I was soo happy yesterday! Well I fell back down.
I scheduled an appointment with a therapist but I am upset with myself.
What happened was this, I was struck by the worry that my hobbies were idolatry because I had spent several weeks worrying about whether I could use them, whether I loved them more than God, whether I could use them or not. I got these thoughts that said "If you read that newspaper you God will take this away" so I would ask God not to let that happen. Now my mind is saying that because I desired to go back to making up stories sooo bad I made it into an idol.
So I felt like I had to give it up forever, and cried for like two hours. My mind tells me that is a sign of an uhealthy attachment but I am mostly upset about not being to think like I am accustomed to. I have these random thoughts about my family that are usually funny and they pop up when someone tells me a story as well, now my mind tells me I have to stop them everytime they come into my mind,because I wanted it back too much. Even though I have stopped for now, I keep feeling like I won't be able to live without this(though I know I can) which makes me feel like it must be an idol!
So now even if I were to get over this, I wouldn't be able to use it again because making up stories would be tainted by my first idolatry if I committed it! If I use the tainted hobby I might go to hell. I am frustrated with myself.
Ugh, I don't know why this is so hard for me!
I scheduled an appointment with a therapist but I am upset with myself.
What happened was this, I was struck by the worry that my hobbies were idolatry because I had spent several weeks worrying about whether I could use them, whether I loved them more than God, whether I could use them or not. I got these thoughts that said "If you read that newspaper you God will take this away" so I would ask God not to let that happen. Now my mind is saying that because I desired to go back to making up stories sooo bad I made it into an idol.
So I felt like I had to give it up forever, and cried for like two hours. My mind tells me that is a sign of an uhealthy attachment but I am mostly upset about not being to think like I am accustomed to. I have these random thoughts about my family that are usually funny and they pop up when someone tells me a story as well, now my mind tells me I have to stop them everytime they come into my mind,because I wanted it back too much. Even though I have stopped for now, I keep feeling like I won't be able to live without this(though I know I can) which makes me feel like it must be an idol!
So now even if I were to get over this, I wouldn't be able to use it again because making up stories would be tainted by my first idolatry if I committed it! If I use the tainted hobby I might go to hell. I am frustrated with myself.
Ugh, I don't know why this is so hard for me!