Am I Being Set Up To Fail?

[exitstageright]

Intellectually, I know the answer is "no". But, emotionally, I feel that the answer is "yes".Yes ,we men do have feelings.Therapists mention that we men are to validate a woman's feelings. However,I never hear of anyone validating a man's feelings. Sometimes,I feel that it is not the most important thing,to GOD,that we single Christians find a
'helpmate" Yet,he made our bodies to have these great desires to have someone in our lives.

Well,I have been "doing the right thing" by pursuing only single Christian women ,in order to be "equally yoked", Instead of going on a regular singles cruise, Last May, I went on a Christian singles' cruise. While dancing, this lady kept bumping into me. I danced with her .On the last night of the cruise, she gave me her number. Even though I did not ask for her number. She lives in the same state that I do. On many occasions, I always meet someone on a cruise that lives across the country from me. Therefore, I thought that maybe GOD sent her into my life.She is a single Christian woman.
Well, we made plans to see each other in July. She texted me saying, "I just cannot wait to see you!" She accepted my invitation to take her out to dinner and dancing. I told her of the dates that I was to visit her. She even offered to pick me up from the Amtrak Train Station.I have already bought the round trip train tickets.
Today,I received a text from her. But, this text was meant for her sister J. The text read, "J..I want u 2 know that I made this decision about S....(me).After we went dancing last week, and that guy dance so beautifully with me. I couldn't stop thinking about him. And ,I feel more that I could see myself more with him, than with S.(me) I texted him(me)and told him that I'm not
meeting with him."(me)
Therefore,since I am so much into music, I texted this back to her.

"Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name (bad name)
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name (bad name)"

 

[timewerx]

That really stinks. Sorry to hear. I know how that feels.

We can't succeed at everything in this world.

The fact you can cruise regularly, great at dancing, it's a life most people can only dream about. Something to think and thank about.

 

[Inkfingers]

Singles cruises are not really a good place to meet people (even if they tag "Christian" onto the label).

Best to look local.

Although advice from other singles if probably not the best

 

[exitstageright]

That really stinks. Sorry to hear. I know how that feels.

We can't succeed at everything in this world.

The fact you can cruise regularly, great at dancing, it's a life most people can only dream about. Something to think and thank about.

Thank you for your encouragement. As the saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
Cruises and trips are my lemonade. Since GOD did not give me "pretty boy looks". I am thankful that he give me the brains to become a successful scientist. Therefore, I can depend upon my self,instead of needing a helpmate. If Eve had treated Adam,the way most women treat me,the Earth would have not been populated. This coming Sunday is Father's Day. I am 64 years old. I have never been a father. And, I cringe whenever some says to me, "Happy Fathers' Day!"

 

[exitstageright]

Singles cruises are not really a good place to meet people (even if they tag "Christian" onto the label).

Best to look local.

Although advice from other singles if probably not the best

I have looked local.I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. But,the local women are just not interested in me. But,the women,whom I meet on cruises,are very interested in me.One woman lives in Florida.One lives in Michigan. One lives in Colorado. And ,one lives in Pennsylvania. She,the one from Pennsylania,always tells me that she loves me. I can count the women on one finger who has told me that she loves me,But,she thinks of me as a brother,and not as a lover.Here in California,the single women "friend zone" me. While,the married women always tell me the lie," I can't believe that you don't have anyone. You are such a wonderful man. Any woman would be glad to have you!"

 

[timewerx]

This coming Sunday is Father's Day. I am 64 years old. I have never been a father. And, I cringe whenever some says to me, "Happy Fathers' Day!"

Perhaps, you might indeed be a father. You know how many scientists, inventors, pioneers have earned the title "Father of....." for their pioneering work and creations that helped changed the world.

 

[tdidymas]

Intellectually, I know the answer is "no". But, emotionally, I feel that the answer is "yes".Yes ,we men do have feelings.Therapists mention that we men are to validate a woman's feelings. However,I never hear of anyone validating a man's feelings. Sometimes,I feel that it is not the most important thing,to GOD,that we single Christians find a
'helpmate" Yet,he made our bodies to have these great desires to have someone in our lives.

Well,I have been "doing the right thing" by pursuing only single Christian women ,in order to be "equally yoked", Instead of going on a regular singles cruise, Last May, I went on a Christian singles' cruise. While dancing, this lady kept bumping into me. I danced with her .On the last night of the cruise, she gave me her number. Even though I did not ask for her number. She lives in the same state that I do. On many occasions, I always meet someone on a cruise that lives across the country from me. Therefore, I thought that maybe GOD sent her into my life.She is a single Christian woman.
Well, we made plans to see each other in July. She texted me saying, "I just cannot wait to see you!" She accepted my invitation to take her out to dinner and dancing. I told her of the dates that I was to visit her. She even offered to pick me up from the Amtrak Train Station.I have already bought the round trip train tickets.
Today,I received a text from her. But, this text was meant for her sister J. The text read, "J..I want u 2 know that I made this decision about S....(me).After we went dancing last week, and that guy dance so beautifully with me. I couldn't stop thinking about him. And ,I feel more that I could see myself more with him, than with S.(me) I texted him(me)and told him that I'm not
meeting with him."(me)
Therefore,since I am so much into music, I texted this back to her.

"Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name (bad name)
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name (bad name)"

I feel for you. I'm about your age, and have been single my whole life. It was about 10 years ago that I finally gave up hope of getting a woman. Well, since I've never been married, I lack the experience of it. Maybe it is like the one who doesn't know alcoholism because he's never been drunk. But I have lost all desire to have a woman in my life (finally), so I have been satisfied with what God has me doing.

About 15 years ago I heard a singles pastor say "stop the hunt." It was in context of "how to fall into the arms of God's right man or woman for you." What was being conveyed is that if we continue in a dire need for romantic companionship, then our "needy" attitude will defeat the very thing we're trying to obtain. In order to have godly relationships, we must have our satisfaction in God, then we can give unconditionally to others. Unconditional giving is godly love, and this is the very thing women are looking for. When we no longer need a woman to satisfy our "manly needs," then we're ready to love unconditionally. As long as we are "hunting," we're not allowing God to surprise us with His best gift.
TD

 

[seventysevens]

Intellectually, I know the answer is "no". But, emotionally, I feel that the answer is "yes".Yes ,we men do have feelings.Therapists mention that we men are to validate a woman's feelings. However,I never hear of anyone validating a man's feelings. Sometimes,I feel that it is not the most important thing,to GOD,that we single Christians find a
'helpmate" Yet,he made our bodies to have these great desires to have someone in our lives.

Well,I have been "doing the right thing" by pursuing only single Christian women ,in order to be "equally yoked", Instead of going on a regular singles cruise, Last May, I went on a Christian singles' cruise. While dancing, this lady kept bumping into me. I danced with her .On the last night of the cruise, she gave me her number. Even though I did not ask for her number. She lives in the same state that I do. On many occasions, I always meet someone on a cruise that lives across the country from me. Therefore, I thought that maybe GOD sent her into my life.She is a single Christian woman.
Well, we made plans to see each other in July. She texted me saying, "I just cannot wait to see you!" She accepted my invitation to take her out to dinner and dancing. I told her of the dates that I was to visit her. She even offered to pick me up from the Amtrak Train Station.I have already bought the round trip train tickets.
Today,I received a text from her. But, this text was meant for her sister J. The text read, "J..I want u 2 know that I made this decision about S....(me).After we went dancing last week, and that guy dance so beautifully with me. I couldn't stop thinking about him. And ,I feel more that I could see myself more with him, than with S.(me) I texted him(me)and told him that I'm not
meeting with him."(me)
Therefore,since I am so much into music, I texted this back to her.

"Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name (bad name)
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name (bad name)"

If there is anything in your actions even if ever so subtle that women see you as pursuing a woman , it can have the opposite effect you desire . Confidence has a better effect , you don't want to be seen as someone who is needy .
You may be setting yourself up for failure by having too high of expectations . Women who make a decision on who they want to be with based on how well they like dancing is not a good indicator of good character .
There are many good women that don't go out on cruises or singles scenes as they are likely to stay home with their pets and books . There are many women who will spend their time in a volunteer group helping people and they know a friend or a friend of a friend or a co-worker that would like to meet a good man and if you were friends with them , they would introduce you , and they would be local

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Whenever I read stories like this I think two things. First, does this person truly have a desire to be in a marriage and have kids. Secondly, I have to wonder how their relationship with God is going. The reason why I think these things is because I just tend to take God's promises true over what peoples circumstances and situations dictate.

 

[Noxot]

it does get annoying that women might be so agreeable and/or neurotic that they won't even be honest and straight up with you. I guess the counter to that is some men think a woman "wants" them if the woman so much as smiles at them.

or maybe she had only recently made up her mind over you vs him.

or maybe he came into the picture late and she happened to prefer him over you.

I guess the males have to do what good they can but it does not ensure that they will always win. as long as you are not the kind of guy that woman don't like then you did what you could, I suppose.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

I wouldn't have sent that to her, because it's got a "look what you've done to poor little me my heart's so broken now" smell to it. That's called playing the victim. Not exactly a self-respectful way to leave the stage. Me, I would've just disappeared and blocked her on my phone & email.

The other point I wanted to make is that you should never assume, just because things are going well with someone so far, that you won't get kicked to the curb if the other person finds someone hotter. That's just how dating works. This is a hard business and you have to be prepared for anything.

 

[exitstageright]

Perhaps, you might indeed be a father. You know how many scientists, inventors, pioneers have earned the title "Father of....." for their pioneering work and creations that helped changed the world.

Thanks, I never considered that.

