Hi all,
I am posting this,hoping SOMEONE out there will have an answer for me, or be able to give me some advice, or point me in a direction that I haven't already been in, and maybe understand where I am coming from and be willing to help me, as no one else in my life has been willing to do.
Here's my story. I am 39 years, old, and for the life of me, I have just never been able to find a companion. I have not so much as ever even been in any kind of serious relationship. The extent of my dating life has been a girl I dated for a month 17 years ago, which I broke off because the girl had some mental issues, and I felt that I could do better than that, and then last year, I dated a girl from a dating site, which was going in the right direction, but she broke it off because she lived 2 hours away, and her being out of work and such, dating anyone was too much for her.
Ever since I was a little boy, I dreamed of one day growing up and getting married, and having a family. I was still a teenager when my sisters got married, and I remember them calling when each of their kids were born, and them coming to visit, and me playing with all the kids, thinking to myself, "I can't wait till the day comes that I have this".
Fast forward to now, and I am 20 years out of high school, and still can't so much as even get a girl interested in talking to me, let alone get to a point where I am seeing someone. I have one by one watched all of my cousins, second cousins, everyone I went to school with, everyone I played with on my street growing up, and even kids that I knew because they were kids of my parents' friends, or coworkers, all get married and start their families one by one, year after year. My cousins all found their mates when they were in their early 20's....as have most other people in my life I have known. Just a few months ago, my second cousin announced the birth of her second child. She is in her early 20's. As she posted the picture of herself on Facebook of her laying in her hospital bed with her newborn baby, and her other kid cuddled beside her, I thought to myself, "why can't I have this?" Even my sister's friends, who's kids were 8 and 9 years old when I moved half way across the country to be with in '99 are all married, or at least in a relationship, and they all have kids, who are 4 and 5 years old now.
My question is, is there ANY hope for me at all when it comes to finding a companion? Or did God put me here to be alone?
I have had my profile on just about every dating site you can name, I've tried going out talking to girls in bars, I've tried joining singles clubs, I've gone to church activities, and as we speak I'm looking into seeing what activities the church has here in the town that I have just moved back to, just to try to get myself out there and meet people. I even paid over $900 to join a dating service back in 2006, that turned out to be a complete ripoff. The very few dates I go on with people I meet on dating sites end up going nowhere.
It has not been an easy pill to swallow watching everyone I know, one by one, year after year, all getting married and starting their families, and it's like....why won't God make tis happen for ME? Why did God choose ME to be the one that has to live my life alone?
I'm just going to be latently honest here and say this: If I was never meant to have a mate, and was meant to be alone my whole life, than quite frankly, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to Lord to call me home. And at that, I don't understand why he even created me in the first place if he never meant for me to have a companion.
On the other side of the coin, I have known many people in my lifetime, who have gone through bad divorces. They are paying child support on kids they don't ever get to see, and them and their exes don't get along at all. There are others who are in relationships, but they are not happy at all. So yes, I AM grateful for the fact that I'm not in an unhappy relationship, or that I haven't gotten divorced, or that I'm not constantly at battle with an ex over kids, or living the life of many other stories I've been told. But on the other hand, there are people like my parents, and my aunts and uncles, who have been happily married for 30 or 40 years and still happy as ever. Yes....there are many marriages on this earth that fail. But there are also ones that DON'T fail.....so why can't I be one of those who's marriage DOESN'T fail, and be one of those later in life saying they've been happily married for 30 or 40 years?
Many people have told me stuff like "you don't want to live anymore because you don't have a girlfriend? Come on, really?!" Well here's the thing. It's not that I don't want to live anymore because I don't have a girlfriend. I don't want to live anymore because I don't want to live out the rest of my life being alone, and judging by the experience I've had up to this point, it's looking like that's how it's gonna go. It's not "not having a girlfriend" so much as it is:
- Feeling loved, cared about and needed
- kissing someone good night and waking up next to them in the morning and starting our day together.
- Coming home and talking to hear about my day, and listening to how her day went.
- Having someone to take to things like a company party, or a family reunion, rather than being the one that shows up by himself and seeing everyone else with their husbands and wives, and having people say stuff like "him and so and so are coming around 5".
- Doing things like holding hands and walking along a beach.
- Cuddling while watching a fireworks show, rather than just riding along with someone else's family and being a third wheel, or listening to the fireworks going off at my house, because I didn't bother to go because I didn't want to go by myself, and being in tears wondering if there will ever be a time in my life where I will ever have someone that wants to be in my arms at a fireworks show like you see with all the other couples that go to them.
