Afraid to trust God with this

[svl3p]

Hi, I posted this in another thread but got no responses so i guess it's in the wrong place, thought i'd try here...

I hope this doesn't step on anyones toes in here...i want to start off by saying that i have NOTHING against birth control and don't think it's immoral to use it, etc..in fact, i've been using it for the most part of my marriage..

but lately i've been struggling..i was talking to a friend and she mentioned that she and her husband have always relied on God to have control of how many kids they have (they have 5 now..side note, please pray for their 4yr old joel, who was recently diagnosed with brain cancer), and since then i've been struggling with my faith...

i want to get to a place where my faith is strong enough to trust God with that area of my life..but to be honest..it scares the poop outta me...i struggle with depression, have for years, and both of my previous kids came with severe PPD (though probably severe only because i didn't have the courage to get help), and I jsut don't feel like a good enough mom to handle more..the idea of pregnancy and labour and delivery scares me...finances scare me as we just bought a house..i don't want fear to be in control of my life, I want God to be..but I'm having such a hard time..i can't seem to be able to make myself trust God enough, and I know this is hindering my growth in other ways too...i've been praying about it, and started to ask God for a specific sign about it..then stopped cause I'm afraid of the answer..in my woman's accountability group last week we were challenged to pray and ask God for an opportunity to do something out of our comfort zone...and I'm starting to wonder if this is it..i really don't know

i don't know if this is on my mind so much because God wants me to take this step, or if it's Satan attacking me..i think it scares me too, because I got pregnant very quickly with my other kids (one with 1 month of trying, the other got pregnant the month BEFORE we'd planned on starting to try)

i don't really know what i'm asking for...prayer? advice? anyone struggle with this too?

 

[elahopes]

Hi svl!!

Say, for yrs I struggled with not having enough faith for this and for that....when actually, God was not asking me to have more faith at all. What He was asking me to have more of was love. In so many places in scripture it speaks about how important faith is...however, in 1 Cor. 13 it speaks loudly about the #1 thing that is more important then faith -- Love! The chapter very thoroughly covers the topic of love and then at the end it speaks of it being the MOST important thing...even above faith!

Therefore, in your situation I would encourage you to see it from that perspective. That out of love for your children that you have now, that you would do whatever is OF LOVE first.

1 John 4:7-8 and Gal. 5:22-23

It is interesting about love......God said that He IS love......the fruits (what He produces) of the Holy Spirit don't include faith.......that the evidence of someone's salvation IS that they love!

Be blessed!!

 

[angelsamongus]

I have also struggled with this one. I had a good friend who did this with there kids and they have 3 and the kids are nicely spaced. I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea that God can do this for anyone. My husband does not believe in any kind of birth control that has any hormone or spearmacide in it. So I really wanted to have this kind of faith but, was in fear. And with being in fear I knew I didn't have the faith needed for it so we used condums. I asked my friend about it and she said it's not for everybody. You really have to have the faith or it won't work.

 

[svl3p]

yea for now i'm thinking if i'm this afraid then it isn't right for us right now..just i don't know if this is a step God wants us to take despite fear and uncertainty to strengthen us in Him

 

[jgonz]

Fear is not of God (as you know), so you need to go about replacing those fears with what the Bible says about each of the situations you mentioned in your OP.

Ultimately, you have to learn to step outside of your own head, out of your own fears, out of what you Think God _might_ want you to do, and just flat out seek Him for what He Does want you to do. It's probably not going to be a simple thing... IMO, God is more interested in the process we go through to get closer to Him than He is the end result (although that's important as well, but still, the Process seems to be the more focused on).

Specifically about leaving your fertility up to God... I've typed out 2 different responses and deleted them both. I'm having a very hard time saying what I want to say! lol

Ok, I'm going to try again, from another angle... My own situation! lol DH and I had 2 children and when my younger one was going to turn 4, I got the "baby-wants" really really really badly. I started nagging my DH about having another baby. I even had our pastor go talk to him! oy. Anyway, DH gave in and we got pregnant right away. The baby was born with birth defects and passed away at 4.5 months old. I went through all sorts of hell through that whole time~ I was very angry with God, and I wanted another baby but I was scared to death to take the plunge. One night, God dropped this in my spirit: "What if I don't Want you to have any more children?" That about killed me... but after struggling with this for the rest of the night, I finally gave in and said, "ok. I'll have as few or as many children as You want me to have."

Several months later a friend of mine got pregnant using 2 forms of bc. I told God, "if you want me to get pregnant again, You'll have to do that for me, because I'm too scared to step out and plan another pregnancy." I got pregnant While using bc a couple of months after that. We got pregnant in spite of using one form of bc or another with the rest of my kids.

I guess what I'm taking so long to say is, that God is in charge no matter what. If you are open to having as many or as few children as God wants, then He will decide for you~ bc or not. For some, it Is important that they don't use any form of bc. Others use NFP or a barrier form of bc when they feel they should. IMO, there is no pat answer for everyone. It's between you, your spouse, and God how many kids you have and what He expects of you.

