Almost 6 weeks since God took her.

[DaveHTexas]

It will be 6 weeks on Tuesday since God took her from my life. 6 of the worst weeks ever imagineable.

I start Grief Share tonight, and am hopeful something good will come of it, but at least right now, my biggest struggle is being lonely in ways that words cannot express, even in a crowd of people I am terribly lonely. I do not know what to do with myself to be honest
I will be starting back with my volunteer work at the church next Sunday, hoping all goes well. I do videography and video engineering for our church (Running the recorders / encoders) I am honestly a little worried about running the camera next time I am up for that...

And if I may be so bold. I am sick and tired of waking up alone. I had been here before when she was hospitalized in 2018, but this is different, I KNOW she is not coming back to me.

I know she is with the Lord now, and I will eventually see her when I go to be with him finally. But until then, it still hurts.

I want to be around people, and just have coffee and talk, but even my small group I just don't feel right by "putting this on them", so when people ask if I want to go over, have coffee whatever I try to politely decline.

It's not that I don't want to be around them, it is that I don't want to bring them down.

This stinks, and I am not sure what to do...

 

[By_the_Book]

It will be 6 weeks on Tuesday since God took her from my life. 6 of the worst weeks ever imagineable.

I start Grief Share tonight, and am hopeful something good will come of it, but at least right now, my biggest struggle is being lonely in ways that words cannot express, even in a crowd of people I am terribly lonely. I do not know what to do with myself to be honest
I will be starting back with my volunteer work at the church next Sunday, hoping all goes well. I do videography and video engineering for our church (Running the recorders / encoders) I am honestly a little worried about running the camera next time I am up for that...

And if I may be so bold. I am sick and tired of waking up alone. I had been here before when she was hospitalized in 2018, but this is different, I KNOW she is not coming back to me.

I know she is with the Lord now, and I will eventually see her when I go to be with him finally. But until then, it still hurts.

I want to be around people, and just have coffee and talk, but even my small group I just don't feel right by "putting this on them", so when people ask if I want to go over, have coffee whatever I try to politely decline.

It's not that I don't want to be around them, it is that I don't want to bring them down.

This stinks, and I am not sure what to do...

I am going to assume that you're speaking of your wife.

I do understand how you feel, truly I do. I lost my husband of 37 years at the end of April. We were still very deeply in love, one of those couples that still held hands while we watched TV and our lives centered around each other.

He only started to get really ill a few months before he died, and I honestly did not believe he was going to actually die because it all happens so quickly, until 5 days before he died. On that morning the Lord told me I would find out what was going to happen to hay day and I had to accept it, and as soon as I got to the hospital I was told that it was going to come to an end very quickly.

It goes without saying I was heartbroken. I was blessed to be with him when he took his last breath and the last thing he did was open his eyes and stare at me with so much love. When I walked out of that room after he died all I could say was, what in the world am I going to do with the rest of my life because it seemed my entire life was gone. I came home and all I wanted to do was flee, I wanted to get rid of my home and leave because we were everywhere, our life was everywhere but I had some dear friends tell me do not do anything or make any major decisions for a couple of years. A couple of years I thought that seemed like an eternity but already my mind has changed about being in my home and now it is my refuge.

I've had to make a few changes to deal with my grief. I've moved some things around and made the space more my own.

I believe what my husband wanted for me would be what your wife or loved one would want for you and that is to go on and to be happy. The Lord told me pretty quickly after hubby died to make sure I did not get bogged down in my grief and that I got on with my life as quickly as possible and of course he's right. Haven't done a great job at it but I'm certainly trying. I have managed not to get too bogged down in my grief but getting on with my life has been a little more difficult but I'm trying each day and I encourage you to do the same.

I also encourage you to take some of those invitations to coffee or an outing, you don't have to talk about your loss but going might be good for you.

If there's any way I can be there for you please don't hesitate to send me a personal message through the forum.

 

[DaveHTexas]

It never occurred to me to be specific about who her was. Yes Debi is my wife.

I know the offers are sincere, but I honestly do not want to ruin everyones night. And even if nobody mentions here, the subject of her passing feels like a huge weight in the room.

I simultaneously want to be with people, and run away at top speed. Which considering my weight isn't going to be very fast...

I know, it is normal at this point, but yes, I am struggling, a lot...

Oh on the big decisions. The only one I have made involves keeping going with a project we already started, camper conversion of the truck bed shell on my pickup and putting a new engine in there so I can travel. It would have been WE could travel but that obviously isn't in the cards now... I can only hope that God lets her watch as I travel and experience some of it with me. I know I will be bringing Jesus along with me so why not her? Lord if it were possible.... The only thing that is different is I am building the camper out with one twin bed instead of a queen... Nothing else changes... First trip will be a beach close by that allows camping / vehicles on the beach, about an hour drive from here, second once I shake the bugs out will be a trip to Padre Island National Seashore. We have no kids, and I don't want a pity party on the Holidays, so I am hoping to camp at PINS and make my own Christmas dinner, maybe watch some Christmas movies on my laptop while watching the waves on the Gulf of Mexico stroll in... Yeah she liked that we have a 4x4 pickup, she just didn't like camping in a tent...

 

[By_the_Book]

It never occurred to me to be specific about who her was. Yes Debi is my wife.

I know the offers are sincere, but I honestly do not want to ruin everyones night. And even if nobody mentions here, the subject of her passing feels like a huge weight in the room.

I simultaneously want to be with people, and run away at top speed. Which considering my weight isn't going to be very fast...