- Announcing my engagement.
- Sending out wedding invitations.
- My family coming to my wedding to watch me get married. (My parents aren't getting any younger.....will they even be alive when and if my wedding day ever comes?)
- Being able to call my parents and family announcing that we are going to have a baby, and being able to make that phone call to my parents 9 months later, saying that their grandson/grandaughter was born.
- My parents coming for a visit to see their grandkids like they do with my siblings' kids.
- Having someone to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays with.....doing stuff like going to her parents' for Thanksgiving dinner, or inviting my or her family to MY Thanksgiving dinner, or having someone to bring to MY family's Thanksgiving dinner. (FYI....I will be spending this Christmas alone. Things didn't go well when I moved half way across the country to be with them. I tried for 13 years to be accepted by them, and they never came around. Then I did another big move to be with someone I thought was a best friend and thought I had it made because I'd get to spend the holidays with her and her family.....they all started distancing themselves one by one, and acting like it was a bother whenever I came around 4 years in, so I decided it was time to come back to my homeland.)
- Watching my kids open presents on Christmas morning, and getting to be "Santa" and seeing them all excited in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
- Buying a house together, and talking about the future of having kids in the house we're going to buy.
- Having kids, and watching them take their first steps, teaching them how to swim, ride their bikes, go to their ball games, going to their school plays, taking them fishing, playing ball with them in the yard, having birthday parties for them where family and friends come over for a cookout, or we go to a skating rink or a pizza joint and watching them all have fun, and telling them stories of things we did that we enjoyed growing up, or having family movie nights.
- Taking the family camping, or on a vacation, or a picnic.
These are all things that growing up, I thought that by this time in my life, I'd be at the point where all these things were happening!
To be honest, if I had known that I would be this age and be where I'm at now, I would have lived my life a lot differently. An example of this:
Back when I was going to tech school, all my friends and room mates ever wanted to do was go out and party and hook up with girls. I had no interest in that. COUNTLESS times, I had opportunities to go out with them. Many times I heard the whole "Hey man...if you ever want to get laid or go out and party with us, You're welcome to come on out, we'll hook you up!" I turned them down every time they offered this, and they always made fun of me for it. But my mentality back then, was "I don't WANT to "Get laid", I want to SAVE myself for that special person that will one day be the love of my life, and be able to give her a special gift of her being my first". At the time, I was very young, and had hopes of me also being HER first and having that "Special thing" together. (I mean seriously, anyone reading this who is a girl, wouldn't you appreciate it if your mate came along, and he told you he'd been saving himself all that time because he knew one day that his special someone would come along, and that special someone was YOU?)
Had I known I would be where I'm at now, I would have let them hook me up, and go out and partied with them.
I'm at a point in my life now, where if I'm not meant to have a companion in my life, I at least want to have sexual encounters like everyone else, but I don't even know how to get a girl interested in me even for one night. Last year, when I went to see a friend of mine, we ended up going to a strip club, and I told him, if there's any way he can hook me up with a girl here tonight, work your magic and get me hooked up.....he has game and knows how to work things, and somehow got me hooked up with one of the girls that worked at the strip club, and we snuck off into a back room and "did it", acting quick so she wouldn't get caught by her boss, before she went back to work. It's a shame that that's what it took for me to be able to have sex for the first time, and that it took me 38 years to be able to do it for the first time, but it was time to get it done....it was either that or still be a virgin at 40. And I have to wonder, "what if I'd have just let those college kids hook me up? By now I'd know what to say and how to talk to girls, because I'd have learned from them, and I'd be going out and having fun, rather than spending Saturday nights sitting at home".
All the time I think to myself, everyone else meets their mate in their 20's.....so why didn't I? I'm a repair technician, who for the past 20 years has gone into probably tens of thousands of homes.....so why on all these service calls I've been on haven't I at some point ended up at some house where the girl that lives there is single, and we have hit it off?
I play gigs on the weekends.....I've played in many bars, and I've played at many weddings as well as other type of parties.....why have I not met someone at any of these events?
Why haven't I, say met someone at a checkout line at a grocery store, or hit it off with a store clerk? Do you have any idea how many times I've hit on store clerks as they were ringing up my stuff?
