Advice on a Relationship Issue

[Manimalcrackers]

Hello, I hope you are all having a blessed day.

I'm sure there has been countless threads on this topic but I don't know how to explain the significance of this topic to me personally. This summer I was really struggling with loneliness. Day and night I prayed for the lord to help me find companionship and at last about a month ago I found it. I met this girl through my childhood friends and she seemed like a dream at first. I was convinced that god had answered my prayers. Now I have learned many things about this girl that I wouldn't want in a lifelong relationship. I won't go into much detail because this girl had a pretty traumatic childhood, but her morals aren't exactly great and I also learned she is religiously Jewish and I didn't know what to do about this new information. The night After I had a lengthy prayer session on it one of my childhood friends, who I used to have a big crush on, suddenly started showing interest in me. She is an extremely devout christian and shares more interests with me than the girl I am now in a relationship with. I don't know what the lord is trying to tell me as I both times it seems my prayers were answered. I really liked this girl and I have been extremely devout to her but I fell she distracts me from god. Behold the day after I pray the perfect girl show up in my life.

I don't know what to do, please help me figure out what to do.

 

[Take Heart]

I think you know in your heart what needs to be done. But I understand the dilemma. I think you should break up with the girl you're in a relationship with for the simple reason that you find her to be distracting you from God. It is important to be equally yoked with someone who is a born-again Christian who shows good fruit. You mentioned observing that her 'morals aren't exactly great'. I think the Holy Spirit may be trying to alert you of the red flags in your current relationship. It's important to be with someone whom you can grow in Christ together with/ gently push each other towards Him-in other words, a Christ-centered relationship is most important. If you feel a nagging sense of something being wrong in your current relationship then I highly suggest to break up. And if you do consider being with the other lady, I suggest going to prayer before pursuing her and to ask God for confirmation if it is His will for you to be with her.

I pray that God guides you to make the right decision according to His will.

 

[URA]

If you're like me, you're getting really excited & nervous & a lot of things at once, and thusly jumping to conclusions right away. "Oh, she likes me, this is the One God brought to me!" "Oh, I don't like some crucial things about her, but here's someone else! Now THIS is the One God brought to me!" "Oh, now I like 2 girls....God, if You want me to date the 2nd one, let there be people walking down the sidewalk when I look outside." "Oh, someone was running down the sidewalk...what does that mean, God?" "Okay, now.........

Patience. Patience goes a long way. This gets a little trickier, with you being in an uncertain relationship, but just spend some time with both of them, keep praying to be open to God's will (you'll feel like you're doing a terrible job at it, but by constantly reminding yourself to strive for His will, you'll do a lot better), and trust in God.

 

[URA]

"Take Heart, post: 73197107, member: 378961"And if you do consider being with the other lady, I suggest going to prayer before pursuing her and to ask God for confirmation if it is His will for you to be with her.

Ah, yes. If you do end up breaking up with the girl you're with, take some time before getting into a relationship again. If it really is "meant to be" between you & the other girl, then some time in between won't change a thing. It will be very honorable (and thus, very attractive to the right women) to deny pursuit of a relationship on the premise of needing some time to make sure you're making a good decision. It shows self-control, a lack of dependence on another person, and it shows that you're still mentally stable enough to make good, prudent decisions.

God be with you.

 

[Manimalcrackers]

I think you know in your heart what needs to be done. But I understand the dilemma. I think you should break up with the girl you're in a relationship with for the simple reason that you find her to be distracting you from God. It is important to be equally yoked with someone who is a born-again Christian who shows good fruit. You mentioned observing that her 'morals aren't exactly great'. I think the Holy Spirit may be trying to alert you of the red flags in your current relationship. It's important to be with someone whom you can grow in Christ together with/ gently push each other towards Him-in other words, a Christ-centered relationship is most important. If you feel a nagging sense of something being wrong in your current relationship then I highly suggest to break up. And if you do consider being with the other lady, I suggest going to prayer before pursuing her and to ask God for confirmation if it is His will for you to be with her.

I pray that God guides you to make the right decision according to His will.