 

[exitstageright]

If there is anything in your actions even if ever so subtle that women see you as pursuing a woman , it can have the opposite effect you desire . Confidence has a better effect , you don't want to be seen as someone who is needy .
You may be setting yourself up for failure by having too high of expectations . Women who make a decision on who they want to be with based on how well they like dancing is not a good indicator of good character .
There are many good women that don't go out on cruises or singles scenes as they are likely to stay home with their pets and books . There are many women who will spend their time in a volunteer group helping people and they know a friend or a friend of a friend or a co-worker that would like to meet a good man and if you were friends with them , they would introduce you , and they would be local

In an ideal world,that would work. But,we do not live in an ideal world. Is it not great to spend your life with someone whom you share the same passions with? I certainly think so. Life is like a dance.It is more enjoyable with a partner. I love to travel. And,I love to spend my time with people who love to travel.

 

[exitstageright]

Whenever I read stories like this I think two things. First, does this person truly have a desire to be in a marriage and have kids. Secondly, I have to wonder how their relationship with God is going. The reason why I think these things is because I just tend to take God's promises true over what peoples circumstances and situations dictate.

Well, I am 64.She may be 65 or 66. So,having children is out of the question. But,I thank you for your input anyway.

 

[exitstageright]

I wouldn't have sent that to her, because it's got a "look what you've done to poor little me my heart's so broken now" smell to it. That's called playing the victim. Not exactly a self-respectful way to leave the stage. Me, I would've just disappeared and blocked her on my phone & email.

The other point I wanted to make is that you should never assume, just because things are going well with someone so far, that you won't get kicked to the curb if the other person finds someone hotter. That's just how dating works. This is a hard business and you have to be prepared for anything.

Yes,that is why we have Country-Western songs." Because,the best love songs begin with a broken heart."
I do wish that I could sing very well,and be a song writer. Then,I can turn these negative experiences into something positive. I realize that these song writers did not just made up these types of songs. No,they lived those songs.

 

[seventysevens]

In an ideal world,that would work. But,we do not live in an ideal world. Is it not great to spend your life with someone whom you share the same passions with? I certainly think so. Life is like a dance.It is more enjoyable with a partner. I love to travel. And,I love to spend my time with people who love to travel.

Even though we do not live in an ideal world - it still works
If you prefer travel that be great , I though don't consider driving across a big state or to another state just to see a women in hopes of romance as travel of the vacationing sort
However if you can just go with the flow and have fun without needing an emotional investment from the woman you meet it will be easier on your own heart

a guy I know that has money to burn and makes sure everyone knows about it, whatever he buys he feels compelled to tell everyone how much it costs - even the cushions in the boat , then he complains how women want to get their hooks in him for his money - we keep telling him not to talk about his money and see how it goes - but he can't help himself - it be like putting a food in front of a dog and complain the dog wants more food

women often like a man of mystery , most women especially the most attractive ones have men hitting on them all the time wherever they go and it bores them and they like a man who is mysterious and they will seek him out because he is not like all the rest - after you get to really know them , then you can open up about the desire to find a life partner

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Only thing I can think of is to find women who are willing to go out with you and choose from that pool of women. Because there has to be a woman interested in being with you, if it takes expanding the type of people you would date, to be with someone then you can either do it that way or just accept things as they are.

 

[exitstageright]

Even though we do not live in an ideal world - it still works
If you prefer travel that be great , I though don't consider driving across a big state or to another state just to see a women in hopes of romance as travel of the vacationing sort
However if you can just go with the flow and have fun without needing an emotional investment from the woman you meet it will be easier on your own heart

a guy I know that has money to burn and makes sure everyone knows about it, whatever he buys he feels compelled to tell everyone how much it costs - even the cushions in the boat , then he complains how women want to get their hooks in him for his money - we keep telling him not to talk about his money and see how it goes - but he can't help himself - it be like putting a food in front of a dog and complain the dog wants more food

women often like a man of mystery , most women especially the most attractive ones have men hitting on them all the time wherever they go and it bores them and they like a man who is mysterious and they will seek him out because he is not like all the rest - after you get to really know them , then you can open up about the desire to find a life partner

Yes, I do enjoy my life without a partner. But ,by me having someone to share my life with,that would be the "icing on the cake." And,since I am a diabetic, that is the only "icing" that I can consume.

 

[exitstageright]

Only thing I can think of is to find women who are willing to go out with you and choose from that pool of women. Because there has to be a woman interested in being with you, if it takes expanding the type of people you would date, to be with someone then you can either do it that way or just accept things as they are.

"Some men accept things as they are,and ask," why?" I see things that never were,and ask, "Why not?"
Yes,I am a non-conformist.And,we Christians are not supposed to be conformed to this world.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

"Some men accept things as they are,and ask," why?" I see things that never were,and ask, "Why not?"
Yes,I am a non-conformist.And,we Christians are not supposed to be conformed to this world.

I'd at least get rid of any superficial standards you have to at least see if it would allow you to be with someone. But if you are content on things as they are then thats good.