I spent 4 or 5 years of my life hanging out at the campground with a group of friends that had a seasonal camp site, and hanging out at that campground, met MANY people during that time....why did I never meet anyone during that time?
Why haven't I "just by chance" ended up sitting next to someone at a concert or a party, who happened to be single and we hit it off?
When I lived where I was before I moved back here, I worked for a very large outfit, where there were many girls that worked in the office, most of them taken of course.....why couldn't someone that worked there have been single, and I hit it off with one of them?
These are all things I say when people tell me things like "If you want to meet someone, put yourself out there and get out!" But my whole thing with that argument, is....most people I know haven't "Gone out" to try to meet people. They met their spouse just living their normal life! And he examples I listed above are examples of me....just living my everyday life, and I just don't understand why, during all these years, I've never had that "chance encounter" that so many people tell me has happened to them, which is how they met their spouse.
why did God not choose someone to be alone and without a mate that WANTED to be alone, or didn't care whether or not they ever had a mate, instead of ME, who WANTS a family, and WANTS a companion?
At this point, to be honest, I'm ok with not having kids.....I just want a mate! Someone to spend the rest of my life with so I don't have to walk the earth alone and watch everyone ELSE live their lives with their partners.
To be quite honest, if I'm meant to be one of those people that are in their 50's or 60's and still never met the one, I wish I would just die. Don't get me wrong....I'm not saying I'm ready to take my own life or anything like that......I just wish the Lord would not have even put me here on the face of the planet if he wasn't going to create someone who wanted to be with me.
Many people will read this and think "you've got to be happy with YOURSELF before you can worry about making someone else happy or making them happy to be with you" - I've been told that over the years by a LOT of people. But my question is this: How can I be happy with myself when no one even likes me? I like myself - I like my demeanor, I like what I stand for, I like my character, and I like my personality. I wish I could be a little bit more self confident, but other than that, I'm pretty happy with who I am, other than the fact that I can't get anyone to like me. I am different than most people when it comes to that.
From the time I started school, until the time I graduated, I had no friends. I was picked on very badly from the 7th grade until the time I graduated. Then, once I went off to tech school, I was picked on there too. Then, once I got out on my own and into the world....yes....I had good jobs and was able to hold my own, but I've never really been able to make very many good, TRUE friends....I have, but it's been very few and far between.
I moved half way across the country once I got out of tech school to be near both of my siblings, and was never really accepted by them, I tried for 13 years to be accepted and I never was.....so I then moved AGAIN to be near a friend who I thought we were like brother and sister, only to have her, her kids, and some of the rest of her family distance themselves from me a few years in, and all the while of living down there, I couldn't make any friends because no one wanted anything to do with me, so now, here I am, living back in my home state, where I at least have the life back that I left behind 18 years ago. When I left here back in '99 I never dreamed of wanting to come back here....I thought I'd be at a point in my life where I was married, had a family, and was living near my other family, and having my kids grow up with their cousins. So it's like.....WHY can't I just have a happy ending and have this ONE THING that I've been wanting ever since I was a little boy?
I have a lot of OTHER reasons to be happy right now - I've recently gotten to move back to me home state that I've missed so much, I have a job at a good company, I live in the nicest house I've ever lived in since I've been out on my own, I have a dog that is the sweetest dog you'll ever know, I'm financially stable for the most part and my truck has been paid off for years and still runs great, and I live near a friend of mine who's been a very good friend for many years, despite the distance. So yes.....there IS a lot in my life that is good, but no matter how good life is for me....I will always feel incomplete as long as I don't have a mate.
What I don't understand is why, when I talk about this to everyone, they just get annoyed because they're tired of hearing about it. They all tell me to just "Give it time". I'd say it's long past "time".
Why, is there not some "female version of me" out there somewhere who feels the same way about things, who I could meet, and we connect because we are looking for the same things?
Why, of all the people I know.....doesn't someone have.....a friend, a sister, a daughter, a coworker, a cousin.....SOMEONE in their life who is single they could set me up with?
I hope someone reads this and can give me some kind of advice, other than what's already been given, that obviously is not working.
As you are prepping your kids for Christmas and getting them excited about Santa coming, and looking forward to all your family getting together for Christmas dinner, I have one request: think of ME. And people LIKE me.....who will be spending Christmas alone, because no one wants anything to do with them, and who have never been able to have a family.
