection between your divorce and your potential ministries), it should be easier for you to hear what God wants you to do.

But be wise in knowing how you would be seen and how you would affect people. It's one reason why a divorced person would typically not be a marriage counselor. Being seen as an example should be a concern for anyone in a position of authority, someone seen as approved by the church, or even just from being spiritually mature.

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. (Psalms 127:1, 1984 NIV)

If you are devoted to and trust the Lord—and are patient, the Lord will get you to where he wants you to go. Seek to be flexible in your heart for what the Lord might want you to do. It may be something you never imagined. As was said, there's many, many ways to be a shepherd to people other than being the guy that usually gives the Sunday sermon. One thing that comes to mind is, after being comforted by the Lord, being a minister to divorced Christians who are struggling with the fact they know divorce is a sin (not to mention all the psycho-emotional effects).

 

[AngelOf Laodicea]

So back in the early '90s I went to bible school with the idea that I was going to be a pastor some day. I was very active in my network of non-denominational churches, serving in every way and at every opportunity I could find.

While in bible school I met a girl. I was very open with her about my lifelong dream. After bible school we got married, and I took a year off from any ministry to focus on her and our relationship.

Almost right away she began harping on me:

"When are your gonna get a real job?"

"Who do you think you are? You're not called. You're no pastor."

"When are you gonna give up on this childish dream?"

Every opportunity I had to serve, she found reasons why it wasn't the right time, or I wasn't the right person, or it would be wrong for me to do something "so selfish as all that."

Eventually she insisted that we move to another state , away from the church network I had been serving in, AND change denominations.

Once all that was done, she confided in my that she was so happy because "FINALLY I don't have to worry about ever becoming a pastor's wife."

"What?"

"I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."

"I told you before we got married, while we were still in bible school together, that it was my life long dream to become a pastor. I was very up front and honest about that."

"Well I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."

I was so stunned that my next sentence got stuck in my throat, which would have been "If I'd known that then I never would have married you."

Before I could say that she said "I was afraid that if I said anything then you wouldn't have married me."

Which I wouldn't have. If she had told me that even five minutes before the wedding then I would have left her at the alter with both our families still sitting in the church.

Anyway, that was more or less the beginning of the end of our marriage. she continued in her not so subtle attempts at manipulation and "improving me." At that point I was so angry, bitter and resentful that I wanted nothing to do with her. We ended up getting a divorce, which in my mind was the final stake through the heart of my dream of ever becoming a pastor.

(Holy wall of text, Batman. More in a bit.)

You would only be disqualified if you remarry. And if you do, then only being a pastor or deacon would be out.
There are too many of those and not enough of the other roles anyway.

Either don't remarry or reconcile with your wife

 

[Catherineanne]

After the divorce I stopped going to church for a LONG time. I remember that I specifically told God "That's it! I did everything I could, every way I knew how. I sought You and Your guidance at every step. Now I'm DONE. If You want me to be a preacher or a pastor, then You will have to drag me kicking and screaming every inch of the way."

Only recently have I gotten involved in a dynamic church ministry near where I live now. I have become a small group bible study leader. The way I see it, that way I can still serve and give back to God's people out of all that I have received from Him.

And honestly, that's all I have ever wanted to do. I feel that God has greatly blessed me in a special way over the years when it comes to knowing and understanding the bible, and has gifted me in a way that lets me communicate those truths to His people. Nothing in the world give me more joy than when I am doing that.

Lately I've been wondering if this is something that might develop into a full time ministry. But I still feel like I'm disqualified because of my divorce.

Is there any hope that someone like me could ever get into full time ministry?

Given that your wife based your whole marriage on a lie, there may be grounds for annullment. There are differing rules about this, but it might be worth investigating.

If the marriage were annulled then you would no longer be divorced; you would be single.

 

[Stillicidia]

.

 

[Stillicidia]

So back in the early '90s I went to bible school with the idea that I was going to be a pastor some day. I was very active in my network of non-denominational churches, serving in every way and at every opportunity I could find.

While in bible school I met a girl. I was very open with her about my lifelong dream. After bible school we got married, and I took a year off from any ministry to focus on her and our relationship.

Almost right away she began harping on me:

"When are your gonna get a real job?"

"Who do you think you are? You're not called. You're no pastor."

"When are you gonna give up on this childish dream?"

Every opportunity I had to serve, she found reasons why it wasn't the right time, or I wasn't the right person, or it would be wrong for me to do something "so selfish as all that."

Eventually she insisted that we move to another state , away from the church network I had been serving in, AND change denominations.

Once all that was done, she confided in my that she was so happy because "FINALLY I don't have to worry about ever becoming a pastor's wife."

"What?"

"I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."

"I told you before we got married, while we were still in bible school together, that it was my life long dream to become a pastor. I was very up front and honest about that."

"Well I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."

I was so stunned that my next sentence got stuck in my throat, which would have been "If I'd known that then I never would have married you."

Before I could say that she said "I was afraid that if I said anything then you wouldn't have married me."

Which I wouldn't have. If she had told me that even five minutes before the wedding then I would have left her at the alter with both our families still sitting in the church.

