So back in the early '90s I went to bible school with the idea that I was going to be a pastor some day. I was very active in my network of non-denominational churches, serving in every way and at every opportunity I could find.
While in bible school I met a girl. I was very open with her about my lifelong dream. After bible school we got married, and I took a year off from any ministry to focus on her and our relationship.
Almost right away she began harping on me:
"When are your gonna get a real job?"
"Who do you think you are? You're not called. You're no pastor."
"When are you gonna give up on this childish dream?"
Every opportunity I had to serve, she found reasons why it wasn't the right time, or I wasn't the right person, or it would be wrong for me to do something "so selfish as all that."
Eventually she insisted that we move to another state , away from the church network I had been serving in, AND change denominations.
Once all that was done, she confided in my that she was so happy because "FINALLY I don't have to worry about ever becoming a pastor's wife."
"What?"
"I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."
"I told you before we got married, while we were still in bible school together, that it was my life long dream to become a pastor. I was very up front and honest about that."
"Well I never wanted to be a pastor's wife."
I was so stunned that my next sentence got stuck in my throat, which would have been "If I'd known that then I never would have married you."
Before I could say that she said "I was afraid that if I said anything then you wouldn't have married me."
Which I wouldn't have. If she had told me that even five minutes before the wedding then I would have left her at the alter with both our families still sitting in the church.
Anyway, that was more or less the beginning of the end of our marriage. she continued in her not so subtle attempts at manipulation and "improving me." At that point I was so angry, bitter and resentful that I wanted nothing to do with her. We ended up getting a divorce, which in my mind was the final stake through the heart of my dream of ever becoming a pastor.
(Holy wall of text, Batman. More in a bit.)
Now you can pursue your dream of being a pastor for Jesus AND you have an awesome testimony and experience to share during many of your future sermons/messages. It's wonderfully beautiful how much wiser you are for having gone though all this, give thanks through this hardship and know that God is always with you no matter what. It sounds like the enemy was trying his best to defeat you before pursuing God's calling. Well done, and I wish you the best in your future endeavors.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Colossians 2:1-23
I want you to know how much I have agonized for you and for the church at Laodicea, and for many other believers who have never met me personally. I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God’s mysterious plan, which is Christ himself. In him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
I am telling you this so no one will deceive you with well-crafted arguments. For though I am far away from you, my heart is with you. And I rejoice that you are living as you should and that your faith in Christ is strong.
And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.
When you came to Christ, you were “circumcised,” but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision—the cutting away of your sinful nature. For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead.
You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.
So don’t let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. For these rules are only shadows of the reality yet to come. And Christ himself is that reality. Don’t let anyone condemn you by insisting on pious self-denial or the worship of angels, saying they have had visions about these things. Their sinful minds have made them proud, and they are not connected to Christ, the head of the body. For he holds the whole body together with its joints and ligaments, and it grows as God nourishes it.
You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, “Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!”? Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires."
