Age in Relationships

[Chrono Traveler]

I'm not saying God deny peoples relationships if women do the pursuing, but I do think it the mans role, dictated by God, to do the pursuing. Obviously it is not that big of a deal considering your story, but I do take biblical stories over anyone elses i.e. ruth/boaz and Jacob/Rachel and song of solomon. Like I said, it's not a huge deal. I just happen to be rather old skool in some forms of conservative christian living.

It's up to both sexes actually.

With my soulmate, was never really looking for her. We just found eachother. We didn't even ask eachother out. Onne day we just kinda confessed our love to eachother and that was that =p

 

[xtxArchxAngelxtx]

Love is a choice. If it was not, then there would be no divorce.

Love is a verb, not a noun nor feeling. Granted that God himself is also love, He still made the CHOICE to love us. I can choose to not love anyone if I want to. I can choose to love everyone if I want to. Spiritually, I have the choice to intimatly and romantically love one and only one other. The more uncompatable they are, the more one has to love them. Is the love less with compatability? Absolutly not, but the love grows much better that way.

IT IS A CHOICE. There is no supernatual entity that sweeps over us controling our mind saying we have to do this.

I love my g/f, and plan on marrying her. I have several reasons why I could end this relationship, but I chose not too because of the good of it, and shes a virtueous woman worthy to be praised.

 

[xtxArchxAngelxtx]

It's up to both sexes actually.

With my soulmate, was never really looking for her. We just found eachother. We didn't even ask eachother out. Onne day we just kinda confessed our love to eachother and that was that =p

same here, but I still was the first to speak up.

 

[Chrono Traveler]

Love is a choice. If it was not, then there would be no divorce.

Love is a verb, not a noun nor feeling. Granted that God himself is also love, He still made the CHOICE to love us. I can choose to not love anyone if I want to. I can choose to love everyone if I want to. Spiritually, I have the choice to intimatly and romantically love one and only one other. The more uncompatable they are, the more one has to love them. Is the love less with compatability? Absolutly not, but the love grows much better that way.

IT IS A CHOICE. There is no supernatual entity that sweeps over us controling our mind saying we have to do this.

I love my g/f, and plan on marrying her. I have several reasons why I could end this relationship, but I chose not too because of the good of it, and shes a virtueous woman worthy to be praised.

It's not a choice, I didn't fall in love with my soulmate cause one day I thought, "I think I should love her"... I already did, never had to think about it . the only choice I made was to commit my life to her completely.

You should have no reason to end the relationship with your partner. All relationships have problems. Love is about working them out.

 

[pro_odeh]

A person said once, love is 10% feelings and 90% work. When you get married you promise to stick together through better and worse!!
The problem is that many get married to soon, and are not mature enough not to base it entirely on thier feelings. A relationship should only have marrage as a goal. Everything else is playing..
God bless!

 

[xtxArchxAngelxtx]

It's not a choice, I didn't fall in love with my soulmate cause one day I thought, "I think I should love her"... I already did, never had to think about it . the only choice I made was to commit my life to her completely.

You should have no reason to end the relationship with your partner. All relationships have problems. Love is about working them out.

You see, this idea you have is flawed completly.

You can't make a choice to end something in which you had the choice to start.

Rebuting what you said, you think every day "I think I should love her" cause you should. Eventually I would you won't have to stop and think about it abd that it would come naturally. There is no reward with love if you are not sacrificing something, making a choice to continue to love her by you actions and heart.

As Jesus says, Love your enemies. That is a choice. That is agape love which is the same love you should have your wife, only it should be intimate.

Granted, when I met my girlfriend, I knew God would not oppose the relationship. It felt very "right" and I knew at that time I loved her and COULD be in a relationship with her, and I made the choice to.

I highly doubt you will ever agree with what I am saying, and it doesn't really matter. I really wish I could just "fall in love" and not have control over what I am doing cause then it would be so easy. I am sorry, but cupid does not exist. Love in a relationship is a working progress involving selfless choices.

 

[Chrono Traveler]

You see, this idea you have is flawed completly.

You can't make a choice to end something in which you had the choice to start.

Rebuting what you said, you think every day "I think I should love her" cause you should. Eventually I would you won't have to stop and think about it abd that it would come naturally. There is no reward with love if you are not sacrificing something, making a choice to continue to love her by you actions and heart.

