- May 12, 2007
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First of all, I changed the title of this post from "Advanced Migrating Religious OCD" to what it is now on this page because I believe it's more accurate. (I don't believe OCD necessarily "advances".)
Hello and thank you for reading this. I don't know where to begin. I can write an entire volume of what's happend in my life with religious OCD. I haven't found anybody with my particular problems. Please let me know if you've experienced this. Let me try to condense everything.
I'm 40 years old, and I've had all kinds of religous OCD problems including repeating parts of prayers or reading parts of the Bible over and over, etc. I can go on and on and on. I've suffered with religious OCD for a little more than half my life. My OCD problems seem countless, sometimes with many different ones changing and evolving in just one day. I can't express how it's debilitated me mentally at times. It can be with me 24 hours a day which means that I dream of it too, and keep waking up because of it, and in the morning when I wake up to start the day, I realize that it's not a dream, and it feels like I'm living a real and true nightmare. I'm trying to find a job, and I'm afraid I won't be able to concentrate because I have this enormous weight on me.
Let me jump to what's happening to me now, which is one of the worst times ever. One of the worst problems with me is if I have to repeat something to someone, and it doesn't work out right for some reason. That's what's happening to me now.
I'll make this long story short. I mentioned a semi-spiritual phrase or sentence to a man from church. He was eating at the time. Something told me that he probably didn't hear me because he was eating. I tried to forget it, and I did forget it for a long time, but my conscience still had it deep in my mind. I started studying a book regarding a sort of career I wanted to go into. After a month of studying, the memory and the anxiety of the "phrase repeating" came back. I tried to ignore it, but it got stronger. I felt I had two choices. I could ignore it, but the anxiety and depression and distress and lack of concentration would continue for I don't know how long, maybe forever. Or I could repeat the phrase to him again when he wasn't eating.
I decided to repeat the phrase to him after Sunday service. Something told me this wasn't the right thing to do, but if it worked, I knew I would be free. By this time, the phrase doubled in size. After church, he had a cup in his hand and he was eating something out of it. I asked him to put it down. He said, "What?" I told him, "That's okay. Just listen to me." So he held the cup in his hand and he listened to what I had to say. I repeated the long phrase to him and I hoped that took care of it. When I was driving home, something told me, "He still had a cup in his hand, and he almost grabbed the spoon to eat when you were talking." But he didn't eat when I was talking to him.
Low and behold, instead of the problem getting better, it got worse for me. I became severely anxious, depressed, fearful, unable to concentrate, confused, tormented, etc. I'm tormented continuously, 24 hours a day. Even when I sleep, I wake up by this feeling. I feel that the way out it not to tell him anymore. He heard me both times. I know that's the truth. Yet I'm tormented by the perfection that says, "Tell him one more time, but make sure he's not eating this time." And this cycle can continue if something isn't perfect if I told him the phrase again. Or if things are perfect enough, then I would be free.
Anyway, I want anybody to respond and post any thoughts you have. But I want to tell you all something in general. I'm a veteran of religious OCD. I'm a 40-year-old guy who's been raised in church all my life. I know all the scriptures, I've cast all my cares on Jesus, I've rebuked the OCD, I've rebuked evil, I've fasted, I've prayed, I've had faith, etc. I don't know what else to do other than taking my medication, Zoloft, which I started two weeks ago. A year and a half ago when I first took Zoloft, it took a month to work, but it seemed to work. I tried to be off of it as long as I could but I'm two weeks back on.
Please pray for me and post any thoughts you have. Has anyone else gone through a problem like this such as repeating something to someone?
God Bless You All.
Dan
P.S. One thing I want to add is that sometimes I feel better, and that makes me think that my OCD is probably caused by another "undiscovered" factor like stress or a chemical imbalance.
Hello and thank you for reading this. I don't know where to begin. I can write an entire volume of what's happend in my life with religious OCD. I haven't found anybody with my particular problems. Please let me know if you've experienced this. Let me try to condense everything.
I'm 40 years old, and I've had all kinds of religous OCD problems including repeating parts of prayers or reading parts of the Bible over and over, etc. I can go on and on and on. I've suffered with religious OCD for a little more than half my life. My OCD problems seem countless, sometimes with many different ones changing and evolving in just one day. I can't express how it's debilitated me mentally at times. It can be with me 24 hours a day which means that I dream of it too, and keep waking up because of it, and in the morning when I wake up to start the day, I realize that it's not a dream, and it feels like I'm living a real and true nightmare. I'm trying to find a job, and I'm afraid I won't be able to concentrate because I have this enormous weight on me.
Let me jump to what's happening to me now, which is one of the worst times ever. One of the worst problems with me is if I have to repeat something to someone, and it doesn't work out right for some reason. That's what's happening to me now.
I'll make this long story short. I mentioned a semi-spiritual phrase or sentence to a man from church. He was eating at the time. Something told me that he probably didn't hear me because he was eating. I tried to forget it, and I did forget it for a long time, but my conscience still had it deep in my mind. I started studying a book regarding a sort of career I wanted to go into. After a month of studying, the memory and the anxiety of the "phrase repeating" came back. I tried to ignore it, but it got stronger. I felt I had two choices. I could ignore it, but the anxiety and depression and distress and lack of concentration would continue for I don't know how long, maybe forever. Or I could repeat the phrase to him again when he wasn't eating.
I decided to repeat the phrase to him after Sunday service. Something told me this wasn't the right thing to do, but if it worked, I knew I would be free. By this time, the phrase doubled in size. After church, he had a cup in his hand and he was eating something out of it. I asked him to put it down. He said, "What?" I told him, "That's okay. Just listen to me." So he held the cup in his hand and he listened to what I had to say. I repeated the long phrase to him and I hoped that took care of it. When I was driving home, something told me, "He still had a cup in his hand, and he almost grabbed the spoon to eat when you were talking." But he didn't eat when I was talking to him.
Low and behold, instead of the problem getting better, it got worse for me. I became severely anxious, depressed, fearful, unable to concentrate, confused, tormented, etc. I'm tormented continuously, 24 hours a day. Even when I sleep, I wake up by this feeling. I feel that the way out it not to tell him anymore. He heard me both times. I know that's the truth. Yet I'm tormented by the perfection that says, "Tell him one more time, but make sure he's not eating this time." And this cycle can continue if something isn't perfect if I told him the phrase again. Or if things are perfect enough, then I would be free.
Anyway, I want anybody to respond and post any thoughts you have. But I want to tell you all something in general. I'm a veteran of religious OCD. I'm a 40-year-old guy who's been raised in church all my life. I know all the scriptures, I've cast all my cares on Jesus, I've rebuked the OCD, I've rebuked evil, I've fasted, I've prayed, I've had faith, etc. I don't know what else to do other than taking my medication, Zoloft, which I started two weeks ago. A year and a half ago when I first took Zoloft, it took a month to work, but it seemed to work. I tried to be off of it as long as I could but I'm two weeks back on.
Please pray for me and post any thoughts you have. Has anyone else gone through a problem like this such as repeating something to someone?
God Bless You All.
Dan
P.S. One thing I want to add is that sometimes I feel better, and that makes me think that my OCD is probably caused by another "undiscovered" factor like stress or a chemical imbalance.
, but being open has helped me get it out and see ocd for what it really is. "...for everything exposed by the light becomes illumined for what it is and everything illumined is light.
