Abusive Wife has renounced Christianity

[cdtaylor]

Have you gone to counseling?

A few times, she’s backed out a few times. Recently she’s agreed on the condition it is not Christian as the councillor “might be on my side”

 

[cdtaylor]

I assume "continues her behavior" is referring to the same behaviors described in your other original post?

CD Taylor, sometimes the definition of success is a divorce. I have read the other thread, and I don't believe you have anything to work with here.

As you have realized, you can't love an abuser out of their abuse - one sided loving just enables more abuse.

I'm so sorry. You've done more than most men could do, but it does take two. If marriage becomes a legalistic bondage to abuse then it is not a marriage anymore. Some people on this forum watch for terribly suffering marriages and then jump in to offer no help but to browbeat the original poster into how he or she can't get divorce.

Yet, the apostle Paul says that if an unbelieving wife is not pleased to live with you, then you may be released from the bondage of the marriage. It is clear in so many ways that your wife is not pleased to live with you. Further, Jesus says that divorce is permissible for adultery, of which she has committed multiple times.

I would separate immediately and start proceedings for divorce. Don't endure a trial separation first - just move directly on to divorce. You have dedicated enough of your life and efforts in this fruitless and abusive marriage.

Grace and peace to you, brother. I truly wish I could offer a different alternative to you. I pray you find the courage to move forward. After you have been separated for several weeks you will realize how grateful you are to be away from your wife, and you will realize that you should have done this much sooner.

I would agree, that I’ve been enabling her. It is hard, really hard watching someone do this to themselves but there isn’t much I can do. The frustrating thing is, it’s so pointless; we (people) have the gift of precious amazing lives and waste them on stuff that is so pointless that it’s saddening.

 

[cdtaylor]

I think the above answer is right. The thing to do would be to separate. But you are still married and must behave as such. If she doesn't, and strays, then you can divorce. She more than likely will. Problem being, you still have to support her financially. And it is not a bad set-up for her for you to pay her to live by herself, and may in fact, be what she wants. However, sense she has left Christianity, it will not be long before she finds herself without any of your friends on her side. She won't be going to church and lying to your friends then so, at least publicly, you will have an easier time of it. You will just have to avoid being with her at other times for your non-Christian friends to also avoid. She is bound to show her true side to everyone and will probably ask for a divorce herself. It may be hard, but in the meantime, you still have to abide daily with Christ and be kind to her anyway. Your salvation depends on how you meet adversity. God is concerned with your walk with Him. You must leave her walk with God to herself.

I feel that this is right; she will end up moving out, slowly but surely, when she is completely dependent on her friends they’ll see her in her true self. Our kids are starting to notice too that it’s not Daddy’s fault all the time, and Mammy gets angry at him for no reason. I’ve prayed and been patient, but a separation followed by her doing something else silly feels the most likely outcome.

 

[thecolorsblend]

I never thought it but divorce is something I feel I could do

If your physical safety is not in danger then divorce is utterly out of the question.

 

[Junia]

If your physical safety is not in danger then divorce is utterly out of the question.

It is though. He has epilepsy bad enough to be hoapitalised. also the risk of suicide or mental illness from emotional or verbal abuse, which is the worse kind, is very high

 

[mmksparbud]

It is though. He has epilepsy bad enough to be hoapitalised. also the risk of suicide or mental illness from emotional or verbal abuse, which is the worse kind, is very high

Totally agree. The abuse might include hitting the head---making epilepsy worse, even bringing it on.

 

[cdtaylor]

We’re going to Marriage counselling on Monday. I pray, I read, but at the same time, what is the point in life to live like this? I just had to stop all my sports and climbing activities because my epilepsy came back. Literally the only earthly thing to look forward to is an hour on Netflix uninterrupted by my troubles.
My ‘Analyst’ head from a (selfish perspective), would ask what exactly is my life “for” if that’s it. Praying and pursuing faith becomes creepingly harder because your will to even get out of bed just drains away. I guess I have to make a decision; see how marriage counselling goes and insist she has personal counselling, or insist on a separation (not a divorce) until my head gets in a better state to work on this. This is what I have to consider; stress causes seizures, and seizures can kill.

 

[anna ~ grace]

We’re going to Marriage counselling on Monday. I pray, I read, but at the same time, what is the point in life to live like this? I just had to stop all my sports and climbing activities because my epilepsy came back. Literally the only earthly thing to look forward to is an hour on Netflix uninterrupted by my troubles.
My ‘Analyst’ head from a (selfish perspective), would ask what exactly is my life “for” if that’s it. Praying and pursuing faith becomes creepingly harder because your will to even get out of bed just drains away. I guess I have to make a decision; see how marriage counselling goes and insist she has personal counselling, or insist on a separation (not a divorce) until my head gets in a better state to work on this. This is what I have to consider; stress causes seizures, and seizures can kill.

Counseling can help. Hang in there.

My marriage has gone through some horrible crud. Virtual strangers who witnessed one incident suggested divorce. Pray for yourself. Work on keeping yourself spiritually alive, and healthy as best you can. Take time out with friends, talk to a Christian man for friendship and support, and take time out to recharge your mind and soul.

You can’t control her. But you can stay close to Christ, love her, love yourself, and focus on your health and well being. Praying.

 

[Elfkind]

It does seem like a - to say it mildly - difficult situation and I feel with you.

I don't know what else to advice you with though, then to be a man, to stand up and let her know what's written in the cards. Divorce, because you cannot honestly let her use you against yourself, or a wonderful life, if she repent from her ways and put herself under you, and submit.

Ironically, it might be exactly this she is trying to provoke ahead. She need a man and the man to be you, and you to be you, and you to be true. I'm glad to be unmarried myself, and find no attraction in anyone, the idea of having to live and die as a slave to a woman is beyond my capability.

To listen to this also sicken me further from the idea of ever submitting to anyone else. I personally have enough and I mean enough with my own struggle with myself. It's lonely sometimes, but it's the only way I know how to breathe.

There are no easy solutions. I'm sorry for you, I really am. I hope my honesty in this can help. If not, then report it, because I'm not good with people and knowing what to say or do, struggle a lot mentally.