Acceptance etc.

[Soulwings]

I was wondering... has anyone in here been in denial about being sexually assaulted? or wondered if what had happened was actually an assault?

I ask bc that is where I am. I am in therapy and have been for 3 years now, and we only talked about sexual assault stuff starting about a year ago. I am loathe to call what happened an assault, but both my fiancé and my T - the only two who really know what happened and all of what I remember - say that the two "issues" were both sexual assaults. The first psych I had called my therapist - before either of them knew about the assaults - and asked her if she thought that I had PTSD. My T had also seen signs of it - not fullblown, but there nonetheless.

I have had flashbacks, yes, nightmares too, and I am now scared of men - rightfully so, I suppose - but couldn't those things happen anyway, without any sexual assaults and without PTSD? Don't those happen to "normal" people?

But... well, I just wanted to know if there was anyone out there who is like me. You don't have to go into detail or anything, but it would be nice to hear your thoughts. Also, the way that you define the words "sexual assault" would be useful, bc I think that is another thing with which I am struggling. The semantics of it all. I am sure that there are multiple definitions out there and according to some, "assault" is what happened to me, and according to others, it isn't, but I really don't know. As I said, I've not talked about this with anyone other than my fiancé and my therapist, so... any replies would be trés welcome!!

(I hope that this was coherent...)

 

[bubblefish]

Hey April,

I have also often wondered whether what happened was assault, but it seems for different reasons. I know that if it happened it was 'assault' but often wonder if it actually happened or I made it all up in my mind, especially when people refused to believe me.

I don't believe that the flashbacks or nightmares could be possible without something happening Hun. Yes, people do occasionally have nightmares (and we could go into the 'what classifies as normal' discussion here, but it probably isn't relevant).

As for my definition of sexual assault, I see it as a very large range of things. I don't want to post it here as it may trigger people but am happy to talk about it via PM or MSN if you like

Hun, truthfully in the end, does what it classifies as matter? or is it more important for how you feel and how it affects you? There are so many different definitions and ideas for everything in this world, especially when it comes to mental health, but in the end the feelings you have are real and should be just as or even more important than the definition.

Hun, if you ever want to talk please don't hesitate to PM me or catch me on MSN.

Blessings,

Katie

 

[Johnnz]

It's not uncommon for an abused woman to wonder if it really happened. But, it is an odd thing to 'invent'. Thus something awful is very likely.

John
NZ

 

[Soulwings]

Thanks for your responses. I know that this can be a touchy topic... so... thanks for taking the time to reply.

I guess you're right, John, in saying that it would be a strange thing for me to make up.

Katie, you're right as well - classifying it doesn't matter too much - it's just like coming up with diagnoses as far as mental illness goes... more important to treat the problem than to label it.

I'll keep thinking about this (hopefully won't trigger myself, though) and see what thoughts I can come up with. It's a bit early right now for me to be thinking very well, thus the reason that this post is scanty.

Thanks again, guys.

 

[Johnnz]

Our pleasure. Just beware, once you begin to open the lid things can become rather fraught for a while. But those things are better in than out.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

How are you doing April? (I'm still replying to your PM . It is coming!).