Age Gap Relationships

[Stanfi]

I posted this in courting, but thought I would also place it here......


What do you think are some of the problems and benefits of age gap relationships. For example where there is 10years in age diff, and the woman is older.

I find myself questioning whether such a relationship is "normal" or emotionally/ mentally healthy?

 

[searle29678]

It really depends on the individuals involved and their maturity level. If the man/woman is 45 and the other partner is 35, I really don't see a big deal. What I get concerned about is someone 35-40 years old marrying a 19 year old. At 19 you still want to go and do and discover and you may not be ready to completely settle down and the other partner may be ready for kids and a more settled mature lifestyle. I think both parties would be missing out on something they needed. Once again, that depends on the people involved. I don't see 5 years or so a problem but when you start getting into the 20 year age differences it could get difficult if you don't weigh all the pros and cons.

 

[Bowling Pin]

I can answer this question with a fair amount of experiance. I am 27, my husband is 51. We've only been married about 5 1/2 weeks, but we've been in a relationship for almost 3 years. For us, it has never been an issue. We have zero desire to be parents, it is a first marriage for both of us, and we have a lot of interests and hobbies in common. We are inseperable, neither of us really opts for "girls or guys" nights out very often, even.

I fully understand why some people might object to a May/December marriage for themselves, and might think they can imagine drawbacks, but I find it very offensive when someone might call it emotionally unhealthy. It is emotionally unhealthy to shut yourself off a life partner for reasons out of your control like age, race, hair color, etc. The heart wants what it wants.

 

[Jenna]

My husband and I have actually had problems because there ISN"T an age gap between us. *laughs* After all, it's sometimes hard for two people to grow into adulthood together, neither of them being mature enough to really help the other. Complicated, complicated.

 

[searle29678]

I can answer this question with a fair amount of experiance. I am 27, my husband is 51. We've only been married about 5 1/2 weeks, but we've been in a relationship for almost 3 years. For us, it has never been an issue. We have zero desire to be parents, it is a first marriage for both of us, and we have a lot of interests and hobbies in common. We are inseperable, neither of us really opts for "girls or guys" nights out very often, even.

I fully understand why some people might object to a May/December marriage for themselves, and might think they can imagine drawbacks, but I find it very offensive when someone might call it emotionally unhealthy. It is emotionally unhealthy to shut yourself off a life partner for reasons out of your control like age, race, hair color, etc. The heart wants what it wants.

I'm glad things are working out for you! Congratulations newlywed!

 

[someone_else]

there is 7 1/2 years between me and Elm0 for us it has never been a big issue. the bigest problem for us was a few and only a few people around us who had issues with it but we handled that fairly well after all it was their issue not ours. i have enjoyed having an older guy around has helped me become more indepenant from my family, so i think for me it has been a good thing

 

[heartnsoul]

My husband and I are ten years apart. He is 10 years older than I am. The age gap has never been a problem for us. I think the most important aspect of compatibility between two people is spiritual maturity. Both partners putting God FIRST in their hearts and being firmly rooted in God is what determines the success of a godly marriage.

 

[Stanfi]

My husband and I are ten years apart. He is 10 years older than I am. The age gap has never been a problem for us. I think the most important aspect of compatibility between two people is spiritual maturity. Both partners putting God FIRST in their hearts and being firmly rooted in God is what determines the success of a godly marriage.

I was wondering, when you look at your husband, do you think of him as being older, or being your equal.. If that makes sense?

Sometimes when we meet people, we have some much in commmon and share so much with them that consciously we don't think of them as being older.

Perhaps the only time that age difference becomes apparent to us is when we can't relate to another person.... just a thought, I have been working on.

 

[Bowling Pin]

I was wondering, when you look at your husband, do you think of him as being older, or being your equal.. If that makes sense?

In my situation, with our 24 year age difference, I do notice that he is older, but part of that is attractive to me. I like the grey around his edges, it is sexy and handsome. I like the lines around his eyes, it makes him look wise and shows years of smiles and laughter. But do I think, this man was out of high school before I was born, every time I look at him? Nope. We live in the now, I don't talk about high school every day, neither does he. In the course of a week or month, we might actually speak about our age differences maybe 3 or 4 times, and that is usually in a joking way. For example--sometimes we'll actually see another couple with an older man/younger woman in a restaraunt or store and he'll make a "cradle robbing" comment and I'll say, "ahem, look who you're with, Mr." and he'll say he forgot I was younger". Or sometimes he'll tease me about not being 30 yet. But that is it.

Once in a great while it is an issue because he has somewhat less physical energy than me, he doesn't want to stay up as late as I do sometimes, or he will fall asleep while we're watching a movie and I'll get annoyed and he'll say, I'm an old man, I'm tireder than you, but I also think that could be because he has a job that has him up at 4:30 am and I don't get up till 7, he could be 20 and that would make him tired!

 

[heartnsoul]

I was wondering, when you look at your husband, do you think of him as being older, or being your equal.. If that makes sense?

Sometimes when we meet people, we have some much in commmon and share so much with them that consciously we don't think of them as being older.

Perhaps the only time that age difference becomes apparent to us is when we can't relate to another person.... just a thought, I have been working on.

When I look at my husband, I don't think of him as being older. I think of him as my equal. My husband also looks at me as an equal too. The only time age difference becomes apparent is when strangers who don't know us think that he is my father!

We met playing volleyball. We were on the same team and one day we began talking. I have dated a lot of guys and the one characteristic that I admired about my husband is that he has pretty much the same moral values as I do. That was one thing I didn't find in most of the men I dated.

I think compatiblity also has to do with common interests as well. We share many common interests together such as vacationing, dining out, movies, plays, musical concerts, other sports (golf, bowling, ping pong), and even sense of humor. We laugh at the same type of jokes and humor.

If it wasn't for his strong moral convictions, I probably would not be married to him. Our marriage is not perfect but it's good enough to stand the test of time. I am grateful to God for working in our lives because faith is what keeps our ship floating whenever the storms come our way.