I the issue is I don't want to be so quick on the decision, also I'm going to homecoming with here soon. I also want to find a way to have her be the one to do it because If I do so soon in the relationship, my friends might shun me and call me too quick to judge. I'm also going to the christian girls house with the other girl for a homecoming party and I don't want to drive the Christian girl away.

 

[Manimalcrackers]

Ah, yes. If you do end up breaking up with the girl you're with, take some time before getting into a relationship again. If it really is "meant to be" between you & the other girl, then some time in between won't change a thing. It will be very honorable (and thus, very attractive to the right women) to deny pursuit of a relationship on the premise of needing some time to make sure you're making a good decision. It shows self-control, a lack of dependence on another person, and it shows that you're still mentally stable enough to make good, prudent decisions.

God be with you.

(this is a reply to both of your comments) I am like that but I think the reason is my soul craves a christian partner. I also feel it is so soon to just suddenly end the relationship. Perhaps I'll talk to the other girl in a platonic matter to see if she really does like me, after all I could be wrong. I just don't want to mess things up and miss the opportunity to be with who I feel is the best partner I could ask for. I just don't want to be cold to the other because I really want to help her find Christ and I don't want to make tension bad between our friend group.

 

[Take Heart]

I understand your feelings of not wanting to break up with someone so soon. I must add that you cannot take the place of God by wanting to save the one you're currently with. That is God's job to work in her heart. You can lead someone to Christ, yes, but to stay in the relationship just to save her isn't the best. Yes people may think things about you if you do breakup but I think God wants you to do this His way by allowing Him to work in your life and lead you to someone who shares the same interests and is actually saved and pursuing Christ. You can pray for a person to be saved but you can only do so much. It's God's job to do the saving. I know it's too early and there's all these expectations and dates coming up like the homecoming you mentioned. But wouldn't it be better to not continue the relationship and save yourself down the road of the deep heartache of being in a prolonged relationship? The pain of ending it sooner rather than later is much lower than prolonging the relationship when you are unsure to the point of asking your fellow brothers and sisters at this early of a stage in your relationship.

 

[Jon Osterman]

I
I also want to find a way to have her be the one to do it because If I do so soon in the relationship, my friends might shun me and call me too quick to judge.

That is just wrong. If you intend to break up with her, do it and be honest. You shouldn't be playing games with people's affections like that.

 

[singpeace]

I was alone. I made Jesus my everything and gave up looking for the perfect partner. I spent 3 years living as though the Lord and I were married. Then I began to desire a Godly husband. I asked God to send me the right man as I did not trust my own judgment.

The WRONG men were suddenly seeking me out. I personally believe that was Satan trying to confuse me and get me involved with the wrong person. But I recognized quickly these people were not what God would have sent. So I politely said "no thank you" to any further dates.

Then out of the blue, God sent him. A man of God. He has been my husband now for almost 25 years, and he is my very best friend.

You are doing the right thing by being honest with yourself and using wisdom. Let it happen without your making it happen. Let God answer your prayer. He will.

 

[LoricaLady]

Just drop her anyway you can as fast as you can. Of course show respect and some sensitivity, but move quickly.

In the meantime, maybe pursue the Christian gal. "Faint heart n'er won fair lady.'

 

[nanlm3]

Now I have learned many things about this girl that I wouldn't want in a lifelong relationship. I won't go into much detail because this girl had a pretty traumatic childhood, but her morals aren't exactly great and I also learned she is religiously Jewish and I didn't know what to do about this new information. The night After I had a lengthy prayer session on it one of my childhood friends, who I used to have a big crush on, suddenly started showing interest in me. She is an extremely devout christian and shares more interests with me than the girl I am now in a relationship with. I don't know what the lord is trying to tell me as I both times it seems my prayers were answered. I really liked this girl and I have been extremely devout to her but I fell she distracts me from god.

You did very well describing your dilemma.
I recall similar situations as a young girl, again as a young adult and again as mature adult(lol) You can see it takes a knock on the head sometimes to learn..haha.
This is what I know.
Relationships can be difficult, at any age. Loneliness can be tough as well.

