Age in Relationships

[fluffy_rainbow]

I won't tell my father because I know for a fact he would do everything in his power to keep me and my bf apart

Well that should be your first clue that you have no business being in a relationship with an adult.

 

[Chrono Traveler]

Well that should be your first clue that you have no business being in a relationship with an adult.

If her mom is ok with it, I see no problem. She should just be careful and/or slow down. For a year or so, maybe when shes 16 or 17 people will accept it..

Its right on the edge like someone else said. Its not like shes with a 22 year old..there would be a problem then..


When it comes down to it tho, you all don't know them. They could very well love eachother. ::shrug::

 

[Chrono Traveler]

You're dating somebody young enough to be your daughter. I love my daughters(30 and 24), I like (most of) their friends, but even ignoring the fact I'm happily married, none of their friends are mature enough to garner my romantic interest.

I find it...remarkable...the two of you have much in common.

Well, you should not find it too shcoking. My sister is in a relationship with someone 20 years older(she is over 30) and they seem to love eachother much..If the love is there, thats all that really matters..

 

[gracefaith]

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Chrono Traveler just said something operative: "If her mom is ok with it..."

This young lady's mom is complicit in the act of hiding her dating life from her father?! Now, I AM worried. If it's true that mom knows about the BF and is also keeping from the dad, then there can only be two conclusions.

1) The dad is completely unreasonable and his wife has decided to lie to him to protect her daughter from his undue wrath.

OR

2) The BF is, in fact, unacceptable for any of a variety of reasons, and mom knows this and is hiding the relationship because dad will insist that it end and this might make the girl upset.

Which one do you guys think it is?


When I was 15, every relationship felt like the most important thing in the universe. My father was relatively indifferent toward all my BFs except one and his dislike for that one made the guy all the more appealing in my eyes. A good heartache later, I discovered dad knew something after all. It's helpful to listen the wiser voices.



GRACE

PS BTW I think that smart (mature) 19 yr olds ought refuse to date younger girls because of the risk of statutory rape accusations. Sure their girlfriends wouldn't accuse them, but as minors it's their parents that speak for them and can press charges.

 

[Chrono Traveler]

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Chrono Traveler just said something operative: "If her mom is ok with it..."

This young lady's mom is complicit in the act of hiding her dating life from her father?! Now, I AM worried. If it's true that mom knows about the BF and is also keeping from the dad, then there can only be two conclusions.

1) The dad is completely unreasonable and his wife has decided to lie to him to protect her daughter from his undue wrath.

OR

2) The BF is, in fact, unacceptable for any of a variety of reasons, and mom knows this and is hiding the relationship because dad will insist that it end and this might make the girl upset.

Which one do you guys think it is?


When I was 15, every relationship felt like the most important thing in the universe. My father was relatively indifferent toward all my BFs except one and his dislike for that one made the guy all the more appealing in my eyes. A good heartache later, I discovered dad knew something after all. It's helpful to listen the wiser voices.



GRACE

PS BTW I think that smart (mature) 19 yr olds ought refuse to date younger girls because of the risk of statutory rape accusations. Sure their girlfriends wouldn't accuse them, but as minors it's their parents that speak for them and can press charges.

Did she not also say they are both aginst pre marital sex?

And Im sure any mother wold protect thier daughter if their bfs seem bad. and more so if they are a bit older...

 

[gracefaith]

I'm not saying they are having sex, what I'm saying is that smart people ought not put themselves in a situation where anything can be implied. Among adults this can be shrugged off with, "I don't care what anyone thinks." A minor however CANNOT legally speak for herself, meaning it's up to her parents get to decide what is appropriate and they have the legal clout to press charges. Since a minor cannot legally consent, putting yourself alone in an intimate, romantic situation with one (even if nothing happens) is terribly risky. I know that you think I'm crazy, but the age difference between a 15 and 19 yr old is enough cause concern among parents and be taken seriously by authorities.

Honestly, at 15, this young lady has a lot of years ahead of her and there a plenty of fish in the sea. Unless dad is some sort of abusive jerk, it's really not worth breaking trust with him over. Mom, at least, ought to know that.

 

[feral]

Hello there. I have a question for all of you. So, I'm fifteen and my boyfriend's nineteen...a lot of people freak out about that. My dad doesn't have the slightest clue I'm going out with anyone, much less a 19 yo...my mother on the other hand knows about it and is fine with it. Both are Christians as am I. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with our relationship, but I'd like to know what everyone here thinks of age differences in relationships.

