Abuse in a Christian relationship

KitKatMatt · Sep 24, 2014

My grandmother has told me so many things over the last few years about our family, that I now understand why she acts the way she does.

She kept them under wraps from me since I had been too young to understand, but I am glad she told me now, so I can know and be wary of these things.

Mental abuse (and some physical) was rampant in my family. Right now my mother still tries to manipulate me, but for some reason I've always been resistant to it. I know it's still alive for a few members of the family, but they don't talk about it so I don't know the extent.

Hetta · Sep 24, 2014

KitKatMatt said:
My grandmother has told me so many things over the last few years about our family, that I now understand why she acts the way she does.

She kept them under wraps from me since I had been too young to understand, but I am glad she told me now, so I can know and be wary of these things.

Mental abuse (and some physical) was rampant in my family. Right now my mother still tries to manipulate me, but for some reason I've always been resistant to it. I know it's still alive for a few members of the family, but they don't talk about it so I don't know the extent.

Family members who are psychologically whole try to protect the young ones of the family from harm - physical or psychological - until they are old enough to process and protect themselves, so what you said makes perfect sense.

Smidlee · Sep 24, 2014

KitKatMatt said:
Mental abuse (and some physical) was rampant in my family. .

LOL . Mental abuse is rampant everywhere. My wife is a supervisor and she tell me she's mental abused by her co-workers every day.

KitKatMatt · Sep 24, 2014

Smidlee said:
LOL . Mental abuse is rampant everywhere. My wife is a supervisor and she tell me she's mental abused by her co-workers every day.

It is in many places, yes. And it is real and disastrous. Please do not LOL at the pain my family has had to endure.

PreachersWife2004 · Sep 24, 2014

Smidlee said:
Not really. It happens more often than you think. She couldn't find anything Biblical reason to divorce her husband so she found a consular who told her what she wanted to hear. (My pastor told me of a preacher friend who did the exact same thing. He want my pastor approval to leave his wife but he refused.)
I actually know of a woman who left a good christian man and got hook up with a man who physically beat her. A know of another woman (my wife babysit her child years ago) who left her husband (not a christian) who were good to her. She found her a consular who told her she need more time for herself. When she told me this I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying no you need to spend more time with your child. 3 months later she left her husband to harlot around with a butch of men.

I had my wife to read the OP and see what she thought. She came to the same conclusion. She was looking for an excuse to leave her husband. More likely the only abuse the husband is guilty of was not giving her a good reason to leave him.

Smidlee said:
Oh boy. Now we are getting into abuse conspiracy theories.

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. This woman left her entire belief system behind aside from saying she was abused. That's pretty elaborate.

You and your wife come across as not understanding totally what happens in abusive relationships. Oftentimes they look very normal on the surface. Just because you don't see the abuse doesn't mean it wasn't happening.

Proud Parrot · Sep 24, 2014

The horror these women suffer isn't anything I could even begin to imagine. I'd never tolerate it. However, they do. One is even being paid huge money as a Quiverfull cultist in a reality TV show. (Is there a spinoff featuring the daughter that just married?) This then in a sense validates the dysfunctional relationship because it promotes it as something to watch and enjoy as entertainment on TV.

And it all transpires because scripture is incorporated into the dysfunctional relationship to justify it all. The scripture is there and being used in this way. It's disgusting that this behavior has a forum like television to make it seem normal enough to bring into families homes.
Unlike those families that are the cultists the rest of us are able to say no! And hit the off button.And what is really troubling is all those kids brought into that cult lifestyle are going to be the next generation of full quiver abuser/victims. A perpetual abuse cycle.

Smidlee · Sep 25, 2014

PreachersWife2004 said:
I think you misunderstood what I was saying. This woman left her entire belief system behind aside from saying she was abused. That's pretty elaborate.

You and your wife come across as not understanding totally what happens in abusive relationships. Oftentimes they look very normal on the surface. Just because you don't see the abuse doesn't mean it wasn't happening.

Do you even realize that mental abuse can be applied to technology?

Again mental abuse is a easy cop out of getting out of a relationship that even men have used. Everyone claims it's the other person fault the relationship went south. Everyone tells me about the flaws of their ex-mate.

KitKatMatt · Sep 25, 2014

It's clear that you don't know what mental and emotional abuse is, at all.

It is not a cop out. It's not something fake. It's something very real and harmful.

Since you don't seem to think that this is a real issue, please go to another thread and leave this one alone.