I know, it is normal at this point, but yes, I am struggling, a lot...

Oh on the big decisions. The only one I have made involves keeping going with a project we already started, camper conversion of the truck bed shell on my pickup and putting a new engine in there so I can travel. It would have been WE could travel but that obviously isn't in the cards now... I can only hope that God lets her watch as I travel and experience some of it with me. I know I will be bringing Jesus along with me so why not her? Lord if it were possible.... The only thing that is different is I am building the camper out with one twin bed instead of a queen... Nothing else changes... First trip will be a beach close by that allows camping / vehicles on the beach, about an hour drive from here, second once I shake the bugs out will be a trip to Padre Island National Seashore. We have no kids, and I don't want a pity party on the Holidays, so I am hoping to camp at PINS and make my own Christmas dinner, maybe watch some Christmas movies on my laptop while watching the waves on the Gulf of Mexico stroll in... Yeah she liked that we have a 4x4 pickup, she just didn't like camping in a tent...

One thing I didn't say in my earlier post was I agree with you that it stinks. My husband was much too young to die, only 60. That said as Christians we both know that neither one of them left this earth to go be with Jesus until the moment he had ordained them to. We just probably would have liked to have been consulted first .

I also get the alone thing, both wanting to be with people but also wanting to not be. I find myself going through that also.

I believe having projects is extremely important and yours sounds like a neat one.

I talked to my husband all the time, both him and Jesus. I honestly believe they're both watching me every moment of every day. We had designed our own kitchen sink light and before he died it needed to be rewired he had a lot of electrical experience and was going to walk me through it because he could not physically do it with his hand but he could tell me how. We never got around to it and I remember the day I rewired that light. I looked up to heaven and said okay God and my darling show me how to do this and I honestly believe that they did. Through tears rewired our light.

We loved to travel and state parks were our favorite thing. I'm planning on doing some traveling myself before the end of the year. I think a journey like I'm planning to take and like you wrote about taking can be very healing.

I did I did not say it in my earlier post but I'm sorry you've lost your wife.

 

[Brother-Mike]

So sorry to hear about your loss Dave and thanks for sharing that picture of your wife. She looked like a wonderful lady.

I think your idea of finishing the camper and getting out into nature is a great one

 

[Aussie Pete]

It will be 6 weeks on Tuesday since God took her from my life. 6 of the worst weeks ever imagineable.

I start Grief Share tonight, and am hopeful something good will come of it, but at least right now, my biggest struggle is being lonely in ways that words cannot express, even in a crowd of people I am terribly lonely. I do not know what to do with myself to be honest
I will be starting back with my volunteer work at the church next Sunday, hoping all goes well. I do videography and video engineering for our church (Running the recorders / encoders) I am honestly a little worried about running the camera next time I am up for that...

And if I may be so bold. I am sick and tired of waking up alone. I had been here before when she was hospitalized in 2018, but this is different, I KNOW she is not coming back to me.

I know she is with the Lord now, and I will eventually see her when I go to be with him finally. But until then, it still hurts.

I want to be around people, and just have coffee and talk, but even my small group I just don't feel right by "putting this on them", so when people ask if I want to go over, have coffee whatever I try to politely decline.

It's not that I don't want to be around them, it is that I don't want to bring them down.

This stinks, and I am not sure what to do...

My dear friend's (now fiancee) husband passed away 11 years ago, on her birthday. Hard to forget that date. She called me at work and I came home to find the police, ambulance and the funeral parlour people there. My friend was talking calmly to them and offered to make them coffee. I took her out for her birthday dinner. She was fine. How could this be?

We talked it over. She had a time sorrow and grief in her room. She remembered God's promise that He would be our Comforter. She remembered the exhortation to cast her care on Jesus because He cares for us. I'd known them both since 1983. Her late husband had been my mentor all that time, helping me through the darkest days of my life.

The Lord showed me that Ivor's time was up 3 days before he left us. He was in his 70's and not well. I've never met anyone so close to God, with such spiritual perception and insight. I could not grieve. He went to his true home, the place where he had lived in spirit for most of his Christian life.

Don't isolate yourself. You need people to support you in this time. You are not "putting this on them". We are required to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of love. Let the brethren help you! They may not know what to say. It's not important. Just let them show you that they care. You also need to keep busy. It will take your mind off your situation.

Remember that Lord Jesus promised to bind the broken heart (Luke 4:11). It's easy to spout Bible verses, but I can assure you that it is reality. You do not know what the future holds. I never imagined that I would remarry. I'm 71 and my fiancee is 70. She expected to remain a widow for the rest of her life.

As an aside, I hate death with a passion. Even seeing a dead animal is unsettling. For the Christian, death is the last enemy to overcome. And he who lives and believes in Jesus shall never die.

 

[Enilorac]

I just passed the 3 year anniversary of my beloved's passing. It gets easier as in you get used to being alone. Waking up alone never gets any easier. Its like having half of you amputated. Nothing is ever the same. I know that we'll be together again, but it's a lonely life until then. I've started a new career, I moved closer to my kids and grandkids, and am slowly building a life that I never expected to live.
Don't let anyone try to tell you how or how long to grieve. I spent the first year on my couch blankly staring at the TV. It took another year before I was remotely ready to rejoin society. Everyone's path is different, but the pain is something we all share. Be gentle with yourself. Breathe one minute at a time. Lean on the Lord.

 

[returntosender]

Peace and healing, brother.