As Jesus says, Love your enemies. That is a choice. That is agape love which is the same love you should have your wife, only it should be intimate.

Granted, when I met my girlfriend, I knew God would not oppose the relationship. It felt very "right" and I knew at that time I loved her and COULD be in a relationship with her, and I made the choice to.

I highly doubt you will ever agree with what I am saying, and it doesn't really matter. I really wish I could just "fall in love" and not have control over what I am doing cause then it would be so easy. I am sorry, but cupid does not exist. Love in a relationship is a working progress involving selfless choices.

Maybe youre just a different person. Cause I did just fall in love. I know, I have. Thats what makes it so perfect for me, we just love eachother flat out. No matter our falws, no matter what we do. The things that make us imperfect makes us even MORE perfect for eachother.

 

[jesusfreak3786]

Just my 2 cents... I understand this is obviously a sensative issue, but I am going to say this anyways.

First off.... God hates divorce. If someone is married and even admits to "truely be in Love," then there is no excuse for a divorce. Sorry... but I don't beleive that is Godly agape love.

I think it was, but we had one magor problem, he doesn't believe in God or Jesus. I didn't realize how much of a division there would be between us, he hates, I love, and it tore me apart inside. I had to watch the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with as a dead soul. He also cheated on me, I don't think God likes divorce but by the word of God I was not bound to him.

Secondly, earlier I stated that if you want to get married one needs to observe the consequences and understand what they are getting themselves into. Love is not naive by any means. I am sure you have wept and mourned over this relationship and that you have suffered the consequences, but I will still say this is a perfect example when others will suffer more for the choices you and your ex spous made: your children.

Yes unfortionitly, though we have done everything in our power to aviod that, that is why we continue to be friends, we haven't argued since the day we saw eachother after the break up. We go out as a family still and do things like birthdays and christmas together. We were hurting the kids more by constantly being at each others throats. As a kid I saw my parents fight almost every day, and even in kindergarden I suggested to my counsler that my parents should get a divorce, I longed for them to stop fighting.

"you can't choose who you fall in love with"

I disagree whole heartedly. Love is a choice. God chose to love us- if we did not have a choice, then it would be pure control and would not really be love.

Sometimes you can't, in the instance of the 32 year old I tried not to.

"We couldn't so much as even hold hands because he was married"

So you were coveting another womans husband? Does adultry ring a bell?

I can see how it may look that way, but all I said is that I fell in love with him not by choice, the chioce I did have was to do the right thing about it. Maybe he was willing to cheat but I wasn't, and I applied to a different company and got a job 30 miles away to make sure nothing happened, as much as it broke my heart to say goodbye. I think of him as the twin brother I never had, because we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

To everyone who reads this:

Being a student in how people work in relationships, and in christian religion, women in particular are more often seduced to emotional types of "love.'' There is a difference between emotional and spiritual love. Please learn the difference. I for one CANNOT say that this relationship and what was said had very little influence from God...

What gets me is this: "You guys should be fine if you take it slow, maybe the relationship won't work out, but then you could still be friends."

After admiting all that was said, one gives advice on what to do, which is the same path the person who faild originally took.

Acually if you read my post more carefully you could derive the information that it is infact the very oppesite of the path I took, I rushed into marriage and sex, hence being maried at the age of sixteen and having two kids by the age of eighteen. I advised that the OP did not do that.

I ask this question:
Is it really so strange that divorce within the church is higher than the world?

I think one thing that contributes to that is the spiritual war that is waged between our new spirit, and the sin that dwells in us, maybe that is why Paul suggested that the unmarried stay that way.

Sad tale...

Very.

Peace n Godbless.

God bless you too.

 

[jesusfreak3786]

You see, this idea you have is flawed completly.

You can't make a choice to end something in which you had the choice to start.

Rebuting what you said, you think every day "I think I should love her" cause you should. Eventually I would you won't have to stop and think about it abd that it would come naturally. There is no reward with love if you are not sacrificing something, making a choice to continue to love her by you actions and heart.

As Jesus says, Love your enemies. That is a choice. That is agape love which is the same love you should have your wife, only it should be intimate.

Granted, when I met my girlfriend, I knew God would not oppose the relationship. It felt very "right" and I knew at that time I loved her and COULD be in a relationship with her, and I made the choice to.

