am i disloyal friend?

[devotee]

Hi peoples ~

For as long as i can remember i have had difficulties maintaining friendships, and the recurring reason seems to be my "cat" nature - i am loyal only to myself - or so i am told.

There are times when i feel a friend is pointing to something, or dropping their keys, or engaging me in a conversation about a topic, to show others that they 'own' me. It's a catch 22, i feel they think the world is more important, and they think i am more concerned about how others see me.

I trust others, but there are times when i will not support their actions; i will not ignore another just because i have been told by a friend that the person has [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed them off. Too often i have found that i was just a tool for that friend to retaliate on a person for a reason other than what was said to me; or, what i consider worse, just to test my 'loyalty'.

SO, feedback would be appreciated from those who don't mind "cats", can give insight as to what you consider loyalty, do you test it in this way - and why, becasue i just don't get it.

BTW. i may be adhad - the diagnosis is pending

 

[crimsondeath]

next time somone asks you to do somthing you dont want to or you can't or somthing, just say no,
unless its like really important to them or somthing or you want to do somthing for them. if they say cmon man be a friend, then say shut up i dont wana do it. then they'll either either just get angry at you and won't be your friend, or realize you actually are a person, not just somthing they can use. hope this helps sorry if it doesn't

 

[Firefly2002]

Not supporting someone if you feel they're using you isn't being disloyal, it's being reasonable. You shouldn't let people use you for their own ends, and if you aren't, you are doing nothing wrong. In fact, you're doing something right.

Not sure what ADHD has to do with this though?

 

[DDT]

You are a girl, aren't you? I hear a lot more girls talking about this type of problem than guys. I also find it interesting that only guys have replied (and, being a guy myself, I can't say than I am much better). Let me just tell you that you aren't alone in what you are feeling (even though that probably doesn't help you feel so much better since the problem is still there). The only other thing I can say is to really learn to appreciate those people that you can be open and honest with, those people who appreciate your honesty in difficult circumstances. There will always be people whom you have to hold back around and not completely speak your mind, don't take that to mean that you should not speak your mind with others.

 

[austrianfoster]

my two cents for what it's worth is that you havn't actually crossed the line between being a bad friend and having strong survivalist instincts. not to disrespect your friends, but if your friends were good ones, they'd have never put you in the position where you had to deny they're request to keep yourself safe.

austrianfoster

 

[metallikitty]

I think people 'testing' you to prove your loyalty is one of the worst kinds of head games there is. yikes.

I am the same about that stuff, like not avoiding a person cause one of my friends has a problem with them.

I have a few people I consider 'best friends' and most of them do not even like each other. that's not my problem (but I'd love to be a part of helping them see eye to eye...)