1- Relationship with Christ first and foremost.
If unequally yoked, our relationship with Jesus suffers. Then we will suffer.
So, don’t be unequally yoked.
Stick to God’s plan as He has written it. I wish I would have. Thankful I am now.

2- God won’t put a person in your life to distract or take you from Him. However, satan loves to do that to all people, especially God’s people...born again Christians. He’s wolf in sheeps clothing seeking to destroy.
Perhaps, you’re only to be a light, to be God’s witness to the first girl, not a boyfriend. She needs Jesus too. Pray for her salvation & healing.
Tell her about salvation through Christ, about your salvation journey, about His love, grace, mercy & power...then let the Holy Spirit speak to her.

*You clearly know she’s a distraction from God.
*You know you don’t want a permanent relationship with her.
*According to God’s word, you shouldn’t be with her.

You must tell her....be gentle, honest and fair....explain your love & passion for Jesus. Better to tell her sooner than later, before homecoming. Trust me, been there.
(write a “break-up” message prior to talking with her...it
may help you sort your thoughts / words before the talk)

Remember.......There’s a big difference between Ms. Right and Ms. Right Now.

You seem intelligent, kind hearted and Christ driven so, you know it isn’t okay to toy with ones emotions just to fulfill loneliness and desire for companionship.

Loneliness. We all get lonely. We all yearn for companionship, as God does with us.
Be careful not to allow loneliness & desire be your decision maker for relationships of any kind.

Draw closer to Jesus, to our Heavenly Father, let His Holy Spirit fill you and speak to you.....get quiet with Him...praise God, pray, wait on Him...listen. Sounds like you’re doing this now, stick with it.
Spend time fellowshiping with your Christian friends & family. Feed your mind, heart, spirit & soul with God’s word and with praise & love for our most magnificent, awesome God.
Loneliness will go away

Girl #2- First, be friends. Take it day by day. Don’t worry about having a relationship....just be Christ centered friends. Create a bible study group with her and other Christians.

- For what it’s worth.....don’t be with a person just because they like you or show interest or makes you feel valued. Our value comes from Christ only.

The Holy Spirit has spoken to you. You know what to do, it’s just tough to do it. Seldom is the right thing easy, unfortunately, but, the reward of doing it, is great!!

God bless you.
You’re in my prayers.

 

[Manimalcrackers]

You did very well describing your dilemma.
I recall similar situations as a young girl, again as a young adult and again as mature adult(lol) You can see it takes a knock on the head sometimes to learn..haha.
This is what I know.
Relationships can be difficult, at any age. Loneliness can be tough as well.

1- Relationship with Christ first and foremost.
If unequally yoked, our relationship with Jesus suffers. Then we will suffer.
So, don’t be unequally yoked.
Stick to God’s plan as He has written it. I wish I would have. Thankful I am now.

2- God won’t put a person in your life to distract or take you from Him. However, satan loves to do that to all people, especially God’s people...born again Christians. He’s wolf in sheeps clothing seeking to destroy.
Perhaps, you’re only to be a light, to be God’s witness to the first girl, not a boyfriend. She needs Jesus too. Pray for her salvation & healing.
Tell her about salvation through Christ, about your salvation journey, about His love, grace, mercy & power...then let the Holy Spirit speak to her.

*You clearly know she’s a distraction from God.
*You know you don’t want a permanent relationship with her.
*According to God’s word, you shouldn’t be with her.

You must tell her....be gentle, honest and fair....explain your love & passion for Jesus. Better to tell her sooner than later, before homecoming. Trust me, been there.
(write a “break-up” message prior to talking with her...it
may help you sort your thoughts / words before the talk)

Remember.......There’s a big difference between Ms. Right and Ms. Right Now.

You seem intelligent, kind hearted and Christ driven so, you know it isn’t okay to toy with ones emotions just to fulfill loneliness and desire for companionship.

Loneliness. We all get lonely. We all yearn for companionship, as God does with us.
Be careful not to allow loneliness & desire be your decision maker for relationships of any kind.