When you are hyping your kids up about Santa coming.....think of all the times people like me have gone out to a bar, a church group, or any kind of special event trying to put ourselves out there like people constantly tell us to do.....and meet no one, or if we do, they want nothing to do with you.
When you are Christmas shopping, and wrapping your kids' gifts, think of people like me who don't HAVE kids who would give anything to have a family, but no girl wants anything to do with them, and doesn't even want to see you after a first date, let alone get far enough along to talk about marriage, let alone have a family.
When you and your family set up your tree, and see the smiles on your kids' faces as you're dragging the tree and ornaments out of storage because they're so exited......think of people like me who have their profile up on every dating site known to man, and spend countless hours messaging people....and you might get 5 or 6 answers a year from people, and might meet 2 or 3 of those people.....if you're lucky enough for them to still be that interested after 2 or 3 days of talking, and the ones you do actually meet in person, don't want a thing to do with you after you meet.
As you're making plans on when the big Christmas dinner is going to be, and who's house you're going to have it, be thankful you actually HAVE a spouse to bring along....or actually get to have dinner with his/her family, when there are people like me who will be showing up at the family dinner.....by yourself and be the only one out of 20 people that show up solo, because they don't have a partner. Unless You're ME that is.....I gave up on a lot of my family, because they never would accept me, so I'll be spending Christmas day as if it is just any other ordinary day.
As you are watching your kids open their presents, and they are smiling from ear to ear as they tear off the wrapping paper seeing what their presents are, think of people like me.....who will probably just end up sleeping in on Christmas morning, because the day means nothing to them except making a few phone calls to parents and a few friends.
All of these things....most people will just take for granted, and the holiday season will be filled with happiness and excitement, because you all actually HAVE a family.....a companion....a relationship that a lot of you probably have only been in for a few years, because for some reason, of which I will never understand, God has given you before you've even turned 25, while here I sit, about to turn 40, and still have yet to be in any kind of relationship that lasts any longer than a month.
I hope each and every person that reads this will think of me as you are going through the holiday season, and realize just how fortunate you are to be in the position you're in. For most people your spouse....your kids.....your relationship is just a given.....it's just something that happens when you become a young adult. For me....it's something that never happened, and probably never WILL happen since it hasn't happened by now, and I wish more people would have a little sympathy for people like me....the guy that nobody wants.
I am posting this,hoping SOMEONE out there will have an answer for me, or be able to give me some advice, or point me in a direction that I haven't already been in, and maybe understand where I am coming from and be willing to help me, as no one else in my life has been willing to do.
Here's my story. I am 39 years, old, and for the life of me, I have just never been able to find a companion. I have not so much as ever even been in any kind of serious relationship. The extent of my dating life has been a girl I dated for a month 17 years ago, which I broke off because the girl had some mental issues, and I felt that I could do better than that, and then last year, I dated a girl from a dating site, which was going in the right direction, but she broke it off because she lived 2 hours away, and her being out of work and such, dating anyone was too much for her.
Ever since I was a little boy, I dreamed of one day growing up and getting married, and having a family. I was still a teenager when my sisters got married, and I remember them calling when each of their kids were born, and them coming to visit, and me playing with all the kids, thinking to myself, "I can't wait till the day comes that I have this".
Fast forward to now, and I am 20 years out of high school, and still can't so much as even get a girl interested in talking to me, let alone get to a point where I am seeing someone. I have one by one watched all of my cousins, second cousins, everyone I went to school with, everyone I played with on my street growing up, and even kids that I knew because they were kids of my parents' friends, or coworkers, all get married and start their families one by one, year after year. My cousins all found their mates when they were in their early 20's....as have most other people in my life I have known. Just a few months ago, my second cousin announced the birth of her second child. She is in her early 20's. As she posted the picture of herself on Facebook of her laying in her hospital bed with her newborn baby, and her other kid cuddled beside her, I thought to myself, "why can't I have this?" Even my sister's friends, who's kids were 8 and 9 years old when I moved half way across the country to be with in '99 are all married, or at least in a relationship, and they all have kids, who are 4 and 5 years old now.
My question is, is there ANY hope for me at all when it comes to finding a companion? Or did God put me here to be alone?
I have had my profile on just about every dating site you can name, I've tried going out talking to girls in bars, I've tried joining singles clubs, I've gone to church activities, and as we speak I'm looking into seeing what activities the church has here in the town that I have just moved back to, just to try to get myself out there and meet people. I even paid over $900 to join a dating service back in 2006, that turned out to be a complete ripoff. The very few dates I go on with people I meet on dating sites end up going nowhere.
