Advice/experiences wanted

[Fabford]

I (23m) am married to my wife (21f). We’ve been living separate for 8 months. We were married young. I’m wanting opinions, or experiences. My wife cheated on me a little after 2 years of marriage. I found out on Christmas Day of 2022. I’ve tried everything that I humanly know how to. I’ve been forgiving, nice, stern, all on the spectrum. I ended up kicking her out of our house and shortly there after moved out myself (3 days later). What drove me to do that was I had told her we could try to work on it, but that I needed her to be home. The three days following Christmas she did not come home at all. So for about 4.5 months I tried everything. Every discussion we had ended with her saying “I don’t know” to every question I asked her, which of course aggravated me so I backed off to cool down. Did not matter the question.

“Why’d you cheat”

“Do you want to be with me”

“What could I have done differently”

“Do you want to try and work this out”

“Do you want a divorce”

“Do you still feel like you love me”

Again didn’t matter the question.



So at the end of April after talking to many people in person I filed for divorce. When I confronted her with paperwork she then wanted to work it out but stated she need time to work on herself. So I gave her what felt like an appropriate amount of time, it’s nearly August so almost 3 months, when I asked her for some sort of update there was none. Everyone tells me I should leave her, in my head I made a vow “for better or worse” and in my head this falls under worse. I know biblically adultery “is” a divorce-able offense, but I’d prefer not take that route.



Matthew 19:6 ESV

““So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.””

‭

Matthew 19:9 ESV

“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.””

 

[musicalpilgrim]

I don't know if you have prayed together. I would recommend reading a verse or 2 from the Bible and praying every morning together. Just committing the day to the Lord for a few minutes.
May the Lord bless you richly.

 

[Lauren_]

I am so sorry you are going through this and that you didn't get any replies on this. I am curious to know any updates on how this is working out right now.
My advice would be for you would be to do a spiritual fast. Cut out tv, social media, secular music, video games etc. Do this for a full month ideally to really get a break through. This is something I have personally done so that is why I am recommending it to you. This will give you clarity for you emotionally to give God time to heal you while you are going through this journey. Surround yourself with other believers. Get involved in volunteering in your church. Attend bible studies multiple if you can. Have people praying for you in prayer groups. Always ask for prayer requests for your marriage. Read books like Ephesians 6 that talk about equipping yourself with spiritual armor of God. Wake up each day and thank God for your life and each new day.
Look up youtube channels about "standing for your marriage" which is when the other person has strayed from the marriage vows and one wants to stay committed and is a Christian so they need to be in a community to stand for their marriage. Listen to worship music each morning when waking up. Have faith and know that you can only control yourself and work on yourself. Work on forgiveness that is the hard part. Talk to a pastor if you need help or a Christian therapist to talk about forgiveness and how to let go. Find people that will pray for protection over your marriage and that support your decision in standing for your marriage.
I know you said you went ahead and filed for divorce. So, maybe now I am a little confused I guess I'll see if you ever reply back.

 

[Endeavourer]

Dear @Fabford

I'm very sorry for the reason that brought you here.

All of your efforts to save your marriage, heartfelt as they were, did nothing to bring your wife back. In fact, after discovery she still kept cheating purely by her choice, including staying out overnight on her marriage, blatantly. Based on the various lengths you went through, I'd suggest she's likely a serial cheater. A serial cheater is someone who has no intention to not cheat now or in the future.

Given that you have a short marriage and no children, I'd file for divorce under both the Matthean exception (divorcing for adultery) and the Pauline exception (if a spouse deserts you).

Run, don't walk. Imagine dealing with a serially cheating wife, and broken hearted children with their mom abandoning them just like this, when she pleases.

Cheating is like an addiction; a serial cheater always puts themselves and their next cheat ahead of everyone else, including their children.

Serial cheaters purposefully are on the prowl for their next hit; there are people who engaged in and responded to Craigslist ads for years and years before their spouse realized any cheating was going on. You don't want to be in the position to be constantly triggered as to whether or not she's cheating for the rest of your life.

Based on what you've written, I don't see anything to save in your marriage.

I'm very, very sorry, Fabford. Very sorry.
E.