Draw closer to Jesus, to our Heavenly Father, let His Holy Spirit fill you and speak to you.....get quiet with Him...praise God, pray, wait on Him...listen. Sounds like you’re doing this now, stick with it.
Spend time fellowshiping with your Christian friends & family. Feed your mind, heart, spirit & soul with God’s word and with praise & love for our most magnificent, awesome God.
Loneliness will go away

Girl #2- First, be friends. Take it day by day. Don’t worry about having a relationship....just be Christ centered friends. Create a bible study group with her and other Christians.

- For what it’s worth.....don’t be with a person just because they like you or show interest or makes you feel valued. Our value comes from Christ only.

The Holy Spirit has spoken to you. You know what to do, it’s just tough to do it. Seldom is the right thing easy, unfortunately, but, the reward of doing it, is great!!

God bless you.
You’re in my prayers.

Thank you for the reply! unfortunately homecoming is tomorrow so I wouldn't like to be flat out mean. I will pray on it and see how it plays out. Over time Christ has always given me an answer. I wasn't quite fair when describing the girl I am with. She has simply had a rough life which is why I wanted to try to save her, hopefully we can stay good friends and I can still accomplish that.

 

[marineimaging]

Hello, I hope you are all having a blessed day.

I'm sure there has been countless threads on this topic but I don't know how to explain the significance of this topic to me personally. This summer I was really struggling with loneliness. Day and night I prayed for the lord to help me find companionship and at last about a month ago I found it. I met this girl through my childhood friends and she seemed like a dream at first. I was convinced that god had answered my prayers. Now I have learned many things about this girl that I wouldn't want in a lifelong relationship. I won't go into much detail because this girl had a pretty traumatic childhood, but her morals aren't exactly great and I also learned she is religiously Jewish and I didn't know what to do about this new information. The night After I had a lengthy prayer session on it one of my childhood friends, who I used to have a big crush on, suddenly started showing interest in me. She is an extremely devout christian and shares more interests with me than the girl I am now in a relationship with. I don't know what the lord is trying to tell me as I both times it seems my prayers were answered. I really liked this girl and I have been extremely devout to her but I fell she distracts me from god. Behold the day after I pray the perfect girl show up in my life.

I don't know what to do, please help me figure out what to do.

Friend, with all love and respect, you are asking us to help you choose when the decisions lies before you. First, you will always be made to choose good over not good. Remember Abraham and Sarah. Had they waited for God to do as He stated He would we would not have the Middle East conflict and so many dead. You knew the first woman was not Christian and if you didn't, you went too fast. Had you waited for your perfect Christian love you would not be in this dilemma. Had Abraham told Sarah NO it would have been over. If you say NO to your Jewish selection and yes to your Christian selection, will you two be happy? That is the question. Do it. That is the answer.

 

[Jon Osterman]

I don't think Abraham is a very good role-model for marriage.

 

[marineimaging]

I don't think Abraham is a very good role-model for marriage.

He wasn't. He was the perfect example of not waiting for God and taking what you want in spite of what you THINK God wanted. What would you like to bet the OP prayed for a Christian companion and got a Jewish offering. Wouldn't that have been like Abraham? God said I will but Sarah said He can't, but I can offer you a solution? Take my hand maiden...

 

[Albion]

Thank you for the reply! unfortunately homecoming is tomorrow so I wouldn't like to be flat out mean. I will pray on it and see how it plays out. Over time Christ has always given me an answer. I wasn't quite fair when describing the girl I am with. She has simply had a rough life which is why I wanted to try to save her, hopefully we can stay good friends and I can still accomplish that.

People should always be cautious about thinking that, because they prayed, whatever happened thereafter was God intervening. He can, of course, and he does answer prayer. But not every action or event is God directing people.

Do not, I would say, make a choice here in the belief that one or the other girl (or one yet to come into the picture, for that matter) is handpicked by God for you. It could be that he sent several your way...or none. Trust God and choose without thinking that you ought to go one way or the other because God must have intended it. I am not sure that this is what you really are thinking of doing, but people often get into that frame of mind.