It has not been an easy pill to swallow watching everyone I know, one by one, year after year, all getting married and starting their families, and it's like....why won't God make tis happen for ME? Why did God choose ME to be the one that has to live my life alone?
I'm just going to be latently honest here and say this: If I was never meant to have a mate, and was meant to be alone my whole life, than quite frankly, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to Lord to call me home. And at that, I don't understand why he even created me in the first place if he never meant for me to have a companion.
On the other side of the coin, I have known many people in my lifetime, who have gone through bad divorces. They are paying child support on kids they don't ever get to see, and them and their exes don't get along at all. There are others who are in relationships, but they are not happy at all. So yes, I AM grateful for the fact that I'm not in an unhappy relationship, or that I haven't gotten divorced, or that I'm not constantly at battle with an ex over kids, or living the life of many other stories I've been told. But on the other hand, there are people like my parents, and my aunts and uncles, who have been happily married for 30 or 40 years and still happy as ever. Yes....there are many marriages on this earth that fail. But there are also ones that DON'T fail.....so why can't I be one of those who's marriage DOESN'T fail, and be one of those later in life saying they've been happily married for 30 or 40 years?
Many people have told me stuff like "you don't want to live anymore because you don't have a girlfriend? Come on, really?!" Well here's the thing. It's not that I don't want to live anymore because I don't have a girlfriend. I don't want to live anymore because I don't want to live out the rest of my life being alone, and judging by the experience I've had up to this point, it's looking like that's how it's gonna go. It's not "not having a girlfriend" so much as it is:
- Feeling loved, cared about and needed
- kissing someone good night and waking up next to them in the morning and starting our day together.
- Coming home and talking to hear about my day, and listening to how her day went.
- Having someone to take to things like a company party, or a family reunion, rather than being the one that shows up by himself and seeing everyone else with their husbands and wives, and having people say stuff like "him and so and so are coming around 5".
- Doing things like holding hands and walking along a beach.
- Cuddling while watching a fireworks show, rather than just riding along with someone else's family and being a third wheel, or listening to the fireworks going off at my house, because I didn't bother to go because I didn't want to go by myself, and being in tears wondering if there will ever be a time in my life where I will ever have someone that wants to be in my arms at a fireworks show like you see with all the other couples that go to them.
- Announcing my engagement.
- Sending out wedding invitations.
- My family coming to my wedding to watch me get married. (My parents aren't getting any younger.....will they even be alive when and if my wedding day ever comes?)
- Being able to call my parents and family announcing that we are going to have a baby, and being able to make that phone call to my parents 9 months later, saying that their grandson/grandaughter was born.
- My parents coming for a visit to see their grandkids like they do with my siblings' kids.
- Having someone to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays with.....doing stuff like going to her parents' for Thanksgiving dinner, or inviting my or her family to MY Thanksgiving dinner, or having someone to bring to MY family's Thanksgiving dinner. (FYI....I will be spending this Christmas alone. Things didn't go well when I moved half way across the country to be with them. I tried for 13 years to be accepted by them, and they never came around. Then I did another big move to be with someone I thought was a best friend and thought I had it made because I'd get to spend the holidays with her and her family.....they all started distancing themselves one by one, and acting like it was a bother whenever I came around 4 years in, so I decided it was time to come back to my homeland.)
- Watching my kids open presents on Christmas morning, and getting to be "Santa" and seeing them all excited in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
- Buying a house together, and talking about the future of having kids in the house we're going to buy.
- Having kids, and watching them take their first steps, teaching them how to swim, ride their bikes, go to their ball games, going to their school plays, taking them fishing, playing ball with them in the yard, having birthday parties for them where family and friends come over for a cookout, or we go to a skating rink or a pizza joint and watching them all have fun, and telling them stories of things we did that we enjoyed growing up, or having family movie nights.
- Taking the family camping, or on a vacation, or a picnic.
These are all things that growing up, I thought that by this time in my life, I'd be at the point where all these things were happening!