One last thing~ our society looks at children as time consuming, expensive toys. The Bible says that children are a Blessing, and He provides for the gifts He gives us. That has been very true in our household. Money was Far tighter back when we only had 2... now those 2 are married and I still have 7 more at home. On paper it makes no sense, but in reality, the Lord provides very nicely!

 

[elahopes]

I was reminded again about love...as I was driving down the Blvd from my home on my way to work. For some reason I was thinking again about putting love first...and even tho we are taught in our churches how important faith is...we have to remember what God says is more important...which is love. I was reminded of your situation and how you might feel that it is selfish or lacking of faith for you to think about yourself and your limitations in your situation...however, in my thinking I thought about, for instance, if you were in an airplane and it lost cabin pressure and the air masks fell from above...our initial response would be to put the mask on a loved one first and try and have faith that we would not pass out (kinda like in your situation)...yet, really, it would be an act of wisdom and above all else love, to put it on yourself first, so that you stay conscience in order to help them...because without you keeping yourself together, they would be sunk.

Be blessed,
elahopes

 

[svl3p]

thanks jgonz you've given me something to think about and consider..and thanks again elahopes for the encouragement

 

[visionary]

I had over six doctors diagnose me as unable to have children. The Lord and I talked about it and I prayed for two. The Lord provided exactly as we had discussed. Even right down to the gender and years apart. Even as I delivered each, the doctor in attendance said I could not have children as he delivered them. It is true, I am so messed up inside, I can not .. it is earthly impossible.. but with God all things are possible.. My babies are miracles.

 

[Prisca982]

Hi svl3p,

I'm afraid I haven't read all the posts here as I'm a bit short on time, but I've been thinking about this exact same thing lately.

One of my really close friends lives according to this principle, and it's challenged me a great deal on how I think about children. I think in the West we tend to be quite negative about our children, 'Aren't they lovely when they're asleep'! God's Word sees them as blessings, and it's been a real help to my motherhood to start seeing my very demanding toddler (who is most definitely in the 'terrible twos') as a blessing! I think even if you don't end up signing up to the 'quiverfull' idea in practice, it's principle of children being a blessing is applicable and uplifting whether you have one, three or a dozen.

What I have concluded is that contraception is not wrong, but should be used with caution and prayer. The reason I think it may be right in some situations is because of my, and my mothers' experiences of pregnancy. My mother had severe nausea with her third baby, almost to the point of hospitalisation. If she'd had repeated pregnancies the family, and her health, would have collapsed. With my son I had severe nausea/vomiting, and pre-eclampsia. I'm now pregnant a second time and I can assure you that if I get pre-eclampsia again my husband will be getting a vasectomy - there's no way I'm risking my life, or another baby's life, again. The welfare of my existing family is too precious. So my first principle, which I believe is compeletely Godly, is that if a mother's life or health is seriously at risk then to use contraception to prevent future pregnancies is fine.

I had actually considered having no more babies after my son, because the trauma and pain was so great for me, my husband, my son, and the rest of our families. I was so upset, because I've always wanted four children (or more!) and I felt like I was grieving for the children I'd have to give up because of my health. My husband and I decided that we'd consider adoption, and this is another way to practice the quiverfull idea - you do not have to endure a succession of pregnancies in order to receive the blessings of a large family.

Another thing to consider is your own capacity as a mother. It is true that God knows us, and will not send more than we can handle, but he has given us minds and a reason, and the ability to control the number of children we have without sinning (i.e. barrier methods / nfp - see my next paragraph). As an introvert I find my energy is very drained just by having one child - the constant giving leaves me exhausted in a way that my extrovert friend is not. Also I have other health problems which mean I often suffer from tiredness and pain. It may not be responsible for me to have many children, as I will not be able to give myself to them in a way another person would.

The last thing I wanted to say is about nfp - natural family planning. Toni Weschler has written a marvellous book called 'taking charge of your fertility'. It details how you can monitor your fertility. If you want to avoid contraception altogether you can, you just have to have self control and not have sex during the days when you are fertile (about ten in every cycle). What my husband and I do is enjoy unprotected sex when I'm not fertile, and use a barrier method (condoms) when I am.

Saying this, whatever we do must be done in faith. Jesus has freed us from condemnation, but we are still answerable to the Holy Spirit and our consciences for our actions. Keep seeking God's will and 'keep a quiet heart'. I can assure you that you do not need to be afraid about the future whatever you decide.

Much love, and please keep sharing your thoughts on this!

 

[b.hopeful]

I think there's a reason that God gave us, human animals, higher level thinking. That wasn't an accident. And I believe there is a reason we are told to LOVE with all your heart, soul and MIND. If God didn't want us to make choices in life...why give us free will?

I find it dangerous to not willfully take control of your life, especially when your children can be effected by your choices. This sounds like an extension of faith healing...not using insulin because it's up to God to heal you.