Aging Parents

[suzybeezy]

The older I get the wiser my parents get - lol.

Seriously, as we get older, our parents are aging. Anyone starting to face the struggles of aging parents - with medical problems and decreased ability to take care of themselves?

My father-in-law was diagnosed with the early stages of dimentia - which means in time - he won't be able to take care of himself and will need his kids to help make decisions for him - maybe even a nursing home.

Has anyone had this kinda talk with their parents? My mom said its her worse fear that she get put into a home. But realistically, that day could come. Have you talked about their wishes, funeral plans, life support? Difficult discussions, but necessary.

 

[Chris Norwood]

My father-in-law died in December 2004 of a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Before that, he had really bad emphysema and was pretty much homebound with it. Thankfully, he had only been on a ventilator a couple of times and been able to come off pretty easily, then the aneurysm took him quickly before we had to decide about long-term life support (we really believe that it was God's mercy at work there).

On top of that, I'm a critical care nurse and see people even in their thirties and forties (let alone 60's+) that are facing end-of-life decisions. So while it may not be easy to bring up, it is so important that we talk with our loved ones about what kind of things we and they would like to have done if we face it.

Not to be Debbie Downer* or anything, but we are not promissed tomorrow, and I have seen far too many people in anguish over these decisions because their loved ones never talked about whether they would want to go on or stay on life support. So take a little time, think about it, and tell those closest to you about what you decide.


(*Saturday Night Live reference)

 

[WWJDT]

I know that my mom doesn't want to be in a home and that she wants to be cremated. As for my father I am not sure. He has smoked for about 50 years and has already had prostate cancer. Didn't stop him smoking of course. I worry that he is the one that is going to die a horrible painful death because of the smoking. He is going to be 65 this year so he doesn't have very long. I guess it's something you have to think about but I really don't want to. My father-in-law passed this time last year. He had asbestosis (exposure to asbestos) and was on oxygen 24/7 for 5 years. At the end he couldn't get enough oxygen and bascially suffocated under morphine at the hospital. He had to go through alot to die that way too. My mother-in-law wanted him hooked up to breathing machines and he had to get legal papers saying he didn't want that when it came time.

 

[Ragedy]

With the death of my grandfather on March 4th, my mom and dad (who are 50 and 51) are looking seriously at what they want for the end of their lives. My sister lives in California and will be coming home to Maine to bury my grandfather. My sister and my parents and myself will be sitting down at that time to solidify their final wishes. I agree that we do not have the promise of tomorrow, but I am proud of my parent's for looking ahead at the what if's. Someone brought up cremation. My mom is looking for a reference in the Bible that gives some insight to cremation. How is it looked upon by the Lord. Anyone know out there?

 

[JPPT1974]

My sister, brother, and I need to look at it
Also as my mom and dad are aging
And how we need to make sure they have a plan
For them to live in their retirement years!

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

My mom was a geriatric nurse before she retired and she is adamant that she doesn't want to go in a home when she can't fend for herself.

We've provisionally talked about it in that us 4 will take care of her at home or at least will pay for a carer so that she's not in hospital or a nursing home. It's becoming more of a reality now though with both parents being in their 70's.

 

[allieisme]

The older I get the wiser my parents get - lol.

Seriously, as we get older, our parents are aging. Anyone starting to face the struggles of aging parents - with medical problems and decreased ability to take care of themselves?

My father-in-law was diagnosed with the early stages of dimentia - which means in time - he won't be able to take care of himself and will need his kids to help make decisions for him - maybe even a nursing home.

Has anyone had this kinda talk with their parents? My mom said its her worse fear that she get put into a home. But realistically, that day could come. Have you talked about their wishes, funeral plans, life support? Difficult discussions, but necessary.

I have this same fear, but it is very hard to talk to my parents about these kind of fears.
My grandma has Alzheimer's and I have not seen her in a little over 7 years. I believe the disease was creeping up on her by then but now, she does not recognize anyone. I live in Arizona, but most of my family is still in Washington State, so it is very hard for me to deal with that. My mom is also very sick, she has been in the hospital 3 times since a year ago February.
Those are just 2 examples of dealing with the harsh realities that everyone is getting older, and I talk with God alot about that. I'm dealing with the issues of not being able to talk about such things to my parents, and hopefully I can before it is too late.

 

[Chris Norwood]

Like I was saying in my earlier post, in my job I see lots of people in end-of-life situations, and it continually amazes me that people apparently think their loved ones are going to live forever. It's like they just can't comprehend that their 96 year old grandfather who has heart failure and emphysema may not live for another 20 years. I don't mean to discount their grief or any of their feelings, beause I fuly understand that it's hard to lose those you love no matter the circumstances, but death is simply not something that can be avoided.

Especially to Christians, death can actually be a beautiful thing. Our sin-cursed bodies are not made for long-term use, and ususally people at the end of their lives are tired and in pain. That's when we as loved ones need to give them permission to let go and "trade up" for their new life with God.

It breaks my heart when I see family clinging to their sick and dying loved ones, begging them to fight, mainly for their own selfish reasons. In most cases, it's because those family members have "unfinished business" with the dying person: maybe they had unresolved conflicts with them, or just didn't treat them well, or maybe even they are still dependent on them financially or for other means of support. We should instead focus on helping the person be ready, both spiritually and in physical comfort, so they can embrace the transition to their eternal life instead of be traumatized to the end.

Just in case you've never seen a code blue, especially on a 90 pound, 90 year old frail little woman, it's not really a pretty thing. I am all for fighting for life, but I'm also all for helping the dying person find peace and comfort in their last days on this earth.

 

[JPPT1974]

To Christians, death is a beautiful thing
We leave our lives on earth
For better ones in heaven
And seek eternal life and will be more happier
When we see Jesus there

 

[MaddiesDad]

My Dad died suddenly when I was 14 but my Step Dad is still around taking care of my mom who happens to be dealing with Parkinson's. She's losing alot of weight and I don't see her living past 65.

 

[JPPT1974]

My parents went back for a check-up
Mom has a stress test coming
While the doctor wants dad to see him about his enlarged heart
Which runs in the family!