To be honest, if I had known that I would be this age and be where I'm at now, I would have lived my life a lot differently. An example of this:
Back when I was going to tech school, all my friends and room mates ever wanted to do was go out and party and hook up with girls. I had no interest in that. COUNTLESS times, I had opportunities to go out with them. Many times I heard the whole "Hey man...if you ever want to get laid or go out and party with us, You're welcome to come on out, we'll hook you up!" I turned them down every time they offered this, and they always made fun of me for it. But my mentality back then, was "I don't WANT to "Get laid", I want to SAVE myself for that special person that will one day be the love of my life, and be able to give her a special gift of her being my first". At the time, I was very young, and had hopes of me also being HER first and having that "Special thing" together. (I mean seriously, anyone reading this who is a girl, wouldn't you appreciate it if your mate came along, and he told you he'd been saving himself all that time because he knew one day that his special someone would come along, and that special someone was YOU?)
Had I known I would be where I'm at now, I would have let them hook me up, and go out and partied with them.
I'm at a point in my life now, where if I'm not meant to have a companion in my life, I at least want to have sexual encounters like everyone else, but I don't even know how to get a girl interested in me even for one night. Last year, when I went to see a friend of mine, we ended up going to a strip club, and I told him, if there's any way he can hook me up with a girl here tonight, work your magic and get me hooked up.....he has game and knows how to work things, and somehow got me hooked up with one of the girls that worked at the strip club, and we snuck off into a back room and "did it", acting quick so she wouldn't get caught by her boss, before she went back to work. It's a shame that that's what it took for me to be able to have sex for the first time, and that it took me 38 years to be able to do it for the first time, but it was time to get it done....it was either that or still be a virgin at 40. And I have to wonder, "what if I'd have just let those college kids hook me up? By now I'd know what to say and how to talk to girls, because I'd have learned from them, and I'd be going out and having fun, rather than spending Saturday nights sitting at home".
All the time I think to myself, everyone else meets their mate in their 20's.....so why didn't I? I'm a repair technician, who for the past 20 years has gone into probably tens of thousands of homes.....so why on all these service calls I've been on haven't I at some point ended up at some house where the girl that lives there is single, and we have hit it off?
I play gigs on the weekends.....I've played in many bars, and I've played at many weddings as well as other type of parties.....why have I not met someone at any of these events?
Why haven't I, say met someone at a checkout line at a grocery store, or hit it off with a store clerk? Do you have any idea how many times I've hit on store clerks as they were ringing up my stuff?
I spent 4 or 5 years of my life hanging out at the campground with a group of friends that had a seasonal camp site, and hanging out at that campground, met MANY people during that time....why did I never meet anyone during that time?
Why haven't I "just by chance" ended up sitting next to someone at a concert or a party, who happened to be single and we hit it off?
When I lived where I was before I moved back here, I worked for a very large outfit, where there were many girls that worked in the office, most of them taken of course.....why couldn't someone that worked there have been single, and I hit it off with one of them?
These are all things I say when people tell me things like "If you want to meet someone, put yourself out there and get out!" But my whole thing with that argument, is....most people I know haven't "Gone out" to try to meet people. They met their spouse just living their normal life! And he examples I listed above are examples of me....just living my everyday life, and I just don't understand why, during all these years, I've never had that "chance encounter" that so many people tell me has happened to them, which is how they met their spouse.
why did God not choose someone to be alone and without a mate that WANTED to be alone, or didn't care whether or not they ever had a mate, instead of ME, who WANTS a family, and WANTS a companion?
At this point, to be honest, I'm ok with not having kids.....I just want a mate! Someone to spend the rest of my life with so I don't have to walk the earth alone and watch everyone ELSE live their lives with their partners.
To be quite honest, if I'm meant to be one of those people that are in their 50's or 60's and still never met the one, I wish I would just die. Don't get me wrong....I'm not saying I'm ready to take my own life or anything like that......I just wish the Lord would not have even put me here on the face of the planet if he wasn't going to create someone who wanted to be with me.
Many people will read this and think "you've got to be happy with YOURSELF before you can worry about making someone else happy or making them happy to be with you" - I've been told that over the years by a LOT of people. But my question is this: How can I be happy with myself when no one even likes me? I like myself - I like my demeanor, I like what I stand for, I like my character, and I like my personality. I wish I could be a little bit more self confident, but other than that, I'm pretty happy with who I am, other than the fact that I can't get anyone to like me. I am different than most people when it comes to that.
From the time I started school, until the time I graduated, I had no friends. I was picked on very badly from the 7th grade until the time I graduated. Then, once I went off to tech school, I was picked on there too. Then, once I got out on my own and into the world....yes....I had good jobs and was able to hold my own, but I've never really been able to make very many good, TRUE friends....I have, but it's been very few and far between.
