Affair..I don't know what to do

[Landon Caeli]

I have committed adultery. Sickening indeed.

It's like an addiction. It eats you up inside. Anxiety and depression have bombarded me for years.

I am trying. I continually beg God for guidance.

Wife and I are going through divorce. No love in marriage, no physical contact, for 10 years or more.

If you can save your marriage, plead with God to help you both. For me it is too late. Wife hates me. She wants divorce like yesterday!

God bless you

I'm very sorry to hear that. I probably was a bit harsh in my responses earlier, now that I've heard your plea.

The fact that you didn't go into detail, makes me believe you are truly sorry -rejecting those very memories from your conscience.

...I wouldn't want to remember it either.

 

[Landon Caeli]

Well at the time I was having bad depression and mood swings. I felt unloved. I wasn't really I just couldn't see that. The other man love bomb me for months. Made me feel bueutiful. I fell for it big time. Dumb I know. He talked about having sex and I went along with it cause he was on the other side of the world. Then he just showed up. And I did it. I didn't want to but I did. He show up I felt trapped. Like I couldn't back out. This was never about sex. I guess it was about my ego. And it all went really bad after I met him. After the second time I saw an anger in him and he had my text and pictures. After the second time I guess I got scared of him and what he may do. But I say again it was never about sex.

I think the way to heal this wound, is to stop reminiscing about the affair and to direct your attention to your husband exclusively.

...just stop thinking about it.

 

[the old scribe]

...Besides, ultimately I think I did suggest I would forgive her after a period of time.

------------------------------------------------------------------
The old scribe posted before you made the forgiving post.
The old scribe was pleased to see this.
But you still want to make her pay.
Do you think the LORD will make you pay for your sins - maybe purgatory?

At the very least, your response are consistent with your beliefs. The old scribe appreciates consistency.

The old scribe hopes that the photo is of you - gnarley!

 

[Goatee]

I'm very sorry to hear that. I probably was a bit harsh in my responses earlier, now that I've heard your plea.

The fact that you didn't go into detail, makes me believe you are truly sorry -rejecting those very memories from your conscience.

...I wouldn't want to remember it either.

Problem is, I have returned to that sin!

I confess, feel sick etc. It happens again and again!

Never ending battle with evil.

 

[Goatee]

Wife has said she forgives me and the other lady but not sure though.

I feel sick inside when I think about it all. I have been to confession approx 90 times in the last 2.5 years!!!!!!

 

[createdtoworship]

Problem is, I have returned to that sin!

I confess, feel sick etc. It happens again and again!

Never ending battle with evil.

there is a book called pure desire, by ted roberts a (former marine fighter pilot), it's very good. It talks about overcoming sexual addiction.

 

[the old scribe]

Making your adulterous wife suffer and pay.

Let us imagine.
After accepting the Lord Jesus as savior and lord you fell into gross sin.
Some would say your conversion was not real, but mat we ignore this perspective for the sake of this example.
After a while you repented of your gross sins and served the Lord faithfully until you death.
Your lapse into gross sin remains a horrific time in your life of which you are always aware.

The Lord states that He forgives you but continues to tell you how sinful you have been.

Is this what the Lord Jesus does?
or
Does the Lord Jesus heal your brokenness and wounds?

Of course, this depends upon the kind of Christ you believe in.

 

[Andrew2592]

I'm just telling what would happen. Not by my choice, but by my God given human nature... Even you would do it -let's not kid ourselves. .

No I wouldn't.

 

[Traveling teacher]

Unless you have been in this situation havuing to forgive a betrayal by a spouse is not easy......
Sure we need to forgive and heal but it takes time.....

GOd is much more forgiving than man........

Sad to say mankind does not excell in forgiveness....

I dont always counsel my friends and brothers to confess their adultery to their apouse........
As i work in mens ministry.......

As it can cause more dmage to the marriage...
You must get forgiveness from God however....

Many times the husband or wife is not able to forgive or release the pain and return to normal marriage.....
Just my experience!!!!!

 

[Mj_1969]

I want to thank everybody here. Counselling has been hard. My husband brought up hard questions I had to answer. And I did. But while I answered I was filled with shame. And guilt. After all this time I felt it. I could hardly breath. I write better than I speak and I stumbled through it. I managed to answer truthfully and not get my words mixed up and make it worse. I could see the hurt in his eyes. But over all it's getting better. We have date nights every weekend. He still has bad dreams. I can see that when he sleeps. I watch him trying to sleep and I feel so bad for what I did. What I could have lost. He is still my prince charming a married so long ago. He says he forgives me. But he deals with the demons still. He still hurts. But it's getting better. I've been having medical problems. Many surgeries. But when I wake up he is always there. Smiling and joking. I am blessed.

 

[paul1149]

But when I wake up he is always there. Smiling and joking. I am blessed.

And He is always there as well. Just as He casts all our sins into the sea of His forgetfulness, He wants us to as well. Keep working toward that, and against anything that advocates otherwise, until your relationship attains the Father's view of it. Remember Rom 8.28 and use it as a shield and a sword.