Ahhh :/ Help me get my head out of this..

[x.miranda.x]

Ahh.. This is kinda a rant, and it might be long. But I do just want a little advice on how to get out of this feeling :/. I'm just going kinda crazy.. But please don't be too rude..

So my thing is, I'm just sick of where I am. The people, the place, just everything. Don't get me wrong, I love my horses with my life, but other than that.
I just don't fit in out here. I mean I have some friends, but most people could take me or leave me. I'm not anyone's real concern. And I'm sick of being judged. It's like everyone has a place but me. And it's like people think I'm this horrible person or something. And I'm not. I'm like the most peaceful person you'll ever meet.
Just the whole culture out here isn't me. My family can't understand why I can't be like my little sister. Or "perfect" in other words. She's the straight "A" girl. She's good at everything, everyone loves her and wants to be with her. She's just got everything going for her and she's happy.
Everyone just wants me to be someone I'm not. Even my best friend is getting super degrading. And it's kinda hard, because I already get crap from everyone else and I don't need it from her. It's not right that I have to constantly walk on eggshells around her to keep from setting her off. And I know I'm not always the smartest. I'm kinda slow at times. I don't have any diagnosed issues or anything, but I'm a tad slow at times.

Right now I'm just sick of everyone. And I have been for a very long time. Everyone can't accept that I'm not "perfect" to this society. I just hate being born where I was.
After I graduate, I'm outta here.
And recently, over spring break I was in Jamaica. It was absolutly the most amazing place I've ever been. The people, the culture, and just everything. I got to know a few amazing people while I was there. And ever since, that's the only place I've wanted to be. They were all so friendly and wonderful, and they were very interested in me (haha not like you are necissarily thinking). And it was me they wanted to talk to. Not my sister, not everyone else. Me. And it was really strange having that much attention. But it was kinda nice, I'm not gonna lie. To be the "liked one", the one they wanted to get to know first, you know? But I felt super at home just after a little bit. There's just something about it there. The culture fits me. They're very friendly and cool. The "hippie"-ish culture (or whatever everyone considers me to kinda be), fits me. I just really fell in love with it. I've left a little part of me there. And I really want to live there. Who knows, maybe I will one day. It would be great.

---So please don't go on about how I'm "15 and don't know anything about life" or whatever. This is just a rant, so ya.
And congradulations if you made it through. It felt like it took me 5 hours to write this.

And the whole focus isn't really Jamaica, it was just a good example of one of the things to help get my point.

 

[Zalu]

If anything, I would say embrace the feeling. As Christians, we're not meant to fit in with society. We're set apart and it's probably a good thing that people see that you're not part of their "perfect little society."
The Message has an interesting way of putting it.

1 Corinthians 4:9 "It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits."

Misfit - A person whose behavior or attitude sets them apart from others.

Show those around you that being different can be a good thing. Step and show them that you're there to make a positive difference in their lives because of what Christ has done for you. You're going to get many different reactions, but your job isn't to please people, it's to love them & please God.

 

[Johnnz]

You are growing beyond the box people have for you. Don't suppress who you are.

The dangers are you won't come across like minded Christians and that can have real consequences.

The benefits can be a life lived from a Christian perspective that will give you a lifelong challenge and sense of fulfilment. That was my path, for reasons similar to yours in some ways.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[SplendidTree]

I feel for you sister and 15 or not, your feelings are important and valid. Each of us is unique so be proud to be you! And all of us are constantly growing in life so there is more of that for you too. It sounds like it is intimidating in life for you right now. I am sure you are good at stuff though! And you love your horses. Do you ride them a lot? Try to think of things you are good at. We all have our weaknesses and strengths. If everyone was good at the same things life would get really weird!

As for you sister... well perhaps she does get higher grades and it seems everyone loves her but everyone has their own struggles and pain. Are you guys close? What kind of relationship do you have?

If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me. You needn't worry over your age. We are all Gods children and I take that seriously no matter what age.

Always lean on the Lord no matter what. Praying for ya girl!

 

[Gabe7]

High school wasn't fun for me. The real world is not high school. Real world FTW!

 

[susanexpress]

"15 and don't know anything about life" is just an excuse

 

[andreha]

Dear x.miranda.x

I'd also be upset if people tried to squash me into their own little box. If I were you, I'd finish school and go on one of those working holiday trips. You earn some cash, meet new people and see the world. All without breaking the bank. You need a change, methinks. Pray about it, then, follow your heart.

 

[hedrick]

There's not a lot we can say other than to encourage you and say that we'll pray for you. I'm sure you know that there aren't easy answers to questions like this. You're in kind of a classic situation: the sister of someone who is outstanding (or thought to be outstanding). I know a number of kids who are in that position. About all I can suggest is what others have: find things you're good at, which everyone will have, slow or not. (Some of the most outstanding Christians I've known have not been academically excellent, but cared about people and were willing to take time for them.) Look for opportunities to be with people who see you, and not the rest of the family. There are plenty of people who will understand the kind if situation you're in: For just about every outstanding person out there, there's one or two siblings who are in your position.

How is your church youth program? Most youth groups provide opportunities for service activities, and other things that would give you an area where you can be your own person. (In some areas you may need to look to a different church to find the one with the most active youth group. Our church gets kids from other churches in our program.) I'd also talk with a pastor or youth leader. They'll understand your situation, and will know of opportunities in your area that we don't. In our church I'd suggest talking with one of our teenage elders or deacons, but that's probably an unusual thing.

 

[lutherangerman]

I think you'll become a wonderful woman if you don't loose your peacefulness. I just hope you'll find a boy who recognizes this and gives you much love. For now, deepen your relationship with our Divine Friend Jesus Christ. He has a heart for the young and can give them deeply fulfilling experiences. Pray to Him and seek His face daily, and understand that knowing God can lead to not being bothered anymore about how other people seem to be better than us.

 

[gzt]

Life is tough at 15. I don't mean to sound patronizing. It really is. There are a lot of boxes you don't fit in anymore, but you're not yet really ready to strike out on your own. One thing I might warn you about, though, and I don't mean to trample on your dream, is not to romanticize Jamaica or indeed any experience you have right now that seems more free and fitting than the one you're in now. But, anyway: graduate, go to college, and grow. You'll be okay. Life gets better.

 

[Jazer]

I'm "15 and don't know anything about life" or whatever.

Life goes by a lot faster then you think. Our memories from when we are young tend to stay with us. When I was your age I would walk up to 5 miles a day. Now I think about those places I use to go and things I use to do. By all means travel when your young and healthy. You may not get the chance when your older.