I highly doubt you will ever agree with what I am saying, and it doesn't really matter. I really wish I could just "fall in love" and not have control over what I am doing cause then it would be so easy. I am sorry, but cupid does not exist. Love in a relationship is a working progress involving selfless choices.

I find it odd that you claim to have the answer to what true love is while discounting anyone elses claim. If you knew more about that person and thier love in peticular, maybe you could, even then it would be hard to discount thier claim. I know what true love is, Gods love for me is true, unconditional love is true, I love my ex-husband unconditionaly, I always will, but I realize that we can't be together while he is full of hate. Much like how we are removed from God because sin dwells in us, God still has true love for us.

 

[xtxArchxAngelxtx]

I know love never divorces, nor is it blind. I also know it is unconditional, and that one should love a person for thier relationship with God and nothing else. All else is vain.

 

[jesusfreak3786]

I know love never divorces, nor is it blind. I also know it is unconditional, and that one should love a person for thier relationship with God and nothing else. All else is vain.

Love never divorces, poeple do. Divorce doesn't mean the end of love, or even the decrees of love. But you must remember that evil dwells in poeple and it's a factor in compatability.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

I also know it is unconditional, and that one should love a person for thier relationship with God and nothing else. All else is vain.

Make up your mind. If love is unconditional, you can't love a person for something. The condition is their relationship with God. What you are talking about is, precisely, conditional love - it's conditional on their relationship with God.

Apart from which, I find the idea of loving someone 'for' their relationship with God to be repugnant. I love people for themselves.

 

[xtxArchxAngelxtx]

Make up your mind. If love is unconditional, you can't love a person for something. The condition is their relationship with God. What you are talking about is, precisely, conditional love - it's conditional on their relationship with God.

Apart from which, I find the idea of loving someone 'for' their relationship with God to be repugnant. I love people for themselves.

Well if one knows the defention of love, it would be Honor ones highest good. The greatest thing a person has is their salvation and it lasts forever. This is also why we are not to be unevenly yoked. It is not conditional at all. With out this attribute, true love is impossible from a christian stance- within an intimate marital relationship that is.

 

[xtxArchxAngelxtx]

Love never divorces, poeple do. Divorce doesn't mean the end of love, or even the decrees of love. But you must remember that evil dwells in poeple and it's a factor in compatability.

Marriage is supossed to be an unbreakable covenant. You are correct you should still keep on loving him. However you controdict yourself and accuse yourself adultry since you also say you "fell in love with another man." Just because you were divorced by worldly standards does not mean you are divoreced by Gods standards. Not to mention this man was also married, but we will not get into that either.

If a man and a woman are mature spiritual christians, compatability is not very important at all.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

Well if one knows the defention of love, it would be Honor ones highest good. The greatest thing a person has is their salvation and it lasts forever. This is also why we are not to be unevenly yoked. It is not conditional at all. With out this attribute, true love is impossible from a christian stance- within an intimate marital relationship that is.

Of course it's conditional. You yourself say it - "without this attribute, true love is impossible" - you're imposing a condition. Imagine two christians fall in love - well and good. Then one of them becomes an atheist. By what you say, 'true love' would stop, because one no longer is in a relationship with god. That is exactly imposing a condition. The love isn't unconditional, it's conditional upon something - a relationship with god.

If a man and a woman are mature spiritual christians, compatability is not very important at all.

I find that a deplorable statement, and attitudes like that are part of the reason why christians have a higher divorce rate than non-chrisitans.

 

[Chrono Traveler]

For some reason, I feel for me to say love is a choice would be an escape(for me at least). I thought about it, cause I tried to choose to love someone once , and ended up breaking it off in a week.

My soulmate now, I even denyend her even a possible relationship for a while till I couldnt take it anymore...I just....fell in love with her.

 

[jesusfreak3786]

Marriage is supossed to be an unbreakable covenant. You are correct you should still keep on loving him. However you controdict yourself and accuse yourself adultry since you also say you "fell in love with another man." Just because you were divorced by worldly standards does not mean you are divoreced by Gods standards. Not to mention this man was also married, but we will not get into that either.

If a man and a woman are mature spiritual christians, compatability is not very important at all.

