Am I Crazy?

[Messy]

If I was in your wife's position I'd be looking for a new job before putting in a resignation.

Yes, they're trying to fire me, but now I have someone that helps me find other work and I just pray for it. I Always had to work, because he had only 700 a month in good years or just nothing.

 

[Yoona86]

.

. There comes a time when she needs to say "I'm going to trust him in spite of my own inability to trust" or "I need to treat my husband respectfully even when my emotional state is insecure." I"m just concerned about the long term effect of allowing her to treat you the way she does when her emotional state is insecure. Perhaps it's something to talk about with your therapist.....how you can support her in getting past all this by establishing boundaries.

I agree with above.

but it is important to remember your wife didn't become this way overnight, and it is likely she "may" need time to work things through.

so yes, by all means, start the ball rolling, but prepared to be willing to be patient and loving while she is working through this issue.

I think when it comes to life experiences we don't have, it is easy to look at the other person and go " well, I don't understand why he/she cant just ..."

and that is never helpful.

 

[seeingeyes]

What you're saying about stress and trust makes a lot of sense to me and I didn't take that into consideration. Perhaps with all the stress, she's reverting back to some of her coping mechanisms from when she lived with her parents.

All the stress can make you slide back a bit, too. Do what you can for her, but make sure you are taking care of yourself, also, brother.

 

[Audiomechanic]

Thank you.

I should probably mention that I have been out of town all week for work. So all of this has gone on while I'm in a different city (over the phone and email).

So I got an email from her yesterday apologizing for hurting my feelings. This NEVER happens. I apologize for 99 out of 100 things in our relationship so it did catch me off guard a bit.

I wrote her back explaining that yes, she did hurt me, and I explained why. Then I reiterated that I support her and I can support her and be concerned a worried at the same time. I have that capacity. I then reaffirmed to her that I am beside her and support her and will do my part without resentment to make things work. I was honest in my email, but I do admit, there was some teeth gritting during writing it so it was a bit sterile. Truthful nonetheless.

She wrote back another apology later last night. I feel a bit better today.

I woke up to another email from her stating that she will not quit because there's no need for both of us to be stressed. How should I take this? My knee jerk reaction is to encourage her to quit because a) she hates that place and is being mistreated there and, b) she is self-sacrificing (which she has a history of doing...we are both codependent) and I don't want that.

What should I do here?

 

[seeingeyes]

Thank you.

I should probably mention that I have been out of town all week for work. So all of this has gone on while I'm in a different city (over the phone and email).

So I got an email from her yesterday apologizing for hurting my feelings. This NEVER happens. I apologize for 99 out of 100 things in our relationship so it did catch me off guard a bit.

I wrote her back explaining that yes, she did hurt me, and I explained why. Then I reiterated that I support her and I can support her and be concerned a worried at the same time. I have that capacity. I then reaffirmed to her that I am beside her and support her and will do my part without resentment to make things work. I was honest in my email, but I do admit, there was some teeth gritting during writing it so it was a bit sterile. Truthful nonetheless.

She wrote back another apology later last night. I feel a bit better today.

I woke up to another email from her stating that she will not quit because there's no need for both of us to be stressed. How should I take this? My knee jerk reaction is to encourage her to quit because a) she hates that place and is being mistreated there and, b) she is self-sacrificing (which she has a history of doing...we are both codependent) and I don't want that.

What should I do here?

Tell her that you are less worried about money trouble than you are about her being abused at work.

 

[seeingeyes]

Actually, I would probably say something like, "Darling, I would rather eat ramen noodles out of an old shoe for the next six months than let those bastards hurt you even one more time."

...but I'm prone to poetry.

It's good that she apologized. It sounds like you guys are starting to get back on the same side.

Here's a thought: Do you think that she is waiting for you to tell her to quit? (I'm not saying that you should, but I'm wondering if she is waiting for someone else to make this hard decision for her.)

 

[~Anastasia~]

Actually, I would probably say something like, "Darling, I would rather eat ramen noodles out of an old shoe for the next six months than let those bastards hurt you even one more time."

...but I'm prone to poetry.

It's good that she apologized. It sounds like you guys are starting to get back on the same side.

Here's a thought: Do you think that she is waiting for you to tell her to quit? (I'm not saying that you should, but I'm wondering if she is waiting for someone else to make this hard decision for her.)

I read the replies ... sounds like seeingeyes has got this.

I'm glad to that things sound like they are moving in the right direction.

If you meant by your reply to me that you don't pray at all? I'm not sure why you might not, but I have seen God do great things in response to prayer. It's not a tool/weapon you'd want to give up easily?