Anyway, that was more or less the beginning of the end of our marriage. she continued in her not so subtle attempts at manipulation and "improving me." At that point I was so angry, bitter and resentful that I wanted nothing to do with her. We ended up getting a divorce, which in my mind was the final stake through the heart of my dream of ever becoming a pastor.

(Holy wall of text, Batman. More in a bit.)

I am replacing my posts,

There is a five fold ministry, and the gift of preaching would actually be told to you.
That is not to say preaching is not a calling,

You will know if you were called, because you would be pulled by spiritual means.

If you know that you pursue this in the physical means, then you should understand that you wouldn't have been called to do this.

Take heed of your wife, she speaks almost warningly.

 

[farout]

After the divorce I stopped going to church for a LONG time. I remember that I specifically told God "That's it! I did everything I could, every way I knew how. I sought You and Your guidance at every step. Now I'm DONE. If You want me to be a preacher or a pastor, then You will have to drag me kicking and screaming every inch of the way."

Only recently have I gotten involved in a dynamic church ministry near where I live now. I have become a small group bible study leader. The way I see it, that way I can still serve and give back to God's people out of all that I have received from Him.

And honestly, that's all I have ever wanted to do. I feel that God has greatly blessed me in a special way over the years when it comes to knowing and understanding the bible, and has gifted me in a way that lets me communicate those truths to His people. Nothing in the world give me more joy than when I am doing that.

Lately I've been wondering if this is something that might develop into a full time ministry. But I still feel like I'm disqualified because of my divorce.

Is there any hope that someone like me could ever get into full time ministry?

I have read you posts. I do wonder where you, or if you, see any mistakes that you made from the first.

I do see a you blaming your wife for all the problems. I think when we are in "lustful love" we tend to be blind, and we skip over getting deep into serious thoughts and goals when we get married. A good pre-marital counselor might have helped you back then. Did you and your wife have any counseling before you got married?

Having counseled couples in serious trouble, and most after the men were served with papers, they all had one thing in common. They were all, both husband and wife were filled with anger, blame and of course hard hearts toward each other. Each blamed to other for the problems and no one took responsibility for their personal failures to the other.

As I read your statements of her deceiving you, I still hear you blame her for all the problems. She lied, she made you move, she did not want to be a pastors wife, and on. I understand how this was very hurtful, and you have a right to feel this was a real deceitful woman, who lied and it was a marriage that was destructive to you.

Please do not think I really understand you disappointment in her, I do. But it seems to me, that there was not too much time given in asking God for His direction if you should marry her. For in all honesty God will never direct us in the wrong direction, so either you did not seek His face for direction or God directed you the wrong way. We know the answer.

Dear brother in Christ, you made the wrong choice, you are to blame. That's a bitter pill to take, but its the truth. Have you really searched your heart and asked God to open your mind to see this? The fact is it takes two people in a marriage to make it fail. Even if a person is just almost perfectly innocent, just being there makes you at least 1% at fault too. There is no such thing as its all their fault. Blame is wide enough to include you both.

Now on to your main question, are you qualified at least Biblically to be in Ministry. Maybe. Has either one of you remarried? Was there sexual immorality during your marriage or after your divorce, by either of you? Read Matthew 5:32.

Unless she has remarried or you have, you must either stay single or be reconciled to her or her to you 1 Corinthians 7:10,11. If either of you have remarried the one who did or both of you have sinned and broken a Covenant with the Lord. That is a serious failure and needs to be dealt with, to God. You acknowledged and confess this sin. Sometimes God directs us to go to a person and ask for forgiveness. I do not know who filed for divorce, but unless there was sexual immorality according to Matthew 5:32 that was sin as well. That person forces the other into possible committing adultery. This is the really hard truth we all have to deal with. Divorce is serious business with God. That does not mean it can not be forgiven by God, but there are consequences for the choices we make. Sometimes we have to accept that goals and desires can't be achieved, because of the choices we make.

God can use anyone he wants, and He always abides by the WORD (BIBLE) He has given us. I can't say if you are "qualified". but His Word can. There are a number of questions I do not have answers to, for that kind of response.
I will say that even if you are totally pure and there is no fault on your part, divorce limits ministry opportunities for those who have been divorced, no matter what the reason. Some denominations, and churches treat divorced persons like second class Christians, and some people don't think you are saved. that's at the extreme end. Its not as bad as it was 40 years ago, as more Christians have gone through the hellish experience.

You really need to read what the Bible says and pray, go see your pastor for the advice you seek. This will require of you do real deep searching and prayer. Be willing to do whatever God says you are to do.

I will add if a couple come to me asking me to marry them and one has been divorced here is what I ask. was there immorality by your spouse? If so is there anyway you can rebuild your marriage. If not I will marry them. If there was no morality I ask has your spouse remarried, if not, I say the Bible says they need to go and seek reconciliation, or remain single. I will not marry that couple, as Biblically I can not.

This may sound harsh, but the Bible is our guide book the LORD expects us to live by. I do want you to know what ever state we find our self in, even if we have sinned and even married when we were not free to do so, we confess our sin, and determine to never do that sn again and live on from that point.