In general, I do not happen to believe that age makes a lot of difference. There are other, more important factors which will influence the outcome of the relationship and determine whether or not the dating will have a positive and beneficial impact on the participants. Issues like trust, honesty, compatibility, shared interests, mutual respect, devotion and of course love matter a lot more then sharing a close birthdate. However, given you are still in high school, age is probably a bit more relevant in this case.

Without knowing the details of your relationship, I cannot say whether or not I think dating an older boy is a good thing for you. I do think having friends of all different ages is a very positive thing and allows you to learn more about others and gain some perspective on things. However, it is not always good to be dating someone who may be on a different level of maturity, since naturally you will have different experiences and may not both be looking for the same things. I guess I would echo what has been said by others on this thread, that it is sort of curious that a nineteen year old would want to be dating a fifteen year old girl. I don't mean it as a slight to you, of course, just that usually someone of his age would be concerned with different issues, and would be at a different life stage then someone in high school. Without knowing him it is hard to know what his attraction is to you. Maybe you happen to be more mature then usual, or he is less so and you two get along because of that...or it could be something less respectable, like an unhealthy fear of women his own age or a desire to take advantage of a less experienced girl who may be naive or have fewer boundaries.

Out of curiousity, what attracts you to him? Do you both truly have a great deal in common and understand one another at an emotional level, or do you share many interests...or is it something else? Forgive me for speculating, but you mentioned briefly that you are unwilling to disclose the fact of the relationship to your father because the two of you have a poor relationship and you want to maintain the fragile peace. Could you be interested in someone older as a means of getting adult male attention and love that you are missing from your dad? I know that at 19 your boyfriend is not really qualified to be a surrogate dad, but I also know many girls with damaged parental bonds seem to find authoritative older parental figures to date.

I would encourage you to try dating people closer to your own age, if only for the experience of it. At fifteen, it is probably not in your best interest to be in a serious relationship...you have so much else going on, and truly I do not know if at fifteen someone can be prepared for serious dating. If you give it some time and try getting to know some other people, it will give you a chance to evaluate your current relationship and to determine if it is really the right thing for you. And without meaning offense to your boyfriend, consider what his motives and goals are. He might very well be a great guy who just found a special girl, but it is important to protect yourself and to watch your back - take it from someone who, at fourteen, dated a twenty-two year old. It can turn out disasterous.

 

[jlerollin]

to be honest it sounds like people think your boyfriend is after though you have stated that neither of you is into before marriage.
it worries me that no-body realises that if the guy wanted to indulge in premaritial he probably would have no problem finding someone his own age. I think he sees a maturity and potential in you which he would be happy to postpone for.
a 19 year old guy is not so dumb that he doesnt know he is risking all sorts of social stigma, and sounds like the is doing the hiding he probably doesnt care if he speaks to the father or not.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

If the love is there, thats all that really matters..

She doesn't know what that kind of love is at 15.

it worries me that no-body realises that if the guy wanted to indulge in premaritial he probably would have no problem finding someone his own age.

Call me cynical, but from my experiences and what I have witnessed firsthand, older guys date younger girls because young girls will put a grown man up on some pedestal because, let's face...young teenage girls go all gaga over an older guy paying attention to them. They will get sex from somewhere else, but keep the young girl close by for emotional security and ego boosting.

 

[Chrono Traveler]

She doesn't know what that kind of love is at 15.


Call me cynical, but from my experiences and what I have witnessed firsthand, older guys date younger girls because young girls will put a grown man up on some pedestal because, let's face...young teenage girls go all gaga over an older guy paying attention to them. They will get sex from somewhere else, but keep the young girl close by for emotional security and ego boosting.

Who are you to dictate if shes found love or not? Some people are able to find it at a very early age. my grandpa and grandma met eachother when she was 17 and he was 19 or 20, and they were together ALLl their lives.

Its on the edge, but hes not THAT much older than her. Even 19 year olds have lots of growing up to do...I agree that some people take advantage, but not everyone does. There an be love between them..but both of them should be careful.

They just need to follow their hearts.