I moved half way across the country once I got out of tech school to be near both of my siblings, and was never really accepted by them, I tried for 13 years to be accepted and I never was.....so I then moved AGAIN to be near a friend who I thought we were like brother and sister, only to have her, her kids, and some of the rest of her family distance themselves from me a few years in, and all the while of living down there, I couldn't make any friends because no one wanted anything to do with me, so now, here I am, living back in my home state, where I at least have the life back that I left behind 18 years ago. When I left here back in '99 I never dreamed of wanting to come back here....I thought I'd be at a point in my life where I was married, had a family, and was living near my other family, and having my kids grow up with their cousins. So it's like.....WHY can't I just have a happy ending and have this ONE THING that I've been wanting ever since I was a little boy?
I have a lot of OTHER reasons to be happy right now - I've recently gotten to move back to me home state that I've missed so much, I have a job at a good company, I live in the nicest house I've ever lived in since I've been out on my own, I have a dog that is the sweetest dog you'll ever know, I'm financially stable for the most part and my truck has been paid off for years and still runs great, and I live near a friend of mine who's been a very good friend for many years, despite the distance. So yes.....there IS a lot in my life that is good, but no matter how good life is for me....I will always feel incomplete as long as I don't have a mate.
What I don't understand is why, when I talk about this to everyone, they just get annoyed because they're tired of hearing about it. They all tell me to just "Give it time". I'd say it's long past "time".
Why, is there not some "female version of me" out there somewhere who feels the same way about things, who I could meet, and we connect because we are looking for the same things?
Why, of all the people I know.....doesn't someone have.....a friend, a sister, a daughter, a coworker, a cousin.....SOMEONE in their life who is single they could set me up with?
I hope someone reads this and can give me some kind of advice, other than what's already been given, that obviously is not working.
As you are prepping your kids for Christmas and getting them excited about Santa coming, and looking forward to all your family getting together for Christmas dinner, I have one request: think of ME. And people LIKE me.....who will be spending Christmas alone, because no one wants anything to do with them, and who have never been able to have a family.
When you are hyping your kids up about Santa coming.....think of all the times people like me have gone out to a bar, a church group, or any kind of special event trying to put ourselves out there like people constantly tell us to do.....and meet no one, or if we do, they want nothing to do with you.
When you are Christmas shopping, and wrapping your kids' gifts, think of people like me who don't HAVE kids who would give anything to have a family, but no girl wants anything to do with them, and doesn't even want to see you after a first date, let alone get far enough along to talk about marriage, let alone have a family.
When you and your family set up your tree, and see the smiles on your kids' faces as you're dragging the tree and ornaments out of storage because they're so exited......think of people like me who have their profile up on every dating site known to man, and spend countless hours messaging people....and you might get 5 or 6 answers a year from people, and might meet 2 or 3 of those people.....if you're lucky enough for them to still be that interested after 2 or 3 days of talking, and the ones you do actually meet in person, don't want a thing to do with you after you meet.
As you're making plans on when the big Christmas dinner is going to be, and who's house you're going to have it, be thankful you actually HAVE a spouse to bring along....or actually get to have dinner with his/her family, when there are people like me who will be showing up at the family dinner.....by yourself and be the only one out of 20 people that show up solo, because they don't have a partner. Unless You're ME that is.....I gave up on a lot of my family, because they never would accept me, so I'll be spending Christmas day as if it is just any other ordinary day.
As you are watching your kids open their presents, and they are smiling from ear to ear as they tear off the wrapping paper seeing what their presents are, think of people like me.....who will probably just end up sleeping in on Christmas morning, because the day means nothing to them except making a few phone calls to parents and a few friends.
All of these things....most people will just take for granted, and the holiday season will be filled with happiness and excitement, because you all actually HAVE a family.....a companion....a relationship that a lot of you probably have only been in for a few years, because for some reason, of which I will never understand, God has given you before you've even turned 25, while here I sit, about to turn 40, and still have yet to be in any kind of relationship that lasts any longer than a month.
I hope each and every person that reads this will think of me as you are going through the holiday season, and realize just how fortunate you are to be in the position you're in. For most people your spouse....your kids.....your relationship is just a given.....it's just something that happens when you become a young adult. For me....it's something that never happened, and probably never WILL happen since it hasn't happened by now, and I wish more people would have a little sympathy for people like me....the guy that nobody wants.
