speaking of alter calls and raising your hand to get saved, I did that the first time I ever went to church. I was 7 years old and on July 31, 1988, I raised hand to get saved because I didn't want to go to Hell.
Was there any work of grace in my heart? Did I fully understand the odiousness of my sin? Was my conscience torn with my own wickedness? Did I really understand why I needed to repent? The answer is no. All I was told is that if I pray these words, I won't go to Hell. I did that more than once. Why? I was never satisfied that I had enough faith. I went like Martin Luther for years doubting that I had believed enough on Jesus. Just as Satan tormented Luther for years, so he Satan always put doubt in my heart. For all I know, I may have been fully justified all those years. However, I had zero assurance. Every fault I found in myself made me fear judgement. All that anyone in church could do was encourage me to "try harder" and "fight the good fight." They never told me that it was God working in me both to will and to do (Phillipians 2:13b).
During my life, I have been the steady attendee of two Baptist churches. Neither one delt with scripture as a whole. If your sermons and doctrines are loosely based upon scraps of scripture without context, no wonder the church as a whole is so weak. We have not had spiritual meat, rather we have been satisfied with milk. I remember the time in the summer 2000 that my little First Baptist had its 50 year anniversity. I remember that the mission statement was printed upon the mug I bought. One of the statements was to "equip the saints." As I look back, I must wonder if the pastor ever really considered that part of the statement. Every sermon was the same. It was basically a very emphatic plea for the congregation to walk the isle and get saved. I used to be sad because I saw this man plead with his congregation and no one ever walked the isle. It was as if his sermons were fruitless. For those of us who did trust in the Lord, we got nothing. There was no equipping the saints. Is the goal of church to get more people to sign the card, or to truly edify the believer and bring the believer closer to God through knowledge and truth?
So much of Christianity is based upon feeling and not knowledge and truth. For verily, the more I understand the Bible, the more I understand God. The more I understand God, the closer my walk is with him. I am not suggesting that we fill our heads with Biblical knowledge for the sake of knowledge alone. Rather I say that we learn the full counsil of God that we may truly put on the spiritual armor and weapons of God.
As stated in my last post, I never felt "saved" for 2 1.5 years after I had the knowledge of how salvation occurred. During those two years, I was as backslidden as can be. All the time however, I knew I was doing wrong. My conscience would get whipped up from time to time, but carnal repentance is so easy to throw off. I distinctly remember that first spiritual repentance. IT was not perfect even then. I spent a few months having to constantly repent. My heart was filled with fear of God's wrath being upon me. I went a long time in this weakened condition. All that time however, I could feel God spirit at work, even if I could't articulate it then as I can now. Of course, I believe that those whose faith truly rests upon Christ were chosen from the foundation of the earth. It does not matter to me that I know the exact moment that I was truly "Saved." Biblical salvation is such a complex and powerful action that I don't think it is possible to truly know. You may know when justification/sanctification/repentance/faith is truly manifested in your life, but how can you truly know when regeneration has occurred.
edwina, I am not saying that you were not truly justified on the day that you walked the isle and professed faith. I am merely saying that it is very, very possible to walk the isle, say the prayer, leave the house of God with assurance of salvation and still be just as lost and reprobate as before.
This is what my pastor says. Don't look back to a distant time and say, "did I truly believe then?" Rather, he says, ask yourself, "Am I now believing? Do I now rely upon Christ for my salvaiton?" Why does Peter say to make your calling and election sure? I believe that that he says this because the Bible teaches us not to rely upon what our heart tells us. It is easy to be deceived by our wicked and inconstant hearts. That is the beauty of salvation. It is not how faithful we are, it is a question of how faithful is Christ to save His children to the uttermost?