 

[Beoga]

gross! hehe i am just kidding, four years seems like a hugely major difference, i couldn't do it. i think it becomes less and less of a difference when you are older.
Circles- i personally think you should also tell your dad, scripture says tohonor your father and mother, keeping a secret from him like this is not honoring him. you seem to be more worried about honoring your bofriend than your father, which is understandable at our age, but that doesn;t make it right

 

[Sipes13]

A four year age difference is nothing, but when your 15 and he is 19 its illegal. Well in most states anyways, you might wanna check on that. You dont want to get someone you care about in trouble, do you? I think its normal for girls to be with older guys since girls seem to mature quicker than guys. My parents are 16 years in age difference and they are great together, my g/f is 18 and i am 21.

 

[gainara]

the age difference between my parents is 13 years. and they have a very good peaceful relationship. they are both Christian and there is harmony in our family. i don't think age difference is a problem. we are very blessed. but i think 15 is not the right age to begin a romance, but God's ways are unpredictable. ask HIM

 

[Charlie V]

This thread reminds me of an old joke/riddle done on Abbott and Costello many years ago. (The kids are saying, "Who?")

It plays on the fact that as you get older age differerence is less important. One of the reasons is that, as you age, you remain the same distance apart in number of years but become mathematically closer in age percentage-wise.

Here's the joke/riddle:

There's a man who's 40 years old. He's in love with a 10 year old girl.
He knows it will never work out because of their age difference, he's 4 times her age.

So he waits 5 years. Now, he's 45 and she's 15. Now he's 3 times her age.

So he waits another 15 years. Now he's 60 and she's 30. He's 2 times her age.

How long do they have to wait before they're both the same age?

Charlie

 

[Chrono Traveler]

A four year age difference is nothing, but when your 15 and he is 19 its illegal. Well in most states anyways, you might wanna check on that. You dont want to get someone you care about in trouble, do you? I think its normal for girls to be with older guys since girls seem to mature quicker than guys. My parents are 16 years in age difference and they are great together, my g/f is 18 and i am 21.

Its only illegal if they have sex, if thats avoided, they should be alowed to go together and take it slow if they really love eachother.

 

[Beoga]

Here's the joke/riddle:

There's a man who's 40 years old. He's in love with a 10 year old girl.
He knows it will never work out because of their age difference, he's 4 times her age.

So he waits 5 years. Now, he's 45 and she's 15. Now he's 3 times her age.

So he waits another 15 years. Now he's 60 and she's 30. He's 2 times her age.

How long do they have to wait before they're both the same age?

Charlie

they'll never be the same age, unless there is no age when you are dead

watch this, i am going to be completly wrong...oh well

 

[chitownchristian]

ok i have a similiar situation involving my cousin, he is a christian at 25 years old and is a resturant owner and chef, he fell inlove with his hostess who is 16 years old, they are both madly inlove and then haven't had sex and r trying not to have premarital sex. So far he has also brought her to the Lord and she now goes to church with him every sunday, as for if she faking it or not just to be with him i'm not sure, I think if it works out and they put the lord first and keep hold of not having premarital sex, it's ok. wut r ur opinions on this situation?

 

[Electric Sceptic]

ok i have a similiar situation involving my cousin, he is a christian at 25 years old and is a resturant owner and chef, he fell inlove with his hostess who is 16 years old, they are both madly inlove and then haven't had sex and r trying not to have premarital sex. So far he has also brought her to the Lord and she now goes to church with him every sunday, as for if she faking it or not just to be with him i'm not sure, I think if it works out and they put the lord first and keep hold of not having premarital sex, it's ok. wut r ur opinions on this situation?

25 and 16...soudns like a big gap. The problem with relationships like this is that people do a lot of growing up between 16 and 25 (or even between 15 and 19, as in the OP). People of disparate ages like this are unlikely to mentally and emotionally satisfy each other over a long term.

On the other hand, for some people, it does work. The fact that for most it doesn't shouldn't persuade you to not try. Perhaps you'll be one of the couples for whom it does work. In other words...go for it!

Although my personal opinion in both cases (25-16 and 19-15) is that the relationships would be healthier and better off with sexual contact.

 

[gennypearl]

for me, i think that age does not matter as long as you love each other and you have each other........

 

[k]

I think Joseph was 22 or 23 and Mary was about 13.

It is nearly impossible to answer the question in the OP because we simply do not know these two people.