Smidlee · Sep 25, 2014

I never said it's not real but pretty much anything and everything can be consider mental abuse including technology. We all have parts of our personality underdeveloped and other parts overdeveloped.
The disagreement is you all are one-sided while I know often it goes both ways.

KitKatMatt · Sep 25, 2014

I don't even understand what you're trying to say in that post.

You've made it clear that you believe claiming mental abuse is simply a cop out. Please take your beliefs elsewhere. This thread is not about whether this woman was trying to make an excuse to get out of her relationship, but about the (very real) threat and severity of abuse in relationships.

Smidlee · Sep 25, 2014

I disagree since I think that exactly what she did.

KitKatMatt · Sep 25, 2014

This thread is not about whether or not her claim of abuse was a cop out. Please stay on topic.

PreachersWife2004 · Sep 25, 2014

Smidlee said:
I disagree since I think that exactly what she did.

Proof? Other than ancient misogynist thoughts...

I realize most people wouldn't have the courage she did so it's probably hard for you to do that inner soul search.

Hetta · Sep 25, 2014

Smidlee said:
I never said it's not real but pretty much anything and everything can be consider mental abuse including technology. We all have parts of our personality underdeveloped and other parts overdeveloped.
The disagreement is you all are one-sided while I know often it goes both ways.

You need to back off telling women (or men for that matter) that what they experienced is not real. Seriously. Is that what Jesus would do? Please stop posting on this thread to denigrate people's real life experiences.

PreachersWife2004 · Sep 25, 2014

Hetta said:
You need to back off telling women (or men for that matter) that what they experienced is not real. Seriously. Is that what Jesus would do? Please stop posting on this thread to denigrate people's real life experiences.

My ex tried this strategy the first time I asked him where he learned it was okay to be abusive. He told me I was just seeing too much into things and that I should stop being so sensitive. This was the beginning of a long abusive marriage that cycled into physical violence.

Gotta wonder, then, at Smidlee's motivation for posting that kind of bovine material here.

bhsmte · Sep 25, 2014

Smidlee said:
Do you even realize that mental abuse can be applied to technology?

Again mental abuse is a easy cop out of getting out of a relationship that even men have used. Everyone claims it's the other person fault the relationship went south. Everyone tells me about the flaws of their ex-mate.

I see, the old cop out strategy.

You should quit while you are behind on this one.

JaniMelody · Sep 25, 2014

Sick people out there, as i always say religion left and right in the end its up to the person who chooses the actions despite the guidelines of their religion ....

Paulos23 · Sep 25, 2014

Smidlee said:
I never said it's not real but pretty much anything and everything can be consider mental abuse including technology. We all have parts of our personality underdeveloped and other parts overdeveloped.
The disagreement is you all are one-sided while I know often it goes both ways.

Of course it goes both ways. But all it takes is for one side to see to end a marriage. It takes both sides to see and work at it to save one. And sometimes it takes losing the marriage for people to snap out of it.

This is a complicated issue, but until men step up and take responsibility and try to change, it is very one sided most of the time.

Proud Parrot · Sep 25, 2014

Smidlee said:
I never said it's not real but pretty much anything and everything can be consider mental abuse including technology. We all have parts of our personality underdeveloped and other parts overdeveloped.
The disagreement is you all are one-sided while I know often it goes both ways.

I think your post is repugnant. And yet your marginalizing the abuse this woman suffered in such a inarticulate way in order to defend the indefensible position you've held consistently in this thread reiterates her perspective as a victim of that same mindset perfectly.

I'm going to ignore you now. And pray for the women in your life.

FreeSpirit74 · Sep 25, 2014

Smidlee said:
Oh boy. Now we are getting into abuse conspiracy theories.

It is not a conspiracy theory when someone is described as putting on one face, Mr. or Ms. Cool Person for their "entourage" and best buddies, and then another one, where the abuse is involved, with the person they are abusing. You seriously have no clue what you are talking about.

Look... go back through this thread and read my posts about my experiences with mental/emotional abuse and then try and tell me what *I* wrote is a "conspiracy theory." My experience being lied to and used by a man who misrepresented himself not just to me but to no less than two other women *AT THE SAME TIME* was very real, and very hurtful, because he presented himself as being a very different kind of person, and I believed him at the time because I was very trusting and naive and believed that everyone who professes interest in you has your best interests and welfare at heart.

None of which I am anymore. Now I am more prone to question what someone who claims to want to "help" me when I didn't ask for it is trying to garner for themselves.

Abuse in a Christian relationship

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