I'm beginning to wonder if you read my posts completly. I do still love my ex-husband, and if he wasn't filled with hate, I would probably become his wife agian, but he doesn't want to change. I already said that I love him, not that I loved him. And as far as falling in love with another man, that in itself isn't adultry, I have fallen in love with my daughters too, but that isn't adultry either. If I had wanted the man in question for myself, I'm sure I could have had him, in a sence, but I didn't, I wanted his wife to have him period. I couldn't stop myself from loving him, and I still can't, but what I could do was remove myself from that situation, and I did. If this sort of thing was not posable, why did Paul tell his listeners to flee in that situation? It happens, it's not your love thats a sin it's your desire, and action, in reaction to that love. You may study things like this from books but as far as I can tell you still have some life to live in this respect, and a lot to learn.

Also I am not bound to my husband according to God's word, because he cheated on me. He also strangeled me repeatedly, and threatened to kill me more than once, but thats besides the point, I only left because I had a scriptual basis for leaving.

 

[k]

Jesus condoned divorce if one of the partners of the marriage is "unfaithful." This is quite different from, and not exclusive to adultery.

Let's say there is a Christian couple, and one turns away from their relationship with Christ, and by default, their commitment to the marriage. That is being unfaithful, and it would be harmful for the faithful one to remain in that marriage.

Of course, the faithful one should everything possible to help salvage the marriage, but not to the point of compromising their own relationship with Christ.

 

[xtxArchxAngelxtx]

Of course it's conditional. You yourself say it - "without this attribute, true love is impossible" - you're imposing a condition. Imagine two christians fall in love - well and good. Then one of them becomes an atheist. By what you say, 'true love' would stop, because one no longer is in a relationship with god. That is exactly imposing a condition. The love isn't unconditional, it's conditional upon something - a relationship with god.

I find that a deplorable statement, and attitudes like that are part of the reason why christians have a higher divorce rate than non-chrisitans.

You are missing my point.

Love is honoring someones highest good. Love is an act, a verb. It has nothing to do with conditions. Now you can say, I love ones highest good conditionally or unconditionally.

"Imagine two christians fall in love - well and good. Then one of them becomes an atheist."

If you believe one can not lose salvation, like me, it does not matter. Their salvation is still there. The only rule we have when it comes to marital/courtship relationships is that we have to evenly yolked. Does this mean there is a condition? Absolutly not. You can still love that person; you can't be in a relationship with them.

There are many spiritually immature/mature christian girls I "love" to death. However, there are many spiritual differences between us causing me to not be in a relationship with them.

"I'm beginning to wonder if you read my posts completly. I do still love my ex-husband, and if he wasn't filled with hate, I would probably become his wife agian, but he doesn't want to change. I already said that I love him, not that I loved him. And as far as falling in love with another man, that in itself isn't adultry, I have fallen in love with my daughters too, but that isn't adultry either. If I had wanted the man in question for myself, I'm sure I could have had him, in a sence, but I didn't, I wanted his wife to have him period. I couldn't stop myself from loving him, and I still can't, but what I could do was remove myself from that situation, and I did. If this sort of thing was not posable, why did Paul tell his listeners to flee in that situation? It happens, it's not your love thats a sin it's your desire, and action, in reaction to that love. You may study things like this from books but as far as I can tell you still have some life to live in this respect, and a lot to learn."

Granted I see where you are coming from. You say you love this man. Fair enough, however you still had intimate feelings which you let us know when you said you guys wanted to hold hands. I am sure you are well aware that thinking and desiring such things is still sinful. Something that I think everyone is aware of.

"Quote:Originally Posted by: xtxArchxAngelxtx If a man and a woman are mature spiritual christians, compatability is not very important at all.

I find that a deplorable statement, and attitudes like that are part of the reason why christians have a higher divorce rate than non-chrisitans."

Or is it selfishness? Probably both.

Neverstop: Jesus condoned divorce if one of the partners of the marriage is "unfaithful." This is quite different from, and not exclusive to adultery.

I disagree with this ideology, but for the time being, I will just set this aside cause we are already starting to get off topic.

 

[jesusfreak3786]

Granted I see where you are coming from. You say you love this man. Fair enough, however you still had intimate feelings which you let us know when you said you guys wanted to hold hands. I am sure you are well aware that thinking and desiring such things is still sinful. Something that I think everyone is aware of.

I said we couldn't so much as hold hands, in an attempt to make it clear that I refuse to cross that line. The last thing I wanted to do was anything like that, because that would mean that I sinned agianst God.